Why does this mean I am insecure?

[Guest]

Why is it when a girl feels it is inapporiate for her boyfriend to get a lap dance because she feels it is cheating she is almost always told she is insecure and a prude? I don't see how this is true. I have no problem with porn and strip clubs. My problem is with lap dances. I personally feel that touching in a sexual manner is something that she be special and reserved for people in a realtionship. I feel a lap dance cheapens any type of intimancy that my boyfriend and I share. Why is it wrong to want to be the only women who dances naked on top of my boyfriend? I feel fantasy is completely OK but a lap dance is more of a reality then fanstasy and that is when it is wrong and becomes cheating. Can someone please explain this to me.

[Adunaphel]

If your bf gets lapdances even if it upsets you and everyone around you tells you that you are just insecure, it's time to change your environment and to get a new boyfriend.

 

Surf the forums going by search engine - you'll find quite a lot of threads on this subject, and quite a lot of people with different views about it.

[Poboy]

there are lots of girls who dont think lap dancing is cheating. so , guys consider it as a sign of acceptance to go ahead with it generally. If you do get bothered by the fact your guy is into it , you should tell him that it bothers you and it is cheating n not accepatable.

If he says you are insecure ... he means you should trust him more than you do & that its just lap dances & nothing more

[catgirl1927]

"Insecure" is what people call you when they don't like your behavior. Expecting to be respected is NOT a sign of insecurity. And frankly, if giving up lap dances is too big a "sacrifice" for a man to make for you, then he doesn't care about you anyway. As a matter of fact, if any form of paid sex is too big a sacrifice, then you don't want him anyway. They call it "insecurity" so they don't have to feel bad about cheating on you. They are blaming you for their behavior.

[catgirl1927]

there are lots of girls who dont think lap dancing is cheating. so , guys consider it as a sign of acceptance to go ahead with it generally. If you do get bothered by the fact your guy is into it , you should tell him that it bothers you and it is cheating n not accepatable.

If he says you are insecure ... he means you should trust him more than you do & that its just lap dances & nothing more

 

 

That is HILARIOUS. What it really means is, "Get off my back, I'm going to F around so deal with it and shut the hell up."

[a4a]

That is HILARIOUS. What it really means is, "Get off my back, I'm going to F around so deal with it and shut the hell up."

 

:lmao:

 

but when you wrap it into "this is normal" "all men need to do this" the package is supposed to seem much nicer........... :lmao:

[catgirl1927]

:lmao:

 

but when you wrap it into "this is normal" "all men need to do this" the package is supposed to seem much nicer........... :lmao:

 

:lmao: I know, they think they are so clevah!

 

It's just like how doctors used to give women tranquilizers and anti-depressants who complained of emotional distress or health issues prior to menapause. Just dope 'em up. Screw their feelings, screw their health, just tell 'em they're crazy! That's what I think "all men do this" is. It's men telling women that they are crazy to want to be respected. Well, I disagree.

[a4a]

:lmao: I know, they think they are so clevah!

 

It's just like how doctors used to give women tranquilizers and anti-depressants who complained of emotional distress or health issues prior to menapause. Just dope 'em up. Screw their feelings, screw their health, just tell 'em they're crazy! That's what I think "all men do this" is. It's men telling women that they are crazy to want to be respected. Well, I disagree.

 

:lmao: Or they get all bent out of shape if their woman flashes her boobies to a stranger....... :lmao:

 

What they are just boobies and that poor stranger guy is very visual and really just likes looking at my boobies :lmao: Honey he is a guy just like you so you should understand when I do show him my boobies it helps him feel more like a man, you understand that don't you? :lmao: :lmao: ( I am snorting laughing right now) :lmao:

[UnknowingOW]

A4A....Quit flashing all the men and horses!!!! LOLOLOLOL

[catgirl1927]

Oh totally. :lmao: It's a completely different deal when it's reversed! Women who fool around like that are sluts and attention whores. But men need validation. No seriously.

[a4a]

A4A....Quit flashing all the men and horses!!!! LOLOLOLOL

 

 

I may pull a Godiva on my Godot.

 

Seriously men would freak if their wifeys flashed titties to people....... would feel so disrespected.

 

I flash only for the good of mankind. Men need it, they are visual creatures, I only use my boobies for good, not evil.

 

Imagine if a bf ran across pics of his gf bach party with pics of her holding a male strippers penis..... or a close up shot of him dong whipping her in the chin with it......... :lmao:

 

I truly believe every bride should experience a threesome the night before her wedding..... I mean damn being stuck with the same old penis forever and ever...... gotta get your salad tossed and get your holes plugged before you sign away your life to one man. :lmao:

[UnknowingOW]

Agreed about wives flashing others in public...

