Why does this mean I am insecure?

[justagirliegirl]

Do I get the same amount of cash he paid the stripper? :lmao:

 

Might be worth it then

 

:lmao: :lmao:

[justagirliegirl]

The difference between finding something distasteful and generally disapproving of it, and being insecure, is that when you are insecure you allow your distaste of, say lapdances, affect how YOU feel about YOURSELF.

 

For example, if you are unhappy with your BF going to a strip club for lapdances because it makes you feel less sexually attractive or whatever -- that's a sign of insecurity. Someone else's behavior choices for themselves -- shouldn't make you feel like you are somehow worth less. Ideally your feelings of inner worth would come from something more substantial that other people's perceptions of you....

 

Let's see how secure the guy is when some hot male stripper is gyrating his package in his woman's face.

[Guest]

I am stuck in quite the state of confusion. I have always been a very sexual woman. My current boyfriend (1 yearish) and I have a healthy sex life, but I def. don't get it as often as I could/would. I'm ok with that.

 

Why would someone who doesn't want sex as much as me need porn? I am fairly certain that he looked at porn today before work, and now really isn't in the mood so he is outside socializing.

 

I am an above average looking, thin, intelligent lady. Yet seemingly that isn't enough. If I couldn't/wouldn't pleasure him regularly, I could understand needing the extra stimulation- but that isn't the case? I'm not against porn (although I am against lap dances like discussed above- no other female should touch my man sexually.)

 

It makes me wonder if I am not the right type of woman. Am I not good looking enough? I offer to try anything he wants. Somehow he still needs to look at other women?

 

I'm confused.

 

I've answered a lot in this thread - and btw - I am female - almost 45- and have many many male friends.

 

If he never had sex with you - or needed porn in order to have sex with you - THAT would be a problem and a sign of trouble. Men don't view women and porn as either/or - not like they watch or look at porn til they find a woman willing to have sex with them - then drop it - and only go back when don't have a partner.

 

This is soo different for men than women - we are definately hard wired differently. To men (most - I'm making generalizations here) looking at porn is no big deal - until we make it a big deal. Haven't YOU ever wanted some quick stress relief without all that goes with 'making love'?

 

Do you and your man ever have a hard and fast quickie? Or use a vibe? One where ya just wanna take the edge off without hours of sex? Fast, easy, quick - stress relief - that's all it is. He doesn't imagine or fantasize about making love to those women - he imagines hard fast furious sex with them - cuz that is what will get him off fastest - making love is reserved for flesh and blood women they actually care about or love.

 

And if he's just looking - it's just that - he's just being the visual creature he is - he knows he's never gonna meet Ms. Playboy Centerfold - and he knows if he didn't he probably couldn't get her - and the reality is that most men would be scared to death if she plopped down naked in his lap.

[Guest]

So true..

 

Some women may get off on this idea.... hell may get off watching their H or SO doing another woman even.... goodie for them. Some think oral or kissing is not cheating.... some women are willing to just accept or deal with it because they "need" their husband or maybe in some odd way get off on it. Good for them too...... but every person has their own ideals about how they want to be treated and to lower that simply because others do or do not do things is not the way to live your life. If you want to be happy at least.

 

definition of cheating which IMHO is really about respect and being thoughtful of your partners feelings. Showing my tits is not cheating... but it would hurt my partners feelings.....so in a way I am disrespecting him and hurting him.... and for what..... so I can have 3 seconds of fun flashing my boobies.....not worth it. IMHO.

 

--some women are willing to just accept or deal with it because they "need" their husband or maybe in some odd way get off on it. --

 

you are saying that if a woman accepts that her man looks at other women or gets a lapdance that she only 'puts up with it' because she's needy or a freak. some of us are just secure enough that we see it for what it is - harmless fun - he ain't leaving me for her - he's not able to catch a disease - and because *I* see it as harmless - it IS harmless - not that I'm too needy or a freak as you state

 

definition of cheating is anything you wouldn't want your parnter to know about or find out about - it could be something as simple as lunch with a coworker that wouldn't upset me, but might send you into a tizzy - it's as specific as the two people involved. and that's why it's a constantly done topic on here and elsewhere - because the definition of cheating is as narrow and specific as the two people involved.

