could he be bi-polar?

[Crystal]

does anyone know what kind of herederity this bi-polar has? i'm beginning to think that my fiance is bi-polar. i just found from his mom that it runs in their family.

 

his aunt, uncle and his cousin are all bi-polar. i've done a search on it and he doesn't quite fit the criteria. the things he has are a very low tolerance for error, somewhat of a perfectionist, very impatient most of the time, moods that go fast up and then right back to normal again but only lasting a few minutes, anger outbursts when things get out of hand at work or stress related.

 

he is driving at work, but then so is his whole family so i don't know that would have anything to do with anything.

 

does any of this sound like bi-polar? anyway suggestions on how to bring this up to him because his moods are going to make me leave him some day but i am not giving up that easy on him because i love the heck out of him.

 

for lent though he is trying to be more in control of his anger outbursts and his moods, so far he is doing pretty darn good but i still hear hints of sarcasim from him when he has to tell me something more then twice, i hate that!

 

any ideas on this, anyone? thank you very much!

[Tony T]

It would not be wise for anyone here to risk a diagnosis based on the information in your post nor would it be prudent on your part to rely upon the opinions of non medical people.

 

However, there are excellent drugs that regulate brain chemistry. Your fiance should see a doctor, or better yet a psychiatrist, for an accurate diagnosis. If he indeed has bipolar mood disorder, there are very excellent drugs that can change his life once the correct blood level is achieved.

 

There are many medical problems that can cause the symptoms you describe including bipolar mood disorder, stress, hypoglycemia, diabetes, certain heart problems, side effects of various medications, etc.

 

Your guy's entire medical history and profile should be evaluated by a qualified medical specialist.

 

Encourage him to see a doctor as soon as possible. If he does have bipolar, it could get worse over time and make your married life a living hell unless it is treated.

[mimi]

Mental disorders do run in familys, and bi-polar disorders can appear when someone is a young adult, in their 20's. Best thing to do is go to the doctor with him. It doesn't have to be a big deal, it just needs to be kept under control.

does anyone know what kind of herederity this bi-polar has? i'm beginning to think that my fiance is bi-polar. i just found from his mom that it runs in their family. his aunt, uncle and his cousin are all bi-polar. i've done a search on it and he doesn't quite fit the criteria. the things he has are a very low tolerance for error, somewhat of a perfectionist, very impatient most of the time, moods that go fast up and then right back to normal again but only lasting a few minutes, anger outbursts when things get out of hand at work or stress related.

 

he is driving at work, but then so is his whole family so i don't know that would have anything to do with anything. does any of this sound like bi-polar? anyway suggestions on how to bring this up to him because his moods are going to make me leave him some day but i am not giving up that easy on him because i love the heck out of him. for lent though he is trying to be more in control of his anger outbursts and his moods, so far he is doing pretty darn good but i still hear hints of sarcasim from him when he has to tell me something more then twice, i hate that!

 

any ideas on this, anyone? thank you very much!

[Crystal]

okay and i agree, but how can i go about talking to him about this? it seems like a sensitive subject and i'm very nervous about bringing it up. maybe i should wait until after lent because he is trying so hard right now and i don't want him to think i haven't noticed nor appreciate his efforts because i really do, i'm just worried what may happen if he is stuffing everything down to keep his lent commitment, or what about after lent, there may be a price to pay for him having to hold things in, but then again, maybe he will have learned to control himself.

It would not be wise for anyone here to risk a diagnosis based on the information in your post nor would it be prudent on your part to rely upon the opinions of non medical people. However, there are excellent drugs that regulate brain chemistry. Your fiance should see a doctor, or better yet a psychiatrist, for an accurate diagnosis. If he indeed has bipolar mood disorder, there are very excellent drugs that can change his life once the correct blood level is achieved.

 

There are many medical problems that can cause the symptoms you describe including bipolar mood disorder, stress, hypoglycemia, diabetes, certain heart problems, side effects of various medications, etc. Your guy's entire medical history and profile should be evaluated by a qualified medical specialist.

 

Encourage him to see a doctor as soon as possible. If he does have bipolar, it could get worse over time and make your married life a living hell unless it is treated.

[Crystal]

i'm not trying to blow it out of proportion but his moods have been a constant factor in our relation of four years now.

 

this guy is so smart, he aced college and school without hardly studying, it all just came natural to him. not to say that possiby bi-polar people are not smart but in my own opinion i would think it would be hard to concentrate if one is, but i don't know, i'm ignorant on the subject so i don't want to make assumptions here.