 

However, the women in my family and my best girlfriends flash each other all the time. However once in a while my dad walks in...yeah, don't get into showing him my stuff, but when he walks in and my mom's doing it he hoots and pinches her booty...heck they are in their 60s!!!

 

My sister is much like you, she flashes for the good of the Navy. For some reason, and she still does this in front of her hubby btw, whenever she passes a Naval base it's tops up for her! :lmao: And there ain't nothing to see!!!

 

For me, I'll always flash the guy I am dating...they love it! Especially if you do it in a public place when no one is looking!

[Adunaphel]

catgirl and a4a, I just wanted you to know that I love you.

LMAO. :lmao:

[UnknowingOW]

Why is it when a girl feels it is inapporiate for her boyfriend to get a lap dance because she feels it is cheating she is almost always told she is insecure and a prude? I don't see how this is true. I have no problem with porn and strip clubs. My problem is with lap dances. I personally feel that touching in a sexual manner is something that she be special and reserved for people in a realtionship. I feel a lap dance cheapens any type of intimancy that my boyfriend and I share. Why is it wrong to want to be the only women who dances naked on top of my boyfriend? I feel fantasy is completely OK but a lap dance is more of a reality then fanstasy and that is when it is wrong and becomes cheating. Can someone please explain this to me.

 

Guest, it's ok to feel inapporiate. You could think about it this way,he gets the lapdance and you get the outcome from it. Then again, why don't you give him a lap dance and see what becomes of it...just my 2cents for what it's worth.

[a4a]

lemme tell ya a lil story..... not long ago I ended up at a titty bar with a group of guy friends and my H (H did not want to go, he really dislikes them and talks about the spent sperm on the floor and that strippers use men for atms, and even his friends joke that back in the old days he was too cheap to pay for a lap dance and would hang out way in the back )

 

Anywho my male friend is friends with the owner. I was dared to get on stage.... I damn near did do it, but backed out..... :lmao: I backed out because I did not want to hurt my H's feelings.....but shoot I was wanting to prove a point tho that men get pissed if a woman acts out a sexual non cheating desire. Why would that be wrong of me to do that? I desired it and I was not planning on touching another man.... so why get bent out of shape? :lmao:

 

Anywho H was mad enough at me because a stripper that went private boothing with the friend was pretty much all over me :lmao:

 

I will not return to such a place with the H but I may go with my male single friends..... H just hated it and is still miffed at me for dragging him along with the rest of the crowd.

[catgirl1927]

Guest, it's ok to feel inapporiate. You could think about it this way,he gets the lapdance and you get the outcome from it.

 

Ok, this is really, really horrible. He goes to someone he actually finds attractive to get all excited, then comes home, turns off the lights and uses her body for a warm wet hole. Women are PEOPLE. I really, really think I deserve better than to be nothing but a piece of meat to someone. Christ. If he has to go elsewhere to get aroused, he should LEAVE, because everyone deserves to be with someone they find attractive and who finds them attractive. Jesus.

[a4a]

Guest, it's ok to feel inapporiate. You could think about it this way,he gets the lapdance and you get the outcome from it. Then again, why don't you give him a lap dance and see what becomes of it...just my 2cents for what it's worth.

 

 

Do I get the same amount of cash he paid the stripper? :lmao:

 

Might be worth it then

[UnknowingOW]

Ok, this is really, really horrible. He goes to someone he actually finds attractive to get all excited, then comes home, turns off the lights and uses her body for a warm wet hole. Women are PEOPLE. I really, really think I deserve better than to be nothing but a piece of meat to someone. Christ. If he has to go elsewhere to get aroused, he should LEAVE, because everyone deserves to be with someone they find attractive and who finds them attractive. Jesus.

 

CG it wasn't meant to be horrible...it was just an idea. I personally have no issues with men going to strip clubs as long as there is NO CHEATING involved.

 

And if I were in a relationship where he had a lap dance; I personally would want to hear about it and then take it as a compliment because it's me he wanted to have sex with...not her.

 

It's kinda like watching porn with your mate...you can see what's going on and get turned on by it. The lap dancer isn't the object of his desires, and of course he's going to be turned on by it. However it's you they want, and that by no means makes me a piece of meat for his taking.

 

Secondly, I'd give him the lap dance straight up (pun intended) :lmao: Cause then I'm getting the best of it all:lmao: :lmao:

[UnknowingOW]

Do I get the same amount of cash he paid the stripper? :lmao:

 

Might be worth it then

 

A4A....It's much more expensive when you do it! Know your value...for example:

1. Burlesque (sp? and not losing all your clothes) $5,000
   
2. Stripetease: $7,000
   
3. Lapdance: $10,000

I'm expensive and well worth it:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :laugh: :laugh:

 

It's all about the quality!!!

