Why does this mean I am insecure?

[UnknowingOW]

BO was dead on with her assessment of standards and insecurities.

 

Well SAID!

[a4a]

eh my buddy got a hand job in the booth for $15.

 

I know cuz I gave her the money :lmao:

 

told the stripper it was his birthday and his gf dumped him the day before..... :lmao:

 

I did work in one of these places fully clothed behind the bar for a fill in for a owner who was a friend and neighbor of mine..... the deal was there no touching.... except VIP rooms started at $200 for a bottle of Korbel

It cost you $30 to walk in the door. Unless you were a member.

 

Odd thing is the men could slow dance with the strippers.... the strippers would put on minimal clothing and the men would dance with the one song for then $10.....tips I guess got a good rubbing the man parts. ???

 

Now the funny thing is that I cleaned up on the $$ more than the strippers did and I kept my clothing on..... in just a little over 2 weeks I had regulars that had crushes on me. Gifts, offers of trips.... amazing... many married guys

 

Too many drugs in the place and too much sadness so I did not stay only worked until his wife came back to the position of b maid.

[tanbark813]

I personally would want to hear about it and then take it as a compliment because it's me he wanted to have sex with...not her.

 

Actually he wanted to have sex with both of you. You were just more willing.

[nicki]

Tanbark, :laugh:

 

Tell your boyfriend that you are not insecure, just secure in your knowledge that if wants to be with you, then no lap dances with other women.

 

Tell him you find them distasteful and titty bars are no place for a man in a relationship. No good can come of going there. Unless it's a bachelor party or something RARE, I wouldn't even want my guy in one....and even then, no lap dances.

 

YOU are the only one who gets to be naked on his lap (as the other poster said.)

 

If that's not enough for him, then he can go get as many lap dances as he wants, because you won't be around anymore.

 

Really, it's a standard of conduct and respect. You have a right to expect him to be a gentleman.

 

A friend of mine told her husband that if he continued to go get lap dances, then she was going to get a job at a similar club as a waitress. She meant it. He got completely bent out of shape and never went again.

[UnknowingOW]

Actually he wanted to have sex with both of you. You were just more willing.

 

WOO HOO! That's what happened... :p :lmao:

[rainfall]

Guest, it's ok to feel inapporiate. You could think about it this way,he gets the lapdance and you get the outcome from it. Then again, why don't you give him a lap dance and see what becomes of it...just my 2cents for what it's worth.

 

Ok, this is totally disgusting and I hope it was meant as a joke. Why would she even want the outcome of it. I have personally made it very clear to my bf that I consider lap dances cheating and if ever gets one we will be over in a second, but if by some unforseen reason I do lower myself to stay with him there is no way in this world we would be having sex or anything close to it that night. It is disgusting to think that the guy went and paid some chick money to bounce around on his lap and rub her self all over him and then people feel he should be praised because that is all he did.

 

I am also from texas like Catgirl is so a lap dance her is pretty much dry humping with a lot of rubbing and sucking on boobies going on.

[Soco]

I am stuck in quite the state of confusion. I have always been a very sexual woman. My current boyfriend (1 yearish) and I have a healthy sex life, but I def. don't get it as often as I could/would. I'm ok with that.

 

Why would someone who doesn't want sex as much as me need porn? I am fairly certain that he looked at porn today before work, and now really isn't in the mood so he is outside socializing.

 

I am an above average looking, thin, intelligent lady. Yet seemingly that isn't enough. If I couldn't/wouldn't pleasure him regularly, I could understand needing the extra stimulation- but that isn't the case? I'm not against porn (although I am against lap dances like discussed above- no other female should touch my man sexually.)

 

It makes me wonder if I am not the right type of woman. Am I not good looking enough? I offer to try anything he wants. Somehow he still needs to look at other women?

 

I'm confused.