[Rooster_DAR]

"Insecure" is what people call you when they don't like your behavior. Expecting to be respected is NOT a sign of insecurity. And frankly, if giving up lap dances is too big a "sacrifice" for a man to make for you, then he doesn't care about you anyway. As a matter of fact, if any form of paid sex is too big a sacrifice, then you don't want him anyway. They call it "insecurity" so they don't have to feel bad about cheating on you. They are blaming you for their behavior.

 

 

I agree that people often use the word "INSECURITY" so they can minimize what they are doing. You see it all over LS is you dig around a bit. My recent EX pulled this on me when I found out she was engaging in an emotional affair with a co-worker. "Your insecure, and smothering" are some of the crap I got. B.S. I say, just another excuse to cover your indiscretions.

 

Good post!

[rainfall]

do you REALLY believe that the only reason men don't have actual intercourse with strippers is because they can't afford it? I know plenty of men who CAN afford it - many times over - they just indulge in a little fantasy and then go home to the women they love and are committed to - money isn't the issue. And just because a guy might occasionally go to strip clubs and might even get a lap dance every once in awhile is not "bet your ass' that he's cheating.

 

If he has another women dry humping him he is cheating. I am pretty sure if I posted on here and said I came home to find my boyfriend sitting on the couch with some naked chick giving him a lap dance most pf the people here would tell me he was a jerk. So why does it make it any different that it was a stipper? I don't go to male strip clubs and have a male stripper slap his stuff around in my face (and I have no desire to do this) so I except my man to treat me with the same respect.

[Rooster_DAR]

Let's see how secure the guy is when some hot male stripper is gyrating his package in his woman's face.

 

I think this might actually turn me on a little, however I would not want her to make a habit of it.

 

Sexual nature is at work here

[Guest]

If he has another women dry humping him he is cheating. I am pretty sure if I posted on here and said I came home to find my boyfriend sitting on the couch with some naked chick giving him a lap dance most pf the people here would tell me he was a jerk. So why does it make it any different that it was a stipper? I don't go to male strip clubs and have a male stripper slap his stuff around in my face (and I have no desire to do this) so I except my man to treat me with the same respect.

 

If he's gettin a lapdance in his living room - there's a 99% chance he's gonna get more - in a great majority of the clubs there's almost 100% chance he's not gonna. Like I said in a post - you have a right to set the limits for your man and if he wants to live by them that's his choice - I've known women who object to their man having lunch with a female coworker. But you all should stop labelling and judging women who don't get all torqued up over it as 'needy' or a freak. For most men part of the attraction to doing it is that it's taboo and forbidden - when their woman says "have fun, see ya later" they lose a great deal of interest and spend most of their time at home with THEIR woman who is both secure, open-minded, and who they CAN have sex with.

[rainfall]

If he's gettin a lapdance in his living room - there's a 99% chance he's gonna get more - in a great majority of the clubs there's almost 100% chance he's not gonna. Like I said in a post - you have a right to set the limits for your man and if he wants to live by them that's his choice - I've known women who object to their man having lunch with a female coworker. But you all should stop labelling and judging women who don't get all torqued up over it as 'needy' or a freak. For most men part of the attraction to doing it is that it's taboo and forbidden - when their woman says "have fun, see ya later" they lose a great deal of interest and spend most of their time at home with THEIR woman who is both secure, open-minded, and who they CAN have sex with.

 

Well just because I am not gonna tell my man "have fun having some chick rub her stuff all over you" DOES NOT mean I am insecure or close minded. It means I do not want to be involved in what I would consider an open relationship. You say we should stop labeling and judging women who do not get upset over this, well people should stop judging the women that have a problem with this by calling them an insecure controlling jealous prude. The reason it is considered taboo and forbidden is well you have another women dry humping you and rubbing her stuff in your face. In the strip clubs in Texas there is also a 99% chance that he could get more then a lap dance if he wanted one as well.

