stevensgirl Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 What do you say when you've told someone you've just gotten engaged and they ask about "the ring"? My BF proposed but he didn't do an engagement ring, I hate to make him look like a cheap bastard and I hate to feel like people think he just didn't care enough or want to give me one.... What do you say??? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Hmm. Obviously you don't owe them an explanation, but that's awkward to do when it's your family and close friends asking. The truth is usually best - why didn't he get a ring? Is he opposed to filling the coffers of the De Beers monopoly? Is he saving the money for a great wedding/honeymoon/down payment on a house? Is he donating the money to charity instead? Did you tell him you didn't want a ring? Are you afraid to wear an expensive rock on your hand that you might lose? Is he planning on getting a ring but wants you to pick it out? Are diamond rings not done in his culture/religion/ethnicity? Any of those explanations will usually work. An alternative is to get a ring that the two of you pick out but isn't a diamond, and again, you can use one of those explanations. If he didn't get one because he is a cheap bastard...well, you can always buy your own ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage222 Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 My question too, why didn't he get you a ring?? Or if not a ring something extravagant that you want/wanted in it's place? I would call him unworthy of marrying you... If he is not even getting you a ring which is the most important symbol of a marriage what else in life will you want/expect from him that you won't get? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Isn't that more like, talking about getting engaged, rather than actuallygetting engaged? I thought the whole process involved some kind of symbolic exchange. maybe i'm just a fuddy duddy. Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 my fiance suprised me with a 'promise ring'. .25 carat, 14 carat gold band. He spent like 500 bucks. he proposed, and said he wanted to give me a nice ring but couldnt afford what he wanted to buy me. which is alright with me. the thought and effort he put into planning to suprise me and going to the jewlery store and picking out the ring is to me worth more than the diamond. I don't put much stock in material things though. its nice to have some kind of symbol of your engagement, but it's not a necessary thing imo. i would ask him though. if he doesnt have the money he's probably embarassed. Link to post Share on other sites
slinkysu Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 my fiance proposed to me without a ring. We chose one together. I went a month or so without a ring - it's quite common. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 my fiance proposed to me without a ring. We chose one together. I went a month or so without a ring - it's quite common. My ex-H asked me to marry him before he bought the ring. We picked it out together as well. But I didn't feel it was necessary to share the information with everyone until I got the ring. Honestly I didn't consider us engaged until I had the ring. Before that I thought it was just talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 my boyfriend and i have been talking about getting married - we've decided when and where, but i told him he's not off the hook for proposing. it's all fine and good to know what we want, but i'm not gonna make real firm plans until he does it the old-fashioned way. on the one-hand i think that's lame - i'm angry that i want him to propose to me and i'm angry that i want a ring. i consider myself so "new-age" and the thought of sitting around and waiting for a man to propose is embarassing. but i need it! i don't know why, i just do. as far as the ring goes, i'm sure if he actually does ask me properly that he'll have one, but i don't expect a diamond. he's kind of a hippie, so it'll probably be made out of wood or something, a coconut shell maybe. the thing is - i don't care what it's made of or how much it costs, it's the symbolism that means something to me. we already live together, we're making life plans together, so i don't need him to spend money on a ring - i'd rather he spend it on groceries. i just want something special that he picked out for me that i can hold onto forever. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 My BF and I have already picked a date, but we can't afford a ring right now. Rather than get a fake one (which we sorta talked about) we're just still boyfriend and girlfriend until we get married. We haven't been really public about being engaged so no one has asked me about the ring yet, I'm hoping no one is that rude (because it IS a really rude question) but if they do ask I'm going to be honest and tell them that because we're planning a big expensive trip for our wedding/honeymoon we're foregoing the solitaire for now and will just exchange bands at the ceremony. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 What do you say when you've told someone you've just gotten engaged and they ask about "the ring"? My BF proposed but he didn't do an engagement ring, I hate to make him look like a cheap bastard and I hate to feel like people think he just didn't care enough or want to give me one.... What do you say??? He has to give you a ring to be in engaged, the rings shows that it a promise. Im getting engaged im December I picked the ring out, that the only way to be taken seriously in your engagement Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 What do you say when you've told someone you've just gotten engaged and they ask about "the ring"? My BF proposed but he didn't do an engagement ring, I hate to make him look like a cheap bastard and I hate to feel like people think he just didn't care enough or want to give me one.... What do you say??? :lmao: Make that boy suffer. No ring? Is he not aware that it's standard procedure?! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 A ring is a nice gift and symbol but is ABSOLUTELY NOT NECESSARY. My mother didn't receive a ring from my father (who couldn't afford it at the time) and they have been blissfully married for over 35 years - they still look at each other like kids in puppy-love. Over their many years together, they have shared many, many meaningful things, including having four children together. And my father has showered my mother with expensive gifts and trips, including jewelry when he started to make more money. And you know what - she still doesn't have a diamond ring on her finger and doesn't care. She's very happy with her simple gold wedding band. Don't start your marriage off with materialistic demands on your future husband. If he loves you, it will be natural for him to give you whatever he can (and that may include protecting you financially by not going into debt over a ring). Look at the man your fiance is, not the materialistic things he can offer. If people don't take you "seriously" because you don't have a ring, they have a problem. You can either sweetly offer a reason (that hopefully puts them in their place) or tell them to bug off for being rude. There's a great song by Jason Robert Brown called Stars and the Moon which you should all listen to. (And actually, if anyone asks, just tell them he's giving you the moon and you'd rather have that than all the diamonds in the world.) Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 A ring is a nice gift and symbol but is ABSOLUTELY NOT NECESSARY. (And actually, if anyone asks, just tell them he's giving you the moon and you'd rather have that than all the diamonds in the world.) I'm not sure that many women would agree... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 The promise to spend the vast bulk of his waking hours for the rest of his life in furtherance of the safety and security of you and perhaps some children isn't enough? What did you get him? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 The promise to spend the vast bulk of his waking hours for the rest of his life in furtherance of the safety and security of you and perhaps some children isn't enough? What did you get him? Read her other threads - she's married now and providing him and his children safetey and security. He's providing nothing but a psycho ex-wife, aggravation, and is mooching off her. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 What do you say when you've told someone you've just gotten engaged and they ask about "the ring"? My BF proposed but he didn't do an engagement ring, I hate to make him look like a cheap bastard and I hate to feel like people think he just didn't care enough or want to give me one.... What do you say??? Well, I have a similar situation. I was proposed to without a ring. I thought, hmmm..he can't afford it. I understand. The relationship didn't last much longer after the engagement. He missed his freedom too much. A year later, he bought him and his son BRAND NEW motocross bikes. He was a very selfish man. Made me feel pretty bad when I heard about the new bikes. $5,000 worth of bikes. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Isn't that more like, talking about getting engaged, rather than actuallygetting engaged? I thought the whole process involved some kind of symbolic exchange. maybe i'm just a fuddy duddy. yes. (to the first part. no to the fuddy duddy.) in my opinion, people throw "engaged" around and take it a little too lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
Anka Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Im getting married in May and i dont have a ring. We decided to get married. We will get them eventually, but i dont care about the ring at all. Its not about jewlery or material symbols. It about love and commitment. Sure i would like to have one but right now, we just cant afford it. But i dont consider us any less engaged, its out promise in our hearts, not a ring on a finger. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Today I talked to my friend and apparently Tuesday last week my friend and her boyfriend were having a very special night and he asked her "Will you marry me?" she played it off as the usual "talk" because there was no ring. Sunday rolls around and they're at a bar with some friends both drunk and he starts announcing it to his friends that they are engaged. Since then he has told his family and when asked where he got the ring he nonchalantly says "Theres no ring" Let it be known he's not poor, he's not rich. Tonight he asked if the promise ring(which he got for her a year or so ago) could just be the engagement ring. Stunned she said "No" and waked out. what should be her next step? she called me for advice but I don't know what to tell her. I think it's pretty much common knowledge that when your going to pop the question to have the ring right there and to make it a special, planned out, memorable moment and it just seems like the only thing he accomplished was making it a memorable moment. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Today I talked to my friend and apparently Tuesday last week my friend and her boyfriend were having a very special night and he asked her "Will you marry me?" she played it off as the usual "talk" because there was no ring. Sunday rolls around and they're at a bar with some friends both drunk and he starts announcing it to his friends that they are engaged. Since then he has told his family and when asked where he got the ring he nonchalantly says "Theres no ring" Let it be known he's not poor, he's not rich. Tonight he asked if the promise ring(which he got for her a year or so ago) could just be the engagement ring. Stunned she said "No" and waked out. what should be her next step? she called me for advice but I don't know what to tell her. I think it's pretty much common knowledge that when your going to pop the question to have the ring right there and to make it a special, planned out, memorable moment and it just seems like the only thing he accomplished was making it a memorable moment. She walked out? Why did she do that instead of talking to him about it? He could have told her why he didn't want to buy another ring, and she could have told him why it was important to her that he do so. What's more important to her? Being married to this guy, or the ring? If it's being married to him, then she needs to swallow her pride and open up the dialogue with him about his proposal, and the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Shrelana Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 He has to give you a ring to be in engaged, the rings shows that it a promise. Im getting engaged im December I picked the ring out, that the only way to be taken seriously in your engagement Umm...are you aware that some cultures do not use rings? I can't seem to remember any right now...been up for 14 hours, not enough sleep, but I'll look up a couple tomorrow.... And honestly, the ring isn't the whole relationship, it's one materialistic thing. Heck, the only reason I had a ring until recently (and we've been engaged for over 2 years) is because we didn't want to deal w/ ppl asking why I didn't have one, and mine was a $5 ring we bought at Claire's and I painted every night. Now I wear my mother's engagement ring b/c she and dad gave us their first wedding bands.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I am engaged without a ring simply because I don't like jewelry. It really is no one else's business as to why I don't have a ring. Link to post Share on other sites
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