Relationship with possible BPD- Why is it so hard to get over?

[Guest]

I’m still trying to completely get over a relationship that ended about six months ago. We only dated for six months, but had known each other for a few years before. The problem is, there are times that I think we were right for each other, but other times that I know we were wrong for each other. This relationship moved way too fast, and I guess I should have tried to slow it down sooner than I did. When we first broke up, I apologized to her that I couldn’t handle the relationship and I took the blame for it, which I really have no problem with. The relationship moved so fast that I had no time to sort out my thoughts, and I think I may have started to get depressed from the smothering….is this a typical reaction to smothering? Here are some of the things that happened:

 

- She said ‘I love you’ within 2 weeks

- Wanted to move in together within a month

- Only seemed interested in me for things that related to the relationship. No interest in where I grew up, my job, or anything else unless it impacted the relationship

- Although I was at her place every day of the week, sat right next to her on the couch, hugged and kissed, she always questioned my dedication to the relationship.

- Accused me of making excuses to get away when I needed to go home for a few hours on a Saturday to cut grass and do laundry.

- Constantly questioned where the relationship stood. I was honest and told her I needed time to change my mindset to living with someone (and mainly her 3 dogs and 4 cats), just please give me time (keep in mind this is only 2-3 months into the relationship). One hang up was asking that we work on house training the dogs, who regularly went to the bathroom in the house. She simply said it was not possible to train these dogs not to do this.

- Anything I did that she didn’t find satisfactory (not cutting the grass to her liking, not telling her (only suggesting) ways to hang a picture) she interpreted to mean that I didn’t care about her.

- Seemed jealous of my house and car because they were things I worked on that took a little bit of time away from us being together.

- She got a job six weeks into our relationship, so she could receive email. The first one I sent, I didn’t end with ‘I love you’, so I was questioned about that and pretty much had to sign them that way from then on.

- I felt like I couldn’t talk to her because she would take things personally even if the topic had nothing to do with her.

- Got jealous when I talked to her female neighbor (if I was interested, I could’ve dated the neighbor while my ex was with her previous boyfriend)…this neighbor was a very pleasant woman, a friend to both of us.

- I asked that we slow down the relationship at one point, to which she responded ‘this is slow for me’

- I continually tried to reassure her that I wanted to be in the relationship and I loved her, but I eventually got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I guess the depression (or whatever it was) was showing and she said ‘I’ve seen this before- you’re getting ready to break up with me’- I guess she’s drained guys before?

- Towards the end, I started to feel like it was a chore to go see her and felt tremendous relief when I would leave for the night….I think I was starting to get depressed from her not understanding my need to slow things down and never having time to myself (just sitting home alone and thinking). I asked for a two nights a week to myself, and she thought I was preparing her for a break up. In truth I wasn’t, but I was trying to figure out the issues I was having.

 

This woman is 27 years old, and hasn’t been single for any time longer than a few weeks since she was 13 years old. After we broke up, she went on the internet that night and signed up for a few dating websites…..A few days later we tried getting back together because I thought I could work out what was bothering me (which it turns out I still didn’t know at the time), but she broke up with me after she met a guy from the internet who she is now dating. I did research and found many symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder, among other things, that she had. I saw how the relationship was with her former boyfriend of seven years- she controlled most of the household and was very difficult to compromise with, yet could be so sweet at times.

So why is getting over her so difficult for me? She was a very sweet, loving person, but I wonder if it was only to be validated in return (since she had little interest in me otherwise)? Or because I know she is in a relationship now that appears to be working out and I am again questioning my part in the failed relationship (I know I had my part in it, but I don’t think it was as much as I initially took the blame for)? Is depression/irritability a typical reaction to being ‘smothered’? Did I get drained sooner than most people? Sorry for such a long post- Any similar stories or words of wisdom are appreciated.

[fireflywy]

Hey there,

 

I was in a similar situation with someone who had some of the tendencies which you describe. Whether it's BPD or not I'm not expert enough to tell or diagnose. But I can empathize with your feelings.

 

Like you it was very hard to get over and move on. The reason for that is, is that at the time it ended I also felt very drained and tapped out. When it finally ended I thought to myself that maybe if I had gone that extra mile, been a little more patient, or hung in there a bit longer that maybe it would have worked out for the best.

