There is nothing left for me anymore

[Lia]

I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 13. I had been bullied steadily from the age of 11 and when I was thirteen I was walking my dog and was raped by a group of 4 males. After this the bullying continued and I started to have thoughts about taking my own life. The doctor diagnosed depression and I was put on Prozac. Myfamily and myself carried on as normal. Then last year, my grandfather died. I was devestaed and my depression went whirling out of controlagain. My boyfriend of one year was there all the way for me, asking me to marry him on his birthday, things started looking up for me again but a month ago we broke up. We are still very good friends but now all I feel is worthless and unwanted. My nanna is always telling me how fat and ugly I am and that I will never make anything of my life because I'm always in a mood. I now feel like there is no way out and I just want to crawl into bed and die. Nobody understands how much depression can change a person. In just want to be me again. One day I am very bubbly and can have everything going for me but now it just seems like there is nothing left for me. How can overcome this? I just want to wipe away the memory of my life and die.

[Tony T]

First, tell your nana I said to go to HELL!!!

 

You've gone through a lot and the best thing you can do is get some counselling. You need to avoid people and circumstances that will set this depression into active mode.

 

You also need to learn some coping techniques for daily life. Depressing things happen to us all but their effects on us depend on how we process them. Things don't have to depress you if you don't want them to. You can pull yourself out very quickly if you have the skills.

 

Take the proper medications...and there are drugs that may work a lot better than Prozac that have been developed in recent years...Paxil and Zoloft come to mind. Read some books on depression and learn cognitive skills for dealing with it.

 

A lot of depression stems from suppressed anger. Obesity is often a result of the same thing. You need to get help in getting in touch with anger against whomever which you've pushed below your level of consciousness...get it to surface...process it...and remove it. You'll feel a lot better that way. Many psychologists describe depression as anger turned inward.

 

There are a lot of things you can do for yourself...you just have to get motivated, which I know is hard when you're depressed. But the very first thing you should do is......

 

Tell your nana I said she can go to hell!!!

[Ed]

Make an appointment to see the doctor that prescribed the Prozac to you. If that same doctor is not available, make an appointment with another one. Explain to him or her what medication and dosage you are taking and what kind of things have been happening in your life and how you are feeling.

 

It may take some time, but any competent physician can help you get your life back on track. Make that call right now!

I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 13. I had been bullied steadily from the age of 11 and when I was thirteen I was walking my dog and was raped by a group of 4 males. After this the bullying continued and I started to have thoughts about taking my own life. The doctor diagnosed depression and I was put on Prozac. Myfamily and myself carried on as normal. Then last year, my grandfather died. I was devestaed and my depression went whirling out of controlagain. My boyfriend of one year was there all the way for me, asking me to marry him on his birthday, things started looking up for me again but a month ago we broke up. We are still very good friends but now all I feel is worthless and unwanted. My nanna is always telling me how fat and ugly I am and that I will never make anything of my life because I'm always in a mood. I now feel like there is no way out and I just want to crawl into bed and die. Nobody understands how much depression can change a person. In just want to be me again. One day I am very bubbly and can have everything going for me but now it just seems like there is nothing left for me. How can overcome this? I just want to wipe away the memory of my life and die.

[d]

Lia,

 

Let me tell you a little bit about me. I was taken away from my father because of physical abuse. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict from an abusive family himself. I went to live with my mom after they talked her into taking me. When I was 13 I was walking on a bike trail and was raped by a guy while 2 of his friends cheered him on. When I told my mom she said "well you must have done something to ask for that". It was my big brother that took me for AIDS and STD testing. Soon after my mom married a man that would put back a 40 pounder of rye and tell me how useless I was and I would never amount to anything more than a hooker living on the streets. I wished so bad that I could go back to live with my Dad because those bruises went away and I knew my Dad was just sick (ALATEEN)At 15 I decided No this is not right and left.

