am I miss reading all of this

[punchbug715]

Early last year my wife started a new job in which she shared her office with this guy Jim. Almost from day one she started comming home telling me about Jim. stuff like he is a really nice guy, I like talking to him about his life apparently she gives him lots of relationship advice. I don't know if she is sharing any details of her life with him she only tells me what he tells her. In the begining I didn't think anything of it but as time went on and this continued I started to feel like maybe she had a small crush on this guy. One night during this time she came home about an hour late and said she had trouble getting out of the parking lot the thing is she never called me to tell me until she was almost home and she seemed a little nervous when she was telling me not alot of detail this only happend once. Things went on like this for several months recently she lost the job and this is where it really starts to freak me out a little. All of a sudden my wife is calling this guy while i am home and busy with the kids. then one night after the kids go to bed she tells me I am going to call Jim this was at 9:30 i was feeling really sick that night and wanted to get to bed early so I went in the other room we live in a small apartment and you can't help but hear other peoples conversations. suddenly I hear her say in a soft sweat voice "well I miss you" this of course got my attention so I get up and go into the bathroom all of a sudden I hear her walking into the kitchen and her voice gets low and she repeats something twice and then there is silence when I come out of the bathroom she is sitting on the living room couch the room is dark and she is just sitting there I asked her if it was my imagination or did that conversation end abruptly she giggled a little and said his battery died. then she caught herself(she knew what I was thinking if his battery died and his phone cut out in the middle of her talking how did she know it was the battery and not a bad signal) she said he told me when we first got on the phone his battery was almost dead.(my next question which I did not get to ask would have been then why did your voice get lower when you realized I was in the bathroom people tend to get louder not lower when they think they lost a cell connection) The reason I did not get to ask that question was I was blind sided by her next comment which was "by the way I am meeting Jim for lunch on monday that would be this monday 9/18 "she wasn't asking me she was telling me I tried to play it off but by this point I almost didn't have a pulse my stomach was sick and my head was spining (I am off on mondays and it is supposed to be our day together kids are gone for the day) I went back to the bedroom and she followed me we sat on the bed and started talking she of course was talking about Jim remember earlier I heard her tell him she missed him well for some reason she felt the need to replay that conversation to me apparently he asked her if she missed the people at work and her reply was "I miss talking to you" that of course is not what she said but I did not call her out. He called back at 10:30 by this time i was in bed and could'nt listen any more I just shut my eyes and tried hard to fall asleep. after spending all day wednsday reading posts on this sight I decided to get up early thursday morning and check emails I found several emails from & to him some of the stuff I read she told me about the emails started back in august when she lost her job and was a simple hi how are ya by the last email which was sent out last week I kinda felt like they were flirting a little he refers to her as doll and they are exchanging contact info cell phones his work phone they are also making plans to meet for lunch. that was last week as I said they are meeting this Monday I ran this through my brain all day thursday. friday night I could'nt sleep so i decided to check the dialed and recieved calls on her cell phone apparently she called him at 9:30AM thursday morning.

I should also add that sometime around mid august our relationship changed she is more distant less talkative and always seems to be a little annoyed with me. Well thats the whole story please tell me what you all think I don't think anything physical has happend yet(all though I went to our bedroom to count condoms and could find only one I am pretty sure there where more then 1 although I can't be 100%)

 

My wife is not the kind of person who would have an affair she always talks about honesty and and would never even think about lieing or cheating or hurting another person but after all I have heard and seen this week it has got me a little confused of course I love and just wish this guy would go away but I get the feeling that it not going to happen anytime soon.

[Bryanp]

I am sorry to inform you but these are classic signs of an affair. Most betrayed spouses always say my spouse was not the type to have an affair. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be so accepting of you with a female friend and doing the things she is doing? Look your wife is in at least an emotional affair if not a physical one as yet. If the OM is married I would contact his wife.

 

This is highly inappropriate. Again all of the classic signs are showing. You need to sit down and discuss the consequences to her actions. Are you going to wait until it is a full blown affair? I would have a friend follow her on Monday and watch the body language at the resturant. I would not be surprised if she has already become physical at this point. Again she is acting as if she is single and it is disrespectful to you. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I wisn you luck.

[Paysh]

She needs a swift boot out the door. How disrespectful.

 

"I miss talking to you"

 

After you've kicked her outta your life, she'll have all the "talking" time she wants with this D-bag.

[punchbug715]

thanks for the advice

[punchbug715]

Saturday morning she told me she was going to reschedule lunch on monday because she was going to be to busy pluse she didnt want to drive in bad wheather. Sunday morning we talked. She calmly listened to what I had to say. When I started talking about her telling him she missed him and then replaying the conversation to me differnetly she simply said "I don't know why I did that" she also told me part of the reason she rescheduled was she could tell it was bothering me. she did her best to reassure me that this guy Jim is not someone she would ever be attracted to in a million years and that her relationship with him is more like a mother and son then anything else then she said she really doesn't even enjoy talking to him it's more annoying then anything else. She also said that as far as going out to lunch she didn't initiate anything I checked the emails and he is the one who first suggested lunch but does that really matter. All through the conversation she kept insisting that our relationship has been really good lately and I am thinking thats wierd I have been telling her for weeks that we really don't communicate anymore aside from talking about work or the kids.

 

 

These are things that worry me please let me know if I am wrong

1. Here I was pretty much accusing her (in as nice a way as possible) of having an affair and she never once got angry or defensive.

2. usually if she thinks she said something one way and I think I heard another way(for example "I miss you", "I miss talking to you") she will defend her self but that did not happen

3. she didnt have a lot of input into the conversation she only discussed the points that I brought up

4. after we were done talking she became really sweet and there was a lot of touching and hugging

5. even though I told her we would talk more later she has made no attempt to bring up the subject and is going on like everything is fine

6. She told me that if I told her I didn't want her to go then she wouldn't. I am thinking if she didn't want to go then I wouldn't have to tell her.

 

I am really interested in knowing what you guys think

[2sunny]

well - what did she say about their lunch date?

 

next time you need to offer to go with her.

[Bryanp]

I think what she is telling you is a load of crap. You judge a person by their actions. She cannot tell you why she to him that I miss you? She knows exactly why she said it. She says she does not like talking to him at all but jumps at a chance to go to lunch with him?

You semi accuse her of having an affair and she does not get the least bit angry?

 

I think she will go underground now. The next time she tries to have lunch with the guy have a friend follow her and watch the interaction. Her words to you do not match her actions. If you do not care for the person why do you jump at the chance to go out with him for lunch? Something does not seem right here.