Hurting Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 I am in a relationship for five years now and my b/f is the sweetest man that I have ever met, he is really good to me and treats me like no man has ever done. If I were able to pick and chose a man he would be the one. Now I know you are wondering what the problem is so I will just get there. I am 33 years old and he is 39 and his health is not the best as he has a serious illness that one day he will die of...and he has decided that because of this he does not want any children, he said that all the work would be my responsibility as he would not be able to help me with everyday responsibilities and I am so hurt by this and I am feeling as though a part of me is missing and I think it is the not having children in my life and I am not sure how I should feel and what should I do. I love him more than life itself and I am so confused. I guess the sad thing is we never ever talked about having children earlier when we were not as serious as we are now...I have been in other relationships with men who wanted children but these men were all abusive...maybe that is why I am feeling so hurt right now...PLease people give me some advice as I do not know how much longer I can stand the hurt..the b/f wants me to be happy and said that if it is children that I want that he will let me go and allow me to find someone that too wants children, but I am so torn as I love him so much and we have such a history together, I know that this man is the one that I want to live the rest of my life with and he has told me the same thing...but will this desire of wanting children ever go away...PLease help me Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 I could talk to you all day about the benefits and the burdens of having children. I could talk to you all day about the benefits and the drawbacks of not having children. Quite frankly, I think in both cases, it would all equal out in the long run either way you went. The question you asked is "will this desire of wanting children ever go away?" The answer is, "Yes". But only if make a choice, deal with it and do something about it. Sitting around mulling over it will keep you where you are right now. How do you deal with it? What can you do about it? You have two choices. You can stay with this man and give up having children OR you can leave this man and hope that you can have a child with someone else. No matter which one you choose, you will loose something. No matter which one you choose, you will have to deal with the loss of something else. That may all sound like bad news to you, but it isn't. The good news is, you can still live a full, happy life, either way you go. You just have to make a choice, deal with the loss, then get on with your life. I don't intend to suggest that this will be easy to do, but it's what you are going to have to do. No one can make this decision for you. You need to talk to as many stable people as you can, on both sides, people who have had children and those that have chosen not to, then try to work it out for yourself or with the help of a confidential counselor. That's all I can say for now. Good Luck. I am in a relationship for five years now and my b/f is the sweetest man that I have ever met, he is really good to me and treats me like no man has ever done. If I were able to pick and chose a man he would be the one. Now I know you are wondering what the problem is so I will just get there. I am 33 years old and he is 39 and his health is not the best as he has a serious illness that one day he will die of...and he has decided that because of this he does not want any children, he said that all the work would be my responsibility as he would not be able to help me with everyday responsibilities and I am so hurt by this and I am feeling as though a part of me is missing and I think it is the not having children in my life and I am not sure how I should feel and what should I do. I love him more than life itself and I am so confused. I guess the sad thing is we never ever talked about having children earlier when we were not as serious as we are now...I have been in other relationships with men who wanted children but these men were all abusive...maybe that is why I am feeling so hurt right now...PLease people give me some advice as I do not know how much longer I can stand the hurt..the b/f wants me to be happy and said that if it is children that I want that he will let me go and allow me to find someone that too wants children, but I am so torn as I love him so much and we have such a history together, I know that this man is the one that I want to live the rest of my life with and he has told me the same thing...but will this desire of wanting children ever go away...PLease help me Link to post Share on other sites
GETTA Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 FOR ALL YOU BONEHEADS THAT HAVE JUDGED US THAT HAVE NO SEX LIFE LET ALONE A LIFE THE TRUTH IS THAT LYNDSAY AND I ARE SISTERS YOU ARE THE SAME PEOPLE THAT WOULD NOT KNOW A GOOD LAY WELL MAYBE IF YOU PAID FOR IT YOU WOULD EITHER WAY WHO GIVES A F&&K WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY YOUR OPINION IS IN MY ASS Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 This is in response to GETTA: What are you talking about? Perhaps english lessons would help you better vent on us here at the forum. I sugguest removing the CAPS LOCK key from your keyboard, as it gets annoying. but hey, that's just my 3 cents (adjusted for inflation) THE TRUTH IS THAT LYNDSAY AND I ARE SISTERS YOU ARE THE SAME PEOPLE THAT WOULD NOT KNOW A GOOD LAY WELL MAYBE IF YOU PAID FOR IT YOU WOULD EITHER WAY WHO GIVES A F&&K WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY YOUR OPINION IS IN MY ASS Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted February 13, 2002 Share Posted February 13, 2002 Dear Getta, This post may not last long enough for you to read this because it will probably be deleted by the site administrators, but here goes... If you want to discuss this issue, please do so under a new thread or the one that already exists below. This topic is about something completely different than one you are referring to. Ed THE TRUTH IS THAT LYNDSAY AND I ARE SISTERS YOU ARE THE SAME PEOPLE THAT WOULD NOT KNOW A GOOD LAY WELL MAYBE IF YOU PAID FOR IT YOU WOULD EITHER WAY WHO GIVES A F&&K WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY YOUR OPINION IS IN MY ASS Link to post Share on other sites
