Did I make a mistake?

[Jedd45]

I am not back in the house. Trying to figure out whether the marriage is worthwhile. Back-Rub-Friday was merely the cherry on the cake with respect to ignoring my emotions. Not just in everyday ways but also under important circumstances. Guess I just became use to it. My self esteem was certainly impacted

 

Also, I am not on title to the house. Technically I cannot force the issue.

 

Selling the house would not be that bad of an idea. We both commute long distances and we were talking about selling next year and moving to the town were she works anyway. The kids go to school there and one of us would have an easier commute.

 

But I do have a plan. I can rent an apartment in the town she works. This will give me easy access to the kids as she would probably agree to joint custody. I can spend a few nights per week in my office. Moreover, given the real estate market in our home town it will be months before she sells. This will allow me to establish a solid routine and conection with the kids isince they would not have to commute back to the house all the time. I am iffy about the marriage but my kids are number 1.

 

Gunny: I am very angry and despondent over this mess but my anger is definitely in check. No yelling, screaming or anythng physical. I imagine my behavior is abrupt and stiff but that is as bad as it gets.

 

She insists there is no other man (woman-that happened to a buddy of mine). However, before we were married we split for awhile and she was in another guys bed within a couple days. She may have currently carthected with another person and psychologically is waiting in the wings. Who knows. I am not really getting a reason for "the mess."

 

I have to go to work. Thanks for your comments.

[Lor]

However, before we were married we split for awhile and she was in another guys bed within a couple days.

 

Wow, fast work.....and you wonder if she's cheating? You've had all the red flags thrown up in your face. I have a close male friend also, and maybe we would give each other backrubs, etc, but if I saw that it was making my SO take a walk outside in the middle of the night and asking me to come to bed, gee, I think I'd quit. That is total lack of respect.

[Jedd45]

Haven't posted in bit but my situation has progressed and thought some forum comments might be helpful. My wife has put the home on the market; contacted an attorney; papers are being drawn; and, we are negotiating the divorce issues. I think there is no hope of reconciliation. She still says there is no OM.

 

I am receiving lots of support from friends and family. This board has been very helpful.

 

This whole thing seems surreal to me as if I were a third party watching a dark comedy. She is going so quickly! The only feedback I am getting with respect to "the cause" is she doesn't know what she wants but it is not this marriage. Midlife crisis?

 

My feeling is that I should let things proceed quickly while she's still amenable to shared custody which is my goal. My oldest kid is very scared and afraid she is losing her Dad.

 

Any feedback on the midlife crisis idea and/or the speed of the divorce would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Mz. Pixie]

Haven't posted in bit but my situation has progressed and thought some forum comments might be helpful. My wife has put the home on the market; contacted an attorney; papers are being drawn; and, we are negotiating the divorce issues. I think there is no hope of reconciliation. She still says there is no OM.

 

I am receiving lots of support from friends and family. This board has been very helpful.

 

This whole thing seems surreal to me as if I were a third party watching a dark comedy. She is going so quickly! The only feedback I am getting with respect to "the cause" is she doesn't know what she wants but it is not this marriage. Midlife crisis?

 

My feeling is that I should let things proceed quickly while she's still amenable to shared custody which is my goal. My oldest kid is very scared and afraid she is losing her Dad.

 

Any feedback on the midlife crisis idea and/or the speed of the divorce would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

Again, I'm sorry but why are you allowing her to move forward so fast if you're wanting to save the marriage???

 

Do you think it will hurt less if you do so?? Take yourself over to marriagebuilders and read a thread by Papa of 3. His divorce moved very quickly too, and he's still suffering because he let it happen too quickly to understand what was happening. It will not hurt less if you let it peacefully go.

 

Even if you're not on title in some states you still have homestead rights. Talk to an attorney yourself to see if that pertains to this situation, do not take her word for it.

 

There IS another man- I know because I said all the same things to my ex when I was having an affair. All cheaters lie and basically say the same things to the BS. Do yourself a favor and really investigate- the cell records, the computer etc just to make sure for yourself. That might be some negotiating ammo for you in the divorce at the least.

 

She's not leaving you because you're controlling. She's leaving you because she has someone else. Any man who encourages his wife to only come to bed and doesn't throw the SOB she's MOANING with out of the house is not controlling.

 

Gunny was right- there would be some bloodshed at my house if that ever happened.