chaental Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 I have been married for 9 months and separated for 3 months. My husband and I used to fight a lot and we have a court order of protection against each other because of a fight we had. We had both been drinking a lot and our tempers got out of control. After court, my friend Tim came and picked me up, and offered to let me stay with him until court was over. I am now 8 hrs away from my husband... Tim has been a friend to me for 10 yrs. We get along great and he has helped me a great deal during this difficult time. He's so sweet, my family loves him, he's patient, and quiet, very handsome. A romance has developed. I know that if I stay with Tim, we would have a wonderful life together and I would never worry about anything. I just can't seem to get over my husband. He wants me to come back and try again, says everything will be different. I hope that it would work, and we would definitely need counseling, stop drinking, etc. I often imagine that if I were there, we would be happy. It is a great risk though. Most of our marriage has been rocky. The problem is that Tim says we cannot go any further in our relationship until I get a divorce. And I don't know if I can go through with a divorce, knowing that I didn't give my marriage a 100% effort. I am going to have to lose one or the other. I love both of them. Tim is a sure thing, and my husband is a risk. My family tells me to stay with Tim and "allow myself to be happy". All the happiness I feel with Tim, I wish it were my husband instead of Tim. But they are completely different people... I'm so confused. I need to make a decision soon because its already been 3 months and I'm driving myself crazy. I am "stuck" in life and can not move forward. Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 You need to atleast tell your husband about "Tim", let HIM make his own decision about what to do with his life, I hope you 2 don't have kids. Lastly, if your husband wants out, don't try to take him for money or anything, that would cause him a lot of bitterness and resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
Timberlane Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Wishy-washy lovers. Woo hoo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chaental Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 I told my husband about Tim. He was angry at first and now wants to try again because a lot of our problems are fixable. He wants to get counseling and go to church. Thanks for your comments. what is wishy-washy? Link to post Share on other sites
Annacabana Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Are you sure he doesn't want to try now because he knows he has competition? Just wondering. If you are going to try to work it out with your husband, you should cut off all contact with Tim. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 No kids, right? That means nobody's lives are affected except you two. You're only married 9 months and you two have fought to the point of restraining orders. You've already moved out and had an affair and are living with the OM. This marriage is like Humpty Dumpty. I don't think all the effort in the world is going to put it back together again. It will certainly not be any better for it. I say let it go as a mistake and start over. There's too much trauma in too short of a time for both of you. If you stay with your H, you'll have to never see Tim again. Don't ask why or give excuses, just trust me, you'll have to. I don't think you can do that at this point. Just be glad this happened before you had children to complicate things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chaental Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 Thank you all for your comments. I am feeling now like I need to concentrate on myself. There are millions of men in the world so why should I act like they are the last two on the planet. So, I'm going back to school to get my degree. I'm only 26 and have no kids. My future is unknown but it will be amazing. thanx everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 I think that's good...Concentrate on yourself. Let your husband fix himself, then maybe in time both of you can try marriage counselling and together work on the marriage, fix things. As for Tim, as much as he's a friend to you, he's safe, comforting and I hate to say it, but a rebound..You aren't inlove with him, he just provided all the things that your husband couldn't give you. Don't mistake emotional attachment for love....Tim is going to get hurt, so try to distance yourself from him, but tell him why as well.... Though if you want out of your marriage, get a divorce, then be on your own for a while. Enjoy and be independant. You are young, and yah, you got a long healthy life ahead of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chaental Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 Wow its been 2 yrs since I wrote that. Heres what happened since then. My husband and I are still together and happier than ever before! Tim now lives in North Carolina and is married. We are no longer friends, no longer communicate but I am happy for him. So, I just want to say to alot of people having problems in their marriage. Don't give up. Look at all the problems I had before. I now believe wholeheartedly that we will be married for the Rest of our lives!! Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 God bless you for that update! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 This is so great! That she came back and posted this should give hope to all newly weds. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts