BF admits to looking at girls on the internet

[Jersey Shortie]

I personally have never fantasized about someone esle while with my bf or solo. It just really takes more then a hot body to turn me on. What turns me on is the love and attraction I feel to my boyfriend NOT just wanting someone because they are hotter then my man. Yes I notice attractive people I am not saying I don't, I just don't get anything from closing my eyes and pretending my bf is someone esle it just doesn't do it for me.

 

 

I am the same way. Apparently men luv pretending their girlfriend is someone else though.

[electric_sheep]

I personally have never fantasized about someone esle while with my bf or solo. It just really takes more then a hot body to turn me on. What turns me on is the love and attraction I feel to my boyfriend NOT just wanting someone because they are hotter then my man. Yes I notice attractive people I am not saying I don't, I just don't get anything from closing my eyes and pretending my bf is someone esle it just doesn't do it for me.

 

That is really sweet rainfall. A guy would be lucky to have a girl like you. Just to be clear, I don't think about anyone else while I'm having sex! Just in my private fantasies.

 

I didn't think about anyone else at all for probably the first 6 months of my relationship. You may find this surprising, but I actually started out in the relationship feeling quite traditional and romantic. My girlfriend was doggedly realistic though, and eventually her attitude wore off on me. I mean, even though I was terribly romantic at first, I must say cynicism and realism are not unknown to me, and hence it was an easy sell.

 

She said some things to me early on that were so unromantic I was sort of shocked. That is just the way she is ... truthful and realistic to the core. Beyond comparing our sex life with what she had with her previous boyfriends (never ask your SO about this folks), some of the more unromantic things she said to me include, "I believe there must be at least 5000 soulmates for everyone", and, "Ewan McGregor has a hot co*k !". She also tells me about her frequently erotic dreams, in which doctors and sometimes even ex boyfriends make an appearance to tie her up, etc ... Four months into our relationship she admitted she was still hung up somewhat on her ex. That one was a tough one to take.

 

The most incredible thing about it all is I am convinced she is hopelessly in love with me. Her frankness seems to be due to a mix of almost alien like naivety and a commitment to always tell the truth.

 

Anyway, this was all very strange to me, as my previous gf's were all fairly romantic. I thought maybe this was a generational thing ... new kids these days seem rather jaded in a lot of ways. Regardless, I decided to simply accept it, and I guess all along I sort of felt this way in the back of my mind anyhow. Previously I had sort of lived in denial, and was living an illusion for the sake of romance and love. I think creating an illusion can actually make one quite happy, and be a healthy thing to do, but it takes two.

 

Come to think of it ... when it comes to feelings and vague things like this, how can we ever know what is an illusion and what is reality anyway. Perhaps whatever it is we think becomes reality. Sometimes I wish I could somehow alter the contents of my mind.

 

Considering all this ... no, I don't feel guilty fantasizing about others. Interestingly, now she seems to be the romantic one, and sometimes I think she wishes she could take back some of what she's said.

 

I oscillate ... sometimes I feel terribly romantic towards her (I do love her, afterall). Sometimes I can't keep my eyes off the hot girl sitting across from me at the cafe. I think it's safe to say my feelings are a touch ambivalent. I wonder if they would be different if she had been more sensitive and traditional at first ? Somehow I think I'd still have ended up right where I'm at today. "Reality" has always had a way of winning out with me. Sometimes I wish it didn't.

[catgirl1927]

I'm sure she wishes she could take it back. Girls try to be "cool," because open relationships are so "enlightened." But then when you start to have real feelings for someone, all that alleged enlightenment turns out to be a lot less glamourous.

[electric_sheep]

I'm sure she wishes she could take it back. Girls try to be "cool," because open relationships are so "enlightened." But then when you start to have real feelings for someone, all that alleged enlightenment turns out to be a lot less glamourous.

 

You hit the nail on the head. She was trying to play "cool" at first, and now it's come back to bite her (it took her a long time to admit this). This was out of pure immaturity, no doubt. I think I might resent her a bit for not playing along with my silly romantic games at first. Now her feelings have shifted, but only after she toyed with my "innocense" a bit (causing my feelings to shift too ... in the opposite direction). I wonder if it's possible to re-invent a relationship ?

[Almost]

Catgirl, you have a real problem with understanding any difference between fantasy and reality.

 

Having fantasies does not equal cheating. It's only cheating if someone actually acts out their fantasies in real life.