 

Like your situation, the minute she dropped me, after I said I couldn't take it anymore out of frustration, she found another man. (perhaps even several since then).

 

I guess the point is, you had your boundaries and tolerances at the time. Respect that. You may feel that if you changed those boundaries even just a little bit that it would work out. You may even sit back and think, "What's this other guy have that I don't have? What if he's capable of coping with her better than me? Is the ending my fault? What does that make me?" The answer....

 

You're still you and you did the best you could do with the information at the time. The new guy she's talking to may have different boundaries and tolerances. Hell, it may even last longer than your relationship with her did, but I'm sure that eventually he'll get tapped out as well. But that shouldn't matter anymore. She's got someone else. Wish her the best and more power to her. You'll find someone new in time as well.

 

In the end, you have to look at it and just say that you weren't compatible. It may seem hard to think that now because you think that maybe things could have been different, but in a situation like that and all the demands put upon you, it wouldn't have been. If the relationship had been right, then it would have been more comfortable without that much stress and heartache.

 

Don't forget that she alread has a new person in her life. She rushed out there to find a new guy after you were with her for six months. That should be a big indicator of who she is. It sounds like she's a needy person who just needs someone in her life and it sounds like the particulars don't really matter to her.

 

Trust me, as someone emerging from a similar situation, you are much better off. Think about the kind of future life you would have had with her. Think about the Herculien task it would have taken to be in that relationship. What might have happened if she was dependent on you and things hadn't gone the way she wanted? Would her neediness have brought her to the arms of someone else? (all things you should think of).

 

The right relationship always takes work, but not the tremendous struggle that it sounds like you encountered.

 

I don't know if this helps or if I'm even right. Who knows. All I know is that in the end you're better off and there's nothing to be sorry for.

 

As for the healing, just keep reminding yourself of all the difficulities and ask yourself if you want to return to that. After you do that, get out there a bit, and give yourself time, you'll find yourself feeling better about the situation, the future, and life in general.

[SoCalCatman72]

It sounds like it could be indicative of BPD, but I'm not a doctor, heck I can barely diagnose my own emotional problems.

 

There's a great book called "I hate you, Don't leave me" by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus about BPD that I found very educational. It's about $7-$8 in paperback.

[Guest]

Thanks for the reply....it really does help to hear from people who have gone through it, and you hit the nail on the head with so many of the comments you made- our situations must have been very similar. As for the BPD, I guess it doesn't matter one way or the other whrther she has it, I just put that in to empasize that she had a number of those symptoms and what I was up against. I have thought about what the future would've been like, and it wasn't pretty....which is part of the reason why it's so baffling to me that she's so difficult to get over. Thanks again for the replies- these sites really help me get the sanity I feel I lost in trying to logically reason with this woman.

[fireflywy]

Thanks for the reply....it really does help to hear from people who have gone through it, and you hit the nail on the head with so many of the comments you made- our situations must have been very similar. As for the BPD, I guess it doesn't matter one way or the other whrther she has it, I just put that in to empasize that she had a number of those symptoms and what I was up against. I have thought about what the future would've been like, and it wasn't pretty....which is part of the reason why it's so baffling to me that she's so difficult to get over. Thanks again for the replies- these sites really help me get the sanity I feel I lost in trying to logically reason with this woman.

 

It's hard to get over it because while you were coping with her, it took a lot of energy and investment on your part to tolerate the situation and still make it work. When you spend that much time with some, trying to placate them, it takes effort and energy. It was an investment of your time. When that investment is totally lost... when that routine of putting energy into the relationship is broken, it's hard to define who you are. For so long you were trying to be someone else and you become acclimated to it to some degree.

 

So naturally, we gravitate to what we were because we knew the routine. That's why, in my opinion anyway, it's hard to move on.

[burning 4 revenge]

I speak from experience here and I know that it's difficult to get over, because it was artificially intense. You felt needed even though it wasn't real.

[Guest]

Artificially Intense....great way of putting it, so true. Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond.

[Values]

This sounds exactly like my ex. I saw it has been 6 months for you and I know it has been 7 months for me trying to get over mine. It has just come back strong recently.

