For Couples Getting Married: Why?

[a4a]

You just HAD to bring that up didn't you? Meanie!

 

And Magic...can I have hit of whatever the hell you're smoking? WTF, were you talking about?

 

It means this:

 

Spare the rod and the monkey will bark at the full moon. Do not enter the marriage without clean socks and a good recipe for baked alaska.

 

geeeze some people just don't read well or sumptin'

[burning 4 revenge]

I envision Magic as some sort of acid-dropping leperchaun

[blind_otter]

I like to think it's skewed towards constructive advice...and alleviating the symptoms so that one can deal with a PROBLEM and work towards clarity...but I'm not sure where you fit in to my vision.

 

Maybe you don't have to.

 

I agree with the whole "marriage is a commitment" thing. If you don't want to work for the spoils, then you're probably spoiling the works.

 

if we're all just aspects of your subconscious then somehow - we all fit into your vision, m. That's a bracing thought. Then again, maybe not. Maybe it's just mildly disturbing. Take your pick.

 

I think the question is, is "spoils" the appropriate label? Maybe the spoils spoil the works.

 

I'm just saying.

 

edit - I like the word "spoil". It rolls off the tongue so smoothly.

[a4a]

 

edit - I like the word "spoil". It rolls off the tongue so smoothly.

 

whisper it in a seductive manner....... sounds really good then...

 

gotta let your mouth stay open just a little for a bit at the end and let your tongue rest on your bottom teeth (or gums if ya ain't gots no teeth)

[magichands]

I think the question is, is "spoils" the appropriate label? Maybe the spoils spoil the works.

I guess that's the thing with marriage - you agree to "check in" all the emotional baggage. Where things get hairy is when you want to pick up more souvenirs along the way.

 

When times are tough - and I think this is what defines marriage - it helps to remember that nothing is impossible. Well, except me making sense.

[blind_otter]

When times are tough - and I think this is what defines marriage - it helps to remember that nothing is impossible. Well, except me making sense.

 

hah. nicely. You just contradicted yourself. I think I'm in love. Let's get married and have 10,000 babies. I lay eggs.

[LittleLady]

Why get married? Some of the reasons also stated but also because we both wanted a child and don't believe in having children out of wedlock.

 

 

What's the difference??

As long as both parents are around, a piece of paper means nothing.

 

Also, what is the point of having a child in wedlock, then divorcing a few years later and the child is now in a one-parent household??

Makes no difference.

WTF.

[mental_traveller]

Divorced people are the same as the ones who are never married - they are single.

 

That is definitely not the case. Being divorced is not the same as never having been married, and like it or not, it definitely colours many people's attitudes towards you.

[ladyinwaiting]

Why get married?

 

At first, it was because he asked. I was surprised when he did, because the both of us had shared the view that marriage is essential if you want kids, but a bit of a waste of money otherwise. After all, we live in a jurisidiction were 2 years of domestic bliss equates to a common law marriage, and 10 years gives you exactly the same rights as the real thing anyway. Inheritance, hospital visitation, tax, superannuation - we've got in anyway, so there's no financial or practical reason to tie the knot.

 

Now, though, I want to get married because of what it means to us. I'm struggling to put this into words (type), but I'll give it ago ... We;ve got a strong relationship, and I'd like to think it's highly unlikely we would have broken up in any case. I also get that being married neither increases nor decreases that chance. But we want to take it that next step, and make a vow in front of ours friends and family to stick with each other through thick and thin. It's brought us closer together in ways I never expected. It's also - and I know this sounds weird - forged a certainty and assurance of mututal intentions that just wasn't there before. And then there's the fact that I want to do this because of what it means, because it is a tradition that has come to symbolise the devotion between two people. I can't wait to stand up and tell the world that this is the man I love above all other, the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with, come hell or high water.

