Who else believes in the "hitting back" rule

[samsungxoxo]

Well I don't wanna sound like an abuser myself, but I hate when some people have to put up with all that crap and the abusers just make excuses. Nope, there is never an excuse to lash out on anyone, unless your life is threatened then that would be the only sole reason.

 

I gotta say I would snap right back if I get touched or if I'm told "shut up". Yes it must sound unfair but that's the way I see it. If they want to treat someone like crap then they should be treated like crap in return.

[Pyro]

Well I don't wanna sound like an abuser myself, but I hate when some people have to put up with all that crap and the abusers just make excuses. Nope, there is never an excuse to lash out on anyone, unless your life is threatened then that would be the only sole reason.

 

I gotta say I would snap right back if I get touched or if I'm told "shut up". Yes it must sound unfair but that's the way I see it. If they want to treat someone like crap then they should be treated like crap in return.

 

Under no circumstances should any hitting be involved. I would just get up and leave the person. If they have to resort to hitting, then they have anger problems as well as communication problems, both of which are a turn-off.

[Yoohoo]

I must say I agree with riddler...I'd be the one to get up and walk away before physical conflict became a possibility. Sure, if my life is immediately threatened, then I will fight back with the intent of self preservation, but I doubt that'd ever be necessary in a relationship.

[samsungxoxo]

Yes I know it's not right hitting, but see it's not like I'm a violent person. I'm not, but damn if I get hit, then it would be wrong for that person to assume that I'm not gonna respond back in return, that would just show them that they ask for it in the first place.

That one word "Shut up", would make me smack that person. I would stand any word and walk away but to tell me "Shut up", I would go off so easily.

[Pyro]

Yes I know it's not right hitting, but see it's not like I'm a violent person. I'm not, but damn if I get hit, then it would be wrong for that person to assume that I'm not gonna respond back in return, that would just show them that they ask for it in the first place.

That one word "Shut up", would make me smack that person. I would stand any word and walk away but to tell me "Shut up", I would go off so easily.

 

If you are referring to anyone on the street, then yes do what you got to do to defend yourself, but never in a relationship. Breaking up with them and never talking to them again will hurt them 10 times more then a punch.

[samsungxoxo]

Actually yes I was also refferring to my current relationship, if that ever were to happen.

With that particular "Shut-up" word, I start getting flashbacks on it, that's why I would snap very fast at that word. In fact I sorta did kinda started getting angry two days ago. My b/f was just talking to me normally and in my mind I thought he had say "Shut-up" and I was like "WHAT??, did you just say shut-up"??, in which he look with a confused stare, he's like "No I would never tell you to shut up".

 

[Pyro]

I agree that telling someone to "shut-up is very disrespectful, especially coming from someone who cares about you, but you shouldn't let two little words get to you like that. Have you told him before that you don't like being told that? Have you told him that you find it very disrepectful and hurtful? If he knows all that and still says that to you, then he is not very considerate of your feelings and that is when you should consider breaking things off with him. You will look like a much better person if you were to just do that and not resort to hitting back.

[samsungxoxo]

Nope, he has not told me that, I just kinda overrated a bit that day. But I did told him the reaon why that would anger me a great deal or well I'm gonna say it here to. Those were the words dad used on mom whenever he didn't know how to deal with her "once in a while tantrums (slang language)". Well basically if she didn't shut up then it would be hair pulling, shoving or spanking, not really betaing up, but he basically was doing what he would have done with an spoiled child. But geeez, no excuse. Grrr, venting right now.

 

Only, I just only b/f that dad would say "shut up" to mom. I didn't feel like sharing what I'm gonna share now. Now I'm gonna post my story I wrote on another forum way months ago.

 

[Pyro]

I understand why those words affect you like they do. I know that you are better then that though. You don't have to stoop down to your dad's level.

[samsungxoxo]

Ok I still no excuse for hitting a partner, that just degrades their self-esteem and the hitter isn't the winner, instead she/he's the loser. Now i'll share my story for the first time about my parents and yes at times I was made to be a witness, now thats silly, i know, they should solve, not have the kid as a witness. So here goes my story which had always happens ever since I was a kid and yes I still feel that's wrong.

 

My story: Ok I wasn't raised in a violent environment, no, it was good loving parents. But see there was at times when mom would get piss and start scremaing and cursing, most of the times she would start it, and yes it got annoying and yes at times dad would lose it. I was a witness, I would hear her cursing and screaming and he would tell her "calm down" until it got to the point were he would say "SHUT UP ALREADY", not the right thing for a man to do, now I know better. And most of the times she wouldn't, thats when he would then spanked her, on few occassions it was with a belt, or a brush, or just a shove, but he never got to the point of actually slapping here or punching her in the face, it wasn't real serious. But still, I don't feel a man should put his hands on a woman just cuz she talks back or curses. Esp, he would do it when she would use slang word. This would go on at times. Some of the times dad was trying so hard but then he losses his temper if she persists on not shouting, which then off course it'll lead to her crying when he hitted (spanked her). And well, I used to be so blind for a long while manily cuz I would hear mom was the one who started with the screamings. I use to think that he had already put up with much and that it was time for her to shut up and that he did right, until when I turned 16. I started disagreeing when I read on article on the correct way for a man to win a fight when the g/f or wife is shouting and starts cursing. It say that the guy shosuln't raise his voice nor be abusive towards her cuz of that. Then I also start thinking that yes couples do fight. Another is at times as a joke he tells he "Oh shut up" when he feels she's saying something unimportant. And off course when at times both fought they would give me different versions, I don't go along with any. Mom tells me of how he's so abusive and dad says the same and tries to justify why he lose his temper and shove her or kick her. I still say thats no excuse, if she yells or screams, he could have walk out or counting system, anything to keep him from feeling like hitting her. And yea there's been few occassions last yr, when I had to intervined, he told me "You're witness here, look at the horrible things she's saying, look at the language, I'm about to or I feel like slapping her. I would tell him not to and that it's not the way u solve things.

Well I would to continue but now I gotta go to college, just want to hear ur points.

And no he didn't do the right thing is responding by getting physical when she got verbally. Though it happened a few times, I still feel he like low down her self-esteem

[Pyro]

Does that still go on? If so, they need counseling ASAP, but it also sounds like that counseling may not even work.

 

Its also wrong because like you said, it has happened in front of you. I'm not saying that you are an example of this, but a childs eyes exposed to abuse like that, can possibly give them the idea that it is ok for them to do that to future mates. I'm sorry that you were exposed to that. I know that you know better then how your parents are.

[samsungxoxo]

Sorry but I could not held this longer as my anger was getting on me so I decided to copy and paste this article.

 

I long started to think within me if this was the biological nature within a man, if they react so fast when a their girl talks back to them/curses or yells at them, that they wanna win the yelling contest and resort to their tantrums/tempers by hitting as a last resort.

[Pyro]

Sorry but I could not held this longer as my anger was getting on me so I decided to copy and paste this article.

 

I long started to think within me if this was the biological nature within a man, if they react so fast when a their girl talks back to them/curses or yells at them, that they wanna win the yelling contest and resort to their tantrums/tempers by hitting as a last resort.

 

And what article would that be?

[samsungxoxo]

It only happens once in a very long while, not too much though. But still, hitting is hitting, NO EXCUSE to be using that to control someone's bad temper.

As for counseling, there was a talk about it once. Off course dad's stubborn, he just in his words say it was her that needed it. He tried to justify it by saying that those few times he did those episodes is b/c he would tell her first in the calm way to "shup up" and would warn her, she wouldn't and so he went off.

His usual warnings when she starts cursing are "Don't wake-up the lion" or "Look at your words, look what you're saying, then when I get angry you called me an abuser, which I'm not".

[samsungxoxo]

I wrote this a very long time, like way back in October of last year. It's on another forum called "Enotalone".

[Pyro]

It only happens once in a very long while, not too much though. But still, hitting is hitting, NO EXCUSE to be using that to control someone's bad temper.

As for counseling, there was a talk about it once. Off course dad's stubborn, he just in his words say it was her that needed it. He tried to justify it by saying that those few times he did those episodes is b/c he would tell her first in the calm way to "shup up" and would warn her, she wouldn't and so he went off.

His usual warnings when she starts cursing are "Don't wake-up the lion" or "Look at your words, look what you're saying, then when I get angry you called me an abuser, which I'm not".

 

That is all unexcuseable. They both have problems and they need to be worked out. To me, they sound like a couple of overgrown children. Good luck with your college and I am glad that you realize how bad that their behavior is.

[samsungxoxo]

Nope, the article I was referring to was what I just wrote, not the argument scenerio.

[samsungxoxo]

Yea everything's going well in college, I'm on my way to being a shrine.

[Pyro]

Yea everything's going well in college, I'm on my way to being a shrine.

 

I think that you should try and suggest the marriage counseling as well. Let them know that their behavior has taken a toll on you as well.

 

I am on the road to becoming a saint. Actually, my name is already a saints name, so I am half-way there.

[FolderWife]

Snapping back, YES!!! People can't just talk to you like you're crap, without you stooping to their level and talking crap right back.

 

Of course some say the "mature" thing would be to walk away. But when you aren't dealing with a mature person, why bother.

 

On the upper hand, if they hit you, I would say hit back. But!..my mom was telling me that a woman was being abused by her husband, and they went to councelling, and the councellor told her to hit him back.

 

so the next time her husband hit her, she hit him back, and he walked away. The NEXT time her husband hit her, she hit him back again, but this time, he beat the crap out of her.

 

the moral of the story, hit me once, I hit you back. Hit me twice, it's time to leave.

[superconductor]

Go ahead, hit me once. But you'd better make it a good one, because the flurry that will come back will have you on the ground, and you won't be getting up without help.

 

And physically hitting someone because they tell you to shut up is abuse. Ask any cop or judge.

[samsungxoxo]

Well supercondutor if that person (man or woman) doesn't wanna get hit then they must not ever do one of the followings:

1) Hit me

2) Say the mother f word

3( Tell me shut up and raising their voice

 

So simple rules and NO, I'M NOT AN ABUSER. Snapping back won't make me one b/c after that I would break up, but not without first responding back. Sorry if this makes you mad but that's just me, I ain't taking ever any crap from no guy (or girl). If you're mad at your partner, geez do something about it to work it out instead of yelling and saying shut up, geeez. No one has the right to tell you to shut up and scream at you (well only unless it's your parents trying to make a point to you).

 

Other than that, I would never hit without provocation. I'll never sit there and take it like a stupid person.

 

 

 

 

 

[samsungxoxo]

nd just for your information superconductor, yelling and telling a person "SHUT UP" is definately also abuse. And I ain't taking abuse from no man or woman.

[alphamale]

I gotta say I would snap right back if I get touched or if I'm told "shut up". Yes it must sound unfair but that's the way I see it. If they want to treat someone like crap then they should be treated like crap in return.

there is always a time and a place for violence. and that is readily apparent in our society.

[samsungxoxo]

Yes Alphamale and unfortumately some people are stupid enough to think they can just abuse whenever they want to just b/c they think they're stronger and yet thinking that they're never gonna hear from a person that will answer back.