Have not cheated, but fallen for another?

[Newtothisforum]

Sorry, not sure who to turn to with this, so I thought I'd throuw it out there and see if anyone can offer some uplifting words of wisdom.

 

I'm married, no kids. Together for over 5 years now. Somewhere over a year ago, I noticed I had begun to develop a crush on a married co-worker, whom I see several times a week.

 

Fast forward to today, with a lot of talking and becoming "friends," the crush has only grown stronger to the point where I find it difficult to think of anything but kissing her when I'm around her. Of course, this is only fantasizing as nothing has happened beyond friendly and flirtatious exchanges.

 

Meanwhile, my wife, who has done nothing wrong...well, I have to admit...the attraction seems to have faded, leading to little intimacy. While it wasn't the primary reason for this, my secret crush seems to be getting in the way of my marriage now more than ever.

 

I guess most people would say to avoid this crush...I sit and think: it's been over a year and the crush hasn't past. Have I truly fallen for this other woman? What do I do?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Your options are fairly limited. Its either marriage counseling with no contact with your crush, or divorce. Would you consider marriage counseling to see if you can recapture what it is that was lost?

 

You'd have to go no contact (or in the case of being co-workers, contact only limited to professional interaction with NO personal interaction) with your crush during this process because marriage counseling isn't worth the time or effort if you are still in contact with the other person. Give yourself that time for the sake of your wife and your marriage to see if there is a chance for you. If, at the end of that time you are still in love with the other person then a divorce is in order. Set your wife free. Your wife deserves better out of life than a husband who is in love with another woman.

 

You could always go for it and have the affair, but honestly, no one deserves such an awful thing. Not your wife, not your crush, not your crush's husband.

[Guest]

Meanwhile, my wife, who has done nothing wrong...well, I have to admit...the attraction seems to have faded, leading to little intimacy. While it wasn't the primary reason for this, my secret crush seems to be getting in the way of my marriage now more than ever.

 

I guess most people would say to avoid this crush...I sit and think: it's been over a year and the crush hasn't past. Have I truly fallen for this other woman? What do I do?

 

Well you could end it with your wife, pursue it with your co-worker and then five years from now you will find yourself attracted to the next new crush. This person seems new and shiny but you'll have the same problems in a few years. This is okay in our society though, people are like musical chairs in relationships. Please do not pursue this without ending it with your wife first.

 

Sorry to sound so bitter. Your wife deserves better than your feelings going to someone else for the past year. Please do her a favor and let her go find someone who can love her completely as you figure out your own issues/other loves to pursue.

[Guest]

Meanwhile, my wife, who has done nothing wrong...well, I have to admit...the attraction seems to have faded, leading to little intimacy. While it wasn't the primary reason for this, my secret crush seems to be getting in the way of my marriage now more than ever.

 

Start taking all this time you are putting into this fantasy crush on your married (unavailable/ off limits) co-worker and put it back where it belongs, into your marriage. You can not expect your relationship with your wife to stay hot and heavy when you are neglecting it. Relationships require hard work and effort to keep the passion alive.

 

Seek councilling if you must but start working on making things better between the two of you at home because the two of you have a life and history together that shouldn't be tossed in the trash because you have a "crush" on another woman.

 

The other side of the fence isn't always greener, my friend.