 

Marriage is much more than a "piece of paper." People don't fear or detest mere pieces of paper. Marriage is an anicent institution with a truckload of meaning and tradition attached to it. I don't cast any moral judgement on people who don't want to buy into such an institution - one of the great boons of living in the 21st Century is that it's optional. But I'm greatly amused by folks who say marriage means nothing and than run away at the mere mention of it or do everything they can to trash it. Why the strong feelings if it's "just a piece of paper"?

[BruiserKC]

I think children crush a marriage/co-hab relationship or ANY for that matter.. Children are a burden to anyones lifestyle. I can understand that a love between mom and child and dad is child is like no other and that is fine and just flippin dandy but it DOES take apart or more like tear apart a once healthy all about eachother at one time relationship... I do not have nor want kids.. I think in part because I seen them destroy so many relationships.

 

What are the benefits of marriage you ask??

 

Nothing really..

 

 

Children don't destroy relationships...those relationships that are having issues where children get into the mix were in trouble and had issues to deal with before the kids came in. Granted, not everyone is capable (or has any business) of being a parent, but children can be one of life's greatest blessing. For me, the ultimate in true love was holding both of my children for the very first time. Kids enhance relationships that are already strong.

 

Other benefits of marriage...I'll try to avoid naming some already mentioned in this post. For me it's the idea of knowing that whatever I'm doing I have someone to come home to at the end of the day. I'm happier, much more balanced, a much better person for taking the plunge.

 

I think the expression is that "A good spouse should be a worthy adversary". With my wife and I that is very true...while we love each other we also keep each other in line. When one of us gets a hair away from what's really important it's the job of the other to bring them back in.

[superconductor]

Children don't destroy relationships...

The stats don't actually back you up on that, unfortunately.

 

Newsweek, June 30, 2003, cover story reported that the effect of children on a marriage was a major contributing factor in the number of sexless marriages.

 

Now, if you're OK with a sexless marriage, then by all means have all the babies you want. Or if you're one of those extremely rare couples that continue to have an intimate life after children arrive, go right ahead and have more little ones.

 

But if you're like most of the other people on the planet, it's pretty clear that having kids - whether the parents are married or not - is a huge drain on a couple's energy.

[alphamale]

But if you're like most of the other people on the planet, it's pretty clear that having kids - whether the parents are married or not - is a huge drain on a couple's energy.

And the man's pocket book. Women just want the husbands around to pay the bills.

 

In most of the animal kingdom the boy knocks up the girl. Then she crawls up on the beach and lays the eggs in a small hole. She then covers the hole and goes back into the ocean. That is the extent of her motherly duties. The kids then fend for themselves.

[Touche]

What's the difference??

As long as both parents are around, a piece of paper means nothing.

 

Also, what is the point of having a child in wedlock, then divorcing a few years later and the child is now in a one-parent household??

Makes no difference.

WTF.

 

Because it makes a difference to US. I'm not speaking for others. I answered the question as it pertained to my husband and I.

 

Oh and if we have any say in it our child will NEVER be a child of a one-parent household.

[Almost]

Marriage is much more than a "piece of paper." People don't fear or detest mere pieces of paper. Marriage is an anicent institution with a truckload of meaning and tradition attached to it. I don't cast any moral judgement on people who don't want to buy into such an institution - one of the great boons of living in the 21st Century is that it's optional. But I'm greatly amused by folks who say marriage means nothing and than run away at the mere mention of it or do everything they can to trash it. Why the strong feelings if it's "just a piece of paper"?

 

Exactly. If it's no big deal, why not go ahead and do it then?

[blind_otter]

Exactly. If it's no big deal, why not go ahead and do it then?

 

because it is actually a huge hassle...what a headache.

 

I mean I am not completely opposed to going to a santeria exorcism, but I'm not going to seek one out for ****s and giggles.

[Almost]

So, with these as background, is there any upside to getting married?

 

I would ask a couple opposite questions:

 

1) What, exactly, is the downside of getting married?

 

2) What exactly, is the upside of:

• staying single, and/or
  
• just living together with no formal commitment, and/or
  
• raising kids out of wedlock?