 

but he is really super smart, learns like a genuis, thinks like one too, so who knows, maybe he is! and that is why he is like he is because he has no tolerance for "ordinary' people like me!

Mental disorders do run in familys, and bi-polar disorders can appear when someone is a young adult, in their 20's. Best thing to do is go to the doctor with him. It doesn't have to be a big deal, it just needs to be kept under control.

[Tony T]

So you really impressed because he's trying to be decent for lent...do you hear yourself??? Wouldn't it be nice if Osama would give up bombing people for lent, too!!!

 

Give me a break. If it's so much effort for your guy to be kind that he actually has to work to do so as a sacrifice for the lenten season, you are in for a very tough life.

 

Don't wait another day to talk to him. If he has a serious medication condition, it needs to be diagnosed and treated right away. Consider that your good deed for lent.

 

Controlling oneself is not something you learn. You either do it or you don't. You write as if our behavior is involuntary. Now if his anger is actually involuntary, he needs treatment ASAP.

 

If he actually has control over being a butthole, you are engaged to the WRONG guy, lady!!! You need to step back from this situation and see just how ridiculous it looks.

 

Men who are buttholes before they get married are ten times worse afterwards. If this is his best behavior, you got big problems.

[Tony T]

So you really like guys who have no tolerance for "ordinary" people like you. Yeah, right, he's a real genius. And my butt's a banjo.

 

People who are genius know how to act dedently towards other people.

[velvet]

Stand up to him. Tell him your intentions if he cant control his moods. You cant live like that. I know it's hard to bring it up to him. If you must wait till he blows up again before you tell him, than wait till than.

 

does anyone know what kind of herederity this bi-polar has? i'm beginning to think that my fiance is bi-polar. i just found from his mom that it runs in their family. his aunt, uncle and his cousin are all bi-polar. i've done a search on it and he doesn't quite fit the criteria. the things he has are a very low tolerance for error, somewhat of a perfectionist, very impatient most of the time, moods that go fast up and then right back to normal again but only lasting a few minutes, anger outbursts when things get out of hand at work or stress related.

 

he is driving at work, but then so is his whole family so i don't know that would have anything to do with anything. does any of this sound like bi-polar? anyway suggestions on how to bring this up to him because his moods are going to make me leave him some day but i am not giving up that easy on him because i love the heck out of him. for lent though he is trying to be more in control of his anger outbursts and his moods, so far he is doing pretty darn good but i still hear hints of sarcasim from him when he has to tell me something more then twice, i hate that!

 

any ideas on this, anyone? thank you very much!

[Crystal]

tony, i know what you are saying, that is why i'm in such a deliema. this is what just happened this evening.

 

we were going to take his gramma out to dinner, she was at his work already but he had to pick up his car from the mechanics.

 

so at 4:30 he said he was on his way, his mom was taking to pick up his car. by 5:15 i still was waiting and called him back.

 

he said he had just got back five minutes ago and had to run some copies and would be leaving soon. i thought the copies could wait but instead i asked him why it was taking so long and why he hadn't just brought gramma along then came and got me?

 

well he said in his nice sarcastic tone that 'gramma cannot get up into the truck'. well i did not know his mom took the truck i would assumed she took her own car.

 

anyway, i could hear the tone in his voice getting agitated and i said 'just go without me' he said i'm leaving as soon as i finish these copies then hung up on me.

 

i did not want to go with him at this point because i hate it when he hangs up on me and talks to me that way, so i left.

 

when i got home there was a 'nice' note on the counter saying what a stressful day he had had and then to have to put up with my crap of stressing him out EVEN more!

 

what a joke, the other day i said something to him about working out at the gym in the evening as he had wanted to do earlier in the day.

 

immediately he said 'now i feel stressed to go work out' why can't he handle stress is beyond me!

 

anyway, my heart goes crazy when i think of ending this relationship but my head thinks it is best, but i really can't give up on him as the time invested in this relationship. i think i will talk to him tonight about all this and see if he will at least talk to a counselor about it. thanks tony for not being so hard on me. haha

So you really impressed because he's trying to be decent for lent...do you hear yourself??? Wouldn't it be nice if Osama would give up bombing people for lent, too!!! Give me a break. If it's so much effort for your guy to be kind that he actually has to work to do so as a sacrifice for the lenten season, you are in for a very tough life. Don't wait another day to talk to him. If he has a serious medication condition, it needs to be diagnosed and treated right away. Consider that your good deed for lent. Controlling oneself is not something you learn. You either do it or you don't. You write as if our behavior is involuntary. Now if his anger is actually involuntary, he needs treatment ASAP. If he actually has control over being a butthole, you are engaged to the WRONG guy, lady!!! You need to step back from this situation and see just how ridiculous it looks. Men who are buttholes before they get married are ten times worse afterwards. If this is his best behavior, you got big problems.