Well I can say your girls symptoms sound an awful lot like mine. I think it's so hard to get over them because of the energy you put into them as mentioned above. This girl needed and asked for so much love and care and guidance from me that I was always happy to give. Making her happy and seeing her smile allowed me to value myself. The only thing is she has so many problems mentally that I would never be able to do enough no matter how hard I tried. That leads to me wearing down which happened late last year. She squashed me down to nothing with her selfishness and with the fact that girls like this really hate themselves but try to feel better by leeching life out of men.

I had to seek professional help to get over her and my counselor said my brain reacts to her like a drug, a drug I need to live and be happy. He's right, I already knew that, too. I know my rational thoughts tell me that this girl is terrible just as yours do. I put up with well over a year of constant lies and deciet and I'm not the only guy she ruined during that time. It made me feel a little better to think what a terrible mother she would make. It also is better to think of how you can never fill up a bottom less pit such as is inside women like this.

A lot of what you said rings true with my ex, mine hasn't been without a BF at all since about 1998, with many guys conveniently overlapping once she has removed all the life force from them.

BPD or DPD, I don't know if it matters. My ex is engaged now and yes I wonder if he is the guy who will get the prize and she will be good to him and not show these traits anymore, but I don't know if she'll ever outgrow it. You just have to live the next day and hope it's better. Oh yeah, try to focus on something that interests you as soon as possible.

[Guest]

Like you, I was always happy to give the love and care and anything ahe needed....I even gave it when I was drained....then the questions of 'do you love me' and 'what's wrong- I know there's somethnig wrong' came.....I told her honestly that I didn't know....I couldn't even explain it to her without offending her by saying I need some time to myself. only after we broke up and I researched it did I realize that I was being smothered....she had me believing that the only healthy relationship is one of spending every free moment together. I wouldn't be surprised if my ex also gets engaged soon- it would be her 3rd time (I wasn't one of them). I also wouldn't be surprised if she becomes very smothering once the current boyfriend 'settles in' to the relationship and she's no longer being validated constantly....the burns him out.....

[Rooster_DAR]

Great, now I think I may have BPD or BP disorder after reading your checklist.

 

Crap!!!!!

 

 

:0

[molly]

Okay, my thoughts are racing and I only have a little time, but this thread really piqued my interest for many reasons. Of course, women aren't a monolith, so technically I can only speak for myself, but I suspect I can speak for at leasts a few others lurking on these boards.

 

The situation you described does sound..excessive. I personally have never been an emotional vampire to the extent you described, but I'll own up to the fact that some men in my past have noticed similar behaviors/characteristics in me. The last guy who called me "borderline personality" as you put it, was a full-blown manic depressive who spent most months out of the year balls to the walls insane because he REFUSED to take his medications (they neutered him of his genius, he said;-)). I always found it particularly ironic and pot calling the kettle black that he committed himself so zealously to convincing me that I was the nutty one. But maybe that's too specific.

 

I've looked a lot into the collection of symptoms we call BPD, and based on my personal and professional experience as a former mental health practitioner (it's okay to chuckle, I laught at myself more than anyone else could), I've concluded that the syndrome, like most syndromes, is pseudoscience at best and just an updated version of the ol' woman-as-hysteric paradigm at worst. Either way, I think it's very, very sketchy science infosofar as clinical diagnoses go, and the mental health community largely agrees as most insurance agencies and subsidized health care policies won't even fund treatment of any so-called personality disorder. More specifically, there aren't any accepted treatment modalities of most personality disorders, another indication that they are based on faulty premises.

 

All that aside, what I would encourage you to do, from one love shacker to another, is to perhaps look a little more closely at your own agency in this terrible scenario you described, and to consider the ways in which and reasons why you fell for such a monstrous person. Maybe drop the woe is me vicitm schtick long enough to examine why in the hell you'd fall for someone you've described as a loony parasite? Is it perhaps that she was charismatic and unpredictable and that you're just one of those guys who says he wants one but is secretly bored silly by "nice girls," and is really only attracted to needy/volatile women who, while they may be many things, are NEVER boring??

 

Just something to consider. Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Values]

I don't know about "Guest" who started this thread, but I can answer your question easily Molly.

 

My ex had problems way before she met me. I had fallen in love with her before I knew about any of them. I have turned down more girls than most people would believe because if I'm not totally interested I would just rather not bother. Anyway back to the ex and your question...

