Anyone Else Like This?

[TheSilentType]

Would you not date someone if you thought the relationship wouldn't go anywhere?

 

I mean if I met a pretty girl who was my polar opposite and she was interested in me, I'm still not sure I would want to date her, even if we were to eventually have sex. I don't feel such a relationship will last a while, and so I wouldn't want to even get involved to begin with...inspite of any hope for sex.

 

I acted like this with the last girl I crushed on at school. I really liked her and thought she was very pretty, but at the same time, after spending months getting to know her, I also realized there was a nasty, mean side to her. Plus, she was a wild child and I was more of a quiet guy. There was a window of opportunity where I knew that if I asked her out, we would probably have ended up

bf-gf. Instead, I just let our association drag on as it was until we eventually parted ways. In essence, I crushed any hope of a relationship (even though I really wanted to be with her) since I knew that we wouldn't be a good fit in the long run and that eventually we would part...probably on bitter terms.

 

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME! I'm a young male. Why do I care so much that the relationship will not just be a temporary thing? I feel like such an oddity...I don't know why I want certainty over just having some fun and being with someone.

 

Is any other guy like this? Maybe I'm just afraid that I'll really start liking the person and when things end it will be hard for me....so why bother?

 

How do you change this? I feel like I should be like other guys who are out there dating people, even if they aren't the best for them.

 

Instead I pull back at the slightest hint that the relationship wont go anywhere....i just wont take the risk

 

Blah i suck...i'm looking for some glimmer of a sure thing when I probably know better that nothing is for sure.

[phyrespryte]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think you might be a little too cautious though. You're afraid of getting hurt and well... I think everyone is.

But maybe you're letting this fear influence you too much?

 

I mean you saw this girl's bad side and still wanted her. You were even able to stay friends with her. Things could've worked. It could've been nice. And yeah it could've ended in a big fiery mess. Who knows? But maybe it would've been a worthwhile experience? But then I'm the kind of person that hates to wonder about what could've happened.

 

Do you tend to fall real hard when you're interested in someone? I know that's a problem I have. Maybe you need to just be a little more controlled with your feelings? Take stuff extra slow?

 

Anyways, answer to the original question. Yes I would pursue a relationship even if I couldn't see it going anywhere.

[TheSilentType]

I think your right Phyrespyrte. I am too cautious.

 

There's that saying that love is blind.....but I don't ever think that will fully apply to me. As strongly as I may crush on someone, I never quite wear the rose-colored glasses. So if I see something that gives me doubt, I just say **** it, no matter how much I may deep down wish for the relationship. On one hand, I'm glad that I would have spared myself of the eventual breakup....but on the other hand I'm sad that I didn't get that chance at a relationship.

 

Blah. I just need to learn how to be more casual about these things. Something for me to work on I guess.

[phyrespryte]

Well it's good to be realistic about relationships. Can't view things as always being perfect. I wish you luck with finding that balance between being practical and a little risky.

 

Random question...what's your sign?

[Sand&Water]

TheSilentType,

 

All that talk about relationships, interest(s), and crushes not going anywhere, is a product of your inner thoughts trying to bring meaning to your personality in form of loud thoughts.

 

You're just not a risk taker. That's fine. Neither, am I. But, that doesn't mean I can't have some fun -because, I deserve to experience the bad and the good. Luscious phenomenon is what I'm waiting for. It doesn't have to be love; it can be something just as/more meaningful.

 

You're most likely more intune with yourself, than you previously thought. Being ultra critical of relationships, in my opinion, builds heartfelt anticipation for when the right girl walks into your life.

 

There is hope. You just have to be patient.

[CrushedOrgans]

Would you not date someone if you thought the relationship wouldn't go anywhere?

 

 

of course. that's why it's dating, to find out if it will or will not go somewhere. when you're sure it won't go anywhere, or you have zero interest left, you stop dating. or, if it does work out, you have a relationship of some sort, usually becoming exclusive.

