Husband's Constant Rejection

[michelangelo]

terciaries, and quadriatics?

 

I get so confused when folks talk about polyamorous relationships.

 

It's hard enough to talk to elderly relatives about their second cousin twice removed!

[IzzyisDizzy001]

I dont' want to be judgemental of your lifestyle, but I'm not understanding it all. I don't understand why the two of you were married to begin with... I know you said that the two of you wanted to "spend the rest of your life's together", have children, etc... What vows were shared at your ceremony? May I ask that? I'm just curious to know since most vows are taken in the presence of God and they usually include "And I promise to be true to you..." Maybe the two of you are not spiritual in any way, maybe you don't believe in God at all.....(that's a whole other issue that I wouldn't be capable of understanding) however, I'm just curious as to how "special" was your "special day"?

 

Being spiritual and being religious are two seperate things. I believe there is a god but I do not believe in any one piece of doctrine and follow such as the truth. I have studied a few different religious texts and have taken what insights I have found from them and moved on.

 

You may not be trying to be judgemental but you are seeing things from the bias of a christian (which is what I gather you are from your post) standpoint. There are many religions outside of christianity which marry. There are religions and cultures outside your own that practice polygamy as well. Does the fact that they do not have a wedding with christian based ceremony, mean their marriage is any less significant or special to them? I think you know the answer to that.

 

Love is love no matter where you go. Some people choose to see love as finite. That it is a container that one can fill. I choose to see it as infinite, boundless and free. Love is the most beautiful thing in this world. I don't think god would have made it in limited supply, but that's just me.

[Walk]

Wow.. what an interesting concept.

 

Wish I could express this better... I was wondering if you feel this is a greater form of love then "traditional" relationships based on the fact that your partner is never denied something he desires. Kind of the philosophy of if you love the person then you attempt to give them everything they want/need to be happy. Otherwise you would be telling him he can't have (whatever) because it'll hurt you and then disguising selfishness in the name of love?

 

I had my bf poise a question to me a while back about how if you loved someone then you would do everything in your power to allow them happiness. Even if that meant you had to let that person go. Instead of saying "i love you, you have to stay with me even though you aren't happy here." I hear a lot of women saying that lately. They won't do certain sexual positions, or feel they shouldn't have to.. it's something that would really make the guy happy... but then they turn around and say.. "I love you so you can't get what you want from someone else either." It's their way, and only if or when they want. Which makes me believe they don't really love their guy if they would purposefully deny him something he really enjoys.

 

You're relationships is kind of a really extreme example of this... but still, I like the philosophy of it. I know myself well enough to know I am not a big enough person to have such an arrangement. At all. But most women would demand that the guy conform to her views of a relationship instead of wanting him to be happy and setting him free to find someone who does share his views.

 

Have you always believed relationships like this were good? Or was it something that you embraced later in life?

 

What happens when one of you starts dating someone new and the other person doesn't have anyone right then? What if you're feeling really down, and he just started dating a new woman and is all excited about her? Does he help you cope, or are you just happy he's happy?

 

Thinking about it... I'd never have the time to date someone in addition to the one I have!!

 

Sorry for hijacking the thread... I don't have enough knowledge to even attempt to offer advice on your situation. I do hope your husband is feeling better though, and that things get back on track for both of you soon.