Have it all but have nothing

[dprelz]

I’ve always been unhappy as long as I can remember. I always thought that if I kept working hard to achieve goals I set out to do, than in turn I would one-day be happy. Goals like being financially stable, healthy & fit, getting a good education, etc. This thread is not meant to brag (actually it is far from it), but I have achieved all these goals. I worked so insanely hard to get so far ahead in life, because I just wanted to be happy. Now I’m 25, I have a very nice car, my own home, a good education and I’m in literally the best shape of my life. My friends and family are healthy. I’m always told how much people want what I worked so hard to get. And yet, I am ridiculously unhappy, constantly feel lost and I’m borderline anti-social.

 

I still miss the same girl. I’ve gone no contact. I haven’t seen her face for a year and yet I still haven’t forgotten her. I would literally give everything I have and every penny I ever made in exchange for her. I know I was happy with her. As unhealthy as it sounds, she made me happy. Without her, I still feel lost. I would honestly work 23 hour days just so I could see her for 1. It sounds retarded but it’s true.

 

So where do I go from here? I’m unhappy and have been for pretty much my entire life minus the 3 years I was with my ex. I don’t know what else to achieve, to do. I have so much yet I have nothing. I can’t think about traveling, because I would just be thinking how much better it would be with her by my side. No matter how unhealthy it is to gain happiness from another person I honestly believe this is the case. A million dollars will not make me happy. Getting my masters degree will not get me where I want to go. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have anything more to accomplish in an effort to ultimately find some kind of long term happiness or the feeling of being content with where I am at. .

 

Does this sound like a perfect excuse to travel to a far away country or am I over reacting? Should I just get a cat and just suck it up?

 

This paradox drives me. I never give up on my goals no matter how difficult. But once I get there I still feel empty.

[suegail]

Maybe it would help if you would quit telling yourself that your life has no real meaning, or that there is no true joy in life to be had, unless she is at your side. Certainly that is not true, but if you keep feeding that back into your brain, I don't see how you'll ever learn to be happy.

 

While I'm not trying to preach to you, there is a biblical text having to do with a time for all things in life. It seems to me the time for you to be sad over this has long passed.

 

I would say go on a vacation, do the things in life you would enjoy doing, make your plans...you can pull out of this, but you have to try. Quit with the "IF'S" "IF she were here..." "IF we could still be together" I would guess it's probably never going to be that way again and I would suggest that what you need to be saying is "Hey, I hope she'll be happy, and I plan on being happy." Start working on getting all the positive things into your head. I think what you're doing is simply not letting go, ever...you haven't done that, emotionally you're not allowing yourself to get over this...and you need to.