For Couples Getting Married: Why?

[Almost]

I don't think marriage is for everyone. Some are just fine living together.

Stating your vows in public is not needed or desired by some. As a matter a fact I think too many people actually get married because they just want to show the world that "they are so loved that they are getting married".

 

Down side to marriage is : Too many people do it without really knowing who their spouse is. Most do not have the skills to maintain a marriage so it is destined to end.

 

I do believe that many people, mainly women want that thrill of standing up in a crowd and having a man announce his undying love for her publically........ not a good thing, nor a reason to get married.

 

 

I can agree with that. For some people they might think of marriage as a magic bullet that will solve existing relationship problems. I think a lot of people think that if they can get someone to marry them, then that person will change and be more in love or more committed. But I would agree that marriage doesn't automatically solve problems.

 

On the other hand, I think some people avoid marriage because even though they say they are in love and committed, they don't want to officially tie the knot because deep down, they think something might go wrong, and they don't want to go through the pain and hassle of divorce if and when things go wrong.

 

So the real reason isn't the supposed hassle of getting married, it's the potential hassle of having to go through a divorce.

 

 

Getting married makes things easier because that is how our society is set up. It is geared towards people that seek to be married.

 

The marriage lic. paper does not force one to keep their pants on. It can force people to maybe work harder to avoid the costs and pains of divorce.

 

I never would have bothered but it was important to my H to have that committment from me and for me it was a business move. So it was logical to actually protect my investments made with him.

 

Kind of a cynical and unromantic way of looking at it, but basically sums up my points.

 

The bottom line is that if I am a father and have a daughter, I want to make sure some guy she's in love with is totally committed to her, and I also want to make sure she has some kind of legal protection if something goes wrong. If she's just living with some guy, there is always the chance she could get pregnant and the guy could split, and leave her with nothing. So if something like that happens, as a father I would want to know that at least there was some legal recourse to make this guy financially accountable if nothing else.

 

And even though it's possible for two people to be totally in love and committed to each other for life without marriage serving as a formal proof of their love and commitment, I think the process and act of going through with getting married does in fact mean and prove something. As a father I would want that kind of proof for my daughter even if she didn't think she really needed it, and even if I truely liked the guy and believed in his intentions.

[quankanne]

Spare the rod and the monkey will bark at the full moon. Do not enter the marriage without clean socks and a good recipe for baked alaska.

 

A, you're absolutely priceless! And I'm stealing this for my signature line (quotation cited, of course)

[a4a]

 

On the other hand, I think some people avoid marriage because even though they say they are in love and committed, they don't want to officially tie the knot because deep down, they think something might go wrong, and they don't want to go through the pain and hassle of divorce if and when things go wrong.

 

Well that is what prenups are for. No need to avoid M if you have a prenup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kind of a cynical and unromantic way of looking at it, but basically sums up my points.

No realistic without the white steed and castle crap.

 

The bottom line is that if I am a father and have a daughter, I want to make sure some guy she's in love with is totally committed to her, and I also want to make sure she has some kind of legal protection if something goes wrong. If she's just living with some guy, there is always the chance she could get pregnant and the guy could split, and leave her with nothing. So if something like that happens, as a father I would want to know that at least there was some legal recourse to make this guy financially accountable if nothing else.

 

A marriage cert does not stop him from running out on kids and the wife, nor running off without being married mean that he will not have to pay child support.

 

I

think the process and act of going through with getting married does in fact mean and prove something. As a father I would want that kind of proof for my daughter even if she didn't think she really needed it, and even if I truely liked the guy and believed in his intentions

 

Why does it prove something? It is not an insurance policy of any sort. You can live together with a contract as well. To be "married" is a declaration of love to the public more than any assurance that the couple will remain together. IMHO......it does have certain perks when dealing in business tho.

 

I would think if you are worried about your daughter that a prenup or co hab contract would be in her best interest not marriage alone.

[Almost]

A marriage cert does not stop him from running out on kids and the wife, nor running off without being married mean that he will not have to pay child support.

 

Well it's an added deterrent, psychological if nothing else.

 

Why does it prove something? It is not an insurance policy of any sort. You can live together with a contract as well. To be "married" is a declaration of love to the public more than any assurance that the couple will remain together. IMHO......it does have certain perks when dealing in business tho.

 

I would think if you are worried about your daughter that a prenup or co hab contract would be in her best interest not marriage alone.

 

Well if you say you are in love and committed to someone, but not willing to go through the "hassle" of actually getting married, to me that sounds like you are not in love and committed enough to want to be bothered with the "hassle" of getting married. Either that or you are afraid of having to go through a divorce if and when you break up.

 

I'm not saying getting married is this rock solid guarantee of anything. I'm just saying that if you aren't willing to do it, it leaves the couple open to questions about how committed they really are if they are not even willing to lift a finger to get married.

