NOOO! I thought I was over all this jealous crap!

[Touche]

Now THAT'S a great attitude to have, love! Glad we're not at odds too.

 

I swear I wasn't trying to be mean. I mean others were kind of telling you that you may have reason to be suspicious of your b/f and I was saying that I DIDN'T think you had reason to be jealous or suspicious of him.

 

Hey, if anything you should be mad at everyone else! They all think your b/f is up to something! Ha ha!

[lovestruck234]

Now THAT'S a great attitude to have, love! Glad we're not at odds too.

 

I swear I wasn't trying to be mean. I mean others were kind of telling you that you may have reason to be suspicious of your b/f and I was saying that I DIDN'T think you had reason to be jealous or suspicious of him.

 

Hey, if anything you should be mad at everyone else! They all think your b/f is up to something! Ha ha!

 

It's all good. I know you were trying to tell me that. Sometimes I can't see that when it's said in a way that I don't like...

 

But anyway, it's done and dusted now, so let's just move on!!

[RecordProducer]

Now THAT'S a great attitude to have, love! Glad we're not at odds too.

 

I swear I wasn't trying to be mean. I mean others were kind of telling you that you may have reason to be suspicious of your b/f and I was saying that I DIDN'T think you had reason to be jealous or suspicious of him.

 

Hey, if anything you should be mad at everyone else! They all think your b/f is up to something! Ha ha!

Right! Touche basically told you the same thing as I did, just ... shorter!

 

But I don't think you're crazy.. I just think you may go crazy if you dwell into your mind and people's subconsciousness too much. Close your eyes and relax for a moment.

[lovestruck234]

Right! Touche basically told you the same thing as I did, just ... shorter!

 

But I don't think you're crazy.. I just think you may go crazy if you dwell into your mind and people's subconsciousness too much. Close your eyes and relax for a moment.

 

Thanks RP....for all your help. I know who to talk to now if I have any more issues!!

 

*closing eyes*...ah, the world does seem alot clearer, doesn't it?

[mental_traveller]

Well, he lied to you outright. You called him on it, and his response was to lie again. What the hell is that about?

 

Big red flag my dear! Even if he is not doing anything untoward with your sister, the lies are a bad, bad, bad sign.

[mental_traveller]

Yeah, he clarified it. He's like "The reason I didn't tell you I was there is because I knew this would happen!"

 

He went and took her car to the car wash for her.....um....he has never taken my car to the car wash...ever.

 

I have talked to him and Carly NUMEROUS times about it and they both say the same thing. 'Tess, GET OVER IT! Nothing is happening with us, lay off!'....

 

So that leads me to feel guilty for feeling this way. But I can't help how I feel.

 

I don't want to be jealous, I really don't, I HATE it in fact.

 

Yeah, me too. My sister and him seem like such a perfect couple if they ever got together so Im always questioning why he is with me, and not her??

 

He tells me "He's not into fat chicks"....she is kinda large... ....but anyway, large or not, it still churns me up so bad...

 

I know secretly he wants me to be more like Carly cos I've heard him say a few times that she's a really likeable person and....oh....man....

 

GARGH!! I get myself so worked up sometimes!!!!

 

 

It's not unreasonable to feel how you do. Saying "get over it" is basically saying your feelings don't matter, and they should both be able to ignore your feelings. Even as a guy, I have to say I disagree with them and take more your side here. If it makes you uncomfortable, then that should be enough motivation for both to stop.

 

IMO your bf just doesn't take your feelings that seriously. If any girlfriend said "get over it" to me, then I would - by dumping her sorry ass. I suspect you have a slightly different approach to me, so in this case just put your foot down first and really let him (and your sis) know that you are damn serious and pissed off about it. Don't let them fob you off with a trite phrase. But if you keep getting ignored, then your only choice is to give an ultimatum, and ultimately be prepared to dump your bf, or to just grin and bear it.

[Adunaphel]

It's great to know that you are dealing with your jealousy problem and are halfway through resolving it.

 

When you first posted I thought your bf was a bit of an insensitive idiot, and might have been up to something, but this

 

They have been friends since we moved down to where I live now. They were friends with each other before I was friends with him so that's why I feel bad.

 

puts the matter into a very different perspective.

 

If they were friends before you met him, I think you don't really have to worry.

Did you get to know each other through your sister?

If so, here you have the proof she was not interested in him back then.

If your sister had ever been interested in him she would have probably mentioned it to you quite a lot of time ago.

And if your bf were interested in her he'd really not be with you.

 

I think it would be very, very different if he met your sister through you and they were now hanging out together without you.

But she came before you (as a friend!) and I can understand how they don't see why you have a problem. I would probably don't see how you can have a problem if I were in their shoes.

