Who else believes in the "hitting back" rule

[magichands]

Sometimes I think that indifference is the cruellest weapon of all. Hahahahaha. But then it can't really be called a weapon when you just don't care.

[RecordProducer]

That one word "Shut up", would make me smack that person. I would stand any word and walk away but to tell me "Shut up", I would go off so easily.

If you were a man and your woman told you to shut up...

 

See, some day, your guy might not tolerate some words from you and he might smack you. How would you feel about it? You would smack him back, right? Then he would beat the sh*t outta ya.

 

Verbal and physical abuse are not the same. No one can fall down the stairs and break their neck from the words "shut up" or "mother f."

[samsungxoxo]

It's b/c I get reminded of those words that's why. They have been used way to much, that I can remember from the time I was little, that's why I would have be able to stand it.

By the way what on earth makes you think that I will be dealing with abuse and that it's gonna happen?? Like I'm gonna sit there and let it happen......

 

Second there would be no reason for me to say "shut up" as well as the other way around.

[superconductor]

So if a woman tells me to shut up, then it's perfectly ok if I thump her back?

 

Or is this just another in the long list of things that women can do (ie: abuse their man) that men can't?

[Walk]

So if a woman tells me to shut up, then it's perfectly ok if I thump her back?

 

That just cracked me up.

 

Apparently this is an exclusive "women only" rule. Although, I wasn't aware of it. Where the hell do I get this rule book at anyway?!?!?!!?

 

I've noticed that younger women tend to believe that they are just as strong physically as all men. I know some women are, but that's a minority of them. And I've thought the same way in the past. But it really only took one good hard knock from a guy who wasn't even trying to thump me for me to understand that no matter how "tough" I thought I was.. it still didn't compare. So unless we're "play fighting" I don't stand toe to toe with a guy and thump him. I'm not built with the upper body mass that men are. My fists aren't as big as most mens are. Ain't no way I'm even going to kid myself that me popping some dude is ever going to cause him to respect me... I have more of a chance of getting the stuffing knocked out of me from that action. But I have gotten my point across much more quickly and efficiently by walking away from them.

[superconductor]

My point exactly, Walk.

 

Seems that our friend Ailec suffers from the infantile delusion that abuse is only one-sided, always from male to female, and that a woman can do pretty much anything she wants without regard to moral or legal obligations.

 

By the way, the book you refer to is called Shut the F*ck Up: The Good Double-Standard. It's probably available in your local women-only store.

[Craig]

Using violence in response to verbal or physical abuse merely increases the likelihood of escalating violence. I think that is a good enough reason not to use it unless your life or someone else's life is threatened. In all other cases I'd recommend walking away, running away and/or calling 911 and getting the law on your side.

 

I find it interesting and disturbing at the same time to learn that some people view physical violence as an appropriate response to being hit or even told to 'shut up.' Folks, if your SO is agitating you so much that you have this urge to beat them then it is time to leave the relationship and/or get HELP for yourself.

 

Having had a little experience regarding the topic of women hitting men, I have seen men that were more than capable of responding physically do nothing but call the police in response to their wife or gf's physical aggression. Some men just don't hit back even when faced with a crowbar wielding or knife wielding wife attacking them. They call 911 and let the law handle it. The police see this all the time and aren't surprised when some guy calls 911 because his SO has attacked or is attacking him.

 

Personally I will not put up with any kind of abuse. In a relationship if you decide that you want to abuse me or anyone else, I'm leaving, I'm not going to stand by you, I'm not going to be there for you, I'm not going to waste my time trying to fix you. I don't care if we have a 'history' together, I don't care if you have a good side, you're outta my life.

[blind_otter]

Hitting back is totally unacceptible. It's called "crazymaking behavior" (google it).

[alphamale]

Hitting back is totally unacceptible.

I disagree...if anyone (male or female) tried to violently attack me I would be within my rights to pulverise every bone in thier body. And trust me, I have the capablity to do it.

[superconductor]

I don't often agree with my friend Alpha here, but in this case I'll have to make an exception.

