TurnHere Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 A guy I know has just got engaged to a girl he thinks is the most wonderful thing on earth. They've known each other for about 8 months I think and have spent tons of time together since meeting earlier this year. Here's the kicker. When they got together I think she did the typical, "I've been lost without you,"I've been a bad person but you give me strength" etc, etc. Well, what I know and what some unfortunate broken hearted guys know is that this girl has a SAD past, are you ready? Let's call her "B". B claimed to have been raped back around 1999 by her then boyfriend. She said back then that he would just start having sex with her when he wanted to and one night when B was going to break up with him he really raped her, she got pregnant and had to have an abortion at the age of 19 while in college and away from her family. The abortion I believe probably happened, the rape is a maybe. Very soon after that experience B was spending a lot of time with a guy she lived near. He was a decent guy from a good family and he sort of took her under his wing and they developed a real BF/GF relationship that lasted about 2.5 years. His family got to know her family and it was known that the two of them would be married and B would be living with him in his hometown. He even had the ring purchased and B knew that. In 2003 B started getting antsy or something and found a new guy. This new guy was a good guy not trash or anything like that. The new guy had no idea about B and that B had a BF who was expecting marriage. Well B started seeing this new guy in the middle of 03 on the side and was lying to him constantly about having a BF already. She would take her husband to be's truck and drive it over to the new guy's house to see him all the while lying to both. B developed a relationship with the new guy which lasted over 2 years. The last year of that relationship B was cheating on this guy in a bad way. B and this guy were both committed to marriage and the families had met and etc. Not only is B going along with two serious boyfriends, but she is playing the part of Ms. Perfect to both of them, and yes while she has these 2 bf's at the same time, she is having sex on the side with at least one other guy. So that's years of waking up living a lie every single day. Lying to your family, to each bf who loves you and to any friends that don't need to find things out. After B found her now fiancee she stayed with both old BF's for a few weeks before destroying them. Of course her fiancee knows nothing of what was happening and that he was getting lied to just like everybody else. Question is, now that I and my friends have this information do we tell the fiancee? He has no idea what he's getting himself into. He's been lied to just like the 3 guys in the past. People kill themselves over this everyday and it's a shame. I haven't even included in this post what we think went on, only the proven facts. What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 My first question to you is, why would you doubt she was raped? You seem not convinced by that. I think you do wahtever you feel you need to do. I see this on both sides of the fence. One side I see is its none of your business really, what shes doing. If she wants to cheat/mess up her life, then thats on her. Is her finacee friends with you? Chances are at some point he will find out anyway. The flipside of this is, I do think people have a right to know. However, if he is NOT a friend of yours, or someone you know well, then perhaps let it go. I see both sides, but its got to be your call. JMO. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurnHere Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 The reason I question or doubt the rape is due to all her other proven lies that she has been caught in. (Don't want to downplay the severity of rape though.) We live in a small town near other small towns of people who know each other. Once you've done so many people your own age wrong it kind of gets around. Maybe I can clarify some things... 2000- claimed to have had abortion 2000 later- with new guy and stayed with him for nearly 3 years 2003- broke last guys heart after cheating on him with guy2, stayed with guy 2 until early 2006, told last guy and guy2 she would marry them 2005- cheated on guy2 behind his back for over a year with guy3 and never admitted to anything even after he found out, also having sex on the side in 05 2006- met her now fiancee and after being with him for about a month she finally dumped guy2 and guy3. would go to clubs sometimes with friends and would drive home too drunk to make it to the front door. I won't even go into the lies she was caught in about being in church when she's waking up beside some poor guy. She told guy3 that she thanked God every night that guy3 was in her life, all while still seeing and having sex with guy2. This all just scratches the surface of her lies and deceit. I just heard about a guy who shot himself over a girl here in my town a couple days ago. I know some of her ex's were that bad off and this has just got me thinking will she ever quit lying and cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Is this girl a friend of yours? Or is the guy being done a friend of yours? She has some issues obviously, just like most people do. My guess is from childhood or something tragic happened. But since I do not know her I can't really make that call, but thats my guess. I think you need to go run and tell the guy whats going on. Theres a possibilty 2 things will happen. 1. Either he will thank you for the info. or 2. He will get angry with you for telling him this. And not have anything else to do with you. Yep alot of time people don't want to face the truth. Another possibilty to is, he may already know how she is, and simply not care. Link to post Share on other sites