[a4a]

Ok, this is totally disgusting and I hope it was meant as a joke. Why would she even want the outcome of it. I have personally made it very clear to my bf that I consider lap dances cheating and if ever gets one we will be over in a second, but if by some unforseen reason I do lower myself to stay with him there is no way in this world we would be having sex or anything close to it that night. It is disgusting to think that the guy went and paid some chick money to bounce around on his lap and rub her self all over him and then people feel he should be praised because that is all he did.

I am also from texas like Catgirl is so a lap dance her is pretty much dry humping with a lot of rubbing and sucking on boobies going on.

 

:lmao: does he get a gold star for not beating a woman too.... or maybe he earns an automatic gold star for not being a drug addict too?

[catgirl1927]

Well, ya know, a4a, men really just don't get enough recognition for what they do. I mean, we are SO selfish. Here they are, using the bathroom in the toilet instead of in the corner, even FLUSHING, and do we say anything? They occasionally wipe themselves too! There should be lavish parades of naked hookers with hot wings and beer every time they do that. It's really a huge accomplishment. Really. It is.

[a4a]

Well, ya know, a4a, men really just don't get enough recognition for what they do. I mean, we are SO selfish. Here they are, using the bathroom in the toilet instead of in the corner, even FLUSHING, and do we say anything? They occasionally wipe themselves too! There should be lavish parades of naked hookers with hot wings and beer every time they do that. It's really a huge accomplishment. Really. It is.

 

holy Fruck........ you got me snorting.... :lmao:

 

this is too funny..... I am so saving/printing this and sticking it on my frig... :lmao:

 

oh this is indeed a fine day!! :lmao:

[a4a]

still laughing.......... ouch....... :lmao:

 

tears......

[catgirl1927]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hehe.

[UnknowingOW]

Not a joke, just a differing perspective. It's a choice of what each person is comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with it than then set your boundaries. Which it sounds like you have...good for you And I wasn't giving him praise. I was stating a "what-if" which is a different view to look at it, nothing more. It's all about what you are or are not comfortable with...for me, I'm fine as long as there is no touching or cheating.

 

I don't live in TX, so I wouldn't know... However, I did live in FL and went to a club with my Xh...and yeah, we were propositioned...lol. I said, to my x..."ok, it's time to leave now"...lol.

[a4a]

Not a joke, just a differing perspective. It's a choice of what each person is comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with it than then set your boundaries. Which it sounds like you have...good for you And I wasn't giving him praise. I was stating a "what-if" which is a different view to look at it, nothing more. It's all about what you are or are not comfortable with...for me, I'm fine as long as there is no touching or cheating.

 

I don't live in TX, so I wouldn't know... However, I did live in FL and went to a club with my Xh...and yeah, we were propositioned...lol. I said, to my x..."ok, it's time to leave now"...lol.

 

So true..

 

Some women may get off on this idea.... hell may get off watching their H or SO doing another woman even.... goodie for them. Some think oral or kissing is not cheating.... some women are willing to just accept or deal with it because they "need" their husband or maybe in some odd way get off on it. Good for them too...... but every person has their own ideals about how they want to be treated and to lower that simply because others do or do not do things is not the way to live your life. If you want to be happy at least.

 

definition of cheating which IMHO is really about respect and being thoughtful of your partners feelings. Showing my tits is not cheating... but it would hurt my partners feelings.....so in a way I am disrespecting him and hurting him.... and for what..... so I can have 3 seconds of fun flashing my boobies.....not worth it. IMHO.

[UnknowingOW]

ABSOLUTELY!

 

And it is respect for yourself and your partner, and knowing what the boundaries are. My last relationship liked me flashing him in public, I'll do it; but only when no one's around...lol.

 

However, if we both felt that certain actions or behavior would disrepect the other then you don't push it and remain respectful to each other.

 

My XFin wanted nothing sexual in public whether I liked it or not. So, being respectful to him was my boundary so no flashing...lol.

 

I don't believe in "sharing" either; hence the reason I am divorced.

[DarkShadows]

People consider everything as acceptable nowadays. Really sad.

 

Everything from porn, to being gay, to cheating, to flirting, to acting like a 'player' or a 'slut.' Yeah.. Damn hippies.