Getta Betta Getta Life Posted February 14, 2002 Share Posted February 14, 2002 Bet your real lookers, too *lol* Pretty defensive for a couple of whose so confident acting like whores. And if you are sisters then why not ask each other your questions instead of coming here and telling us all how hard up you are. If you dont' care what people have to say then why are you the stupid one who came here in the first place? THE TRUTH IS THAT LYNDSAY AND I ARE SISTERS YOU ARE THE SAME PEOPLE THAT WOULD NOT KNOW A GOOD LAY WELL MAYBE IF YOU PAID FOR IT YOU WOULD EITHER WAY WHO GIVES A F&&K WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY YOUR OPINION IS IN MY ASS Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted February 14, 2002 Share Posted February 14, 2002 Well, there you go. And I rest my case... THE TRUTH IS THAT LYNDSAY AND I ARE SISTERS YOU ARE THE SAME PEOPLE THAT WOULD NOT KNOW A GOOD LAY WELL MAYBE IF YOU PAID FOR IT YOU WOULD EITHER WAY WHO GIVES A F&&K WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY YOUR OPINION IS IN MY ASS Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted February 14, 2002 Share Posted February 14, 2002 Hurting, Sorry for the blaten interuption below your post. I was wondering if you would ever consider volunteering some time with a youth group or working with young children. I did, and it was very rewarding. Seems like you have a lot of love to give, and there are so many children out there who come from broken homes and are in desperate need of mentors. Perhaps this would be a way of filling that maternal void without having to give up the love of your life. Afterall, real love is a rare find, and you are certainly luckier than most. I think maybe some compromise could be considered first? I am in a relationship for five years now and my b/f is the sweetest man that I have ever met, he is really good to me and treats me like no man has ever done. If I were able to pick and chose a man he would be the one. Now I know you are wondering what the problem is so I will just get there. I am 33 years old and he is 39 and his health is not the best as he has a serious illness that one day he will die of...and he has decided that because of this he does not want any children, he said that all the work would be my responsibility as he would not be able to help me with everyday responsibilities and I am so hurt by this and I am feeling as though a part of me is missing and I think it is the not having children in my life and I am not sure how I should feel and what should I do. I love him more than life itself and I am so confused. I guess the sad thing is we never ever talked about having children earlier when we were not as serious as we are now...I have been in other relationships with men who wanted children but these men were all abusive...maybe that is why I am feeling so hurt right now...PLease people give me some advice as I do not know how much longer I can stand the hurt..the b/f wants me to be happy and said that if it is children that I want that he will let me go and allow me to find someone that too wants children, but I am so torn as I love him so much and we have such a history together, I know that this man is the one that I want to live the rest of my life with and he has told me the same thing...but will this desire of wanting children ever go away...PLease help me Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 14, 2002 Share Posted February 14, 2002 you don't say if this illness he has is hereditary -- if it isn't, chances are he thinks he could pass it on to a child of his, thus, his desire not to have children. Find out more, if you can, from a doctor, and be sure to specifically ask how a child would be affected by this. It also could be that your guy isn't as averse to the idea of children with you, but leaving you alone to raise a child after he dies. or, he actually might be dead-set against children. If the issue is important to you, then don't feel guilty for raising it, just do it in a gentle and considerate matter. It sounds like having a child with this man is something you want badly, and you shouldn't have to give up the idea just because he won't address the issue further. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Gweedo Posted February 15, 2002 Share Posted February 15, 2002 You should GO. I am in a relationship for five years now and my b/f is the sweetest man that I have ever met, he is really good to me and treats me like no man has ever done. If I were able to pick and chose a man he would be the one. Now I know you are wondering what the problem is so I will just get there. I am 33 years old and he is 39 and his health is not the best as he has a serious illness that one day he will die of...and he has decided that because of this he does not want any children, he said that all the work would be my responsibility as he would not be able to help me with everyday responsibilities and I am so hurt by this and I am feeling as though a part of me is missing and I think it is the not having children in my life and I am not sure how I should feel and what should I do. I love him more than life itself and I am so confused. I guess the sad thing is we never ever talked about having children earlier when we were not as serious as we are now...I have been in other relationships with men who wanted children but these men were all abusive...maybe that is why I am feeling so hurt right now...PLease people give me some advice as I do not know how much longer I can stand the hurt..the b/f wants me to be happy and said that if it is children that I want that he will let me go and allow me to find someone that too wants children, but I am so torn as I love him so much and we have such a history together, I know that this man is the one that I want to live the rest of my life with and he has told me the same thing...but will this desire of wanting children ever go away...PLease help me Link to post Share on other sites
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