[Crystal]

i guess i was thinking of my aunt who was in the genius category and maaaaan could she be a bitch, whoa boy! come to find out later in life that she had a thyroid condition and had to cut her pills up and sometimes there was too much other times not enough so she was sorta goofy.

 

i've never seen a banjo butt!

 

thanks for the kick in the pants though.

So you really like guys who have no tolerance for "ordinary" people like you. Yeah, right, he's a real genius. And my butt's a banjo.

 

People who are genius know how to act dedently towards other people.

[Crystal]

i talked to him this evening and told him what his mom had told me. i told him that i had went to counseling for 'us' at one time because of my jealousy and now it was his turn to help 'us'.

 

he agreed that he would look into but felt hurt also and felt that i was 'picking on him'. i assured him i was only trying to help 'us' because things really need to change.

 

so we will see what happens with this, i really hope he does get some help and soon. thanks for all the advice from everybody, i really appreciated the kick in the butt and the support, both are needed and i know this.

So you really like guys who have no tolerance for "ordinary" people like you. Yeah, right, he's a real genius. And my butt's a banjo.

 

People who are genius know how to act dedently towards other people.

[velvet]

Sounds like a good man who cares about himself & you.

 

 

 

i talked to him this evening and told him what his mom had told me. i told him that i had went to counseling for 'us' at one time because of my jealousy and now it was his turn to help 'us'. he agreed that he would look into but felt hurt also and felt that i was 'picking on him'. i assured him i was only trying to help 'us' because things really need to change. so we will see what happens with this, i really hope he does get some help and soon. thanks for all the advice from everybody, i really appreciated the kick in the butt and the support, both are needed and i know this.

[ever]

okay and i agree, but how can i go about talking to him about this? it seems like a sensitive subject and i'm very nervous about bringing it up. maybe i should wait until after lent because he is trying so hard right now and i don't want him to think i haven't noticed nor appreciate his efforts because i really do, i'm just worried what may happen if he is stuffing everything down to keep his lent commitment, or what about after lent, there may be a price to pay for him having to hold things in, but then again, maybe he will have learned to control himself.

[Crystal]

this a.m. he got up at 5:00 said he couldn't sleep. he laid down with me and wanted me to hold him, i know he was crying i could feel it on my arm.

 

he said he needed my support for the day because work today was going to be very stressful again.

 

i felt ashamed, maybe i'm not helping him enough to support him? i don't know, i feel awful though because i hurt him yesterday by not being here for dinner when we were to take gramma out he said that hurt him alot.

 

it saddens me to see him weak when he is such a strong minded person, very business savvy, very dedicated, very personable, and to see that i could wipe that out of him by my words, makes me feel sick.

 

i don't want to ruin the guy, i don't want to crush his ego, i just want him to be nice, that's all. so today he is going to look into some counseling at least.

 

so i am happy that he is willing to try to help things out for us. i'm not perfect in anyway, and maybe could use some therpy as well, but maybe not together or both.

 

i'm still really confused about all this, maybe i need to be more supportive of all his hard work, his long stressful days, maybe i just should not talk to him during the day that way he can't get irritated with me.

 

why do you think some people can't handle stress while others can? my neice is moving here next month and is going to be staying with us for a couple weeks, her moving here is stressing me out too, but i have not said anything about to anybody, i keep it in.

 

when i stress i feel like crying, others feel like heating things, others yell, then others well who knows? i wonder why they are all different....

 

really like guys who have no tolerance

for "ordinary" people like you. Yeah, right, he's a real genius. And my butt's a banjo.

 

People who are genius know how to act dedently towards other people.

[Tony T]

Stop babying this guy and STOP allowing HIS crap to make YOU feel bad.

 

Hey, we are all under stress and we all have to deal with it.

 

Helping people handle stress is an entire industry. There are books, workshops, seminars, videos, tapes, biofeedback gadgets, etc. all intended to teach techniques to make stress a lot easier to tolerate.