[catgirl1927]

Uh, the lapdancer is totally the object of his desires. He is willing to PAY her to wiggle around in his lap, jack him off, whatever. She is what he wants, he comes home because actual intercourse was probably out of his price range. I don't think it's a compliment at all, although you're probably a lot happier than I am since you are able to turn him wanting someone else into a compliment to you. Interesting logical flow.

 

A lapdance is deliberately seeking out sexual contact with someone who isn't your SO. It is cheating. If you go to clubs with your man and get lap dances with him, then you have an open relationship. But the good news is, you can start having sex whenever and with whomever you want, because you can bet your ass he is too.

[UnknowingOW]

Ya know, I questioned this with many of my gf about their H or SO...they pretty much felt the same way as I stated in my post regarding lap dances as long as there was no touching and/or cheating they were fine.

 

Lap dances are not supposed to have any hands on the woman...period. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does but it's more of the exception then the rule.

 

I've asked 4 guys I know some married some not and all of them said, "no hands on" or you get bounced from the club.

 

Secondly, of those guys I polled, they all agreed, they went home and got wild with their W or SO...why, because they were turned on by the dancer but only wanted to share with their SO or W.

 

Just given ya that stats from my question.

 

But these are all just opinions. Our view differ and that what makes LS kewl...differening opinions

[norajane]

I guess my problem with this whole thing is the lap dance/strip club/porn is cheating thing. Unless he's having sex with someone (or an emotional affair, which a lap dance decidedly is not), I don't see it as cheating. And I'll bet most guys don't either, so if you go after him with the "it's cheating, it's cheating!!!" argument, you lose him from the beginning.

 

That said, there's no reason why you have to like it or approve of it, and there's nothing at all wrong with telling him you don't want him getting lap dances and you want the only one to be bouncing around naked on his lap! There's nothing at all wrong with saying it upsets you and, out of respect for your feelings, to ask him not to get lap dances.

 

ETA: The only guys I've known who go to strip clubs and get lap dances go to the expensive places where it is no hands policy. I don't know what goes on in the seedier clubs, but yes, if he's touching and getting jacked off, he'd be sleeping on the lawn from then on.

[blind_otter]

Why is it when a girl feels it is inapporiate for her boyfriend to get a lap dance because she feels it is cheating she is almost always told she is insecure and a prude? I don't see how this is true. I have no problem with porn and strip clubs. My problem is with lap dances. I personally feel that touching in a sexual manner is something that she be special and reserved for people in a realtionship. I feel a lap dance cheapens any type of intimancy that my boyfriend and I share. Why is it wrong to want to be the only women who dances naked on top of my boyfriend? I feel fantasy is completely OK but a lap dance is more of a reality then fanstasy and that is when it is wrong and becomes cheating. Can someone please explain this to me.

 

The difference between finding something distasteful and generally disapproving of it, and being insecure, is that when you are insecure you allow your distaste of, say lapdances, affect how YOU feel about YOURSELF.

 

For example, if you are unhappy with your BF going to a strip club for lapdances because it makes you feel less sexually attractive or whatever -- that's a sign of insecurity. Someone else's behavior choices for themselves -- shouldn't make you feel like you are somehow worth less. Ideally your feelings of inner worth would come from something more substantial that other people's perceptions of you....

[catgirl1927]

This has actually come up before, UOW, I'm in Texas. In Texas, a "lap dance" includes a good deal of touching, usually of an intimate nature. In short, a lap dance IS sexual contact, and it is therefore cheating in my opinion. I have been told it is different elsewhere. The "3 foot rule" is a joke here.

 

B_O makes a very good point, she's exactly right about the difference between insecurity and standands. It shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself, it should make you have no respect and NO TIME for HIM.

[Adunaphel]

This has actually come up before, UOW, I'm in Texas. In Texas, a "lap dance" includes a good deal of touching, usually of an intimate nature. In short, a lap dance IS sexual contact, and it is therefore cheating in my opinion. I have been told it is different elsewhere. The "3 foot rule" is a joke here.

 

Where I live (Italy) lap dances with no sexual contact whatsoever are the exception, not the rule. I've heard of only a place (not that I'm into strip clubs, so there could be a lot more...but they would still be the exception) where you will be escorted out of the club if you attempt to touch a stripper, and it is a relatively classy place (or so I heard) where you pay some fifty € for a ten minutes lap-dance.