 

It used to be, when people were much more religious, that being married was basically the equivalent of something like a co hab contract or a prenup. Now it's not, but it still means something more than nothing, IMHO.

 

Marriage was created by fathers to protect their daughters. When everyone was very religious, it used to mean a lot. Now that it doesn't, maybe fathers should go back to the drawing board and make their daughters sign co hab contracts and prenups!

[a4a]

Marriage was created by fathers to protect their daughters. When everyone was very religious, it used to mean a lot. Now that it doesn't, maybe fathers should go back to the drawing board and make their daughters sign co hab contracts and prenups!

 

 

Marriages where also used as bartering tools..... you have my daughter you give me 30 sheep. Daughters were sold.

 

Marriage was used to bring agreement between two ruling families.

 

Marriage used to take away a womens right to own property in the USA..... even her own inherited property.

 

It is a personal choice. I am neither for nor against it if the people getting married are actually mature and financially stable. If indeed they are not sacraficing education, experience, and other things just to stand up in public to say Bobby loves Mary so dag much he is gonna get hitched to her.

[Almost]

I don't think marriage ever has to mean you are sacrificing anything such as education or financial stability. Married people can still pursue those things.

 

All I know is that if and when I ever have a daughter, there's no way I'm going to let her live with a guy for years on end, and maybe have kids and everything, without being married. That's just the way I feel about it.

[a4a]

I don't think marriage ever has to mean you are sacrificing anything such as education or financial stability. Married people can still pursue those things.

 

All I know is that if and when I ever have a daughter, there's no way I'm going to let her live with a guy for years on end, and maybe have kids and everything, without being married. That's just the way I feel about it.

 

Well I do not dig that ideal either. But I don't think I would force it or make it an issue...... that is my choice for my life. Once a child becomes an adult they will make their own decisions.

 

Shot gun wedding if she gets knocked up?

[Almost]

Shot gun wedding if she gets knocked up?

 

Not literally. Ultimately I won't be able to "make" her do anything. But I can state my strong preferences and my best advice for her own good.

 

If she gets knocked up and the guy is a loser and even she doesn't really want to marry him, I'm not going to think they should get married anyways.

 

But I would strongly advise her to not just move in with a guy for the main reason of saving money on rent and it being convenient. Those are bad reasons to shack up with someone IMO, especially if they are the main reasons.

 

She shouldn't move in unless they are in love and ready to get engaged at least. And they shouldn't stay living together for very long without getting married.

 

That's just my strong preference and best advice.

[a4a]

Yeah I respect your opinion and pretty much go along with it. But some people just don't think all that much of marriage.

 

I consider it the promise to attemp to work out problems until all avenues have been exhausted.

 

But I would not harp on anyone who shacks up by choice.

[rainfall]

The bottom line is that if I am a father and have a daughter, I want to make sure some guy she's in love with is totally committed to her, and I also want to make sure she has some kind of legal protection if something goes wrong. If she's just living with some guy, there is always the chance she could get pregnant and the guy could split, and leave her with nothing. So if something like that happens, as a father I would want to know that at least there was some legal recourse to make this guy financially accountable if nothing else.

 

I am a grown women and can take care of myself. I paid all my bills before me and my boyfriend moved in together and if (wish I am not planning on this happening) we ever do break up I will pay all my bills again. I have a job and am going to college to find an even better job one day. I am in no way dependent on my man to take care of me and provide for me. I do not need any kind of insurance that if we break up he will have to take care of me still because I am able to do that for myself.

If someone plans on cheating they will do it whether they are married or not just if they are married they will try harder to not get caught.

 

Marriage also does not ensure the man will help take care of any child they have together.My friend had a child by some guy who she was "just living with" they ended up breaking up and five years later he still is invilved in the childs life and helps her any way she needs. However my cousin was married and had twins by some guy. Well he left her for some younger chick and to this day she has not seen one penny from him and he has never even meet his child. So no marraige does not mean that is two people split up that the man will be made to take care of his child. If a man has good character and is responsible he will take care of his child whether or not he is married to,living with, or broken up with the mother.

[rainfall]

I just feel like I should add this. No matter what my boyfriend has been there for me. When my best friend died and I cried myself to sleep for two weeks he held me and comforted me. He talked to me about my grief and and helped me come to terms with what happened. Without him I really do not think I could have gotten through what happened. When I had surgery and could not work or take care of myself for weeks he helped me. He even bathed me since I could not do this myself. When I was scared that my results were going to come back positive for cancer, he was there to talk me through it and support me either way.When I was totally stupid one night and got drunk and got a PI he bailed me out and stayed with me. (even though he yelled alot .) He has been there for me through every thing that has happened to me and I am 100% sure that with or without a "piece of paper" we will be together when we are old and grey and sitting on the porch swing talking about our young days. Maybe one day we will get married, maybe we never will, however I do not think there is anything wrong with our relationship either way. I know he is the only man for me and I do not need to stand in front of everyone I know to say vows to prove it to anyone.