 

It sounds like you think if a guy simply looks at another woman and finds her attractive, then he is cheating on his girlfriend. Or if he looks a porn and masterbates, that is also cheating on his girlfriend.

 

This just isn't the case. It's only cheating if you actually have another physical relationship in real life.

 

Using your logic, anyone who ever thought about or fantasized about committing murder should be locked up in jail. If you fantasize about shoplifting, should you go to jail also? No, of course not. We only arrest people and send them to jail when they actually do something illegal in real life.

 

There is a big difference here that you don't seem to be able to understand.

 

Simply finding other people attractive or looking at porn is not the same as cheating, and does not mean a guy finds his girl any less attractive and doesn't mean he isn't in love. That's just the honest truth. It's not a scam or a conspiracy.

[arniebuteft]

It's only cheating if you actually have another physical relationship in real life.

 

 

I would consider a purely online or phone relationship to be cheating as well, even if the people involved never even met in person. Phone sex and cybering still count as cheating in my book, even if my GF is doing it with a completely anonymous person.

 

I agree that internal thoughts and wishes, no matter what they are, simply cannot be considered cheating. Anyone who expects their partner to never look at a member of the opposite sex, or fantasize about sex with other people, is being unreasonable. Humans are created with an amazing capacity to dream, imagine, and think, and it's only natural to explore a bit within our own heads.

 

Oh, and I'm 100% confident in saying that if your BF/GF claims to never look at members of the opposite sex, and think sexual thoughts, they're not being truthful. We all do it.

[Almost]

I would consider a purely online or phone relationship to be cheating as well, even if the people involved never even met in person. Phone sex and cybering still count as cheating in my book, even if my GF is doing it with a completely anonymous person.

 

Ok, I agree with that. If you are actually interacting with another real person on the phone or on line, then I can see how that would be cheating also. Still, I would consider this to be less serious than actually having real physical sex with another person.

 

I agree that internal thoughts and wishes, no matter what they are, simply cannot be considered cheating. Anyone who expects their partner to never look at a member of the opposite sex, or fantasize about sex with other people, is being unreasonable. Humans are created with an amazing capacity to dream, imagine, and think, and it's only natural to explore a bit within our own heads.

 

Oh, and I'm 100% confident in saying that if your BF/GF claims to never look at members of the opposite sex, and think sexual thoughts, they're not being truthful. We all do it.

 

I definately agree with all the above comments!

[rainfall]

I

 

Oh, and I'm 100% confident in saying that if your BF/GF claims to never look at members of the opposite sex, and think sexual thoughts, they're not being truthful. We all do it.

 

Well I am 100% confident in saying that I do not think about someone besides my bf. I am just not that turned on by a fanstasy of some hot guy who probably is a big jerk in real life. Again personality and the feelings of LOVE I have toward my bf turn me on not a randomn hot body or face.

[catgirl1927]

Catgirl, you have a real problem with understanding any difference between fantasy and reality.

 

No, I don't. I have a very clear understanding of the difference and don't recall saying anything that would indicate that I do.

 

Having fantasies does not equal cheating. It's only cheating if someone actually acts out their fantasies in real life.

 

I agree. That's not what the OP was talking about.

 

It sounds like you think if a guy simply looks at another woman and finds her attractive, then he is cheating on his girlfriend. Or if he looks a porn and masterbates, that is also cheating on his girlfriend.

 

I never meant to convey that, and if that's what you got from what I said you misunderstood me.

 

This just isn't the case. It's only cheating if you actually have another physical relationship in real life.

 

This isn't true and many people will back me up. Emotional affairs are as damaging as physical ones, and by your definition, phone sex and internet sex don't count. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone when I say that calling another girl for phone sex isn't really cool with most people in a relationship.

 

Using your logic, anyone who ever thought about or fantasized about committing murder should be locked up in jail. If you fantasize about shoplifting, should you go to jail also? No, of course not. We only arrest people and send them to jail when they actually do something illegal in real life.

 

Now you're just being silly. Who ever said anything about jail?

 

There is a big difference here that you don't seem to be able to understand.

 

Disagreeing with you and being incapable of understanding aren't the same thing.

 

Simply finding other people attractive or looking at porn is not the same as cheating, and does not mean a guy finds his girl any less attractive and doesn't mean he isn't in love. That's just the honest truth. It's not a scam or a conspiracy.

