My problems with best friend

[Ed42]

This is a long story and very complex. Well I have known

 

this woman for 4 years now. We started off as just friends. Our friendship has grown and she now calls it " We are something more then just best friends". The problem is that she is engaged to an abusive boyfriend. She has moved out on him several times, moves in with me then some how he

 

gets her to move back in with him. 4 weeks ago she asked a friend of ours if he thought I loved her, he said yes without a doubt. She then come down to where I work walked

 

up to me and told me she loves me then gave me a kiss and asked if I loved her? Then why does she keep going back to him. All she does is complain about him. She has come out and told him we are emotionaly closer then they ever could be. So she moves in with me and said this time it it over, I am never going back. Then 2 weeks later he calls her and said I am sorry I have signed up us for couple counseling.

 

So she goes back. She said she has not unpacked or packed anything, and is waiting. Now her kids hate him because he hit thier mom when they are around. Her kids want me to marry thier mom. He goes into counseling and he talks about me all the time. I do love her and her kids, but I told her last week that I will remove myself from our relationship so that she can work on counseling and not have me causing problems. She told me NO if you were a problem I would not call you or see you. It sounds that she wants me, but I cant make any move until she leaves her boyfriend. What should I think what should I do?

[Totally Confused]

O:K Ed42. I know you love this girl very very much. You've posted several things on her and I can see you are having a very hard time with this. There is nothing else you can do. You can want her out of the situation all you want, but she's not going to get out of it, until she wants to get out of it. You are becoming too co-dependent and it is starting to consume your life. This is no healthier for you than it is for her. I know you love her, and I know you say she loves you, but until she leaves this guy and until she tells you she's ready to be with you fully, you can't do anything. You can only be there for her as a friend. Encourage her to stay in therapy, listen to her when she needs a friend, keep on talking to her reinforcing it over and over that she's in a horrible situation, until she finally gets it into her head and offer ways for her to get out - places she could stay, how to support herself, etc. Let her know if she leaves this man, she will not be alone. But you have to understand, she has to hit her pain threshold all on her own you can't make her do something she's not ready to do, until she says she's had enough. Don't worry, one day she'll get out of it - we hope. No one knows when, but if she is as unhappy as she claims, she will. So whether she wants/loves you or not, the point is she is still with this guy. You are her friend and she has too many problems right now to start anything else up with you. If you're a true friend, then just be a friend right now, until she gets her act together and stop pushing for feelings from her.