[Guest]

Well just because I am not gonna tell my man "have fun having some chick rub her stuff all over you" DOES NOT mean I am insecure or close minded. It means I do not want to be involved in what I would consider an open relationship. You say we should stop labeling and judging women who do not get upset over this, well people should stop judging the women that have a problem with this by calling them an insecure controlling jealous prude. The reason it is considered taboo and forbidden is well you have another women dry humping you and rubbing her stuff in your face. In the strip clubs in Texas there is also a 99% chance that he could get more then a lap dance if he wanted one as well.

 

"It means I do not want to be involved in what I would consider an open relationship."

 

Exactly - to YOU it means an open relationship - there are just as many women out there that DO NOT.

 

"You say we should stop labeling and judging women who do not get upset over this, well people should stop judging the women that have a problem with this by calling them an insecure controlling jealous prude. "

 

Show me where *I* called anyone insecure or controlling or jealous or a prude.

 

-The reason it is considered taboo and forbidden is well you have another women dry humping you and rubbing her stuff in your face.-

 

No - it's taboo and forbidden only for guys who's women totally freak out over it. For guys who's women don't get torqued over it - it's a novelty - and usually gets boring (and expensive) real quick

[rainfall]

Show me where *I* called anyone insecure or controlling or jealous or a prude

 

You never said this however there are some people who feel this way. I was directing that statement at you it was just a general statement.

 

No - it's taboo and forbidden only for guys who's women totally freak out over it. For guys who's women don't get torqued over it - it's a novelty - and usually gets boring (and expensive) real quick

 

Well for the women who freak out over it they usually consider it cheating. So whether a man enjoys it and considers it taboo and forbidden or not if his women has a problem with it he should either respect her feelings or dump her and find someone who shares his beliefs.

[catgirl1927]

Show me where *I* called anyone insecure or controlling or jealous or a prude

 

No - it's taboo and forbidden only for guys who's women totally freak out over it. For guys who's women don't get torqued over it - it's a novelty - and usually gets boring (and expensive) real quick

 

You never said "controlling", "jealous", or "prude," but I don't generally say that reasonable people "totally freak out." By saying that you are someone who doesn't get "torqued" over it, you sure seem to be implying that women who aren't ok with it have issues, if nothing else.

 

You also said that you were "secure" enough not to care. It's not about being secure, it's about having a different attitude about sex than say, rainfall and I have. There's nothing wrong with your view, but there is also nothing wrong with ours.

[Guest]

Everyone has their different ideas about strip clubs, but I don’t see anything like my situation represented so I am going to present it for comment and (hopefully) good advice.

 

I am facing the prospect of my SO going to numerous bachelor parties. I am not insecure. I don’t think he will cheat on me or leave me for some beautiful stripper. I hold nothing against strippers and don’t think anything is wrong with it. I don’t think strippers are trying to steal my boyfriend. I don’t even think my SO would pay that much attention to the strippers or fantasize about them when he came home to have sex with me. That being said I don’t want him to go.

 

I think I am very open to sexual experimentation and somewhat kinky sexual practices. I do, however, think that sex is very linked to passion and intimacy and love. I get very uncomfortable thinking about my SO at a strip club because I feel it is wrong. I said I think stripping is ok, and I do, but strip clubs are not ok when people who are supposedly in a committed relationship go without their SO. If two people want to enjoy it together that’s fine, but personally I don’t think my SO should engage in anything resembling a sexual encounter unless I am somehow involved. It’s not jealousy, it’s the monogamy we based our relationship on from the beginning. I am alright with the occasional topless dancing, but when the panties come off I think it is over the line. I don’t care if there is no touching, no grinding no anything, my vagina should be the only one he sees unless I am there.

 

Given all these preambles (I apologize if I lost you already) I need some help. We have talked about strip clubs and he understands my feelings. He has even offered (without any prodding) to not go to any strip clubs ever again. The problem is that there are a lot of weddings coming up this next year and he is the best man for a hand full at least. One particular problem is his brother’s wedding. He is the best man for this one and his brother is getting married in Canada which is pretty much the stripping capital of the world. From what I have heard, since they are topless, bottomless, and are allowed to touch, and be touched, it is about a half a step off from prostitution. Also I know that his friends that are getting married will at least be going to full nude clubs.

