jean Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 Hi everyone, I'm feeling hurt because my boyfriend of almost 2 years didn't give me anything for Valentine's Day. I didn't say anything at first but it was bugging me so the next day I did mention that I was kind of upset. He said he wasn't the demonstrative type. He is kind of a shy person so I let it go or at least that is what I thought. But the true is that it is still bothering me that he couldn't get me even a card or some little thing. Now I'm thinking he really cares very little for me. What does one do when something like this happens? Is it shallow of me to be mad over this. Any thoughts on how important Valentine's Day really is. Thanks Jean. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 I think it would be shallow of you to be mad but it's certainly appropriate for you to be hurt. However, there are people who are clearly not demonstrative about their feelings of love and actually feel very reserved about things like giving Valentine's Day cards and presents. This often stems from some sort of serious embarassment or rejection in the past or how the issue of love was dealt with in their homes as children. In any case, if a guy knows in advance how important Valentine's Day is to you and ignores the holiday altogether without any kind of acknowledgement of his feelings for you, either via card, flowers, gifts, kisses or words, I think you are more than right to be hurt. I think you would be correct to end the relationship. I say this because while he may very well have issues that keep him from openly celebrating something like Valentine's Day, it is obvious that he will never be able to express his feelings in ways that will be fulfilling to you in a relationship. If you're going to stay with him over a long period, you've got a lot of communicating to do and he's got a lot of changing to do. Being with a man who does not express love in ways that are important to you can be a very lonely and empty experience. If you've been dating him for two years, you've already gone through at least one other Valentine's Day with him. How did he deal with last year's? If you don't know him well by now and are not able to predict how he will act on certain occasions, you are obviously not paying much attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Jean Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 Thanks Tony, You know I was trying to think of that too, what did he do last year. We were friends for about a year and intimate for about a year so I probably wasn't expecting to much then. I think it was an e-card. Which I did receive this time also but when I saw him on Valentine's Day not even a Happy Valentine Honey. But he does know now that I was disappointed. He does express himself more in e-mail then verbally. I think it would be shallow of you to be mad but it's certainly appropriate for you to be hurt. However, there are people who are clearly not demonstrative about their feelings of love and actually feel very reserved about things like giving Valentine's Day cards and presents. This often stems from some sort of serious embarassment or rejection in the past or how the issue of love was dealt with in their homes as children. In any case, if a guy knows in advance how important Valentine's Day is to you and ignores the holiday altogether without any kind of acknowledgement of his feelings for you, either via card, flowers, gifts, kisses or words, I think you are more than right to be hurt. I think you would be correct to end the relationship. I say this because while he may very well have issues that keep him from openly celebrating something like Valentine's Day, it is obvious that he will never be able to express his feelings in ways that will be fulfilling to you in a relationship. If you're going to stay with him over a long period, you've got a lot of communicating to do and he's got a lot of changing to do. Being with a man who does not express love in ways that are important to you can be a very lonely and empty experience. If you've been dating him for two years, you've already gone through at least one other Valentine's Day with him. How did he deal with last year's? If you don't know him well by now and are not able to predict how he will act on certain occasions, you are obviously not paying much attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 hi jean, depending on whether the relationship is a happy one or not will help in knowing whether you have a valid reason to feel upset. i'm not excusing the fact that you feel hurt, but there really are some people who do not like the idea of valentines day or, like your boyfriend, are not demonstrative. you say you have been together for 2 years. did he do anything for you on valentines day 2001? while one person in a relationship may hang out for valentines day, the other may think nothing of it but a commercial load of bung. if he is thoughtful when it's your birthday and around christmas and treats you well all the time then you are actually one lucky girl. discuss this with your boyfriend and address any issues that your relationship may have. if the relationship is fine and you know where you stand with him, address any issues you may have with yourself. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
witchbreed Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 Why dont you tell him about being hurt? Like this you dont give him a chance of changing. Why didnt you tell him in advance? A lot of men are not good about remembering these kind of things, my former partner (we are split since nearly 5 years), still calls me or the kids about when his mothers birthday is! So they sometimes need some prompting in this compartement. We are all not mindreaders: so if you dont tell what you wish for, you might never get it. Not because he does not care about you, but because he himself might not truly care about Valentines Day. On the other hand: did you give him something for Valentines? Men like to be spoilt too, you know. And an unexpected gift is even greater! So there might be an easy way of telling him about your hurt, without putting him on the defense. Give him a belated Valentines gift and appologize for having forgotten in time and tell him, that you realized how hurt you felt, about having gotten nothing and that you hope, that he is not hurt too. Best luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Angie Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 I don't think you're shallow at all! I think that you shouldn't question your needs---this is what you need and what you want. The man that is with you should respect this and if he doesn't, he DOES NOT CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU for you to stay. If you stay with him you are desperate! Desperate is not attractive. Move on sweetie, there are other fish in the see. Hi everyone, I'm feeling hurt because my boyfriend of almost 2 years didn't give me anything for Valentine's Day. I didn't say anything at first but it was bugging me so the next day I did mention that I was kind of upset. He said he wasn't the demonstrative type. He is kind of a shy person so I let it go or at least that is what I thought. But the true is that it is still bothering me that he couldn't get me even a card or some little thing. Now I'm thinking he really cares very little for me. What does one do when something like this happens? Is it shallow of me to be mad over this. Any thoughts on how important Valentine's Day really is. Thanks Jean. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted February 20, 2002 Share Posted February 20, 2002 So after you let him know that you were kinda upset what was his reaction. Did he react like he didnt know it was a big deal? Did he get defensive? Or did he learn something? If he is more comfortable expressing himself through email, than encourage the heck out of it. Send him a flattering email to keep his mind on you till he gets his arms around you. Talk him up... Hi everyone, I'm feeling hurt because my boyfriend of almost 2 years didn't give me anything for Valentine's Day. I didn't say anything at first but it was bugging me so the next day I did mention that I was kind of upset. He said he wasn't the demonstrative type. He is kind of a shy person so I let it go or at least that is what I thought. But the true is that it is still bothering me that he couldn't get me even a card or some little thing. Now I'm thinking he really cares very little for me. What does one do when something like this happens? Is it shallow of me to be mad over this. Any thoughts on how important Valentine's Day really is. Thanks Jean. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlee Posted February 21, 2002 Share Posted February 21, 2002 Just wanted to comment my boyfriend does not go overboard on Valentine's Day and that is fine with me because he is special and loving every single day so this is more important to me. We have a special dinner together and exchange cards and just being with him is special I don't need the roses and chocolates to show that he loves me because he is great to me everyday. So don't get all upset over not getting anything Some men just are not Mr. Romeo Have a great day Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 21, 2002 Share Posted February 21, 2002 You have a really great attitude and I admire you for that. But if I don't get lots of stuff for Valentine's Day or any other holiday, my birthday, or whatever I flip out. That's what it's all about for me, getting stuff!!! Anyway, you're a really sweet lady and your guy is lucky to have you. Just be glad I'm not your boyfriend. Yes, I'd love the dinner and cards...but ONLY after I unwrapped all the stuff you saved for all year to buy for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 21, 2002 Share Posted February 21, 2002 I do hope you understand that my post above is to be taken lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted February 22, 2002 Share Posted February 22, 2002 It's like everyone gets some sort of poison in their blood during holiday's. They get themselves pumped up to recieve. Than get disappointed. Who need's that! I do hope you understand that my post above is to be taken lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
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