 

if people didn't date to discover each other first, it would be jumping into a relationship with a stranger, which isn't the best move most times.

[norajane]

Why waste your time dating someone if you know you wouldn't want a relationship wtih them? That just gives you less time and energy to date other people that maybe you could have a relationship with...NEXT!

[the_alchemyst]

Would you not date someone if you thought the relationship wouldn't go anywhere?

 

I would absolutely not date anyone whom I didn't feel a longer, more meaningful relationship could be established with. No.

 

Of course, there is always the "well, how would you know unless you try it?" type of retort, and truthfully, I suppose that there truly wouldn't be a way for me to actually know, only think and feel.

 

I simply don't see the reason in engaging in a relationship with someone just because they are good-looking or anything like that.

 

I also don't think it's that difficult to get a feel for a person's personality after a few converstions. Of course you won't know everything (not that I think you ever will, but that's besides the point), but you can get a "feel" for that they think, feel, and like by conversing with them about X and Y topics.

 

If I just don't feel this person and I would mesh in the long run, then I would definitely not date them. What for? It seems like unnecessary pain to me.

 

So, I don't think you're weird at all. Different, yes, but difference does not equal abnormality. (Plus, I am younger than you, so I have to say that or otherwise I'd be calling myself weird, too. )

[abitconfused]

I am "older" and have been quiet like you. I can say I have been too cautious. I would say if I were in your shoes I would have tried it for a short time and then re-evaluate what you wanted to do. I treat every relationship as if it would be the life long one. Not sure if I am making a good choice there but I am pretty independent and after several years of any serious relationship, I am once again looking to dive back in. Be cautious but don't waste your life wondering about things that may have happened. Similar to what norajane said, the right one could go by if you are with someone who is not right for you.

[CrushedOrgans]

Would you not date someone if you thought the relationship wouldn't go anywhere?

 

 

oh. i was going by "thought", not "knew".

 

sorry.

[TheSilentType]

I wish you luck with finding that balance between being practical and a little risky.

 

Random question...what's your sign?

 

Thanks phyrespyrte.

 

I'm a Taurus. Why do you ask?

[TheSilentType]

Why waste your time dating someone if you know you wouldn't want a relationship wtih them?

 

This girl I crushed on was quite pretty. She had soft, long shiny black hair with a tint of brown....dark pretty eyes with long lashes....and a sexy voice and a playful laugh....and she was just near my height.

 

When we used to sit together, I would feel happy.. I'd say at times I just loved that she was near me, and when she wasn't I would think of her.

 

I really would have loved a relationship with her, and maybe had I been more assertive at the beginning I could have had it.

 

But something pulled me back...lot of doubt whether a future between us could last. Closer to the end, as our friendship was going through its last death spurts, I was in a lot of pain because I knew I was near someone who I really wanted to be with, but at the same time near someone who was miles apart from me in terms of character and general approach to life.

 

I just wish I could have been like some other guys I know. They don't think too much about the future. They would have seen a pretty girl...a "bad" girl who liked to have fun....and they totally would have just gone for it to have some nice eye-candy and be with someone who could have opened up a lot of different experiences to them. Yeah, maybe the relationship wouldn't work....but these guys don't care.....they are not looking for long lasting. I wish I was like that.

 

But me, being a big idiot, had to be all rational and do what I could do spare myself from any future pain. Yet, ironically it ended up giving me a lot of pain when we went our separate ways.

 

I need to stop thinking about the long-term and just go into things for the experience of it.

[RecordProducer]

I would NOT date a person with whom I have no perspective. Not because every relationship has to have a perspective, but if I would be able to fall in love with him, I would hope to build a serious relationship with that person. The moment I realize the given person is not a serious relationship material, I lose interest. I could probably sleep with him a few times or just have fun or whatever... But the way I am made, it's either love or nothing for me. This is not my attitude, this is simply how my feelings develop. They either go up or down - I either fall for someone or get disappointed and don't want to be around them.