Some people say marriage is just a piece of paper and no big deal, so why go through with it.

But if it's no big deal, why not just walk down to the city hall and get married?

If it's no big deal, why do some people talk and act like it is something to be avoided at all costs?

[Almost]

Historically, the institution of marriage has been basically for the woman and for the kids.

 

A woman has a lot more to lose by living with a guy and having kids with a guy, without being married, than the guy does. The woman is the one taking all the risk of getting pregnant and having to raise the kids by herself. They guy can always walk away and wash his hands of the situation if he wants to. Or just pay child support from long distance.

 

You can talk all you want about it being possible to be totally committed to each other without being married, and how that piece of paper doesn't add anything to the committment or make it any more real or more important.

 

If that's the case, why not just get married then, since it doesn't mean anything and is no big deal. Just walk on down to the city hall and get legally married. Why the intense opposition to getting married if it's no big deal?

 

It means a hell of a lot. It means you've made a promise to yourself, your spouse, your friends and family, to the public, and to God that you are going to stay together forever. It's a hell of a lot different than just making a casual committment to each other in private without getting married.

 

Of course the promises you make to each other are what is most important. That has to be there as a prerequisite. But also making promises to the outside world and to God or whatever you believe in, also is a big deal and makes a difference.

 

Also, there is a difference in making promises to each other in private, and in making promises to each other with all your family and friends and the world as witnesses.

 

It's kind of like the difference between making a gentleman's bet with someone for no money and without shaking hands and with no witness, compared to making a real bet for $100 and shaking hands and having a witness. Only more so.

 

Granted people can get pretty easy divorces these days, but still, it means more to be married and have some legal responsibility if you get divorced, as opposed to just being able to leave someone some day with no strings attached and no responsibility, legal or otherwise.

 

Call me old fashioned, but that's the way I see it.

 

I told my sister when she was going to move in with a guy that she should get engaged first. Our parents and our grandmother felt the same way, and my sister came to me to get my opinion, hoping that I would disagree with them and tell her its ok to move in with a guy without getting engaged. On this one I had to agree with my parents and my grandmother. Actually my grandmother thought she should actually get married first but was kind of mollified by the engagement.

 

They did end up getting engaged and have now been happily married for 10 years and have two kids.

 

Of course my parents and grandmother said they would have no problem if I lived with a girl without being engaged. But that's because I'm a guy. Yes it's a double standard, but that's just the way it works.

 

If I was a girl, I wouldn't move in and live with a guy unless he got engaged to me.

 

But as I guy, I would be psyched if I had a girlfriend who would be willing to stay with me without me having to make any kind of real formal committment to her like getting married. What a deal!

[Almost]

because it is actually a huge hassle...what a headache.

 

What are you talking about? You can walk down to the city hall and get married in about a half hour if you want to. That's what my grandparents did during the great depression.

 

No need for a huge, fancy, and expensive church wedding if you don't want one. We're not talking about that.

[rainfall]

I would ask a couple opposite questions:

 

1) What, exactly, is the downside of getting married?

 

2) What exactly, is the upside of:

• staying single, and/or
  
• just living together with no formal commitment, and/or
  
• raising kids out of wedlock?

Some people say marriage is just a piece of paper and no big deal, so why go through with it.

But if it's no big deal, why not just walk down to the city hall and get married?

If it's no big deal, why do some people talk and act like it is something to be avoided at all costs?

 

Well I never plan on having kids so I can't answer that one for you. However I feel that I love my bf and I know he loves me and we will be together forver with or without a piece of paper. I love my bf and have enough trust in his love for me that I do not need a contract with the state to prove it.

[Almost]

I love my bf and have enough trust in his love for me that I do not need a contract with the state to prove it.

 

Well, good for you. But now it sounds like to me like you are thinking of getting married like asking someone for a prenuptual agreement. Like, if you really love someone, you won't ask for it. Like, if you are really in love, you don't need to get married.

