Can you love two people?

[Guest]

My wife and I have been together for 18 years. Things have mellowed out over that time, and we often get distracted from each other by the day-to-day of life, which I think is natural. I love her and we're making an effort to spend more time together. But sometimes I get lonely because she is often tired and doesn't give me a lot of attention.

 

So I went out in search of some companionship. I met a woman online who is also married, and who is very happy in her marriage. She was lonely at times, as I am, so we started IM'ing. We spent hours talking when my wife was asleep and her husband was at work. Something happened. I've never even met this woman, but I fell in love with her.

 

I know it sounds silly, but I haven't felt this way in over 20 years. Not since I first met my wife. It caught me totally off guard. I had only wanted some company, but now I'm in an emotional bind.

 

I love my wife. I won't leave her. Yet somehow I love this other woman, too. It feels like I've met my mate AGAIN! How can this be? Can anyone relate similar experiences?

[Guest]

I can't believe there's no one out there who has had a similar experience they can share!

[luvstarved]

I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley. Now. Before you go too far.

[superconductor]

Can you love two people?

Yes, of course you can. If your parents had more than one child, they loved both.

 

So the question is not whether you can or not. It's whether you should or not.

[Cheshire Cat]

Yes, of course you can. If your parents had more than one child, they loved both.

 

So the question is not whether you can or not. It's whether you should or not.

 

What he said.

 

If you feel like you might love two women, it's just one more reason to respect both and care about both by not cheating on your wife and stopping this emotional affair before you both damage your marriages and hurt your partners beyond recovery.

[PWSX3]

I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley. Now. Before you go too far.

I have to agree with reading His Needs, Her Needs. I am reading it right now and even though my situation is different then yours it still is a book that would be worth reading.

If I'm correct the feelings you are feeling is the attention that you are lacking from your W and instead of talking to the other woman you need to set down and talk and do things with your wife. In the book it says you should spend 15 hours a week with your wife, how many are you spending now?

I think you can check the book out at the Library.

[nancyleeh]

Human's have a great capacity for love. So in that sense you can love many people in different ways and for different reasons. Even if you have formed some kind of loving bond with your online woman friend, your wife is the person you choose to be with and her feelings should come first.

 

A good gauge is to only do things out of her sight that you would do in her sight. Otherwise you are doing yourself and her a disservice and not showing your wife the love, honor and respect that she deserves in your marriage.

[catgirl1927]

Are you sure you're in love, and you're not just in love with being in love? I know that sounds like a bumper sticker, but you mentioned how you were a little bored with your relationship with your wife and feeling neglected. I would be cautious about throwing away your marriage for a quick thrill. If you pursue your relationship with this other woman, that's the risk you take.

[Guest]

OP here.

 

I'd like to say thanks for the responses. I understand, as a couple of you pointed out, that it is possible to love two (or more) people. What I was really asking was whether it is possible to experience that sense of finding your intended mate with more than one person. Because that's what this feels like.

 

For those of you concerned, I still love my wife and don't intend to leave her. Oddly, I've somehow been driven to make the effort to improve things with her since getting involved with the other woman. We've talked and been more affectionate and intimate than we have in years. Maybe since I can't/haven't been with the other woman, I'm channeling that energy back into my marriage? Or maybe fantasizing about leaving for someone else has made me realize I don't want to leave? I'm kind of confused.

 

Somehow instead of one unfulfilling relationship, I find myself in two fulfilling ones! (at least, more fulfilling than before) This shouldn't be. It's thrown me for a loop. I guess I should walk away from the other woman before things become physical. This is hard.

[sumdude]

OP here.

 

I guess I should walk away from the other woman before things become physical. This is hard.

 

You most certainly should, some would call that relationship an emotional affair. No sex but in many other ways an affair.

[portableversion]

you online honey is the best! I mean, you never get listen to her bitch and moan, you don't have to see her not at her best, and overall you don't have to live LIFE with her. That's why it's so good.

 

What you have with this 'ow' is a FANTASY. It's NOT REAL. THUS, that is why it is so FUN.

 

I mean, how can you fall in love with something you've never spoken too? Never seen. YOU CAN'T.

[JamesM]

you online honey is the best! I mean, you never get listen to her bitch and moan, you don't have to see her not at her best, and overall you don't have to live LIFE with her. That's why it's so good.

 

What you have with this 'ow' is a FANTASY. It's NOT REAL. THUS, that is why it is so FUN.

 

I mean, how can you fall in love with something you've never spoken too? Never seen. YOU CAN'T.

 

Ditto...I agree with Mrs. PV.

 

What you are really asking ...is it okay for me to have an affair while being married to my wife? Yes. Is it right or fair to my wife? No. Will I be happy? Temporarily...but I suggest reading the Infidelity and OM/OW forums. This will explain what your future will hold.

 

So, can you have one wife and enjoy the thrill of an affair? Yes, but no it is not true love. Love...when referring to loving a partner in marriage.. is a choice and commitment to one person. Since trust is an integral part of love, then ask your wife...if she say yes, then you may have your affair.

[Guest]

I mean, how can you fall in love with something you've never spoken too? Never seen. YOU CAN'T.

 

Actually, we have spoken many times. Yes, it's true we've never met, but how does that make love impossible? In some ways I know her better than even her husband does.

 

So, can you have one wife and enjoy the thrill of an affair? Yes, but no it is not true love. Love...when referring to loving a partner in marriage.. is a choice and commitment to one person. Since trust is an integral part of love, then ask your wife...if she say yes, then you may have your affair.

 

You can't say that simply because I am not married to her it is not "true love". Yes, I don't have a commitment with her. But love does not require marriage, nor does marriage guarantee love.

 

However, the point is taken that part of my marriage commitment is fidelity and in that I am emotionally involved with someone else, this could be considered an affair. It's really unfortunate, though, because this experience has brought fresh ideas and energy to my marriage, and to hers as well. I just have a hard time seeing that it's such a terrible thing, but I guess it's impossible to expect something so unconventional to survive.