 

I am an only child but if I had a sister and I introduced my male best friend to her, they got together and she expected me never to hang out with him again, I'd get quite upset at her (that is, if I knew that I'm not doing anything wrong and neither is my male best friend).

 

Said that, I still understand how you can be jealous (I'm a jealous person, and once something has triggered my jealous I'd think *anything* of *anyone*).

 

And I still think that to stir you up on purpose

 

But this is something about him that really PISSES ME OFF. he does things like this because he thinks it's "fun to stir me up". He jokes about things like "Yeah, I went around and bonked your sister, so what?" Then will be like "Naaaah, only kidding!"...he does it ALL THE TIME, then I get the sh*ts, then he tells me to get over it and learn to take a joke. That's how all our arguments starts. He tells me to lighten up and stop taking everything so seriously. Then I feel guilty for being THE PERSON I AM.

 

is a very stupid thing to do. Exactly the kind of jokes that would drive a jealous person up to a wall.

 

Have you tried to explain him calmly that you'd be probably be dealing better with your jealousy (and perhaps be already over it) if he stopped saying this kind of things to you?

 

Is your sister aware that he's making this kind of jokes to you?

 

I also still don't like the "get over it" thing.

 

And I agree with mental_traveller

It's not unreasonable to feel how you do. Saying "get over it" is basically saying your feelings don't matter, and they should both be able to ignore your feelings. Even as a guy, I have to say I disagree with them and take more your side here. If it makes you uncomfortable, then that should be enough motivation for both to stop.

 

IMO they should *at least* try to make you feel more comfortable, and explain you (and show you) that you really have nothing to be jealous about.

[lovestruck234]

IMO your bf just doesn't take your feelings that seriously.

 

You're not wrong there. He doesn't. I think I have made that mistake because of my sarcastic personality. The times I am serious, he laughs it off like I'm joking.

 

Example..."Rhys! Quit checking out every girl we pass! Yeah, I feel really valued when you do!!"

 

Rhys: "Haa aahhh..Tessy, get over it, sweetheart. Geez you're a nagger aren't you?"

 

See what I mean? I have nowhere to go from there. If I say something back, the likelihood is an argument, if I don't say anything and just laugh it off, it is tearing up inside me but I have to show a happy face.

 

I hate it when he says I'm miserable all the time and all I do is nag and start arguments...the only time I speak up is when I have a valid reason to. Like him staring at some girls a** for a good 5 minutes. It will usually be something like "Geez, have a good stare there, did ya sweetheart?" Then he will just laugh. THEN, if I get all serious on him and tell him to stop, an argument breaks out and it's all my fault. He just says the same thing every time "Get over it!" And that leaves me feeling guilty for feeling the way I do at that point in time.

 

I am intimidated by him...yep, I'll admit that. I am finding myself more and more each day just doing things his way to avoid argument. I don't speak up anymore, I never tell him how I feel, and the few times that I have, it ends up with us screaming at each other and semi-breaking up. He can;t handle it when things don't go his way or when the finger gets pointed at him. It is ALWAYS my fault in arguments now and I am always wrong.

 

Even in day-to-day things. Just on Saturday he was driving up to a STOP sign and lets just say he has concentration issues and he ran right up the a** of a thousand-dollar Porsche. No damage was done, but when we were driving away he told me that "I should have been watching and warned him..."....Um....WHAT? Who the hell was driving here, buddy?

 

I don't know. I feel as though I'm becoming a doormat to him. If things don't go Rhys' way, they go NO way.

 

Since my car is all screwed up at the moment and I don't have a car to drive, when I stay at his house on a weekend and when we get up, if I don't bring any clothes for the next day and ask him to drive me home so I can get some, he'll be like "Geez you're a pain in the a** sometimes!"

 

He will only be joking but it's like "Well, for sh*ts sake, if it's too much hassle, don't worry about it!"

 

Also, whenever we have arguments, he always brings up the fact that he claims he does "Everything for me"...yes, he does do alot for me, and yes, thank you is not a word I use lightly, he will always get somethig back. Dinner, a massage, a head job (for crying out loud), a hot shower with both of us, presents...everything.

 

But it's like he doesn't see that.

 

Sorry if I'm sort of, off loading here, it's just, I am feeling as though this is something that is fueling all of this jealousy, arguments etc...

 

So, anybody have an conclusions on this??

[lovestruck234]

Please? Someone give me some advice?

[johan]

Hey there, lovestruck.

 

You're right to feel how you feel, and he has to respect your feelings. You say you're intimidated by him and he gets his way a lot. He makes remarks about you that reveal a bad attitude, even if they are meant to be jokes.

 

My advice is stand your ground. No matter what. The thing you have to realize is that your relationship hinges on this. You have two choices. 1) Do nothing, and your resentment will build and you'll start to wonder if you'd be happier with someone else. Maybe you already have wondered that. Or 2) stand your ground, and force him to either knock it off or break it off.

