Don't Know What To Think...

[Confused708]

I've been dating a girl for exactly a year now. Our relationship started off really well. We would go out, have fun with others, no jealousy, no fighting. Well after about the first 4 or 5 months things started to change. First I noticed, she started snooping through my emails, checking the phone when she got home from work and wanted to know my every move, even calling me from work to make sure I'm home or what I was doing. From my past, I have a lot of female friends from town as well as out of town, really close friends that weren't anything more than a friendship for as long as can remember. Anyway, we would go out in public, and one of these female friends would just as much say "Hello", and she would literally freak out. Or if someone would phone the house, just to see how I'm doing and how things are working out with my life, she'd up and leave the house angry. I don't know how I can get her to realize that no other woman catches my eye, nor do I want to break away from her, when things are going good, they go extremely well between us. Now I feel like I'm set aside from the others, I don't go out to see my friends in my spare time, I feel sheltered. What if we go out and someone says "Hi", why should I have to live afraid that a female I've known all my life as friends is just going to say "Hi" and start a big fight between her and I. On the other hand, she has come from some abusive relationships where her boyfriends were never around, and now she has one that stays in with her and given up his old social scene. I admit, I used to drink alot on weekends, and now I'm away from that, I did it for her and mostly myself. So basically, I have a hard time going for a couple with the guys, or even going over to there houses without being interrogated when I get home. But she feels it's okay if she goes out and has a couple with friends from work, but when I do it, it's a big deal. I have no clue on why she is this insecure, I'm not an angry person, I'm a very easy going guy who rarely gets angry at all. I just don't know what to do about her insecurity and anger problems. Now here's the second half of my story, this involves the internet. When I met her she was very close with this man who lived a quite a ways from us, who she intended on going to see, but she met me. Well after a couple of months and her telling me she had no communication with this man anymore, I come home and she had left her messenger on and he was writing to her. So I read it, and seen that she had wrote something like this, "I love you, you'll always have a place in my heart". So I confronted her on it, and she then used the excuse of her meaning it only in a friendly way. Than I took action, and installed a keylogger on the computer, and seen that it wasn't just one man, but others as well. She wasn't saying anything to the others like what she had said to the first man, but from the conversation, she implies to them that she is single. Than, I come across a website she's on, where she is getting all of these email addresses from. After that, I find out, not to sound racist or anything, I am of ethnic origin myself, that she has an obsession for black men. So again I confront her, and she knows she's guilty, and I get her to remove herself from those websites and we have talks about what she's doing and that it has to stop. So things go well for a couple months, we were getting very serious into the relationship, talking about a family and marriage. So I get curious again, and run the keylogger a couple more times two weeks ago, only to realize she is still doing this. For the past week she has been on vacation with some of our family, and I've had time to really look into these sites she's on, one of which she had signed up on while on vacation, with her reason on the website being that she's in a relationship, but looking for a date with a black man. This is driving me nuts, I don't know how to confront her again this time or really what to do. To sum it up, she's over insecure about me, but on the other hand she seems to be looking for something else, and just keeping me around until that certain someone else pops up, does that sound right? I really care for her, and know what kind of good person she can be. Just hurts to know all of this is going on behind my back, and I can't stop it, other than to confront and fight about it. Early next week we are going on a trip, for our one year, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle things knowing what's going on behind my back. If she really did love me, she'd have more respect for me than to do this behind my back and making it feel like I'm now leading a fake relationship. Any advice would help, and I know this sounds messed up, but I have no one else really to go for advice.

[Marcus as the Peanut]

you now the old saying it takes one to now one!

 

She now whats she is doing and how easy it is,thats why she checks up on

you.She is whats nown as a cake eater..She is defenetley not trustwhorty

 

 

I think you shuld print out what you found,and have a hart to hart talk.

 

And give her a final chance,and if you ever chatch her again.Please for your own sake dump her then.....I feel it is only a matter of time before she cheats...

[Bryanp]

She is totallly playing you. She cuts you off from all of your friends but continues to cheat on you on the internet telling people she is single. Staying with her will lead to great heartbreak for you. Her obsession about you having friends is because people who cheat believe others think just like them. Get out of this relationship now. Her actions show she has absolutely no respect for you and has no problem lying to you. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head to realize what type of person she is? Don't be a fool.

[Confused708]

Yeah thanks for the advice. I guess I may be hanging on because I've been hurt once before, and things were really bad. I guess I don't want to go through it all again, but I may have to since there are really no other options. We live in a very small community secluded from everything, and she's talking about us moving to the city. Basically I think so she can be closer to these men, whoever she is talking to. The only reassurance I have that she isn't cheating is that there are no people around here like the men she is talking to. And I've seen some of her conversations, where she does talk about me, and does let them know she's in a relationship, but why does she have to talk to these men in the first place, or state she is single? We have a hard enough time living with her insecurities in a small town, how would it be in the city, I know it wouldn't last very long. I guess I just have a lot of thinking to do, what and where I want to go. I may just take a job offer somewhere else and up and leave alone, and just leave this behind that way she can do what she wants or move wherever. She flies home tomorrow, I'll see how things go than and continue to monitor her computer use, it is my computer, so I feel I have the right to be checking into this stuff. Than I'll eventually bring it up next week, and make my decision from there. Thanks again.

[littlepiggy1]

Dump her. You'll be better off in the long run.

[reb]

You have caught her two times now, you told her how you felt the first time and she blew that off. I would highly consider taking a break from the relationship, this way she can really think about what she is doing and if she will want to choose talking to these men and joining dating sites, or staying in a relationship with you.

 

She needs a wake up call, she needs to learn that you will not stand for these types of things that she is doing behind your back.