 

I have been where you are. I have let myself feel that I am useless and there was a time when I thought I would never be a benifit to anyone. You know what, it is the biggest load of complete garbage to talk yourself into. If you let yourself feel you are no better than to crawl into bed and die, this is what your life will become.

 

Your memories will not go away, plain and simple. So instead you need to deal with them. Please talk to your doctor #1. Please consider a counselor #2. But you can not soley rely on any body else to make it all go away. There are a ton of things you need to do and can do yourself.

 

There are a ton of books out there on anything and everything. I've read books about people that make me feel almost ashamed for thinking I had anything rough. If they can do it so can I and so can you. Try books on depression, abuse, dysfunctional families, self help, spiritual. Anything, it's knowledge, you will start to form your own opinions and strategies.

 

If my step-dad couldn't think of anything nicer to say than me being a useless 2-bit wh*re when I was 14 years old??? I think he's the one with issues and it's too bad he would rather take them out on a young girl before dealing with them himself, but I can't help him with that. Hey it's either he's crazy or I'm crazy and I don't feel crazy and I only have to worry about me so therefore why would it matter what he has to say. Same thing with your nanna, don't you dare think what did I do to make her say those things or maybe I am those things, because it's wrong. So wrong. She does not have the power to make you feel those things ONLY YOU do! And when it comes down to it who's opinion really matters your nanna's/anybody else's or your own?

 

If you want to vent try writing a bunch of letters. Write one to your nanna, the useless trash that took advantage of you, your ex, your late grandfather, tell them off, tell them what you would have done, tell them you love them, tell them anything you want and then destroy the letters.

 

Please trust me on these things, it all gets better as long as you know you are doing something about it. I left home 9 years ago. I did graduate high school. I worked as a civil engineer for 3 years. I'm almost finished my third year accounting, my second year I finished with 100%. I have a great fiance. But mainly I feel good. I did it on my own and I choose to learn from my experiences instead of letting them beat me up. You need to get tough. The decision is yours.

 

Good Luck in all you do, and best wishes

[velvet]

The majority of psychiatric therapy, counseling, doctors, ect. can only help you by listening, and writting up drugs.

 

And prozac is used for depression, but there a countless of other medications that could help you alot more. Any family physican can prescribe prozac but that doesnt mean it helps everyone. The mojority of help comes from within yourslef. And right now you are choosing resistance over helping yourslef. Doctors can help a little. But dont put all your faith into them. It could take years for a professional to pin point and control the type of depression you have. In the mean time take the help and advice that is giving to you from your doctor and work with yourslef mentally on improving.

 

Go somewhere private and peacful and talk to yourself outloud. Ask yourslef questons outloud and say the answer out loud so that you can hear yourslef clearly. You will learn so much about you and your soul. Do this for an hour everyday. You will feel the answers come from the depth of stomach and you will feel your eyes open up. May be hard at first, but get into the practice of it. It all starts with honesty inside yourslef, and you should soon start to feel much better, and want to accomplish all thats waiting inside for you.

 

I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 13. I had been bullied steadily from the age of 11 and when I was thirteen I was walking my dog and was raped by a group of 4 males. After this the bullying continued and I started to have thoughts about taking my own life. The doctor diagnosed depression and I was put on Prozac. Myfamily and myself carried on as normal. Then last year, my grandfather died. I was devestaed and my depression went whirling out of controlagain. My boyfriend of one year was there all the way for me, asking me to marry him on his birthday, things started looking up for me again but a month ago we broke up. We are still very good friends but now all I feel is worthless and unwanted. My nanna is always telling me how fat and ugly I am and that I will never make anything of my life because I'm always in a mood. I now feel like there is no way out and I just want to crawl into bed and die. Nobody understands how much depression can change a person. In just want to be me again. One day I am very bubbly and can have everything going for me but now it just seems like there is nothing left for me. How can overcome this? I just want to wipe away the memory of my life and die.

[Lia]

Thanks a lot for your advice, its nice to know that people care about me.