Why did I get myself into this situation?!

[Guest]

Ok, long story short. When I was 15 I dated a guy (lets call him A) for three years, and he was my first love. He meant the world to me, but I ended it because I wanted to see what else was out there, and I was going off to unibersity etc. He took it very badly indeed, but about 6 months later he was dating someone else. We had agreed to stay friends, but a few months after he met this girl he said that he didnt want to talk me anymore. And I've since learned that that was down to his new girlfriend. They had a kid together who is now 1 years old. They broke up around Xmas but continued to live together for a while, and to be fair, he is still not over it completely.

 

Ok. Then move on to my situation. I started dating a guy nearly two years ago (lets call him B) . In the first year he was a complete idiot towards me. He lied about people he's met on the internet, he kinda cheated on me when we were in this on/off situation, which - after taking a year of his crap and already being depressed - resulted in me taking an overdose. Yes I know it was stupid, but thats all in the past now. So since July we having been living together. He gave up all his friends in the town where he went to uni, and came to live with me in a town about 45mins away. Now I do really care about him. Yes he was stupid in the past, but thats all done now.

 

So a couple of months ago I randomly emailed A, not expecting a response as Ive done it before and never had one back. But this time he emailed back, and we ended up meeting up for a drink about a week ago. We both really enjoyed seeing each other again, because when we were together we were SO close it was impossible to separate us, and we decided we wanted to meet up again. Long story short, we got drunk, I ended up sleeping with him. I have no idea how he feels about it, but I dont regret sleeping with him, but i do regret cheating if that makes any sense?

 

But this made me realise a few things...I have always known that me and B were not forever, even though I love him. And me cheating has just kind of pushed that to the forfront of my mind. I really do like A, but the situation is complicated, and I dont know if it could ever work, but it might. But then again, I dont even know how he feels about it yet.

 

So now, I'm left with this sick feeling in my stomach, knowing that I'm going home tonight and I have to face B, but I am already resolved not to tell him. I just don't know where to go now...Do I break up with him? I mean, I think its gonna happen sooner or later, but we are living together in a 1 bed flat which we have a fixed term contract on for another 9 and a half months! And neither of us could afford to pay the rent on our own...This situation just sucks.

[JackEverett25]

The fact you emailed "A" in the first place means that something is missing with your relationship with "B" and you let your imagination run wild with someone who obviously filled that gap with you in the past. The fact you slept with "A" again proves that you and "B" are not right for each other.

 

You need to break things off, and you really need to tell "B" what you did, if you really love him (even if not, you should tell him). At any rate, it's good that this happened now and not say a few years down the road if you two (you and "B") ended up marrying. Too many people get married with someone they are not truly in love with bc they can't stand being alone. No matter how hard you try to make it work out, eventually this stuff happens. The fact you and "B" are living together proves that you tried the pre-marriage thing out, and it just didn't work out for you (or both of you). Nothing wrong with that, you move on and find someone else better. And with the whole living situation, yeah that sucks, but there is always a way out. Imagine how bad things will get if you don't come out with it now.

 

Cheating is bad enough, but not being honest about it is even worse.