[a4a]

People consider everything as acceptable nowadays. Really sad.

 

Everything from porn, to being gay, to cheating, to flirting, to acting like a 'player' or a 'slut.' Yeah.. Damn hippies.

 

There is not a damn thing wrong with being gay. Being gay does no harm to others at all..... now a cheating/flirting gay or straight person is a problem.

 

FYI: there is a sheet sale on at Pennies..... probably some good deals on the white ones too.

[DarkShadows]

I didn't mean it the way you took it. I meant it, judging from my grandmas era to now.

[a4a]

I didn't mean it the way you took it. I meant it, judging from my grandmas era to now.

 

 

well my error then

 

Yeah things sure have indeed changed......

 

people used to piss and crap in buckets in their bedrooms.

 

burn people at the stake for witchery

 

so in some ways things are better...... but a hell of a long way to go.

[Jersey Shortie]

I don't think men really care about their women. It is just a sad fact. What they care about is porn,strippers, and the likes of that. If they cared about their women, they wouldn't spend so much of the time defending the porn and strippers. They would understand why these things are hurtful to their woman.

[pyroguy]

I don't think men really care about their women. It is just a sad fact. What they care about is porn,strippers, and the likes of that. If they cared about their women, they wouldn't spend so much of the time defending the porn and strippers. They would understand why these things are hurtful to their woman.

 

 

As a new poster, I thought this would be a good place to start becaue I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on this.

 

First, as a guy, I'd like to ask you what you think when the situation is reversed? Women, in their quest somehow to empowre themselves have gone too far IMHO. They have created their own huge double standards, but many are afraid to call them on it. Let me explain.

 

Jersey, have you not seen the actions and behavior diuring male strip shows? I can provide you with videos on the web that would knock your socks off-if you didn't already know about such behavior. These women fondle, rub, simulate sex acts, and in some cases DO have some kind of sex-and I would guess at least some of them are married. Or how about making out with the guys- seen that too. yet, we're told repeatedly by women how intimate kissing is. Call girls claim they don't kiss their clients, yet here we have wives and girlfriends passionately kissing some male stripper-why? is their boyfriend and/or husband so physically hideous that they need to do that?

 

I'll even identify with you to a point. I'm a guy who worksout 5 times a week, but honestly I'm not "all the way" with my physical appearance-meaning the washboard stomach, the constant tan, ripped all over etc., in shape, above average muscularity, but not exactly like many of those guys. Guess what, it bothers me when I see the women's reaction to that. I was once a fat kid, so I guess that always stays with you, no matter what. I think it's natural to feel somewhat insercure, but lets get it straight, it is to some degree insecurity.

 

However, there is a side of me that agrees that many of us just don't think about it that deeply, and realize what it may really mean. For the guys who claim that it doesn't mean anything , I think they're a little naive. Let's face it, if your that ga-ga over these other women, it does mean something. It probably does mean you want to have sex with that other woman. That doesn't mean you will, but it will be out of a sense of commitment (which I guess should be enough) not lack of want. Sort of like "well, I'm married", and/or "dam, I'm married". And, I think this is true for many women too, but nobody wants to admit it. While it's a very negative view, I think many women are not physically attracted to their guy, and they show it withy their actions at these strio clubs. Go see the desire in their faces- I challenge you.

 

See, it goes both ways, and guys can feel just as insecure. IMHO, society just doesn't put that pressure on women, ITS EVERYBODY! woman just stake the claim to that. I can tell you that, even working my ass off to stay in shape, that if my wife acted that way, it would be extremely hurtful- Maybe even worse because you try and try and end up feeling that nothing is good enough. Thankfully for me, my wife seems to be the opposite of that (to the best of my knowledge). On the other hand, if the woman feels that way about these guys, what can you do? is it better to be feeling it just the same, but hiding it just to respect your mate? Although, why don't they just find a guy like that to date or marry?

