My best (boy)friend

[Raleuse]

Sorry if this is long but I need to give a bit of history first.

 

Since May this year I am spending quite some time at a place down my road where I met this young man who is also my neighbour, but up to now we had only been polite to each other.

 

Turns out we share the same interests and even passions in life and altho he is younger than me we clicked and became good friends.

 

A couple of months later, he starts flirting with me and altho I am flattered, I'm a bit put off by our age difference. A common friend manages to convince me age is not important (and apparently manages to do the same with my friend) and before I realise what's happening, we end up sleeping together.

 

My feelings for him go beyond friendship and I kind of hoped he would too if I 'gave myself' to him. I know this is silly but I'm afraid my actions are not always reasoned. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't as I may have ruined it all. My friend decided to call it off the very next day. Gave all the lame excuses - not my fault, too much on his plate, not ready for a relationship - you name it. But I know a) he has a problem with our age difference as this does'nt fit with his 'future plans' and b) he's lost some of his respect for me because I was too 'easy'.

 

Since then, I've been going through hell. I have not been able to get much communication as to how he sees us now but we're back to being freinds and are even seeing each other a lot (he asks me to stay, texts me when we're not together, etc.) but I'm pretty much acting like a doormat because of the guilt of the one-night stand and he's kind of taking me for granted and can even be a bit abusive in the way he talks to me. Yet, I still enjoy being with him (common interest remember).

 

His brother had a chat with me recently and told me it was clear to him I love my friend and he's pretty sure he loves me too. That's how I know the age difference and lack of respect/trust are the main problems here.

 

Now my question is this. Where do we go from here? There are a few issues to work on but I'm wondering whether we can sustain even our friendship for much longer.

[typical]

I'm a bit put off by our age difference.

 

Which is? How old are you and he?

 

His brother had a chat with me recently and told me it was clear to him I love my friend and he's pretty sure he loves me too

 

I wouldnt "chat" too much with his brother as far as your feelings are concerned. After all, his loyalty is to his brother first and foremost, (I assume, as that is how it is with most men and brothers) and especially since you had this to say:

and he's kind of taking me for granted and can even be a bit abusive in the way he talks to me

 

For these reasons alone, I would be very careful in the future with what you divulge to him.

 

Also, how do you know this:

But I know a) he has a problem with our age difference as this does'nt fit with his 'future plans' and b) he's lost some of his respect for me because I was too 'easy'.

 

Did he or his brother tell you this, or are you just speculating? Because if you are just speculating, you shouldnt feel like this:

but I'm pretty much acting like a doormat because of the guilt of the one-night stand

 

Actually, you shouldnt put yourself down or beat yourself up for the choices you made. And if you do feel like this, dont let him see that. That just makes his hold over you stronger.