Going crazy!?!?!?

[alica76]

Well, I have never posted on this site or any like it, so please bear with me - but I am going CRAZY and need some real advice, not just my friends/family telling me what I want to hear.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and we've been living together for about 3 years. We recently "broke up" (more like a little separation I guess) and at the time, I really thought it was what I wanted to do...but as soon as it turns from a thought to a reality, we're both MISERABLE. See, we take each other for granted a lot and have a tendency to stop seeing the good things in each other and focus only on the bad... and then we fight (chronically)... and lately our fights have gotten bad (like him throwing things and me saying things I shouldn't) and then afterwards, we realize how crappy we were to each other so we overcompensate with niceness (making up words) for awhile... I'm sure you can see the cycle that we live in. So, anyway, I finally decided that enough is enough, nothing is changing - neither of us is doing the things we know we should or say we will to make things better - but as soon as one of us is ready to throw in the towel, then we both realize how much we love each other and don't want to lose eachother - we've gone through a lot and built this life and to just walk away without REALLY trying to make it work, seems like a giant waste of time and energy to me. Besides, this is the first boyfriend I've ever broken up with that I still have feelings for - and it is hard, to say the least. I went over there last night, initially to pack up some stuff - but as soon as I walked in and we both looked at each other, we both started crying and really didn't stop until after dinner. Then we ended up talking and decided to give it a week with me out of the house and us communicating minimally and then we'd get together again, share what we'd thought about this week and go from there. I don't know... I could easily babble on and on ..... but maybe I will just wait and see if anyone responds. I am truly going out of my mind and honestly don't know what to do.... I would normally say to just follow my heart, but it seems to be just as mixed up as my head - it seems to be leaning towards staying but I don't know if that is something I should honor, or if it is just normal initial separation stuff????? Like I said, I've never felt this way before when breaking up with someone so it is weird. Anyway....... PLEASE help - I welcome any feedback Thanks!

[KittenMoon]

Are the problems in your relationship mostly related to the fighting? If so, it wounds like you need to work on conflict resolution rather than break up. There are books on this, or you could see a couples counselor.

 

Have you ever tried doing something like every time you have a fight saying "Stop" and taking half an hour to chill before coming back to discuss the actual issue you were fighting about (as opposed to just letting the heat of the moment spiral things out of control).