Burt Templeton Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 Every fiber of my being tells me that no matter how bad I feel about pulling the plug, it's the right thing to do. She's a terrific woman, but I've never felt that she is *the one*. In hindsight I married a life preserver. I've been in love - head over heels , mind you - and this has never approached that. I've been married for 7+ years, and together for over 10. How do I walk away from this? I care for her a great deal, but I just don't see a long term future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Plato1969 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Why is it the "right" thing to do? Cause you don't feel "head over heels" for this terrific woman? What makes her terrific? Why did you marry her? What have you done to work on the relationship? If you care for her a great deal, then at least offer the common courtesy you might give a stranger on the street. Work on the relationship first before packing it in. Doesn't sound like there is a problem with her, but more likely with you. Maybe you have a case of "grass is greener on the other side"? Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Bingo, Plato. Couldn't have said it any better. Gee, maybe she's not happy being married to someone who considers her a "life-preserver". Love and a happy marriage are what you make it. There is no "love of a lifetime". Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 In response to the above posting, there is most certainly such a thing as a "love of a lifetime". Many people have lived it, and only cynics deny it. There are many "terrific" people for whom we still feel no "click", no passion. Why should the original poster here be forced to stay with someone for whom he does not feel that intense emotion? And, would any woman really want to stay with a man who does not experience that with her? I surely would not. I continue to fail to understand why it is that for so many "marriage" only means committing to some kind of life-long college roomate scenario. There is no point to marriage where there is no exhalted love and desire and appreciation of a person in one's life. My advice: follow, as always is the case, your instincts. Don't be reckless, but don't try to force yourself to accept a situation you truly do not want and cannot abide. Live big. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 maybe saying love of a lifetime doesn't exist was the wrong way to put it. You're right, guest, they do exist, but it takes hard work, dedication, loyalty and commitment from both sides to be achieved. A big part of marriage is respect. Staying in a loveless marriage isn't a good thing but neither is divorcing someone just cuz you can. Why get married in the first place then if you didn't feel the overwhelming desire to be with that person for the rest of your life. Maybe, Burt, if you concentrated your feelings, emotions and desires on the woman you did marry, instead of living in the past with a woman that is gone, you might find that there is something worth fighting for. and, if not? Well, then, yes leave. Your W will then be on here trying to figure out what went wrong, what she could have done different, trying to rebuild her life and her self-esteem. and we'll help build her back up, making her more than she was when you left her, and then possibly you may see what you lost but she's decided she doesn't want to be in a marriage only as a life-preserver. Link to post Share on other sites
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