Benny Posted February 12, 2002 Share Posted February 12, 2002 I dated the most wonderful girl in the whole world for a little over two years, until this past summer when I broke up with her because I was going to university the next year and wasn't sure if I wanted to be with her through all of it. I now know that this was a horrible mistake. I love this girl with all my heart and for the past six months I have tried desperately to get her back and gain her trust that I won't hurt her again. Everything I do in an attempt to get her back is to no avail. I have tried just about everything that I know, but nothing seems to work. I can't give up on her though because something deep down inside has told me that she is the one since the first time we met. I know I am not perfect and that I have made some mistakes and sometimes didn't respect her but I don't understand why she won't come back. I would appreciate any advice that you could offer. Thanks for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted February 12, 2002 Share Posted February 12, 2002 I have made some mistakes and sometimes didn't respect her And you still can't understand why? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 12, 2002 Share Posted February 12, 2002 The more you try, the harder you try to get her back, the more you will drive her away. Back off in a major way and you may have some hope for the future with her. Learn to live with your decisions. When you make them, take your time to carefully deliberate. There are many decisions the execution of which cannot be undone. Now, back off and heal from this. Forgive yourself. I've been on the planet long enough to know there are really no mistakes...just lessons learned (hopefully). Play your cards right and much better things will come into your life...but that won't happen while you're obsessing with this lady you turned loose. Again, the most important thing I can say to you is with each new tactic you try to get her back with, the further away you will drive her and the less likely it will be to achieve your goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted February 12, 2002 Share Posted February 12, 2002 She won't come back to you because you broke up with her. When that happened, she probably sought advice from family, friends and possibly the LoveShack on how to deal with the breakup. What advice do you think she was given? If she had come here and asked for advice, I (probably along with others) would have advised her to forget about you and move on with her life. Apparently she has done that. Now my advice for you is pretty much the same. You can't undo what has happened. You have already contacted her and asked her to forgive you and give you another chance. It is now up to her. Leave her alone and let her decide if she wants to give it another try. In the mean time it would be a good idea for you to assume you will not get another chance with her. Take what you have learned from this and move on. Use this information to help you in future relationships with other women. If you are extremely lucky, she may call you about 20 years from now. I dated the most wonderful girl in the whole world for a little over two years, until this past summer when I broke up with her because I was going to university the next year and wasn't sure if I wanted to be with her through all of it. I now know that this was a horrible mistake. I love this girl with all my heart and for the past six months I have tried desperately to get her back and gain her trust that I won't hurt her again. Everything I do in an attempt to get her back is to no avail. I have tried just about everything that I know, but nothing seems to work. I can't give up on her though because something deep down inside has told me that she is the one since the first time we met. I know I am not perfect and that I have made some mistakes and sometimes didn't respect her but I don't understand why she won't come back. I would appreciate any advice that you could offer. Thanks for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted February 12, 2002 Share Posted February 12, 2002 When you broke up with her, you not only demonstrated that you are capable of hurting her for selfish reasons, but also that you aren't very in touch with your own heart. "Don't know what you've got 'til it's gone," I know that happens to lots of people, especially young people, and it indicates that you weren't very good at figuring out your own feelings. Or that you allowed yourself to be swayed or distracted by other considerations. Sounds like you gave more weight to certain things(the prospect of meeting lots of people, partying etc. at university?) than you gave to your feelings for her and your appreciation of how wonderful she was. If at the time you really believed she was the best thing that ever happened to you, you wouldn't have broken up with her. Rather, you've demonstrated to her that you are hurtful, unappreciative and inconstant. None are easy things to make amends for, but the latter two are especially tricky. In fact I don't think most people get second chances -- as I think you're discovering. You can't make her change her mind. All you can do is change yourself. I don't subscribe to the school of thought that says there is just "one" person out there. She might have been a great partner for you -- but you blew it. Honor her by taking this lesson to heart so that you won't repeat the same mistake with another great girl. If you like, and this would certainly be a lovely thing to do, let her know that you understand and respect her wishes but that if at some future point she chooses to get in touch with you, you'd be honored to have the chance to be a positive presence (as a friend) in her life. That would be the way to show her that you really do respect her and you really do appreciate how wonderful she is. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 First of all you said you didnt respect her the first time. So why would she want to take that chance again. Sounds like she has learned her leason the first time. Second does she even know how you feel about her now. Unless you have come out and told her you want her back she may not know it. I fell for a male friend that Ive know forever and when we dated he treated me so cold. He treated me careless and without any respect. Even though he is in my life everyday due to work and family I feel so much pain in his presence. She's feeling the same way in many ways that I do. If you dont want to give up, dont. But consider whats going on in her mind and body when you approach her with this. If it's anything like my expierence your taking her for a nightmare roller coaster ride of fear and pain that she would rather not be put through. All you can do is just reassure her that you love her. When you broke up with her, you not only demonstrated that you are capable of hurting her for selfish reasons, but also that you aren't very in touch with your own heart. "Don't know what you've got 'til it's gone," I know that happens to lots of people, especially young people, and it indicates that you weren't very good at figuring out your own feelings. Or that you allowed yourself to be swayed or distracted by other considerations. Sounds like you gave more weight to certain things(the prospect of meeting lots of people, partying etc. at university?) than you gave to your feelings for her and your appreciation of how wonderful she was. If at the time you really believed she was the best thing that ever happened to you, you wouldn't have broken up with her. Rather, you've demonstrated to her that you are hurtful, unappreciative and inconstant. None are easy things to make amends for, but the latter two are especially tricky. In fact I don't think most people get second chances -- as I think you're discovering. You can't make her change her mind. All you can do is change yourself. I don't subscribe to the school of thought that says there is just "one" person out there. She might have been a great partner for you -- but you blew it. Honor her by taking this lesson to heart so that you won't repeat the same mistake with another great girl. If you like, and this would certainly be a lovely thing to do, let her know that you understand and respect her wishes but that if at some future point she chooses to get in touch with you, you'd be honored to have the chance to be a positive presence (as a friend) in her life. That would be the way to show her that you really do respect her and you really do appreciate how wonderful she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Eyes Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 By the sounds of it this girl is very deeply hurt, but she has also got on with her life and to her, repeating past mistakes won't work. I believe you when you say you love her but you need to give her time. Just be a friend to her, that may be all she will ever want from you but you will never lose her completly then. She is also putting emotional barriers up so that she is making you aware not to hurt her again. Like I said, just give her time. Link to post Share on other sites
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