do i get past this?

[ash8752]

Hey everyone- I am so upset!!! I really dont know what I should do.

 

So, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We live together and are pretty happy, minor arguements here and there over petty stuff.

 

We both have Myspace accounts (he is 28, i am 24). Yesterday he calls me to let me know his ex that he dated for 2 years asked to be his 'friend'. He told me he denied her and I asked if he had written to her telling her that and he said "no."

 

Well, I am a tad insecure so i decided on my way home from work to stop and check his account just for piece of mind and that way I wouldnt have to worry or think about it. I was expecting to see an email FROM her. Well, I checked and he wrote HER an email!!!! This is how it went (for the most part): " Hey! How have you been? You look great. About this friend list thing, my girlfriend and I have a pact not to have friends on our list that we have slept with and I believe we have slept together a lot! So, no list for you. But I will write an email and secretely say hello to you. This whole thing wasnt my idea, but hey, it's worked so far. How's the baby, your dad? I hope you're doing well, you still look great."

 

I lost it. He got home from work and I was just CRYING!!! I hate being lied to, as most do. We have had discussions in the past about us being very honest with eachother. He told me she means NOTHING to him and I am the one he loves and it was a HUGE mistake and he is so sorry. He said he wasnt trying to sleep with her or anything but he was with her for 2 years and wanted to see how she was doing.

 

I dont understand why he had to write her. He even said " I have no business talking to her, we arent friends" etc when I had asked about if he wrote her earlier.

 

At one point when I think it really hit him how shi*#y that email was he looked like he was tearing up, but what do you think.

 

I really need anything you guys think to come out at me right now please.

 

I love him, we talk about a real future together but this was f'n stupid of him!!!!!!!

 

Appreciate all comments! Oh yeah, he deleted his account! No more myspace.

[JackJack]

When are people going to realize that Myspace is the devil? J/k!

 

Anyway, thats great he deleted his account, but will that stop him from emailing her? He did tell her he would email her some.

 

"I don't understand why he had to write her."

 

Perhaps he has not yet had closure with the relationship? Or maybe he still has lingering feelings? Who knows for sure, but him.

 

I would keep an eye on things right now, and see if he is still in contact with her or if anything else is going on. If so, maybe you need to cut your loses and move on.

[Guest]

forgive but don't forget girl.

he had no place to be e-mailing her. if she contacted him, he could have completely just ignored it.

he lied to you. he joked about how many times they did it (wtf?). and he said he would secretly say hi and stuff.. which is stupid. if he wanted to say hi to her he should have told you. saying the word secret makes it sound .. naughty kind of

 

HOWEVER, he never said hey lets secretly meet up. he never said i want you back.

he doesn't want to be with her, he wants to be with you. even if he does make the mistake of being a dumb *******, he wants to be with you. if you guys talk about your future plans and how much you love eachother, he probably wont make this mistake again. congrats for catching him!

 

one last thing - i did say forgive and DONT forget. it might be smart to forget about it and put it in the past, but i like to hold on to these type of things.. not to make me miserable.. but so i can wise up if anything like this happens again. if he does this ever again, drop him like a hot potato

[ash8752]

Thank you Jackjack and Guest (whoever you may be). I agree with both of you. I am pretty sure that he doesnt have lingering feelings, but by all means, if he wants to leave me for an older woman with 2 kids well good luck to him. I know he doesnt want to do that.

 

Guest: I KNOW!!! he totally brought up the whole sex thing which was absolutely ridiculous. AND he told her she looks great TWICE!

 

I am trying to forgive and not think about it, but I definately hold on to this kind of stuff. I dont know if that is a flaw or not but I hold on to it for quite some time.

 

Thanks for your responses! I really appreciate it. Especially since i didnt know what to expect and was worried this was maybe break up material. I am keeping my eyes open though now more than ever. For a while at least.

 

I dont think he is dumb enough to do it again.

[Guest]

anything else?

[spinningmywheels]

Wow, he deleted his MySpace? good for you!

 

i've been hanging out in the LDR forums but this past month I've been struggling with such trust issues with my bf I'm starting to wonder if I should hang out over here.

 

I know a lot of people think it's dumb to get upset about things like MySpace, but I really hate it. It's stupid, unnatural, forces people into popularity contests and fosters weird connections (ie, my30+ yrs old bf being "friends" with all these 21-yr-old something girls he knows through a younger male coworker).

 

It makes me nuts.

 

I definitely agree with the don't forget advice from the guest above. I hear you about being upset that he e-mailed his ex - if I read your post right, he lied to you about e-mailing her. That, personally, would bother me more. Did he ever explain that? Why did he feel like hiding it from you? It might be worth it to find out... uncover a communication issue you guys should deal with.

 

I recently caught my bf in a relatively minor sex related lie, only to discover how he'd been using YouTube (so to speak). I got really upset not necessarily b/c he was looking at other people, but b/c he was seeking it out (not to mention lying to me about it).

 

It's been a month and that issue coupled with other things... i'm really struggling to trust (we're also LD, it doesn't help).

 

Don't forget about this emailing the ex thing - but do what you can to trust him again....

[CrushedOrgans]

 

HOWEVER, he never said hey lets secretly meet up. he never said i want you back.

 

this was only the first time they talked. and what's to stop him from making a new myspace?

 

i'd be royally pissed.

[ash8752]

Yes, his myspace is gone! I told him the main reason I was so hurt was bc he lied to me and wrote a flirtatious email to an ex. I think that just today I made him realize how serious I was about this and how upset i really am. We had a BIG talk. I told him I am not spending the rest of my life with someone who lies. I think he is smart enough not to open another one too. And I do know he wouldnt have cheated on me, he would just never. I think two things drove him to this: He wanted to see how she was doing...and this next one he wont admit, but i think he wanted an ego boost of some sort.

 

I am sorry about what you are going through with your LDR. That must make it much harder. I hate websites like these, myspace, facebook. But cant really blame the web site, blame the user. I wish you luck with that.

 

I left it at the following and he knows i meant business: He will not get angry at me for being upset over this, he is going to work his butt of to make me feel better, he is going to help me put my trust back in him, and never lie again. Also, I wanted something that would prove to me how sorry he really is and make me believe it. He gets defensive.

 

Oh, and we do have to work on our communication, you're right. Sorry i dont remember your screen name on this and if i go back it will delete my email.

 

I really do love getting others opinion those, some make me think more and some make me feel better so please keep em coming if you like. I appreciate it!!!