I truly believe my ex developed a strong love for me and did her best to be the girl I wanted and the girl she wanted to be. Her demons and dementia were just to strong (she was too weak). All in all she started lying to me (I've found out all her guys recieved lies from the start though). The final verdict is, I was getting lied to daily, but when you love someone if they act fine you think there fine. I assumed her words were the truth and was cool with her behavior. Blinded by love I didn't know the horrible truth until the end. If someone you love is going to look right at you and lie there is really nothing you can do. She did this to her parents, her other family members, her boyfriends, her friends, everybody everyday. I don't know how a sane person could keep all that straight in her head for so long. But there are two parties to every lie, the liar and the person who says, "Okay"

[Values]

I'll add this just to give an example.

 

Thanksgiving of 2005 I couldn't get in touch with her. After many calls and texts to her cell phone she sent me a message that said, "Aunt Pat is in the hospital in (southern city)" In this and another text that she sent me, she said her aunt was in the hospital apparently about to die. I knew she had a chronically sick bed-bound aunt although I never met her. Well my ex said that the whole family was at the hospital and it was just a chaotic time and blah, blah, blah everyone was in a tizzy. This is making me mad again just typing it. So the next day I still haven't talked to her and I call all the hospitals in that area and give her aunt's name and she is not there. I start to think something is up and text my lying gf that I had called the hospitals trying to find some info. This is about 3 days now since I've talked to her. She calls me and says she's in freakin' Texas about 1,000 miles away from me and that her aunt was only sick for one day and after that she left with some friends to go to Texas. To sum it up her aunt was never in the hospital at all not even for a second. Her family was never all together at the hospital, none of it ever happened. What kind of person makes up a story about one of their relative dying? My demon gf was visiting some guy she had a thing for and travelling with some other piece of sh*t girls. Not only did she lie and cheat on me during this time, but she had another serious bf who loved her during this time that I didn't know about either.

[Caprice]

I had a relationship with a diagnosed borderline ( not the man in my previous posts!)

for seven months, my story is very similar to yours. there are some great resources and books out there to help you and a lot of really good forums with people on there who are experienced with bpd sufferers and i think they may be able to help you more. bpd sufferers are very emotionally intense and the relationships they have are characterised by exactly what you describe, i have a friend who is bpd too.

 

i think what you are suffering is not a depression through smothering, rather than the same total kind of emotional exhaustion that being in a relationship brings about- nothing is good enough, you are never good enough everything you do is wrong- then its back to normal again, then again, everything you do is wrong...etc.. everything is intense and emotions are magnified- for you too, which makes them very hard to get out of your system. people with b.p.d arent stupid- usually far from it and invariably realise that something is wrong with them, so instead of going around blaming themselves, they tend to shift the onus onto others, along the lines of "it wasn't my reaction that was wrong- it was what YOU did to incite that reaction that was wrong." which starts this cycle of self doubt in your mind. pm me if you want to chat or i can find you links to some forums where you can speak to people in exactly the same position.

 

i'm not a psychiatrist but i spent/wasted hours reading about bpd trying to find info to help my ex. imo, yes, your ex has bpd! i'm going to tell you what everybody told me, but i didn't listen until now- you are better out of it, really. x

[Ezydriver]

First of all, great thread, I'm glad I found this one.

 

I cant say much about bpd as I personally think its a bit of an excuse that jilted lovers come up with. The first thing people do when dumped is to search for personality disorders. I completely hold my hands up to doing this myself so I'm not digging at anybody, its natural.

 

I would like to go on to add my experience to this thread to help those in similar situations and to make them realise they're not alone.

 

I fell in love with a woman who is 35 with an 11 year old son and at the time she had been seperated from her husband for 18 months. In this time she had had a 7 month relationship with a guy and a one night stand. A month after splitting with this guy she met me. 1 month later after just 4 weekends together I was moved in. I cant describe the anxiety and emotional distress I went through but in the end I realised exactly how much I'd given (which was never taken) and exactly how little (practically nothing) I was offered.

She was so guarded that after 6 months of intense relationship and me being so empathetic and supportive she still didn't let her guard down one little bit. Her marriage had been full of cheating from him and he didn't really care about her. She went through so much pain with him that I really think she'll have issues for years to come. Anyway, after 6 months I couldn't take it anymore. I moved out but continued to see her. I only saw her once or twice and then suddenly, without any reason or communication she just stopped responding to me. No calls, no texts, received or answered. The pain was unbearable and lasted for 3 months until out of the blue she rang. She wanted reconciliation. I stupidly agreed and from March until 5 weeks ago we were back together but living apart.