 

I am very tempted to take him up on his offer of bowing out of attendance, but how can I keep him from his own brother’s party? How can I ask him to miss out on all of the parties he is throwing for his friends? I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I accept his offer I risk breeding resentment for being so controlling, but if I let him go the images that will play out in my head will haunt me forever. I don’t want him being with other naked women, but I don’t want him to have to miss out on the party/guy bonding side of the events just because I think that he shouldn’t see naked women.

[Kami]

I know that some people have issues with their SOs being around other naked members of the opposite sex because they think that they're not good enough and they will be left. Not everyone is like that.

A lot of people who aren't insecure and are definitely not prudes don't like nude bars and lap dances. It's not because they're jealous and it's not because they don't trust their SOs. In some cases, and this is not a myth, people love each other and feel that sex and everything sexual is an intimate, private thing that serves to strengthen their passion for each other.

 

It is a bond that they can share that they know is just between them. When someone goes out to see other naked people's sexual parts it can lessen the strength of that bond. It also shows that someone you love has no problem being with someone else in a sexual way without you present. No matter how little the stripper cares about that person or vice versa it is still sexual and when people find sex sacred they want it to stay just between them and their lover.

[cutegirl]

I think it's unacceptable. Some guys ejaculate and have full orgasms from the constant friction of the lap dance. It's basically dry humping, and in some shady places the guy gets to put his head in the boobs of the stripper or even lick her boobs and feel her ass.

 

I read on-line that some guys even wear condoms during lap dances so they don't wet themselves when they ejaculate.

 

Totally cheating and inappropiate.

[cutegirl]

Guest,

 

Ya I also read up on Canada a long time ago and prostitution is legal there, I think they have loads and loads of prostitution there and it wouldn't surprise me if the strippers would have sex.

 

It if were me I would just forbid him to go the bachelor party, even if he is the best man for his bro's wedding.

 

Does his brother even live in Canada? If not I'm sure they picked Canada for its lax laws regarding prostitution and are going there on purpose to boink some hookers.

 

I would forbid it all costs!!

[cutegirl]

Also at bachelor parties they play "games" like "feed the kitty" where the stripper puts candy or licorice or something up her vagina and the guys eat it out of her, he'll be like inches away from her poon.

 

Sorry but there's a BIG difference between watching a stripper on stage and watching porn versus having a man having constant friction on his penis from a lap dance or eating candy from a stripper's vagina. There's actual live interaction.

 

I also my ex that went to just regular strip clubs told me that the strippers would bite his penis through his pants and gab and touch it from the outside. They'll do small "extras" like that for tips, and that's in Orange County CA.

 

If you're not comfortable with it I think you need to put your foot down.

[cutegirl]

I can provide you with videos on the web that would knock your socks off-if you didn't already know about such behavior. These women fondle, rub, simulate sex acts, and in some cases DO have some kind of sex-and I would guess at least some of them are married. Or how about making out with the guys- seen that too. yet, we're told repeatedly by women how intimate kissing is. Call girls claim they don't kiss their clients, yet here we have wives and girlfriends passionately kissing some male stripper-why? is their boyfriend and/or husband so physically hideous that they need to do that?

 

 

If your seeing those videos online from Hen parties their staged and shot with porn actresses and actors with signed model releases. I work in the online adult industry and everything is super strict, all scenes have to have valid model releases and at least 2 proofs of id's that the performers are of legal age. The whole point is to get surfers to think it's "real" when it's not. It's called "reality porn."

 

And even though I SELL porn (advertising on-line promoting websites) , I STILL would not want my bf getting lap dances like that. I find it really disrespectful and crossing the line. I don't even like my bf watching porn really to be honest, and he complies MOST of the time, unless when he gets mad at me , he watches it to spite me.

 

I could care less if other men watch porn, I just don't like MY boyfriend who I have a relationship watching it, cause I guess I'm a bit of an egomaniac and find it a blow to my ego/self-esteem.