 

The most I have dated someone knowing there was no perspective has been 5 weeks when I was 17 and this was probably the only case. The rest I have ditched after a few dates or two weeks after realizing that what I thought was "IT" was not IT.

[phyrespryte]

I'm a Taurus. Why do you ask?

 

 

Your post actually reminded me of a friend who is going through something similar. He's a capricorn and he thinks everything through. I thought there might've been a link. But I guess astrology isn't accurate stuff.

[typical]

I mean if I met a pretty girl who was my polar opposite and she was interested in me, I'm still not sure I would want to date her,

 

and yet, there is still that old saying "opposites attract"

 

Sometimes, someone who is your complete opposite might be the right choice in the long run. Something having to do with balancing things out.

 

Then again, sometimes that can prove to be a huge disaster.

 

But what do I know?

 

Either way, I like your approach.....you could stand to loosen up a bit...If you dont take a few chances and risks, how will you ever know who is eventually the right one?

 

Would you not date someone if you thought the relationship wouldn't go anywhere?

 

Depends on my reaction to their close proximity. If I was inexplicably drawn to them, I certainly wouldnt ignore it, at all for any reason.

[norajane]

I'm a Taurus. Why do you ask?

 

My dad, my sister, and my SO are all Tauruses.

 

Logic and reason and practicality rule in your world! So adverse to change and so slow to make big decisions, but when you finally get through analyzing all the data and slicing and dicing the information and come to a decision, no one, and I mean no one, will change your mind!

 

Love, for you, is the real thing, or no thing at all. It wouldn't hurt you to loosen up a little and just have fun dating someone for a while, but you're not likely to really feel much for the person if you've decided she's not the long term girl for you. You won't get attached emotionally, no matter what.

 

My dad found my mom early in life and married her fairly quickly, but prior to meeting her, he dated around a lot, though never for long. Real thing or no thing...he's had the real thing for 40 years.

 

My sister won't date guys very long if she just doesn't see potential there. She's young and has only been in love once, but she felt very strongly about him and thought they could get married. They would have if family/culture/religion issues hadn't been a problem. She knows she wants a forever guy, not a just-for-now guy, and isn't one of those people who just wants someone around for entertainment until she finds the forever guy, the real thing.

 

My SO has dated many women, some for long periods of time, but sex is a strong drive for him, so that was the primary reason for staying in those relationships even though he knew they weren't going anywhere, ever. They weren't the real thing, but because he never got attached emotionally, they were, in effect, no thing. He's always been on the lookout for the real thing, and drops the no thing when he becomes interested in someone else who might be the real thing. (I've known him for a long time so I've had a chance to watch this over the years).

 

Since you're not into sex for sex's sake and you really want the real thing, you're not likely to want to bother with women where you don't see long term potential. There's really nothing wrong with that, as long as you're sure you're not missing out on a potential real thing because the ladies don't fit your preconceived notions of what will work for you. You might want to explore those crushes a bit more - analyze more data!! - before making your final decision about them.

[abitconfused]

Well put and thoughtfully written norajane. Nice to see someone who actually cares about people in these posts.

[TheSilentType]

Hmm very interesting Norajane.

 

So I guess you're trying to say my outlook on this situation is not so much a personal thing, but rather something that's intrinsic to Taureans?

 

Hmmm....

[RecordProducer]

Originally Posted by TheSilentType

I'm a Taurus. Why do you ask?

Your post actually reminded me of a friend who is going through something similar. He's a capricorn and he thinks everything through. I thought there might've been a link. But I guess astrology isn't accurate stuff.

Hey Taurus, Capricorn... same thing!

[norajane]

Hmm very interesting Norajane.

 

So I guess you're trying to say my outlook on this situation is not so much a personal thing, but rather something that's intrinsic to Taureans?

 

Hmmm....

 

Actually, I don't think it means much - I was just making an observation about the Taureans I know and their loves lives. I do think your outlook on love and dating is intrinsic to YOU, to each of us. We are the way we are, and wanting to view dating in a drastically different way might not be so easily possible.