 

Now the interesting bit. I always believed everything she told me. After all she'd been treated so badly and lied to herself that I thought she'd be in a prime position to empathise with victims of this behaviour so would never dish it out herself. how wrong I was. I discovered texts, calls and a letter written to another guy. Not just any guy, but the one she'd had a 7 month relationship with before meeting me. I thought he was out of the picture as he'd gone to Australia and she was never upset about him. he treated her coldly and not very understandingly. It was the lengths she went to to cover it up that astounded me. She lied and changed excuses about certain texts telling me they were referring to when they were together. Bullsh*t. I wont go into loads of specific details but I asked her to look me in the eye and swear on her sons life nothing had been going on. I thought she'd never do it. She did and it was at that moment I realsed what I was dealing with. It took me a whole year to see the real her and by this time I was burnt out, a wreck, my friendships were suffering and nothing seemed to matter, just her. I focused solely on seeing her and she became my life. I lost myself. I'm now slowly but surely trying to find myself again but its extremely difficult. The reason being is that she was highly charasmatic and had very lively eyes and face. Her charisma was so attractive you cant help but to fall for her. Looking back I realise that it was just so false. False charm. She also was sexually attractive and oozed sex appeal. The sex was hot and I could orgasm multiple times with her. For me that is rare.

 

Anyway I finished it via letter and she continued to text me for 3 weeks. Just friendly stuff pretending to be a friend. I broke my strict no contact to tell her to stop. I think it must have touched a nerve because she responded very angrily. A week went by and I'd heard nothing. Suddenly last Friday she text me. It was cold and indicated she was going away at the weekend but didn't say where. The next day she staged a false text addressing it to a friend explaining what she'd been up to the night before. She 'accidently' sent it to me. That was the last straw because she'd gone to a gig that we were supposed to go to. I bought the tickets as a suprise present for her but left them with her. She went and text her 'friend' to tell her about it. Obviously it was meant for me. I changed my number and haven't heard from her for a week now so I dont know if shes still trying.

 

Some points about her

 

*In 1994 when she gave birth to her son she developed psychosis and was nearly sectiond. This rendered her unable to look after her son for the first 6 months of his life. She suffered paranoid delusions and delusions in general.

*She was brought up with a manic mother with A LOT of issues of her own.

*Her father was cold and insular

*There was a lavish material lifestyle, she wanted for nothing

*She was brrought up completely indoctrinated into the Jehovah's witness religion which she left about 13 years ago, much to her families despair.

*she stayed with her cheating husband for 11 years obsessing about him.

*She went down to 7 stone (about 90 pounds) in a bid to win his affections as he said he like anorexic type women

*shes been on anti depressants for a few years

*her self esteem is virtually non existant

*her confidence is shot to pieces

*shes a bad mother.

*she got my name tattooed on her after a couple of months (its still there LOL)

 

 

One time she gave me oral sex when her son had literally just fallen asleep just one metre from us on the same couch. I stopped it but she questioned my sense of adventure. I was shocked. This is just one example of her inability to realise the impact her actions have over others yet she has felt a lot of pain herself. I'll never get my head around this type of person.

 

It too is taking me what feels like an eternity to get over her. I have this awful feeling she carried on with this other ex of hers or that shes now dating somebody new. I dont know so the ignorance is bliss. I've never felt such sorrow and pain and grief. I miss the good times which were incredible. I miss how I felt in our early days. I miss seeing her cry when we made love cliaming to be in love with me. It was all false and the tears wrre crocodile tears, probably guilt for cheating on me.

 

I think she needed constant validation from others. Especially this ex of hers as he never validated her when he was with her. Its like if somebody wrongs you you want an apology from THEM. Its the same when somebody hurts you or doesn't treat you like you matter, like he did. She wants validation from HIM and judging by the texts she's certainly getting it.

 

Just one thing though , a quote from Molly

Is it perhaps that she was charismatic and unpredictable and that you're just one of those guys who says he wants one but is secretly bored silly by "nice girls," and is really only attracted to needy/volatile women who, while they may be many things, are NEVER boring??