[Walk]

I finally read through all 5 pages of this. Whew!

 

I think you need to ask what he's getting from going to the strip club.

 

For instance, my exh would go on occasion. His main reason wasn't to have a girl rub on him, but the 'male bonding' idea. He wanted to "be a man", beat his chest, belch and scratch his crotch. It was the essence of strutting his maleness. Feeling like a king surrounded by women who would do his bidding at the wave of some green. It wasn't about sex. It was more about power and independence.

 

My ex never flat out said this was why. He just said "its a guy thing" and some other BS cliche's we've all heard.

 

I also know some guys go because their gf's aren't exactly willing to go out side their comfort zones to make the guy happy. The man wants to have someone who is willing to do anything to make him satisfied (at least occasionally) Someone who has the confidence to shove her crotch in his face, do those things some women just aren't willing to do. To be wild and daring and really show that raw sex with him is what she wants and she's not going to take no for an answer.

 

Its also an area where he is allowed to express his sexual side without being made to feel guilty for it. A place where it's expected, and encouraged.

 

I think that some women think they are fulfilling that sexual desire of their man by being willing to do some kinky things. But sometimes what a man wants is not just the "willingness" to be kinky, but the confidence to really put that into action and make his fantasies and desires number one priority. To have the confidence and the boldness to do those 'nasty' things that the strippers are comfortable doing. To make him feel like he's king, and allow him to beat his chest. A way to transform him from wussy "in a relationship" guy, to a Man's Man. Strip clubs aren't about feelings and sensitivity, and is he pleasing her, or does she like this or that, or does she feel comfortable doing it... it's all about HIM and his dick.

 

I think if you have a guy who's worth fighting for, then try to figure out what he gets out of going to the strip club. Not what YOU think he gets out of it... but what drives him to go. If it's the lap dance, then why? Does it make him feel powerful? Is it something you won't do for him? Is it a way to prove to his buddies that he is a man and he's not p*ssy whipped into submission by his gf? Ego, power, fantasies, and desire... if strip clubs didn't fulfill at least one of these, then he wouldn't go. If you hate him going, then figure out how you can fulfill those instead. Redirect his attention back on to you.

 

I think A4a does a good job of that with her hubby. Brash, bold, loving, and exciting. Her hubby has no reason to go anywhere for excitment. And she seems to do a good job in letting him know he's the one she wishes to share that with. He has no reason to want to go to strip clubs. He's got more than he can handle with just her.

[pyroguy]

Well, i posted here awhile ago, and see the thread is still alive. As a man, I totally understand, especially as I've gotten older. However, as I said in my older post, it goes both ways, and what do women think when the show is on the other foot? No woman really ever answered that.

 

You see, it's not that that the guy will cheat or anything, but it's still not a positive thing-let's just say that. It may be insecure, but sometimes insecurity forces you to think much more deeply than those who claim they are secure, or maybe, dare I say, to secure or arrogant.

 

Let's face it, for the woman who claimed to be so secure, are you sure of what you sre saying? When your man comes home and has sex with you, you think it's because he has no sexual feelings towards the stripper- and only you, because your "a real flesh and blood woman" unfortunately, if the stripper offered, many would happily oblige (but not all) and many more would sort of lament that they "were married, and can't do that-damn)" Again, not all though. I suppose that's a positive thing in and of itself, but to the "secure person" are you saying that you turn him on as much as the stripper? does he get that reaction from looking at you? Nobody in society wants to be honest.

 

The same goes for the "secure guys" yes, I have admitted that I'm insecure-absolutely!. I have also revealed that I workout religiously, am above average in muscularity and very athletic-but not a male stripper. I was once a fat kid, and guess that stays with you. Point is, my transformation doesn't keep me from the truth. I think deeper, maybe too deep as many in this thread will say. I would hate to see my wife act crazy in a male strip club- as many women do. For these "secure guys", are you telling me that it doesn't bother you when your girl is that turned on by these guys? that somehow, you are as attractive? let's be honest here. It;s funny because I see some of these so-called "secure guys", and many of them are, sorry to say, shlubs. They don't workout at all, aren't great looking, yet it doesn't bother them. I can't even say you're wrong. Hey, I wish I didn't care at all like that. But to me, if I were some these guys, and looked in the mirror, I don't know how some male stripper with an incredible body seducing your girl doesn't bother you.

