happy girl Posted October 19, 1999 Share Posted October 19, 1999 Two questions for ya 1) If a cute girl at school, who you saw around but had never talked to, was attracted to you, how would you want her to approach you? 2) If you were interested in dating a girl, but found out that she was involved in a long distance relationship, but she and her boyfriend both had agreed to see other people while they were apart, how would you handle the situation? Would you lose interest? Would you rather not know about him? Would you assume she was only interested in a physical relationship with you? Would you still want to date her if you knew nothing serious would ever come of it? OK thats more than 2 questions but please help. What the hell, you already read it you might as well respond Link to post Share on other sites
Totally Confused Posted October 19, 1999 Share Posted October 19, 1999 Answer to #1. A guy doesn't want a girl to approach him, because if he really liked her, he'd approach her. Men are hunters by nature, let them do their job. If he doesn't approach you, he's either threatened by you or just plain not interested. If he's threatened by you, all you have to do as a woman is flirt with him or tell someone who you know will tell him that you're interested. He will no longer be threatened and will now approach you once he knows you're interested. If it's because he's not interested, there's really not much you can do. Answer #2. If a guy really likes a girl, he doesn't care if she's in a relationship or not. Long distance, next door or anything. Every man for himself. Be honest with him and let him know that you have a long distance relationship. The fact that you're even giving him a chance is good enough to show him you don't take the Long Distance BF seriously. If you yourself were crazy about a guy who had a girlfriend, and you started dating him, you're not going to break it off. You're going to try harder to win him away from the other girl. It's human nature to want and try harder for something you can't fully have. Link to post Share on other sites
Guy Posted October 19, 1999 Share Posted October 19, 1999 I have to disagree on point #1. True most guys will always approach girls who they are interested in. However a fair amount of the less-predatory guys are shy and somewhat insecure and it can take awhile to build up the courage to take a chance at rejection. If you really like a guy it can't hurt to give some obvious hints. The less chance he thinks there is for rejection the easier it will be to ask you. Anyways, we've got sexual equality now so how about you girls putting your heart on the chopping block and asking us guys out once in a while. The "guy has to ask the girl" thing is an outdated sexist attitude. Answer to #1. A guy doesn't want a girl to approach him, because if he really liked her, he'd approach her. Men are hunters by nature, let them do their job. If he doesn't approach you, he's either threatened by you or just plain not interested. If he's threatened by you, all you have to do as a woman is flirt with him or tell someone who you know will tell him that you're interested. He will no longer be threatened and will now approach you once he knows you're interested. If it's because he's not interested, there's really not much you can do. Answer #2. If a guy really likes a girl, he doesn't care if she's in a relationship or not. Long distance, next door or anything. Every man for himself. Be honest with him and let him know that you have a long distance relationship. The fact that you're even giving him a chance is good enough to show him you don't take the Long Distance BF seriously. If you yourself were crazy about a guy who had a girlfriend, and you started dating him, you're not going to break it off. You're going to try harder to win him away from the other girl. It's human nature to want and try harder for something you can't fully have. Link to post Share on other sites
Totally Confused Posted October 19, 1999 Share Posted October 19, 1999 Hello Guy, that is what I said. Go back and re- read. If a guy is threatened by a girl (in otherwise scared of rejection or doesn't think he'll have a chance with her, shy, and any other reason you can think of) He will not make a move until he is certain she is interested in him. (In otherwords, hearing it from a friend of hers or if she shows him she is interested through her actions or anything else you can think of.) I also tend to disagree when you say sexual equality. I don't feel that a woman should ask a man out or call a guy for a date at the beginning. Men say they like it when a woman calls. They say they are flattered, but when the girl actually calls, they feel she is either desperate or coming on too strong. I have so many guy friends that have said the same thing you're saying and when the time comes and the woman does what they say they want, they all of a sudden get turned off and change their minds, unless she's gorgeous and they think, oh she likes me, so she'll put out. No it's not true in all cases, cause I'm sure some women have asked men out and then they could have gotten married, but in most cases that's not true. Men are hunters and that is their nature. Link to post Share on other sites
happy girl Posted October 20, 1999 Share Posted October 20, 1999 Personally, I have no interest in any guy who would be turned off by the fact that I have taken the first syep by asking him out. Anyway that wasn't really my question. What I want to know is how to just start the initial conversation (before I even know if I'd want to go out with him). My question wasn't refering to one person in particular. I just started school here and I see cute guys all the time and I just don't know how to turn a smile into a conversation. I haven't been single for a while and even though I think I'm pretty cute, I am kind of shy. Hello Guy, that is what I said. Go back and re- read. If a guy is threatened by a girl (in otherwise scared of rejection or doesn't think he'll have a chance with her, shy, and any other reason you can think of) He will not make a move until he is certain she is interested in him. (In otherwords, hearing it from a friend of hers or if she shows him she is interested through her actions or anything else you can think of.) I also tend to disagree when you say sexual equality. I don't feel that a woman should ask a man out or call a guy for a date at the beginning. Men say they like it when a woman calls. They say they are flattered, but when the girl actually calls, they feel she is either desperate or coming on too strong. I have so many guy friends that have said the same thing you're saying and when the time comes and the woman does what they say they want, they all of a sudden get turned off and change their minds, unless she's gorgeous and they think, oh she likes me, so she'll put out. No it's not true in all cases, cause I'm sure some women have asked men out and then they could have gotten married, but in most cases that's not true. Men are hunters and that is their nature. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna22 Posted October 20, 1999 Share Posted October 20, 1999 a) Just try to take that smile further, if you are around a guy, make some comment that makes sense at the time but also leaves an opening for response. ie- (after a class) "This exam is going to be hard, did you get that thing about ________?" I know that sounds a bit weird, but if you can get that first question in, people should respond. b) Take opportunities to be in smaller groups (optional discussion groups, dorm discussions, clubs, etc), you'll get to know people better. They'll pay more attention to you and it will be easier to break the ice. c) Get out there! If there are get togethers at certain places, go! If you are interested in a sport (getting in basketball games is an easy way to be around guys), go for it and join some games. If someone has to yell for the ball, they *better* know your name or they're going to lose. If you work out, look for a training partner, etc etc. d) Most of all, don't be afraid to introduce yourself! 9 times out of 10 you'll meet someone nice. They don't bite..you may be intmidated by cute guys, but get over it and be brave. You never know who you'll meet. e) One last thing, what about those guys you may not consider "cute" at first glance? Give them a chance too! You never know who is going to interest you. Keep an open mind. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Rick Posted October 24, 1999 Share Posted October 24, 1999 1. Yes! In my eyes there is nothing more appealing than a woman coming on to a man. Are you not flattered if a man comes up to you and shows interest. Men are no different, even if they aren't interested in dating you, or are already tied up with someone else, the worst that will happen is that you leave them with a little higher self asteem. It is a tuff job having to always be the approacher, the few times I have been approached have made the best impressions. So don't be afraid to make that effort. 2. "Most" men this wouldn't make a difference, just understand that if you start seeing someone they might end up wanting more. Moreover, understand that you leave the other person no obligations to you with a situation like that. For some people that is easily handled, for others they like to feel like the one and only in anothers eyes, I know I do. Link to post Share on other sites
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