How on earth do you rewire yourself to get out of this psychological trap? I'm one of those guys and its killing me. I had the best woman on earth a few years ago but didn't love her and certaily didn't obsess about her. I'm not saying I treated her bad, just didn't feel I loved her.

[Values]

Ezydriver,

What made me notice BPD for my ex I know had something to do with my own pain, which is the worst I've ever felt. But what makes me think BPD is real and what makes me think my ex is a postergirl for the disorder is the fact that she continually causes so many problems and so much pain for herself. It's one thing to cause others pain and frustration, that may make her just an evil bitch, but it's a whole other issue when she has opportunities to end the negativity in her life yet chooses to stick with it and almost embrace it. That's sick. It killed me that my ex seemed to nurture bad things to happen to her. Sure she talked about not liking all the problems and wanting to be done with them, but she was in a cycle that repeated itself and she could have easily gotten out. Bad thing for me was that I was so in love and couldn't see the problems for what they were. I just thought she was unlucky and I kept giving to her and trying to help her out, like you said losing myself in the process. Which was almost like her conscious goal, to destroy me cause she loved me so much.

The other things you say about the charisma and the vivacious smile and personality are so her. The bouncy fun on the outside dead on the inside type.

 

abusive past relationship? check

indifferent, self-absorbed, wealthy father? huge check

believed everything she told me? check

odd things happened that she would explain away? sad check

sort of fake emotions regarding sadness? check

nothing and no one sacred when telling a lie? check

goes from relationship to relationship with no alone time? check

 

Does someone with this many problems ever change? Can they change? It's been 7 months since she dumped me and the pain has come back, but she is engaged to the guy she overlapped me and another guy with earlier this year. Will that last?

[Ezydriver]

Will that last?

er................no.

[In Sync]

I couldn't read every last post but I will offer my insight from dealing with a narcissist and the healing of it. It is going to take alot of time, because we were entwined with people with disorders of some sort and were emotionally involved we now have to come to terms with what happen though that person has moved on. basically we have to detox mentally from the realtionship, because we have been effected by them. Were we not emotionally involved or distant (as a doctor is when dealing with a BPD) we would not still be thinking on dwelling on how we allowed ourselves to be emotionally used with such a person. Until your mind ceases on a day by dday bases to stop replaying what happened and stop analyzing the ex meaning we are still consumed with them by doing so, we can't heal fully. Day be day aceept it happen and let it go...but it is still a day by day acceptance until you get so far from it that you are not letting this relationship cast a shadow over you.

[mike440]

Hello All....I'm the guest that started the post- this board appears to be quite helpful so I figured I'd register.

CAPRICE: I can't send PMs since I'm a new member, but I would appreciate any useful links/posts that you could add....maybe you're able to PM me?

To address a few of the posts- I do like nice girls, and, no, they don't secretly bore me. I fell for this girl because I thought she was a nice girl and we would be good together....I just didn't count on the emotional neediness and what my reaction to it would be. If I was bored of her, I wouldn't be hurting over the breakup still. Like Values, my ex had the problems long before we started dating, and until you know what to look for, they don't alarm you as being problems since you think at the time that all the attention is the best thing that could happen to you.

Like Ezydriver's, ex, my ex shares some of the traits also- father left at before she was 2 y/o, and her mother got a abusive boyfriend....I believe these combined to ruin her self esteem. She also stayed in a 7 year bad relationship, in which I believe the boyfrien was too drained to do anything about. I would love to have helped her get over these issues, but how could I when anytime something didn't go as she wanted it me (or someone else) to blame?

I also agree that Values ex's new relationship will not last. Who knows, they may rush into marriage, but I believe that the new guy will be burned out in due time also.

I'm slowly but surely coming out of this....these post certainly help, allowing me to hear from others who have (unfortunately) gone through the same things and realize that I'm not alone in seeing the dysfunction for what it is, and not what I was TOLD that it is.