 

Too often women, (men also, but I feel more women) marry other guys who are not as physically attractive, and claim all these other so called deeper reasons. However, if they were honest with eachother, they're not that attracted to him-at leat not with the same lust they have for others. So, they marry the othyer guy because they either can't get the stripper, or they just don't want to deal with their guy being that good looking, other women, insecurity issues, etc.,. So they go with the poor bastard for security, but desire others, and the poor bastard is left holding the bag. Not a good feeling.

 

I know many of you will say that is really shallow, but let's be honest with ourselves. Physical attraction is the one raw emotion we have, and the one we can't stop. I think it's dishonest, extreme confidence (bordering on arrogance), or lack of deep thought that cause many to not be bothered by all these actions. For me, I want my girl to be really physically attracted to me-it's a turn on. Don't we always here how women want to feel sexy and desired, and how we as men have to make that happen. Why should it be any different for men? I get a high when my wife is turned on by me. When other women make comments about me to her, I may react with little emotion, but inside it's a huge high. Conversely, when you see women's antics at these shows, it's such a turnoff. You men in here can say whaever you like, but I can't see anything more of a show stopper- sex and intimacy wise that that. if my woman came home after that all charged up, i would just feel like a sex toy, while she thought of what see just saw.

 

So, you see it goes both ways. I don't have all the answers, but I thought it would be some different views. off the soap box now.

[catgirl1927]

Thanks for your post, pyroguy. It's so awesome and a huge relief to see that there are men like you who understand how this feels. It DOES go both ways.

[Guest]

Ok, this is really, really horrible. He goes to someone he actually finds attractive to get all excited, then comes home, turns off the lights and uses her body for a warm wet hole. Women are PEOPLE. I really, really think I deserve better than to be nothing but a piece of meat to someone. Christ. If he has to go elsewhere to get aroused, he should LEAVE, because everyone deserves to be with someone they find attractive and who finds them attractive. Jesus.

 

Men get excited by attractive women all over- on the street, at the office, not just titty bars. The fact that he comes home - where HIS woman is, and has sex with HER only tells ya it's about way more than 'a warm wet hole". If you were just a 'piece of meat' to your man - he'd treat you like that in bed and out - obviously he doesn't. "If he has to go elsewhere to get aroused" - he doesn't HAVE to - but it does happen - men are men and people are people. Just because he finds a stripper attractive or the woman down the hall or the chick in line at the grocery store does NOT mean he doesn't find you attractive.

[Raylene]

Yeah the guys are not supposed to touch the strippers, however, in a vast majority of places the strippers ARE allowed to touch the guys. Not only do they slither up and down the guys body, bop their tits all over the guys face, but they also dry hump them until they come. Now, if prositution were legal, as are strip clubs, and your man went out and hired a hooker to strip down to a G-string, rub her almost naked body all over him, and dry hump him till he came, would you n ot consider that cheating. I might be considered a prude, but some woman rubbing their naked tits all over a guy----well, in my book that is cheating and I would be darn pissed! Oh yeah, if YOU went to a bar and stripped down in a booth with some strange guy and rubbed your naked body all over him, even though he never touched you, would your guy think it was ok? I don't think you are insecure. I just think you have morals.

[Guest]

Uh, the lapdancer is totally the object of his desires. He is willing to PAY her to wiggle around in his lap, jack him off, whatever. She is what he wants, he comes home because actual intercourse was probably out of his price range. I don't think it's a compliment at all, although you're probably a lot happier than I am since you are able to turn him wanting someone else into a compliment to you. Interesting logical flow.

 

A lapdance is deliberately seeking out sexual contact with someone who isn't your SO. It is cheating. If you go to clubs with your man and get lap dances with him, then you have an open relationship. But the good news is, you can start having sex whenever and with whomever you want, because you can bet your ass he is too.

 

do you REALLY believe that the only reason men don't have actual intercourse with strippers is because they can't afford it? I know plenty of men who CAN afford it - many times over - they just indulge in a little fantasy and then go home to the women they love and are committed to - money isn't the issue. And just because a guy might occasionally go to strip clubs and might even get a lap dance every once in awhile is not "bet your ass' that he's cheating.