 

Having fantasies of course is not cheating. Appreciating a beautiful woman isn't cheating.

 

Private fantasies are just that, PRIVATE. They don't involve other people and don't hurt anyone.

 

There's a distinct difference between noticing someone and gawking at them and telling your SO, "Man, I'd like to bend her over the bar!".

 

I have tried in the past to be the "cool" girlfriend who didn't care about strippers or hookers, and with whom you could discuss the sexual position you'd like to see the waitress in. I guess I'm just not "cool." Or maybe I'm just not into open relationships. That doesn't make me crazy.

[Almost]

 

No, I don't. I have a very clear understanding of the difference and don't recall saying anything that would indicate that I do.

 

 

 

Here's what happened:

 

littlepiggy said this:

 

Just because someone buys a Ferrari, doesn't mean they don't like checking out a Porsche now and then. It's simply (male) human nature.

 

No matter how hot you are, in most cases a guy is still going to look at and be turned on by other women.

 

Catgirl replied by saying this:

 

It's terrible that so many people think that a woman should just accept that she will never mean anything or be enough. I have never in real life met anyone who honestly thought that a man needed to fool around to be happy. I just think it's ridiculous.

 

Up until now, all we were talking about was what the OP brought up, which was her "BF looking at girls on the internet." Now in the above post, catgirl makes the leap from just looking at girls on the internet to "fooling around," and implies that they are the same thing.

 

littlepiggy then goes nuts and responds:

 

Who is saying this? I think you need to back up and do a reality check here. Being turned on by the appearence of others is something that will always happen regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. It's not like there is a switch in our brains that says, "whoops, you're in a relationship now, suddenly that hot blonde isn't hot". This isn't realistic.

 

Let's back up here: What do you mean by fool around? I was talking about appearences not actually sleeping or messing around with another person.

 

And as far as appearence and attraction goes, you can think it's riciculous, but I think it's ridiculous that women think that their guys are going to suddenly stop finding other women attractive just because they're in a relationship. I don't expect my g/f to stop being turned on by other hot guys.

 

What drives that thinking anyway? Ego? Insecurity?

 

In the above post, Littlepiggy basically uses the phrases "attracted to" and "turned on" interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing. When he says "turned on" he really just means "attracted to" in the visual sense.

 

catgirl then responds:

 

And there we are! If it's not ok for a man to cheat, then you are "insecure."

 

Of course the hot blonde is still hot. It's one thing to recognize beauty or attractiveness. You said, no matter how hot someone is, their boyfriend/SO still needs to be turned on by other women. Men need more than one woman because one is never enough.

 

I don't think it makes me insecure to ask that someone have enough respect for me to be faithful, and it's criminal in my mind that so many women are convinced they just have to accept it.

 

catgirl makes yet another leap, being the first to bring up the word "cheat." Basically giving the impression in her first sentence above that she is equating being "turned on" or "attracted to" another girl as "cheating."

[catgirl1927]

Here's what happened:

Up until now, all we were talking about was what the OP brought up, which was her "BF looking at girls on the internet." Now in the above post, catgirl makes the leap from just looking at girls on the internet to "fooling around," and implies that they are the same thing.

 

In the above post, Littlepiggy basically uses the phrases "attracted to" and "turned on" interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing. When he says "turned on" he really just means "attracted to" in the visual sense.

 

catgirl makes yet another leap, being the first to bring up the word "cheat." Basically giving the impression in her first sentence above that she is equating being "turned on" or "attracted to" another girl as "cheating."

 

Um.

 

I see your point. I really do. It sounds very much like I'm equating looking at another woman to cheating, and then contradicting myself, saying at one point that looking isn't cheat and then that it is.

 

I still never mentioned jail, though.

 

There will always be men who disagree with me. Men who say that it's not cheating until THEY say it is. I understand that. But that's not what this thread is about.

 

It's about whether or not looking at girls on the internet is cheating. No, not really. I'd add thirty minutes to your cardio routine, though.

[Almost]

 

I still never mentioned jail, though.

 

Hey, at least I didn't bring up the Nazis or Hitler.

 

I'd add thirty minutes to your cardio routine, though.

 

Ok, will do. I'm going to take a nice long bike ride this afternoon.

[catgirl1927]

Ok, will do. I'm going to take a nice long bike ride this afternoon.

 

Not you, silly.