 

First, we create our own stress by the way we decide to handle life. That's why some people can handle a great many tasks and remain cool and calm. They just take things one at a time.

 

Your guy is going to have to learn how to manage his stressful life so he can handle it without all these complications.

 

Get him into some meditation classes. Get him to learn self hypnosis so he can relax in the evening when he gets home. There are also stress management techniques he can use during the day when he starts feeling uptight.

 

Start at any bookstore. There are multitudes of books and tapes on handling stress and meditation. Stores that have a large inventory of Compact Disks will always have a good supply of music and relaxation CDs.

 

There are classes in almost every city that offer strategies for coping with stress. Call your local hospital, medical association, university or other appropriate facility for information. Pay attention to the newspapers...there are always ads for them there.

 

Get a copy of Psychology Today Magazine. In the classifieds, you will find all kinds of biofeedback machines, tapes, books, meditations, etc. for help in handling stress.

 

Have him see a psychologist who can teach him a lot of this.

 

But don't take on his crap. This is HIS problem. He needs to deal with it. STOP treating him like a baby. You will ultimately create a codependent situation like the one that probably got him into this syndrome in the first place. Make him get out and deal with this problem like the man you say he is.

 

I'd say a man who wakes up and cries in your arms has got some serious problems that REQUIRE IMMEDIATE MEDICAL INTERVENTION!!!

 

My guess is he's probably suffering from depression to. Paxil or some other medication like that could make him into a different man.

 

TAKE DECISIVE ACTION IMMEDIATELY!!!

[Crystal]

once again you have some excellent ideas, i knew there was a reason i came here. i am going to get some tapes that we can both listen to and he is going to do the counseling thing.

 

as for crying in my arms, i didn't take that as weak or anything. he is hurting because he is thinking that i am going to leave him now, i found this out later though.

 

thanks for the many great ideas and i do plan on implement them right now!!! thank you again.

Stop babying this guy and STOP allowing HIS crap to make YOU feel bad. Hey, we are all under stress and we all have to deal with it. Helping people handle stress is an entire industry. There are books, workshops, seminars, videos, tapes, biofeedback gadgets, etc. all intended to teach techniques to make stress a lot easier to tolerate. First, we create our own stress by the way we decide to handle life. That's why some people can handle a great many tasks and remain cool and calm. They just take things one at a time.

 

Your guy is going to have to learn how to manage his stressful life so he can handle it without all these complications. Get him into some meditation classes. Get him to learn self hypnosis so he can relax in the evening when he gets home. There are also stress management techniques he can use during the day when he starts feeling uptight. Start at any bookstore. There are multitudes of books and tapes on handling stress and meditation. Stores that have a large inventory of Compact Disks will always have a good supply of music and relaxation CDs. There are classes in almost every city that offer strategies for coping with stress. Call your local hospital, medical association, university or other appropriate facility for information. Pay attention to the newspapers...there are always ads for them there. Get a copy of Psychology Today Magazine. In the classifieds, you will find all kinds of biofeedback machines, tapes, books, meditations, etc. for help in handling stress. Have him see a psychologist who can teach him a lot of this. But don't take on his crap. This is HIS problem. He needs to deal with it. STOP treating him like a baby. You will ultimately create a codependent situation like the one that probably got him into this syndrome in the first place. Make him get out and deal with this problem like the man you say he is. I'd say a man who wakes up and cries in your arms has got some serious problems that REQUIRE IMMEDIATE MEDICAL INTERVENTION!!! My guess is he's probably suffering from depression to. Paxil or some other medication like that could make him into a different man.

 

TAKE DECISIVE ACTION IMMEDIATELY!!!

[velvet]

You sound like good people. Although, I believe that a doctor is his best bet. Just to get his mind back to stable level. That should be the first step before going to the Barnes and Noble for literature. He seems like a strong man, remind that he is. Give him an ego boost.

 

once again you have some excellent ideas, i knew there was a reason i came here. i am going to get some tapes that we can both listen to and he is going to do the counseling thing. as for crying in my arms, i didn't take that as weak or anything. he is hurting because he is thinking that i am going to leave him now, i found this out later though. thanks for the many great ideas and i do plan on implement them right now!!! thank you again.

[Crystal]

thank you velvet! words of encouragement are always appreciated and welcome!

 

You sound like good people. Although, I believe that a doctor is his best bet. Just to get his mind back to stable level. That should be the first step before going to the Barnes and Noble for literature. He seems like a strong man, remind that he is. Give him an ego boost.