[Values]

I once was a rational, good person before her and during her. The tiny bit of rational behavior and good left in me says wish that sorry, lying, cheating p.o.s. the best. I have to admit though that if I found out her current relationship and engagement fell apart I would feel relieved. I'm not going to try and facilitate this, no plans for that. But I do wonder everyday what will happen to her and her new bf/life source. I mean, when two normal people meet and get together they don't get engaged after only 8 months together. Add to that my ex's history and the fact that she ain't normal and 8 months is time to say look out. I am jealous that he "got the prize" and she is going to be fair and honest with him forever, then I remember some things and think she is incapable of that. As In Sync said you have to let it go day by day, but with messed up people like this it's not a case of, "Oh well, she was great and I was great, but it just didn't happen for us." It's a case of rewiring your entire being after being hooked up to a roller coaster-vitality thief for about 2.5 years. She makes you love and care about her just so it will kill you when she destroys herself and then closes her life from you.

 

Here's another funny/sad story just to surprise you,

 

When my ex started seeing the guy she cheated on me with for over a year she came up with some choice lies to explain her whereabouts. Of course she messed this guy up as well but here is one of the first lies she originated when I asked her why I couldn't get up with her all night one time last year.

 

"I was in (large southern city). My friend from school "J" was in a bad wreck and was taken to the hospital. He was hurt real bad and I went to see him then talked to him and he was okay so I turned around and came back early...." Blah, blah, blah, lie, lie.

 

Anyway with the story about her aunt she made up that I told earlier, I thought this other story about a friend that she said was hurt bad and in the hospital was to great. Everybody knows that you CAN lie to avoid situations sometimes, but at a young age we realize how negative that is on your life. I have always thought it to be cosmically wrong and just twisted to make up lies about friends and family being in the hospital just to cover your tracks.

 

Hope you enjoy your fiance new guy!

[Diver012]

Its been nearly 6 months since my Ex and I broke up now. Im over it. Yeah I still have to deal with her and thats awkward but the pain associated with her is no longer there. It does pass.

 

Best thing in the world you can do is just wait it out. Admit to yourself that your better off and feel sorry for the next man or woman that gets messed up by them.

 

I acutally had someone, (I have no idea who) looking out for me during my relationship. I was getting text messages every now and then that I thought was about my job... messages like.. "Get out"

 

I wish I could thank this person for trying to warn me. I wish I would have listened, but ya know what, im a much stronger person for having gone through this anyways.

 

In the end we all see and interpret things the way we want to. In the end this will all be a memory and nothing more. and for every ending is the possibility of a new beginning...

 

Good Luck

[Values]

Diver012, going by your profile we live in generally the same place. Wouldn't it be funny if we were talking about the same person. A longshot yes, but after what I've been through I'm done being surprised.

 

When me and the guy my ex cheated on me with for a year found out about each other we talked on the phone for about a week, trying to put the pieces back together. That's how much of a drain this girl is, when her two simultaneous bf's learn about each other they form a mini support group instead of being mad at one another! Anyway we thought about telling the new guy about her past as you mentioned with the anonymous texts you were receiving. We decided against it and to my knowledge both of us let that go.

 

I do have a problem never wanting to forget her because she meant the world to me, yet she tried to kill me from the inside out. When you have to watch out for and help your girlfriend out as if she is your daughter that is not healthy. My ex was independently dependent, like a head strong child who makes bad decisions and tries to make things right with "I love you" I know now that ain't good.

[Diver012]

Diver012, going by your profile we live in generally the same place. Wouldn't it be funny if we were talking about the same person. A longshot yes, but after what I've been through I'm done being surprised.

 

When me and the guy my ex cheated on me with for a year found out about each other we talked on the phone for about a week, trying to put the pieces back together. That's how much of a drain this girl is, when her two simultaneous bf's learn about each other they form a mini support group instead of being mad at one another! Anyway we thought about telling the new guy about her past as you mentioned with the anonymous texts you were receiving. We decided against it and to my knowledge both of us let that go.

 

I do have a problem never wanting to forget her because she meant the world to me, yet she tried to kill me from the inside out. When you have to watch out for and help your girlfriend out as if she is your daughter that is not healthy. My ex was independently dependent, like a head strong child who makes bad decisions and tries to make things right with "I love you" I know now that ain't good.

 

Not much suprises me either... It really is a small world. If you tell me your Ex works with her sister, we may be talking about the same person...

[Rooster_DAR]

Not much suprises me either... It really is a small world. If you tell me your Ex works with her sister, we may be talking about the same person...

 

 

Damn, the anticipation is killing me!

[Diver012]

I dug around some of the Posts Value has made and we are definetly not talking about the same person.

 

My Ex's father passed away a long time ago...

 

Fust an FYI...