catgirl1927 Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 I agree with arniebuteft too, very well put. At some point it's less about jealousy vs. trust and more about respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 thank you blind otter and arniebuftet for restoring my faith that not all men think the same way. its refreshing to hear that some bf's actually think about how their actions make their gf feel. more than anything ive been upset about the fact that he did it knowing it would hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 If you want to stay in this relationship, why don't you do the same thing to him? Make friends with some girl who lives with a really hot guy, and frequent that place a lot. Make him understand. Be more mysterious. He is getting off on your jealousy. Then, he tells his friends what a nag you are for being so jealous. Poor pitiful man, can't even sleep over at his buddies' house. Mmm Hmm! Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Get a cab! problem solved. A couple of friends of mine had similiar issues except it was the other way around and it involves my ex. My guy friend told me he felt uncomfortable letting his gf (who is good friends with my ex) sleep over there whenever she gets drunk at the bar nearby. They fought for quite a while, he would insist that she just take a cab, and he would be happy. She would argue that she didn't want to pay for the cab when she could just walk to my ex's house and stay there for free. I don't think they are doing anything, but my guy friend did. It was a uncomfortable situation for me because I couldn't say anything to my ex, I could only advise my guy friend after disregarding the fact that his gf is hanging out with my ex. I told him that she should be honoring his wishes if she cares about him. They broke up a week ago.... my guy friend dumped her sorry butt. The funny part is, also, my ex used to get really upset whenever I went out with my guy friend and end up coming home as late as 2 am maybe twice a month. I never, ever, slept over his house, as I knew this would make him flip out. I had this kind of problem, how he would sleep over other people's houses, I tried not to say anything much about it because it really wasn't a big deal. But it DID bother me, I could never understand how he would get upset about me going out, at least I came home!!!! Whatever... men suck. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I'm having a problem with my boyfriend of nearly 7 months. A few months ago my boyfriend's two male friends moved into a house with 3 girls, one of which i really dislike because she is completely disrespectful to me and my best friend, for example she'll have over the top hello's for both of our boyfriends and then completely ignore us, not a hello or anything and give us dirty looks the rest of the night. I am also uneasy about this person because she has made moves on my friends boyfriend and has been friends with my boyfriend for a couple of years before i met him. He also has a file on his computer that says her name and pics, and when i confronted him he said its just pics she took on a spring break vacation that both of their groups of friends met up on at. I have never asked my boyfriend to not go and hang out and party at his friends' house, but I did tell him that it would make me very uncomfortable if he ever slept over there after. Mind you this is like the only thing I've ever asked of him, and at that point he agreed that he wouldn't, but created a loophole that said "well if im too tired and drunk to drive im going to stay", in which i came back saying "make a plan to not get so drunk then". so anyway, last week he calls me and tells me hes sleeping there before it happens, so he its not like just happened to get sooo drunk and incapable of driving. Then we got into a fight the next day in which he said i need counseling for jealousy issues, which is crazy because i never say anything to him about his female friends, although he percieves that i dont like it from body language or something, and uses all of these perceptions as another reason he wont make the sacrifice of not sleeping over. He says its a totally unreasonable request and that he has no reason to apologize and i have no reason to have any feelings on the situation at all because they its an invalid thing to worry about and that i dont trust him, even though i constantly reassure him i do. so basically im wondering if others think that this is such a huge sacrifice for a boyfriend to make for a girlfriend that he supposedly loves and cares about. why would he do something with total disregard for my feelings. im sorry for the length, but i would really appreciate any opinions because we are nearly on the verge of breakup because of this! thanks! As a guy I agree with you 100% here. She wants to sleep with both these guys and is flirting with them and trying to freeze out the gfs (one of them being you). Your bf is well aware of this. Yet despite asking him not to sleep over, and him agreeing (after trying to make a pathetic excuse), he does it. What's more, when you call him on it he tries to deflect blame and starts feeding you a line of nonsense about needing counselling - pretty damn disrespectful if you ask me. Personally I think you should cross the verge and go ahead and break up with him!. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 So you are feeling insecure about him being near her then? I'm trying to understand this, because if you trust him 100%, then the only reason seems to be that you dislike her. But if it's because of the flirting and the worry that something could potentially happen between them (no matter how remote) then that's different. Then it becomes about him and her. They have been dating 7 months. It would be totally naive to trust a guy 100% after only knowing him that long, let alone in this kind of situation. There's this thing called human nature. It means that *no one* is 100% trustworthy all the time. It means that anyone with testosterone in their body will be occasionally tempted to cheat, even if it's just a momentary thought. Certain women are quite capable of detecting these moments and exploiting them. Allowing a guy to sleep over in the same place as a woman acting this way is like placing a 6 pack in front of a recovering alcoholic. Sure, he isn't *supposed* to teach over and drink it, but would you like to bet serious money on that? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 In my opinion, trustworthy people don't constantly do things to make you question their loyalty. Putting himself in this position is very suspicious, and he knows it. If he were really that into her, he would respect her more than to do something he knows she is uncomfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDog Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 You let him know what your boundaries are. He thinks he can't live up to your boundaries and/or your boundaries are too extreme; in other words, he doesn't respect your boudaries. Time to get a new boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 i think if i had a guy friend with a very jealous girlfriend like you..i wouldnt knwo how to act BUT be rude to you aswell..i hate jealous gf's like you..your bf has not given any reason for you to be jealous..theres just friends..if there werent somthing would of happen already..since HE DID KNOW HER BEFORE YOU green eyes.. Link to post Share on other sites
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