 

You see, I have done a lot of researching because I wanted to write a book. I've come to realize that we really are animals- always were, except we are terrible at controlling it in this day and age. Today,women cheat as much as men, and the reasons often are no better. For those who are married, or plan to, I suggest reading a book on womens infidelity, by Michelle Langley. She exposes a lot of harsh truths about women, their "natural monagamy" myth, and that they are very sexual, and many affairs are just sexual in nature. They have many of the other worn out reasons (lonely,emotional detachment)because they have been taught that they are somehow vastly different than men, and men could never handle the sex reason. I don't want to totally go off topic here,as we can make a whole other thread for this. It does mesh into some of my pessimistic views on relationships and the even the topic at hand.

 

See, many women press men for committment, but don't really like what committment means themselves. I've always said that many women love weddings and getting married, but they don't like being married. More pessimistic and juvenile, but true, I don't think many women are that attracted to who they marry, and after awhile are not turned on by their mates, hence all the female craze at male strip shows, and the booming numbers of female infidelity. Women marry these guys for security, trust etc., but they don't desire them, and the trouble begins. Unless,both men and women are operating at very high mental and moral plane, and are more mature, this is what happens. today, we operate at a very low level of all those things.

 

So, for all those "Secure" people, It's not like I'm blaming the individual either. I guess, I'm blaming life itself that it has to be that way. We are animals. These very very attractive people exist, and our mates have eyes, and a sex drive. Except that since we're so shallow these days, it seems to take on a whole different meaning-both men an women. By the way, I'm no bible thumper. I'm a red blooded guy who loves sex and beautiful women as much as the next guy. I just feel that as a society as a whole, we've become way too liberal and shallow. relationships and the sanctity of marriage are treated as a joke. I guess in some weird way, I see this as a form of that, even though there is really no "cheating" going on".

 

I really hope that for once, the ladies would address my questions directly. There feelings on male strip shows, what they're really thinking when they're in there (an be honest), what they really think abouth their man, and how he should react upon her return.

 

Also, if the answer includes that it's just fun and crazy because it's the girls in a group being silly and stupid and drunk-it has nothing to do with the guys, don't answer. that's an old, very dishonest answer. thanks for listening to my long rant.

[cutegirl]

I finally read through all 5 pages of this. Whew!

 

I think you need to ask what he's getting from going to the strip club.

 

I think that some women think they are fulfilling that sexual desire of their man by being willing to do some kinky things. But sometimes what a man wants is not just the "willingness" to be kinky, but the confidence to really put that into action and make his fantasies and desires number one priority. To have the confidence and the boldness to do those 'nasty' things that the strippers are comfortable doing. To make him feel like he's king, and allow him to beat his chest. A way to transform him from wussy "in a relationship" guy, to a Man's Man. Strip clubs aren't about feelings and sensitivity, and is he pleasing her, or does she like this or that, or does she feel comfortable doing it... it's all about HIM and his dick.

 

I think if you have a guy who's worth fighting for, then try to figure out what he gets out of going to the strip club. Not what YOU think he gets out of it... but what drives him to go. If it's the lap dance, then why? Does it make him feel powerful? Is it something you won't do for him? Is it a way to prove to his buddies that he is a man and he's not p*ssy whipped into submission by his gf? Ego, power, fantasies, and desire... if strip clubs didn't fulfill at least one of these, then he wouldn't go. If you hate him going, then figure out how you can fulfill those instead. Redirect his attention back on to you.

 

 

I think most men go to strip club for sexual variety and to be able to check out loads of women in various stages of undress. And also to have their egos stroked.

 

Also as for strippers, they don't even do anything nasty in the club. All they do is strip and grind on the guy's dick. Maybe some more stuff in the vip like straight sex and blowjobs. I don't think that's nasty at all as sex is concerned.

