- I need

[Guest]

I posted yesterday under the thread "I knew he was leaving when we met - but hoped he would stay" or ask me to go with him. I'm sorry this is long.

 

I really need some advice as I feel that there isn't a "right" thing to do. Over the weekend, I asked my boyfriend, what he thought would happen in November when he was due to return home and he said "I think I know what will happen in November" meaning that's that and our relationship ends. We started living together in his flat here in the US in mid-August to see what happens. I told him I wouldn't talk about November until he was ready or until October. Throughout the relationship I've felt a bit of sadness. I really like him, he's great to be with is very affectionate and treats me well. He's told me that he really likes me but there is something missing. He knows I'm not the one. I don't need him to be the one but honestly, I could fall in love with him. In all my past relationships I've always been both running to and running from I think that I have a fear of commitment and simultaneously a fear of abandonment. I packed my things yesterday while he was at work, I couldn't do it will he was here. I couldn't pull myself away. I felt relieved packing and felt that I was making a good decision. Within an hour of leaving I started hoping to see him again. I went out with friends, parked my car at a friends that lives close by and we went to a bar. I thought it was better to be with people although I'm usually a loner. He called. I called him back, he told me he was sad. I slept here. This morning I asked him if he thinks he knows means the same thing as not knowing. he told me no, it means he's more sure than not knowing. I brought my things back into his flat and have been unable to unpack. I'm so unsure. part of me wants to stay hoping he'll change his mind the other part of me wants to spear myself the fear of not knowing and being hurt later rather than now. I think I should leave today or stay with no expectations but, I don't know.