 

There's an old saying (I think it comes originally from one of the Godfather movies) that goes: Never get in a fight with someone you don't know, because you don't know how much anger they're carrying.

 

If our friend Ailec wound up and socked me one (or anyone else for that matter, male or female) without provocation - and saying "shut up" isn't even close to provocation - there would be no way for me to know what lengths he/she would go to in a follow-up attack. Therefore, it would be my duty, even my responsibility, to knock them down hard enough that they'd be unable to respond.

[alphamale]

I don't often agree with my friend Alpha here, but in this case I'll have to make an exception.

thank you SC for your rare validation upon my humble self ....

 

I dont' believe in violence but I do beleive in defending yourself. if someone seriously threatens or wants to cause serious harm to my person then i will retaliate.

[blind_otter]

I disagree...if anyone (male or female) tried to violently attack me I would be within my rights to pulverise every bone in thier body. And trust me, I have the capablity to do it.

 

I thought this discussion was confined to hitting with respect to intimate relationships. In any case, if someone hits you you should leave, or if you really want to -- report them to the police. If you hit back you could end up really regretting that decision.

[Adunaphel]

If our friend Ailec wound up and socked me one (or anyone else for that matter, male or female) without provocation - and saying "shut up" isn't even close to provocation - there would be no way for me to know what lengths he/she would go to in a follow-up attack. Therefore, it would be my duty, even my responsibility, to knock them down hard enough that they'd be unable to respond.

 

I am against fighting back unless you are 100% sure that you can knock down the other person straight away (or ensure in any other way that they can no longer hit you or anyone else).

 

So I'd have flight-or-knock down kind of responses. I'll usually pick flight since I'm 110 lbs and not very aggressive, though.

[Adunaphel]

I find it interesting and disturbing at the same time to learn that some people view physical violence as an appropriate response to being hit or even told to 'shut up.' Folks, if your SO is agitating you so much that you have this urge to beat them then it is time to leave the relationship and/or get HELP for yourself.

 

Words of wisdom.

I realized that I had to break up with my ex bf when I started to feel like hitting him. It was scary, I was feeling not really like myself.

 

I thought this discussion was confined to hitting with respect to intimate relationships. In any case, if someone hits you you should leave, or if you really want to -- report them to the police. If you hit back you could end up really regretting that decision.

 

The situations that I find more difficult to deal with are those where the abusive person (even if it's "just" verbal abuse) is basically backing you and won't let you leave.

[blind_otter]

The situations that I find more difficult to deal with are those where the abusive person (even if it's "just" verbal abuse) is basically backing you and won't let you leave.

 

Yeah I've been in those situations. Horrible feeling, being trapped.

 

I mean, I myself have done this, where I was smacked around and tried to hit back and ended up even more busted up. It's that experience that made me realize how utterly ridiculous the whole thing is. To even attempt to hit back.

 

like that's going to help to resolve the situation, or create a safer environment. IME, you hit back and they will hit you again. Harder, or with a blunt object, to shut you up. And then if you can still stand, you hit them, harder, or with a blunt object. To shut them up. Repeat ad nauseum until someone is unconscious or dead.

 

The subsequent lawsuits on both sides, or involvement of law enforcement. I mean come on.

 

Hitting back is like trying to put a fire out with gasoline.

[samsungxoxo]

My point exactly, Walk.

 

Seems that our friend Ailec suffers from the infantile delusion that abuse is only one-sided, always from male to female, and that a woman can do pretty much anything she wants without regard to moral or legal obligations.

 

By the way, the book you refer to is called Shut the F*ck Up: The Good Double-Standard. It's probably available in your local women-only store.

 

Wow I'm accuse of being called a child don't I'm I. First no, where the f**** did you see in my thread saying "Oh here's a list of what girls can and men can't do", did you see me writing this, NO. And second, I'm not your friend, I'm an just a random person posting here.

 

All I say was just that if they wanted treat someone like crap then they should be treated like crap in return. No, in one way was I being one-sided, as no one has the right to put their hands without provocation (getting hit). No I also would not have the right to yell and say "Shut up" nor hit, and neither would my b/f have the right to.

 

Unless I'm so evil that I'm trying to kill you, then do as you must do. But if I'm damn treating you nicely without any provocation and you all of the sudden for whatever reason decide to take crap and mess with me, I''ll do it back. Simple as that.

Evene worst case: You thinking you're strong and that I can't do nothing, decide to do ahead and then turn your back on me thinking nothing's gonna happen it return, yes it will.

As far as strength, Walk it's about looking for positions (ex: the testies, or right in the bone of the neck in which that would hurt anyone).

[Ross_K]

I agree with Ailec1987 here.

 

superconductor, you're telling me you'd actually hit a girl and knock her down if she hit you? Well, whatever floats your boat I guess, but it doesn't seem right to me. Why not just grab hold of her arms to stop her instead? You're going to be a lot stronger than most women. It's what I'd do anyway.

[superconductor]

I agree with Ailec1987 here.

 

superconductor, you're telling me you'd actually hit a girl and knock her down if she hit you?

If it was someone I knew or someone that was clearly unable to defend themselves, then no, I would not hit back.

 

But if it was someone I didn't know, who attacked me unprovoked (and, as I said, saying "shut up" is not provocation), and was clearly spoiling for a wee bit of fisticuffs, then all bets are off.

 

Quick example: When I was married I put up with a lot of verbal, mental and even physical abuse. Never once did I raise my hand, even in self-defence.

 

I did get accosted once, however, by some drunk cluster of women who had mistaken me for someone else once. Kicks and punches flew in my direction. Had I no right to defend myself? Well, I figured I did, so I determined who was the ringleader and took her feet out from under her using a sort of low roundhouse kick. She thudded to the floor - she was more than a bit overweight - and immediately started bawling. Fortunately, everyone else there saw that the attack was entirely unprovoked and backed up my story.

 

It turns out that one of the women in the group had thought I was an ex of hers, though I had never met any of them before. Through their drunken haze I guess they couldn't see that I wasn't the guy, so they just let loose.

 

Lemme tell ya, when women fight, it's no holds barred.

[Alone1234]

Personally I don't hit back and I know better than that because I'm 5 2 and he's 6 2. I don't even stand a chance. I will say that I do experience a lot of verbal and mental abuse. It's not fun but there's nothing that I can do about it. The verbal I can handle because I just put it back in his face but the mental part I can't. He's to good at it. He never never used to be like that. After I married him I thought to myself years later that I must have forgot to read the fine print. It started about 3 years ago and it just keeps getting worse and now he's starting to be controlling about what I do and where I go and such. I can't go anywhere without him asking me where I'm going and WHY I need to go and WHAT i'm getting. He's more like "when I want to go you can come with me. Other than that you don't need to go do you." Then if I say yes he gets mad. Not at first but it just builds and when I get home thats it. Usually I'll just go hide in the other room or in the basement and work on things while he's ticked off and looking for reasons to yell at me. He just can't stand it when I do something other then what he wants me to do. Its just kills him that I want to do things. Ugh. Sometimes I just feel completely worthless, stupid, and not worthly of being loved because I don't feel it. I've talked to my other friends about this and they just tell me "welcome to marriage" or "my husband is the same way." I don't know. Maybe if I didn't make him want to yell at me and such then he wouldn't and things would be fine but I'm only human.

 

Sorry for rambling on but I just had to get that out. I was on a roll and it won't happen again. Sorry.

[Pyro]

Personally I don't hit back and I know better than that because I'm 5 2 and he's 6 2. I don't even stand a chance. I will say that I do experience a lot of verbal and mental abuse. It's not fun but there's nothing that I can do about it. The verbal I can handle because I just put it back in his face but the mental part I can't. He's to good at it. He never never used to be like that. After I married him I thought to myself years later that I must have forgot to read the fine print. It started about 3 years ago and it just keeps getting worse and now he's starting to be controlling about what I do and where I go and such. I can't go anywhere without him asking me where I'm going and WHY I need to go and WHAT i'm getting. He's more like "when I want to go you can come with me. Other than that you don't need to go do you." Then if I say yes he gets mad. Not at first but it just builds and when I get home thats it. Usually I'll just go hide in the other room or in the basement and work on things while he's ticked off and looking for reasons to yell at me. He just can't stand it when I do something other then what he wants me to do. Its just kills him that I want to do things. Ugh. Sometimes I just feel completely worthless, stupid, and not worthly of being loved because I don't feel it. I've talked to my other friends about this and they just tell me "welcome to marriage" or "my husband is the same way." I don't know. Maybe if I didn't make him want to yell at me and such then he wouldn't and things would be fine but I'm only human.

 

Sorry for rambling on but I just had to get that out. I was on a roll and it won't happen again. Sorry.

 

You should start a new thread on this matter.

 

I'll say, why on earth are you putting up with his crap?

[whichwayisup]

Actually yes I was also refferring to my current relationship, if that ever were to happen.

With that particular "Shut-up" word, I start getting flashbacks on it, that's why I would snap very fast at that word. In fact I sorta did kinda started getting angry two days ago. My b/f was just talking to me normally and in my mind I thought he had say "Shut-up" and I was like "WHAT??, did you just say shut-up"??, in which he look with a confused stare, he's like "No I would never tell you to shut up".

 

 

Then you need therapy. If that one word could make you snap and smack someone, you're gonna find yourself in jail one day! Explain that one to the Judge!

[whichwayisup]

Well supercondutor if that person (man or woman) doesn't wanna get hit then they must not ever do one of the followings:

1) Hit me

2) Say the mother f word

3( Tell me shut up and raising their voice

 

So simple rules and NO, I'M NOT AN ABUSER. Snapping back won't make me one b/c after that I would break up, but not without first responding back. Sorry if this makes you mad but that's just me, I ain't taking ever any crap from no guy (or girl). If you're mad at your partner, geez do something about it to work it out instead of yelling and saying shut up, geeez. No one has the right to tell you to shut up and scream at you (well only unless it's your parents trying to make a point to you).

 

Other than that, I would never hit without provocation. I'll never sit there and take it like a stupid person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So you yell back. That still doesn't give you the right to hit someone. Having a heated dicussion/agruement that gets angry happens, but hopefully the respect is there.

 

The smartest way to handle it is walk away - If you dont like what is being said, then end the conversation or yell back. But, do not hit!

[Alone1234]

I would post it elsewhere but it doesn't really fit into any of the categories because it could go all over in this forum.

[whichwayisup]

Personally I don't hit back and I know better than that because I'm 5 2 and he's 6 2. I don't even stand a chance. I will say that I do experience a lot of verbal and mental abuse. It's not fun but there's nothing that I can do about it. The verbal I can handle because I just put it back in his face but the mental part I can't. He's to good at it. He never never used to be like that. After I married him I thought to myself years later that I must have forgot to read the fine print. It started about 3 years ago and it just keeps getting worse and now he's starting to be controlling about what I do and where I go and such. I can't go anywhere without him asking me where I'm going and WHY I need to go and WHAT i'm getting. He's more like "when I want to go you can come with me. Other than that you don't need to go do you." Then if I say yes he gets mad. Not at first but it just builds and when I get home thats it. Usually I'll just go hide in the other room or in the basement and work on things while he's ticked off and looking for reasons to yell at me. He just can't stand it when I do something other then what he wants me to do. Its just kills him that I want to do things. Ugh. Sometimes I just feel completely worthless, stupid, and not worthly of being loved because I don't feel it. I've talked to my other friends about this and they just tell me "welcome to marriage" or "my husband is the same way." I don't know. Maybe if I didn't make him want to yell at me and such then he wouldn't and things would be fine but I'm only human.

 

Sorry for rambling on but I just had to get that out. I was on a roll and it won't happen again. Sorry.

 

Why don't you start your own thread and we can help you. I don't want to hijake this thread and go off topic.

[samsungxoxo]

Again superconductor, where on my post did I mention about hitting strangers at random. I was talking about me not putting a crap in a relationship.

 

You really think I would be walking down the streets and hit whoever I find at random, don't you think that's crazy??

 

Maybe I should have entiltled this thread "Why we shouldn't put up with abusive relationships".