Our story...

[Gunnerkelly]

Samantha and I began dating a year ago the seventh of this month. We really liked each other, and very soon, I think, we loved each other and wanted to be together indefinitely. Shortly after we started seeing each other we moved in together; I had been attending a nearby college, but dropped out to work full time and support us. I regretted this, but felt it was the right thing to do. I planned on going back to school, but it wasn't my top priority right then, as much as we needed the money.

 

Fast forward the months until now. Neither of us are very happy with the current situation. We're living with some friends and want our own place badly. Living here was supposed to be a temporary thing, but I lost a job and we've had other setbacks; we've been here for months and it's driving us crazy. We try to compensate to stay sane. She's always out with her friends at clubs and bars, and I'm practically becoming a hermit, reading and writing.

 

The previous may seem irrelevant, but I post it for background. The relevant part of my story is that Samantha and I seem to have very different goals. Let me give a couple of examples.

 

A couple of months ago I got a free membership to a nearby gym. I thought it would be great if we could work out together, as she and I've both lead relatively sedentary lives recently, and could stand to lose a little weight and get in shape. She flat-out refused to exercise in any way, offering no explanation. This is one part of a trend in which she refuses to try out things I'm interested in, so that we can do them together.

 

She now insists that I find a different job, one with more than the 40+ hours I'm currently working and better pay, so that we can move out and find our own place. As much as I dislike being here, my priority is instead to go back to school. Another friend of mine has a small mobile home that needs a little work; I propose to fix the place up and live there, offering us a perfectly acceptable place to live for very little money...we could afford to live there while I go back to school, and she as well, should she apply for financial aid. Samantha refuses to consider this plan in any way. She'll not help me save money so that we can work on the trailer (eating out several times a week on your boyfriend's paycheck, anyone?), will in no way help me with the necessary work, tells me she doesn't want to live there at all...again without a word of explanation. She suggests no alternative, while at the same time complaining about living where we are. I feel the trailer's a viable alternative.

 

I'm of course leaving out many details of the past year, but the point is this: Samantha doesn't seem to be interested in change for the better anymore. Things I suggest we do to improve our lives in the long run (exercising, attending college) are dismissed. She won't even consider going to school herself, citing that her father never went to school and has done fine for himself. He has. He's a long-time construction worker and is now in high level management within his firm. I don't claim that one has to go to college to have a good life, but I want to teach English, and I'm not going to bow down and push aside my goals for her any longer.

 

I think I have a pretty good case for ending our relationship, or at least for giving a sort of ultimatum in which I explain that there are things I need to do with my life, and that her policy of waste and whim will not be tolerated any longer if we are together.

 

The oddest (and hardest) thing is that we care so much for one another and have a fulfilling relationship...for the most part, anyway. We genuinely love each other, but it seems that our goals aren't compatible enough to stay together. I guess I went through the trouble of writing all this to ask anyone who'll listen if these things, in your opinion, really are an adequate basis for breaking up. It's not that I don't want to see her -- I just don't want to be another blue collar guy with no aspirations. She seems to be trying to force me into just that, working all the time, not going to school to be something I prefer. I'm young, and frankly, I'm not going to work a mediocre job all my life just so that she and I can have our own house or apartment.

[Chris E]

You left out something important; how old are each of you?

 

From the sounds of things, she is being unreasonable in making sacrifices now with the carrot being better life at the end. This is caused by immaturity. Been there done that. Also, I know about those bar-chicks. Been there, done that.

 

If you aren't into that type of thing, it could cause problems with not only her, but with her friends giving her advice. Been there done that, too.

 

I've seen the ranting about a better job while she doen;t work. Been there, done that.

 

Sorry about all the "been there done thats", I don't know if I have ever seen a combination of this many, at least I haven't personally.

 

What she an only child? Spoiled?

 

anyway, I am sure there alwasy 2 side sides to every story so she can't be all bad . I suggest you really need to look deeply and decide what you will tolerate. You bend too much from the person you are and deviate for the goals you have set all because of a rigid person that won't do the same for you is a train-wreck on deck. If that is the case,then bail. If it is less than I read, then post some more or decide for yourself. Ultimately, anyway, it is your decision. 3rd persons can only give so much advice, and it is easy to give becuase it is unemotional advice. Sometimes you need to take that with a grain of salt.

 

Good luck. Keep us informed....