Addicted to flirting?

[MenRmyWeakness]

I am in need of some advice. I'm a romantic and I fall in love easily. I've been dating a man for about 2 and 1/2 years. I really love him, and I feel like we have a good relationship. Good sex, we make each other laugh, lots of stuff in common. But whenever I go out, I can't help flirting with other guys. Scratch that, I can help it, of course. But it's something I actually enjoy! I'm sure this can be traced back to some issue with my father, but whatever the reason, I always feel bad afterwards. I should note, that it never goes beyond flirting. I've never even kissed anyone else. However, I don't want to make my boyfriend feel foolish, or ruin our relationship.

 

Despite feeling like we have a good relationship overall, sometimes I wonder where we're headed. We live together, and he usually includes me when he talks about future plans. Lately, though, we've had some discussions about "taking time off." He says he wants to be young, and basically doesn't want to get tied down. He never says things like, "when we get married," or "when we have kids." Replace that "we" with an "I." I don't know whether to feel like I'm in a serious relationship or whether I'm possibly wasting my time.

 

This all came to a head two nights ago, when I met a friend of my boyfriend. He's really attractive, and he speaks the same foreign language I do. All night he was flirting with me, and I was flirting back, all right in front of my boyfriend. Of course, he couldn't understand what we were saying. I felt a real connection with this guy. So suddenly, I'm really confused. I really want to have a chance to get to know him. But part of me really wants to stay with my current boyfriend, in the hopes that he'll ask me to marry him eventually. If I stay with my boyfriend, should I try to be friends with the other guy, or will it inevitably lead to cheating? Good grief, love is so complicated!

[Gia77]

First, some people flirt and some don't. I know lots of flirters who don't cheat on their significant others. The problem is if your boyfriend minds your flirting. I think that dating someone who tends to flirt alot is something you have to be ok with, or not date the person at all. I don't think it's fair to begin dating a person knowing that they flirt alot and then ask them to change. It's not that easy for people to change their ways.

Two and a half years is long time to never mention a future together depending on how old you are. If you are say 20, I wouldn't worry about it but if you're say 30, I would. The older people get the less time they spend dating before they get married.

But if you are interested in his friend then it sounds like this guy isn't for you. I definitely wouldn't date a guy I lost interest in just so he can propose-NO WAY! That will only lead to problems later on.

[megnog]

flirting can be fun and as my sister says "theres nothing wrong with flirting"..

but

i know my boyfriend is a big flirt and i dislike it. i think it CAN be disrespectful and it CAN lead to other things. i wonder what your bf was thinking while you two were going at it in a different language..?

 

if you are at all interested in your bfs friend, then you and your bf aren't right for eachother. i say this mainly because he is your bf's FRIEND and you can be on friendly terms with him, but nothing more. thats just suicide..

 

anyway this guy you are currently with sounds like he doesn't want to get married ANY TIME SOON.. so if thats what your looking for, maybe he isn't the one. the whole "i don't want to be tied down thing" might mean he still wants to sleep with more girls before he stops for life. i don't know. how old are you two?? 2 and a half years is a lot of time, same amount of time as me and my boyfriend and we always speak of getting married and what our children will look like. maybe its just talk, but at least its spoken. ask your bf in a non-pressured way where he sees himself in 5 years . or IF he sees you in his future. some guys might freak out which is why you want to be realllll loose about it. idk what else to say, an update about whats happening would be nice though.

[MenRmyWeakness]

Thanks for the advice! We are both 24. Not real young, not real old. I'm not in a big hurry to get married, but if we're going to live together I would like a little reassurance that I'm the one for him. I just don't get that vibe very often. Don't get me wrong, he's very caring and does a lot of things for me. But here's a good example: His little bro always mentions our kids, and my bf's standard response is "we don't talk about those things." I don't know, part of me really loves being with him, and part of me is really yearning for something more. I know I could get a guy who thinks I'm the sun, moon, and stars. But am I willing to give up everything I love in my relationship right now? I don't know...

[MenRmyWeakness]

Just an update, I took your advice and asked my bf where he sees himself in 5 years. He has a lot of goals, but didn't really mention me being there, nor did he ever say "we." Later that night I talked to him about our relationship and where we stand. He says he doesn't want to get married soon (as I already knew). He also stated that there are a lot of things he can see in me that would be great in a marriage, but some things that he couldn't picture in a marriage. I asked him to elaborate but he couldn't. We talked about whether it would be good to take a break and see other people. He said he doesn't like the thought of me sleeping with other men, but he admitted that he's not sure that I'm the last woman he'll sleep with. Basically he said he'd never cheat on me, but he's obviously not ready to say it's me all the way forever.

 

I'm more confused now than ever! There's really nothing wrong with our relationship in the day-to-day. He's really sweet - today he brought me lunch at work. I know he cares about me. In the meantime, I talked to his friend on the phone. He really wants me to come hang out with him sometime, and I'm sure I know what that could lead to. I don't want to avoid this guy, but I don't know if it will be possible for us to be "just friends." I'm considering going over to his house to tell him that I want us to be friends until I work things out with my current bf. I have a feeling that even having that conversation might lead to things I will regret...