What Happened to Us???

[ANUEME]

Hi everyone..I havent been in almost a year. I've been in and out, up and down, back and forth in a five year relationship. For the past couple of months or so we've been @ each others throats in arguments. I cry.. he gets mad, I hang up..he calls back (you know that sort of stuff). I have a 7 yr old daughter (not his). He's been in her life since she was two. The love they have for one another is amazing.

Just recently, he and I had a dicussion that elevated into an argument. We both said some things and didnt speak to or see each other for about 2 or 3 days. Labor Day..when I arrived back to town. I called him and I could tell there was still some tension between us. Finally I asked him did he want this relationship. His reply was "I dont know, we have been arguing a lot lately and I think it's best if we go our separate ways" (just like that). Of course..myself being a woman suggested if we really wanted this to work perhaps we should consider counseling. He didnt agree to it. So we stopped communicating for a couple of days. Later that week he started calling more often. He seemed so confused as to what to do with the words he'd spoken days before..so I told him that I thought it would be a good idea if he didnt call as much (since he was unsure of his feelings). He agreed. It hurt me so much to tell him that because I on the other hand, wanted him to call and come over...BUT... I also didnt know how to feel about some of the things he had said. I felt as though he'd keep calling and I'd get my hopes up about us getting back together and later he'd come with this *BS* about not knowing where his feelings were in all of this. So, days led into a week that we hadn't spoken. I decided to stop by his house one morning while leaving work ( I work nites). My visit ended in us having sex...and it was soooo damn good might I add!!! Later that day.. he picked my daughter up from school and took her to dinner.. I had a doc's appt...which didnt take as long as I thought. So I called him to see if he would bring her back home after they had dinner. He invited me to come have dinner with them. I accepted. It just felt so good to be in a family setting again. Later in the evening he followed us home..we talked. He said he didnt have that drive anymore to make our relationship work..and he said he needed to get his feelings together.

I guess my question is what do I do in the mean time??? I just feel so lost. I dont know what I should do!!! While he's getting his thoughts and feelings together...what part do I play? I dont know if I should move on..or just kind of wait on things to change up. Somebody please help. Do I give him his space??? Help a sista out PLEEEEEZE!! Thanks guys..any advice would be helpful.I just dont know which way to take this. :( :(

[daphne]

The best thing you can do is give him space. Plenty of space. You're letting him string you along and he doesn't know what he wants. You have to take care of yourself right now, because he surely is looking after his best interests.

 

When someone tells you they don't want to put any effort into a relationship, you have to let them go and move on. If they realize they made a mistake, that'll be down the road. Anything he tells you anytime soon will be due to loneliness and out of a need for reassurance. So let him go and move on. And if you can, start NC. It'll help you heal and figure out what you want to do.

[ANUEME]

thanks for the advice..thats exactly what i have been doing these past few days. He's made more of an effort to be around me than me wanting to be around him...like you said... it may just be for reassurance.