LVspecB Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Another possibilty to is, he may already know how she is, and simply not care. Bingo. As difficult as it is, best to stay out of the whole deal. Otherwise, you'll just end up losing a friend... LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurnHere Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 It's probably not a coincidence that of the people we know who are talking about this girl and her issues one said one of her ex's that she wronged had posted on this site recently trying to get his life back together. I guess there are tons of people on here though. It's possible that the now fiancee does know but I doubt it, but I doubt it. This girl once shared Christmas dinner and exchanged gifts with guy2's whole family and the did the same thing with guy3's whole family 2 days later. Of course neither guy and neither family was aware. Not to mention having unprotected sex with guys who each think you are their one and only. When you can look that many people (family members and sex partners) in the eye and decieve them at a time like Christmas that's pathological. I would just hate to see more lives get ruined. This whole thing is insane. She did make off with lots of jewelry and one fine engraved watch this past christmas I heard. It's funny how many people know about her but only when it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 I say, either make your desicion to tell this guy or not. Personally I would stay out of it. It seems you are a little to obsessed with this girl and her ways. You know an awful lot about her situation not to be friends with her. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 It is never a good idea to involve yourself in someone else's relationship. You end up getting screwed both ways, and people who lose love relationships because of other people's interference can be CRAZY. Literally. That said, why are you so involve in other people's lives? I mean, you must have done a lot of research to find out these facts about this random woman's life. Which seems mildly disturbing to me, maybe I'm the only one who found this creepy. Also, to be honest, the behavior you describe seems to match up with the rape story, in my educated opinion. Women with rape trauma syndrome tend to go towards one of two extremes -- they become frigid, or they become extremely sexually permissive. In the latter case, what is actually happening is that the woman who was raped (and having an abortion subsequently is also quite emotionally stressful and traumatic) loses her concept of self worth and stops valuing herself as a person, much less her own sexuality. It's a sad place to be and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurnHere Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 I think since we've gone this long without saying anything we're not going to. One reason I know so much about this is because of the pitiful "bragging" that this girl has done to me and my friends. No one is really friends anymore, but in months past she would sheepishly smile and just act like her actions were somehow ok, she would just laugh it off to my gf when caught in a lie or telling a story about how bad she is/was. What can I say, small town and college news travels fast. Only problem is it ain't funny and some of her hurt guys in the past got really verbal and really crazy. With the guy I heard about here who killed himself a couple of days ago (totally unrelated), I started thinking how real this situation is. One thing I do suspect beyond all else is that the fiancee is probably so in love right now that nothing would appear clear to his eyes. It's going to be sad if people get some news down the road and think, "saw that one coming" But hey, discussing the options is what this forum is all about. Here's to sanity! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 The one thing we've all asked that you haven't answered is what is your relationship to the guy who is dating this girl??? In other words what are your motives for telling him??? Is this someone you are interested in or was interested in?? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 It's going to be sad if people get some news down the road and think, "saw that one coming" But hey, discussing the options is what this forum is all about. Here's to sanity! I've come to realize that different people have different definitions of "sanity". And to be honest, at the end of any LTR there are always a few or a lot of friends and relatives who saw it coming. The thing is that, it's their relationship. Not anyone else's. So they have to come to their own conclusions between the two of them about where they are, what they want, and what they reveal to each other. Many times there is a lot going on behind the scenes that you are not privvy to, being external to their intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
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