JackEverett25 Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 Okay, here is something I've always been curious about, so please, guys and gals enlighten me on your opinion about this. If I pass a particularly attractive woman, I usually will look at her in the eye and give her a small smile of approval. Sometimes, this has a pretty good effect and the girl will smile back. However, most of the time, women will either walk right by you with their peripherals, downright look away, or look right back at you like a deer in headlights and stare at you like you're a weirdo (or maybe they just didn't know how to react?). I understand we are all different, but our genetic wiring is basically the same. I often have this reaction that the girl thought I was psycho or something when I'm looking at her (I try not to stare though, just make eye contact and smile a bit). I mean, this is flirting 101, and I know that women appreciate the attention deep down (and it shows them that you're a confident guy), but what do you all think of the reactions I've noticed? Do most women get creeped out by this, or do they think maybe they'll be labeled as a slut or something if they look back? Is their trick to wait until you aren't looking to take a peek? I've noticed this happens usually out in public places like stores, the mall, etc... but is quite the opposite at parties or at bars, where obviously alcohol and loud music lower inhibitions. I'm just trying to figure out how you can politely express interest in a girl without her thinking you are weird. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I'm just trying to figure out how you can politely express interest in a girl without her thinking you are weird. JE25...you don't smile at a girl first. You wait until a girl makes eye contact with you and smiles at your FIRST. Then, if she keeps on doing this and her body language is positive you go in for the kill. Also, make sure she's not with a dude who may kick the krap out of you. Remember...its women who choose the dude and make the first indirect move. Problem is that you are making the first indirect move and you're screwing everything up. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 You cant just stare at a girl and expect her to get wet or even to acknowledge you. Alpha is right you have to feel things out and look for signs you'd be better off just saying "hi" and making some small talk if you get good reactions try to get the number or something but dont be suprised if women have their defences up or make you feel rejected them be the breaks Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 JackEverett25, Make sure you know your intentions when it comes to flirting, or making eye contact. Do not lead a women on, by winking, touching, or gazing. And, do not flirt with the woman only because you want to catch her friend's attention. If you are truely interested in a woman, go up to her and say "hello". Confirm with yourself that you like her personality, and conversation before you proceed to flirt. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 If you are truely interested in a woman, go up to her and say "hello". Confirm with yourself that you like her personality, and conversation before you proceed to flirt. No S&W, you are incorrect....first he must ascertain if she is interested, then he flirts with her nonverbally, then he converses, then he check out her personality (and physical attributes).... Get the order correct please. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 JE25, Does eye contact and a smile work for you? If so, keep doing it! It also depends on where you live. I grew up and live in the SouthEast US, and would say 75% of the ladies I'd do this with would smile back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackEverett25 Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 JE25, Does eye contact and a smile work for you? If so, keep doing it! It also depends on where you live. I grew up and live in the SouthEast US, and would say 75% of the ladies I'd do this with would smile back. I live in Charleston, SC, and you are so right. I just got back from being in DC for a week, and saw a total difference in women up there. Interesting feedback from everyone...the one thing I don't get is how does a girl show interest if you don't smile or look pleasant with her instead of waiting for her to do it. I understand what you are saying about not smiling first...but what I don't get is this, are you just supposed to wait for some girl to 'gimp eye' you before making a move? Are you supposed to 'accidentally' catch her doing this, or do you somehow have to make the initiative? I thought women were too passive to do this by and large and wait on men to make the first move with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 yeah try to catch a girl looking at you, or make casual small talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackEverett25 Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 What if you see a hot girl that you want to talk to that may not see you? How do you get her attention other than walking by her and smiling? Link to post Share on other sites
Maria33 Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I think you're doing the right things. I have guys do this sometimes and I get kind of bashful. Then I have trouble smiling back even though I want to. I told my friend that guys should know that if I DONT look at them then I am interested! I'm working on it though. You keep smiling! Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I don't look at anyone in the eye when I am walking. I thought this was the same for most people? I am just usually too busy thinking about other things or walking too fast. Why should I care if some stranger and I share eye contact strolling past?! Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 What if you see a hot girl that you want to talk to that may not see you? How do you get her attention other than walking by her and smiling? Do you know the hot girl? Because I get really pissed off if I am walking somewhere and a stranger calls to me, or tries to stop me. In fact if I am stressed out, I snap and tell them to piss off... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackEverett25 Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 Do you know the hot girl? Because I get really pissed off if I am walking somewhere and a stranger calls to me, or tries to stop me. In fact if I am stressed out, I snap and tell them to piss off... Nah, I'm talking in generalities. I can understand, though I don't do this, I know some guys gawk at girls as they are walking by, obviously in a hurry. However, if someone walks by and says 'hi' to you, there is no need to get pissed off...I would hope you don't blow those guys off too, as I'm sure a good amount of them were just trying to be polite. Remember, a lot of guys are just trying to be nice, and are risking your rejection just to say 'hi'...that is if your rejection means anything to them at all. I'm taking about situations like when you're walking down a small aisle and run into someone who looks attractive to you, or you're in a coffee shop and you see someone you are interested in. " I am just usually too busy thinking about other things or walking too fast. Why should I care if some stranger and I share eye contact strolling past?!" Then what is the point of getting dressed up in the least when you go out to the store? We all do that to attract the opposite sex, and to make a good impression on everyone we meet. If the thought of ever looking at someone, or attracting their attention doesn't bother or register with you, then you must go out a lot not caring about how you look. With that attitude, how would you ever meet anyone new? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackEverett25 Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 I think you're doing the right things. I have guys do this sometimes and I get kind of bashful. Then I have trouble smiling back even though I want to. I told my friend that guys should know that if I DONT look at them then I am interested! I'm working on it though. You keep smiling! Oh man, if you walk by and blush with a nice smile, then that is enough to show interest. If not, then a nice smile would be enough to let a guy know you are interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Nah, I'm talking in generalities. I can understand, though I don't do this, I know some guys gawk at girls as they are walking by, obviously in a hurry. However, if someone walks by and says 'hi' to you, there is no need to get pissed off...I would hope you don't blow those guys off too, as I'm sure a good amount of them were just trying to be polite. Remember, a lot of guys are just trying to be nice, and are risking your rejection just to say 'hi'...that is if your rejection means anything to them at all. I'm taking about situations like when you're walking down a small aisle and run into someone who looks attractive to you, or you're in a coffee shop and you see someone you are interested in. " I am just usually too busy thinking about other things or walking too fast. Why should I care if some stranger and I share eye contact strolling past?!" Then what is the point of getting dressed up in the least when you go out to the store? We all do that to attract the opposite sex, and to make a good impression on everyone we meet. If the thought of ever looking at someone, or attracting their attention doesn't bother or register with you, then you must go out a lot not caring about how you look. With that attitude, how would you ever meet anyone new? Who says I get dressed up to go to the store? Believe me, you don't have to be dressed up to get hassled by d*ckheads. I have had people say hi as I walk past but they are usually too busy staring at my breasts to care what I say in return or they are pushing a trolley full of old garbage and old news papers. There is a time and a place for being polite to what you refer to as guys who are just trying to be polite risking my rejection to say "hi" (although I would venture to guess if my frame wasn't small, my breasts wern't large and my hair wasn't blonde I wouldn't hear a peep out of them). Rushing through a busy mall, late for work, and pissed off, is not one of them. You ask how I would meet anyone new? Well believe me, I am not too interested in meeting any one that feels the need to harrass women in the streets just because they find them attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Timberlane Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Do you know the hot girl? Because I get really pissed off if I am walking somewhere and a stranger calls to me, or tries to stop me. In fact if I am stressed out, I snap and tell them to piss off... Always fun when someone doesn't notice you are pissed off and tries to chat you up. Ha ha ha. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Every week I am told by my producer to go to a different location in Canberra and produce what we call a vox pop package. Which basically means "The Voice of the People". I walk around with a microphone, and ask people what they think of a certain current event, for example "Should there be limitations on the mining of Australia's uranium?" (this weeks vox pop question). It's tough. I spend all day walking around asking people, prompting them, getting rejected etc. for 3 minutes and 30 seconds of edited sound. It is hard when I am having to deal with sleazy men approaching me, wasting my time when they have absolutely nothing to say on the issue. My mic has ABC 666 on it, so I can't just tell them to f*ck off. Tip: If a stressed out looking woman is wearing a suit, and holding a microphone, she doesn't want to hear that some 18 year old guy wearing a baseball cap thinks she has a great ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackEverett25 Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 Who says I get dressed up to go to the store? Believe me, you don't have to be dressed up to get hassled by d*ckheads. I have had people say hi as I walk past but they are usually too busy staring at my breasts to care what I say in return or they are pushing a trolley full of old garbage and old news papers. There is a time and a place for being polite to what you refer to as guys who are just trying to be polite risking my rejection to say "hi" (although I would venture to guess if my frame wasn't small, my breasts wern't large and my hair wasn't blonde I wouldn't hear a peep out of them). Rushing through a busy mall, late for work, and pissed off, is not one of them. You ask how I would meet anyone new? Well believe me, I am not too interested in meeting any one that feels the need to harrass women in the streets just because they find them attractive. I just don't understand what you mean by harrassment. I know some guys may whistle or says obnoxious things, but if someone walks by you and says hi, regardless of your figure, I think it's common courtesy to say 'hi' back, even if you are in a hurry. And you make it sound that girls that have the figure you do, have it so bad...I mean how is being desired by so many so bad when you really think about it (minus of course, the harrassment of those who show no class)? And I know girls like you get noticed all the time to the point of irritation. However, your attitude may be the same as some guys dismissing such girls as yourself as being prude or arrogant and don't give them a second thought. At the same token, some guys that may appear to be one of those guys you were referring to, may honestly be wishing an attractive lady a good day. I can see where if you were hassled every day you'd be immune to it...but at the same time, think of all the women out there NOT being hassled like that, that would appreciate such comments (the comments of course that aren't blatantly rude). I think if anyone is being genuinely sincere in paying you a compliment you should be gracious enough to respond to it, regardless how busy you are or what you look like. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I am always gracious when I receive a compliment and I am only rude to these guys when they don't take a hint. But I have a very high stress job when I have a looming deadline and I just don't have the time to worry about every Tom, Dick and Harry's feelings when I am busy. Call me a prude, arrogant or snobbish, but when I am walking down the street I usually have more important things on my mind than men. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I just don't understand what you mean by harrassment. I know some guys may whistle or says obnoxious things, but if someone walks by you and says hi, regardless of your figure, I think it's common courtesy to say 'hi' back, even if you are in a hurry. And you make it sound that girls that have the figure you do, have it so bad...I mean how is being desired by so many so bad when you really think about it (minus of course, the harrassment of those who show no class)? A lot of it's going to be regional and/or cultural. Being from the South, you're probably going to be more friendly than most. The ladies you meet are going to be more trusting and open. If you hold the door for a lady and smile, she's probably going to smile back and say "thanks." Go to New York City and do the same thing, she's more likely to just think you want something. Part of it's "big city," part of it's just the area. Just be yourself and don't worry about it. One of the funniest looks I ever got was for smiling and saying "thanks" to a guy in a toll booth on the Jersey turnpike. Priceless! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 JE25...you don't smile at a girl first. You wait until a girl makes eye contact with you and smiles at your FIRST. Then, if she keeps on doing this and her body language is positive you go in for the kill. Also, make sure she's not with a dude who may kick the krap out of you. Remember...its women who choose the dude and make the first indirect move. Problem is that you are making the first indirect move and you're screwing everything up. I agree with Alpha. (wow, not something I'm used to do ) If you are just interested in not getting a negative reaction, just wait for some signals that show that she has decided you are not a potential threat. Also, girls who are with a female friend are less likely to display defensive behaviour. That is, if you are in full daylight and look like a nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I agree with Alpha. (wow, not something I'm used to do ) Wow! Anyways, i've learned over the years that the smart dude must wait until a woman non-verbally shows some sign of interest before he can go in for the kill. If he approaches her without getting a non-verbal "invitation" his chances of success are almost zero. If a woman is into a particular man she will let him know in some way (without actually talking to him). Then it is his job to realize this and go and approach and chat her up. That's basically the way it works. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Wow! Anyways, i've learned over the years that the smart dude must wait until a woman non-verbally shows some sign of interest before he can go in for the kill. If he approaches her without getting a non-verbal "invitation" his chances of success are almost zero. If a woman is into a particular man she will let him know in some way (without actually talking to him). Then it is his job to realize this and go and approach and chat her up. That's basically the way it works. Still, if you are lucky - and play your cards well - you can increase your chances of chatting her up in the future. I will sometimes smile back to a guy who smiles at me - he'd have to look either interesting or not a threat! - but even if I smiled back I'd get defensive if they tried to approach me straight away. But let's assume I see one of these guys a few days later... and we exchange smiles again. The more times a guy and I have been exchanging smiles before he tries to start a conversation, the higher the chances that I'll be glad to talk with him. I might even start up a conversation myself. Jack, do you have a dog or a pet that you can take with you? Pets give you tons of excuses to start up conversations. If a girl stops to look at your dog, you can start some small talk and test the waters without her getting defensive -she was the one who approached you! (well, your dog) . Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 However, most of the time, women will either walk right by you with their peripherals, downright look away, or look right back at you like a deer in headlights and stare at you like you're a weirdo (or maybe they just didn't know how to react?). I understand we are all different, but our genetic wiring is basically the same. I often have this reaction that the girl thought I was psycho or something when I'm looking at her (I try not to stare though, just make eye contact and smile a bit). I mean, this is flirting 101, and I know that women appreciate the attention deep down (and it shows them that you're a confident guy), but what do you all think of the reactions I've noticed? Do most women get creeped out by this, or do they think maybe they'll be labeled as a slut or something if they look back? Is their trick to wait until you aren't looking to take a peek? Short answer regarding girls in social places (parties, bars, etc): they're not interested. If they were, they'd sneak in some kind of smile back at you (shy girls) or boldly smile at you (outgoing girls). In regards to public places: What Pink Amulet has said. For instance, sometimes if you don't respond a man will say, "C'mon smile! It makes the world a prettier place," or some other stupid come on. I tell them it ain't my damn job to pretty up the world. But like Pink, I take my professional self seriously so value my intelligence over what my looks bring to the world. I refuse to be made into an object on the street for some man's pleasure. In general, I do try to be polite to random strangers who smile or even give come-on compliments as long as they are respectful. I just use my "look I'm just being polite" body language which is keep it moving, lukewarm smile, and firm wrap-it-up language, "Thanks, that's nice of you to say," spoken quickly and firmly with no invitation for a follow up. If I were working in public like Pink, I'd be more likely to do even less because, like she said, she's got a deadline. Disrespectful stuff I either ignore, or give a stern, withering look. You'd be surprised how effective that can be... but then again I've heard I can be intimidating, even though I think I'm some big push over, so it might all be in the delivery. I just refuse to let men I don't know dictate my public environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 *claps* Grateful- I couldn't have said it better myself Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts