Who else believes in the "hitting back" rule

[whichwayisup]

Yes, I mean it and I'm not kidding. I would NOT tolerate the slightest bit of abuse in my relationship.

 

That's fine and healthy, if you end it and walk away, but if verbal abuse (like being told to F off or shut up by someone) leads you to anger, which in turn you react by being physical (hitting, throwing things at someone etc) towards that person, that is abuse as well.

 

A child who gets hit by a parent out of anger is still being abused, even if it's unintentional.

 

A woman who is hit by a man out of anger is still being abused, even if it's unintentional.

 

A man who is hit by a woman out of anger is still being abused, even if it's unintentional.

 

Hope this makes sense to you.

[Guest]

Who knows what comes after yelling, raising your voice. If I let my b/f simple get away with yelling, telling me to shut up or else he'll hit me (thinking that's the only way you can solve an argument with the girl), then he'll just think it's his lucky day. If they get away with yelling, then they get away with hitting you.

 

Just because hitting followed yelling in your house does not mean that that was normal or that most people behave that way.

 

If they get away with yelling, then they get away with hitting you.

 

Not true. What your problem is is you think that EVERYBODY who says something stupid to you in a loud voice will follow it up with hitting. They won't. And if you are dumb enough to smack someone around who just says something you don't like, I promise that YOU WILL BE IN JAIL. It is NOT acceptable to wallop someone because you have made the false association that yelling is the precursor to hitting.

 

This is why you need to talk to a therapist badly. Your assumptions are all wrong and backwards because of your youth and so when you act on them, as you currently promise you will, you will get into serious trouble.

 

Understand this: NOT EVERYBODY WHO YELLS HITS. Hell, if everyone who yelled hit, everybody would be in jail. In YOUR family, yelling was a warning that hitting would follow. But that's not normal. At all. It is, however, fairly normal for people to raise voices when they get angry/frustrated/annoyed. It's not the best way to deal with a situation, but there are a whole lot of criteria for yelling being 'abuse' .

 

And Craig, say what you like, but the idea that you are allowed to hit someone who bugs you IS the mindset of an abuser. She may not yet be an abuser, but unless she changes that thought pattern, she will become one.

 

It's not too far a step from saying you'll hit someone who tells you to shut up to deciding that you're not being respected if a person doesn't take the garbage out right away or doesn't come back from the store exactly when you want him to and if you think it's ok to hit someone who shows you 'disrespect', then you become an abuser.

 

The issue with abusers is their set point for what constitutes acceptable behaviour and what is punishable behaviour is on a hair-trigger. And so long as someone sets himself or herself up as entitled to punish 'bad behaviour', then that person's perception of what constitutes 'bad behaviour' can be anything at all, however minor. And that's the story of how abuse occurs.

[magichands]

Someone needs to be slapped for resurrecting this thread.

[Guest]

Well I don't wanna sound like an abuser myself, but I hate when some people have to put up with all that crap and the abusers just make excuses. Nope, there is never an excuse to lash out on anyone, unless your life is threatened then that would be the only sole reason.

 

I gotta say I would snap right back if I get touched or if I'm told "shut up". Yes it must sound unfair but that's the way I see it. If they want to treat someone like crap then they should be treated like crap in return.

 

 

PLEASE LETS JUST GET THINGS DONE OK - I AM NOT THE ONE THAT BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND DID CRIMINAL ACTS. TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR ACTIONS. I SUGGEST WE ALL ACT CIVIL AND GET THE JOB DONE AND MOVE ON

[samsungxoxo]

PLEASE LETS JUST GET THINGS DONE OK - I AM NOT THE ONE THAT BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND DID CRIMINAL ACTS. TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR ACTIONS. I SUGGEST WE ALL ACT CIVIL AND GET THE JOB DONE AND MOVE ON

 

Damn, what's with the cap letters, you sound like you're screaming, then you talk about acting civil but you're the one not acting like that.

 

If your partner in your relationship doesn't wanna act civil and instead lashes at you, then before breaking up, I would have the full rights to retaliate in return. Well that's just me, no shelter for me, none of that, I'm not an indefenseless creature. When in comes to physical aggression or close to it, I don't take "No" for an answer.

[samsungxoxo]

Then you hear about pigs getting away all the time with it, why, b/c they don't get what they deserve, that's why.