Guest Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 My sister just announced last week that she and her boyfriend got engaged. Our family is very close and we would have wanted to celebrate madly with her except for the fact that this guy is, basically, a loser. He's not bright (my sister is), he's lazy (my sister busts her butt), and he gets stoned and/or drunk at every get together at which we see him. I've tried to overlook his obvious flaws and just assume that there is something deeper that she sees and loves and accept that, but his constant public drunkeness and nasty and/or dumbass comments make that difficult. I've spoken to our only onther sibling (a brother) and he cannot stand the guy either. My mom has disliked him from the beginning but didn't say anything as if they were just dating it didn't seem like we should meddle. Well now we're faced with having to pretend we're happy for her and instead we're scared for her and disappointed that she would resign herself to this. She is constantly makiung excuses for him. She deserves better. Do I risk alienating her by talking about this? Should we just stick with the "none of our business" thing? She's dated almost ALL losers...it's her "thing" - but she's never wanted to stay with one forever. I don't want to see her make a big mistake, but I also don't want to have her mad at me and her family to the extent that it could ruin her wedding if this is REALLY what she wants. Thanks in advance for any help you can provide... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Does she seem happy and excited? Maybe he makes her feel really special in some way that she needs in her life. Maybe you could just say - Wow, you seem really happy and excited, and I'm really glad to see you this way. How did you know he was "the one" for you? That can at least open up a conversation on what she sees in him and his good points so you can understand better. You're right that being skeptical to her might not be the best plan - she'll get defensive about him and will be upset that you can't be happy for her. But try to get her to open up about what she likes and either you'll feel better to know what's so special about him, or if she expresses some hesitation, then you'll have a better opening to ask her more questions so she can give it more thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Thanks, Norajane! That's a great idea...will do! Link to post Share on other sites
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