 

Stripping and grinding is kind of tame. Maybe you are referring to just the "idea" that strippers are probably more wild and untamed in bed?

 

Even if their wives would strip and grind they guys would still go because they want sexual variety. Even if you give a guy wild sex and talk dirty, let him ejaculate all over your face, have anal sex etc... If they want new meat they will go out and get it. I think we women fail to realize that men just like NEW PU--- It doesn't matter how good we give it to them, they always want something new and different.

 

Even if the girl/wife is as hot as supermodel and screws like a professional pornstar in bed, the guy will eventually get tired of doing her and will want to experience someone new. Men want profound newness. I actually read this in a book called "What Men Don't Want Women To Know: The Secrets, The Lies, The Unspoken Truth:", and I feel that it's true from what I have seen.

 

Strip clubs are mainly for a guy to get a NEW girl to grind on his dick. That's the thrill. If his wife or gf grinds on him it's boring cause he already hit that. He just wants something NEW. I think most men are just like that, it's very hard to find a guy that wants to be faithful.

[Kami]

Ok. This is mostly a response to Pyroguy.

 

I know his reasons for going. Yes, I know that he doesn't hate the idea of a naked woman in his face and that it would turn him on. I am not that diluted. I also know that I turn him on and unlike her he can do anything he wants to me. I work out, I have a good body, and I'm not just willing to be kinky, I am kinky. He gets to be a manly man at home, believe me. I know why he wants to go and it is primarily because it will be a night of experiences with his friends (or brother) whom he is very close to. Missing out would be a disappointment when they were all telling stories excitedly afterward. Other than these parties I know he would have no problem just not going.

 

We both look at pornography so I am also not denying that we both desire sexual variety. I just don't think that that variety should involve an actual person live and in front of you.

 

As far as the women and men strip shows is concerned:

I have never been to one except chippendales where you never see any intimate sex areas. It was alright, but mostly it was silly. I stayed in my seat, drank with my friends, and laughed at the women screaming over them. I think it is just as awful for women to go to strip clubs and rub a mans crotch or simulate sex acts whether they be fully clothed or not. Everyone has desires, but once you commit to a relationship and say you are going to be monogamous you can't just go and have someone else rub their genitalia on your face and say it doesn't matter.

 

I think men are attractive. My SO thinks women are attractive. We both love sex. Does this mean we can just go do whatever we want to whoever we want? No. Maybe if there was a way society could develop for everyone to be ok with this than yes, but in a world where you are taught how monogamy is everything, no matter what you try to tell yourself, it hurts when someone you love is with someone else in a sexual way.

 

I would NEVER EVER ask my boyfriend to be ok with a naked man grinding against me. In fact if a naked man swung his package in my face I think I would be more hurt if my SO didn't try to kill him. In Canada you can sit down and have a girl put every part of her naked body on your face and crotch while you run your hands wherever they feel like going. Am I just supposed to chalk it up to animal urges and be ok with that? If a guy I'm with can't keep from doing something just because "it's manly" or because "he's an animal like everyone else" I don't want him.

 

Anyways, like I said before, I think my guy is pretty good at contolling his urges, and so am I. If he went to a topless bar and got aroused and came home to have sex with me I don't care if he's thinking about the topless girls. My problem is that I don't think sex organs should be exposed in the presence of my SO unless I am involved. When there are two real people involved (ie my SO and a naked girl) even if there is so emotional intimacy, there is sexual intimacy. I want his intimacy saved for me. Call me selfish, but at least I know what I want.

[rainfall]

I really hope that for once, the ladies would address my questions directly. There feelings on male strip shows, what they're really thinking when they're in there (an be honest), what they really think abouth their man, and how he should react upon her return.

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I have never been to a male strip show and really don't ever want to go to one. I don't need too. I have a great man who is sexy and satisfies me more then any of the male strippers could ever hope too. However I think if a women is able to go to see strippers and rub on them, then her man should be allowed the same freedom. So I guess I really can't tell you what the women are thinking when they are in there. I know I would be thinking, "This is boring can we go somewhere esle now please?"