 

That's kind of twisted, if you ask me.

[rainfall]

Well, good for you. But now it sounds like to me like you are thinking of getting married like asking someone for a prenuptual agreement. Like, if you really love someone, you won't ask for it. Like, if you are really in love, you don't need to get married.

 

That's kind of twisted, if you ask me.

 

I think it is kinda twisted to say that people who do believe in marriage are not really commited or in love. People don't need marriage to be commited to each other. Marriage does not ensure that either party will never stray or that they will be together "till death do us part".

[Almost]

People don't need marriage to be commited to each other. Marriage does not ensure that either party will never stray or that they will be together "till death do us part".

 

That may or may not be technically true, but one would think and hope that being married would give someone extra pause to cheat, and more reason to stay together.

 

A lot of studies say that the death penalty isn't really a deterrent to murder or anything else, yet a lot of people still believe it is a deterrent and support the death penalty for that reason. But I digress.

 

But you still haven't really answered my question. Which is,

 

1) What, exactly, is the downside of getting married?

 

2) What exactly, is the upside of:

• staying single, and/or
  
• just living together with no formal commitment, and/or
  
• raising kids out of wedlock?

 

You keep saying why there's really no reason to get married and it doesn't really mean anything. But I have yet to hear a good reason why it should be avoided, or what the big downside is. I mean if you are in love and in a totally committed relationship, why should you be so dead set against getting married?

 

Practically speaking, there are a lot of financial benefits. But even putting that aside, why avoid marriage if there are no real big downsides compared to living together?

[Almost]

I think it is kinda twisted to say that people who do believe in marriage are not really commited or in love.

 

Just to clarify, I didn't say that.

 

I think what you meant to say is, "I think it is kinda twisted to say that people who don't believe in marriage are not really commited or in love."

 

And I didn't say that either.

 

I believe people who aren't married can really be committed and in love. But if that's the case, I don't understand why they would be so against going through with getting married.

 

It's like people are boycotting marriage because they don't believe in it and don't want to support it, like some people want to boycott and avoid Wal-Mart.

 

Marriage isn't like Wal-Mart. It's not evil. There's no reason to boycott it that I can see. So if you love someone and are deeply committed to them, why not just get married?

 

Even if you don't think marriage implies any more of a committment than not being married, I would beg to differ. I think if a couple goes through with saying wedding vows out loud in front of their family and friends, (and God if you are religous) it has an emotional impact on most people and deepens their committment to each other. But maybe you're different and you wouldn't get emotional about it or feel any different about it.

[rainfall]

I just don't personally see the point in marriage. If my boyfriend ever decides one day we need to be married then I guess we can go to the court house and get married, however until then I feel that it is just as good how it is now. Marriage would only change my last name nothing esle so why bother with it? Besides financial what exactly are the upsides to marriage? Since we both agreed we never want kids that is not an issue for us, so what is wrong with us both being happy being unmarried but together. As long as we both know that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with why do we need a piece of paper to prove that?

[a4a]

I don't think marriage is for everyone. Some are just fine living together.

Stating your vows in public is not needed or desired by some. As a matter a fact I think too many people actually get married because they just want to show the world that "they are so loved that they are getting married".

 

Down side to marriage is : Too many people do it without really knowing who their spouse is. Most do not have the skills to maintain a marriage so it is destined to end. People get married way way too young. Leaving (divorce) can be a real biotch.

 

Getting married makes things easier because that is how our society is set up.

It is geared towards people that seek to be married.

 

The marriage lic. paper does not force one to keep their pants on. It can force people to maybe work harder to avoid the costs and pains of divorce.

 

I never would have bothered but it was important to my H to have that committment from me and for me it was a business move. So it was logical to actually protect my investments made with him.

 

 

I do believe that many people, mainly women want that thrill of standing up in a crowd and having a man announce his undying love for her publically........ not a good thing, nor a reason to get married.