TheSilentType Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 So I have been somewhat isolated for the past few months. I've got this 600 lb gorilla on my back, and I've been worried about it...as a result it has drastically cut down the time I could spend with others. Today I got a call from one of my good friends. I've known him for the past two years, and I knew from the first day I met him that he would become a good buddy of mine. In fact, in all my years, I really haven't come across such a good guy like him. I know he's one of those people that really look out for me. He's often invited me to do things with him....go to the beach....play pool....go to dinner with our other buddies. Anyways, he calls today to see how I am. We haven't seen or spoken to each other in a while since he's busy with work, and I have this thing to deal with. I didn't actually get to speak with him because the message went to my voicemail. But he just wanted to know how I am. And what the hell did I do? I wrote him an e-mail saying thanks a lot, but I don't feel like talking to anyone right now because I'm kind of feeling stressed because of this thing I have to deal with soon... He sends me a reply saying he understands, and that if I need anything to call him. In fact, his e-mail really brought me down since I didn't realize just how good a friend he was. I've been looking for some support for a while, and I didn't get it...and then I get this call today. I really do want to talk to him since he would really understand the stress I'm facing, and because I'd just like to catch up on what's new with him. Plus, I know if I wanted to hang out and drink and play some pool with him...he'd totally be up for it. But I won't call or e-mail him again...for a while at least. I don't understand why I do this with people. I don't understand why I always push them away when they really haven't done anything. Another one of my friends invited me to a club for his birthday. He personally called me two times, and I never replied back. I went last time to his party at a club and I had a great time....but this time I chose not to go because of this stressful situation I have. He's throwing another party next Friday, and he's invited a bunch of people. I really want to go to so that I can meet some hot girls, but I can't because of this thing I'm worried about. I think part of the reason I don't want to speak with my friends is because of pride...I don't want them to see me all stressed. And I don't want to be embarrassed to admit to them the big risk I took....so many people adviced me against it...but I took it anyways....and I won't know if the gamble paid of till later. I sometimes complain that I don't have good friends....but the reality is, I have a lot of people that care for me and want me to have fun. I just realized that. Yet, I've pushed these people away or never really pushed forward our association when I easily know that we could have become great friends. And its not like I don't want to be friends with them....because I do. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe I just want to vent. But I also want to know if anyone else has dealt with this type of situation...I can't really understand myself sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Actually, a couple years ago I went through something similar. Back then, I cut people out of my life because I was so insecure. I thought that they only invited me out of pity and didn't really want me around. Of course that was totally stupid, but I was pretty confused back then. Nowadays I still have moments where I disappear for a bit. But usually that's just so I can recharge and make sense of things. That'll usually last about a week or two. I still talk to people during that time, but I won't actively seek them out. I think it's normal for people to need some time to themselves. But your post sounds a little um worrisome? It's been months since you've been with your friends. And if you feel like you're pushing them away, well you probably are. You should go out with them tonight or if that's too much... Well maybe take your friend out to lunch or something? It'll be good Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 I'm like this too. I push people away because that's all they have done is hurt me. I don't trust people when it comes right down to it not to hurt me. So everyone is at a distance at some point. Is it possible that you are depressed? What's the 600 lb thing on your back? Link to post Share on other sites
obsession Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Actually, I think it's pretty normal. I could totally relate to it. Normally, when I am not stressed, I could hang out with my friends and have a good time. But when I am busy or stressed, I would disappear for a while (it can lasts up to a few months). It's not like I suddenly stop talking to everyone - I still talk to people at work, my family about the problem - someone really close to me. While my friends are good friends, sometimes they are just not who I want to talk to about my problems and I needed "me" time to sort things out. I certainly hope they don't take it the wrong way. You could explain it to your friends and you may lose friendships this way, but if you make an effort to keep in touch once whatever you're dealing with is over, most people are usually pretty understanding about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Liebenberg Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I'm like this too. I push people away because that's all they have done is hurt me. I don't trust people when it comes right down to it not to hurt me. So everyone is at a distance at some point. Is it possible that you are depressed? What's the 600 lb thing on your back? I do this alot too with my friends and even to make it worse sometimes with my parents aswell. I think my situation is exactly the same as Mz. pixie I get alot of people that hurt my feelings when "crit" ing me and then later I hear from someone what they said etc even to make the situation more worse. Then this starts in a real bad habit of depression etc then you loose totaly contact with the outside world. Now I have come over it a bit also a few months later and phoning my friends to know what they doing for the weekend etc they say we are going to go out tonight and i say sure i'll join you guy's! but no call and nothing. this makes me realize, sometimes of what freinds really are atm in time I dunno... but that makes depression even more worse. 600lb to 1200lb Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 you're depressed. that's what depressed people do. welcome to my world. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 What's the 600 lb thing on your back? I think, its his daunting destiny calling for him to realize the very depths of his future. The near fatal and crushing outcome of the "now moment" in time. Only mine weighs at 1 000 lbs. It paralyzes me from my toes up. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
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