 

But you should see that only choice 2 offers you any hope of staying together.

 

If you do fight, by the way, breaking up should NOT be part of the discussion unless you're dead serious about it. And then the thing to do is break up. Using your relationship as a bargaining chip is always a bad move, because it's mostly a threat and that will leave one or both of you feeling terrible afterwards. If you want to be together, then what you need to be arguing about is what it's going to take to be together. If he pouts and starts guilting you with "I guess you can do better than me then" remarks, tell him to knock it off and be a man.

 

Relationships require this kind of work. You should be fighting to be together. You shouldn't be fighting not to break up. That's the last fight you have.

 

This is what it takes to be in an adult relationship, and why young people rarely make it work.

[lovestruck234]

Thanks, johan....

 

I have found myself at time writing letters to him telling him that we have to try real hard to make it work etc cos when I do try to talk to him about it he'll (in most situations) roll his eyes and be like "Oh, here we go..."

 

Then when I finsh talking he'll be like "So, you're done now?"...

 

It's like he just doesn't give 2 f*cks about this relationship. I'll be honest here, I know full well he has me wrapped around his finger. I would do anything for him, I DO do anything for him. And he knows that. he knows he can twist and turn things in a way to make me fall to my kness and start kissing his feet!! We had a really big argument not long ago that I have never seen him get that angry before, he was screaming at me (but I was screaming at him) and he was like "This is it! I've had enough! I don't need a girlfriend! P*ss off! Get out of my life!!"

 

I was literally on my knees begging him not to say that. "I can't go on without you, Rhys, you know that?" I was so close to crying but I never cry in front of anyone...anyway, I told him to calm down etc and we were alright after that.

 

But every fight we have he just gives up and finds the easy way out...and that's threatening to break up. I tell him that if he loved me he would want to make it work, he wouldn't just coward out...

 

Then he'll be like "I do love you, I just can't stand the arguments anymore"

 

What...and you think I enjoy them? I hate them just as much.

 

I am at the stage now where I am just too frightened to say anything that may start an argument in the fear of loosing him. I feel as though I just don't want to take that risk. So I cop all the BS while he's fine...

 

I don't have anyone to talk to, that's why I off-load on here about it all...

[magichands]

I am at the stage now where I am just too frightened to say anything that may start an argument in the fear of loosing him.

It's losing. But I'm not here for a spelling lesson (I have much worse faults).

 

Frightened? Of going through the whole breakup thing. You know what? I get the distinct impression that he's not right for you.

 

I think johan is dead right...it is time to communicate what you want from this relationship. Are you getting respect?

 

On second thoughts, my advice stinks. And I'm only getting your side of things. But that side tells me that you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fear has you trapped. Don't let it steal any more of your life.

[lovestruck234]

It's losing. But I'm not here for a spelling lesson (I have much worse faults).

 

Frightened? Of going through the whole breakup thing. You know what? I get the distinct impression that he's not right for you.

 

I think johan is dead right...it is time to communicate what you want from this relationship. Are you getting respect?

 

On second thoughts, my advice stinks. And I'm only getting your side of things. But that side tells me that you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fear has you trapped. Don't let it steal any more of your life.

 

He is right for me...there is no other relationship that would put up with the crap that me and him have to put up with. We have lasted a long way so far. Through LOTS of sh*tty times.

 

I believe if we have lasted this long..well, we can last alot longer.

 

My only argument is that he just doesn't understand that relationships take hard work. Am I getting respect? I believe I am. Not enough, though. BUT, you can never have everything, I guess!

 

I feel like I'm taking alot of the weight of all of this. It's like he can't handle the pressure when we argue so the first thing he does is just dump it all on me...and that includes the "YOU do this and YOU do that"...he never will accept the blame....

 

I am NOT having ANY second thoughts on this relationship, just the same as I believe he's not having any second thoughts either. He has confessed his love for me to my father for crying out loud!!

 

But anyway...I guess it's just alot of things that I let build up...

[magichands]

This

...there is no other relationship that would put up with the crap that me and him have to put up with.

and then this?

My only argument is that he just doesn't understand that relationships take hard work.

You are giving me a headache, haha.

He has confessed his love for me to my father for crying out loud!!

Oh. My. God.

 

Shut up (ie stop complaining).

 

If you're as lucky as you say you are, then I'm jealous. I mean...happy for you.

[lovestruck234]

I know, I'm kinda confusing myself...

 

My point is....We have gone through alot BUT most of those times he has off-loaded it onto me...leading me back to a previous point, he can't take the blame for anything.

 

I always seem to be the one trying to mend it back together again. It's like he just wants to run away from it all and he doesn't care...

 

I've tried to tell him that sometimes it seems as though he doesn't care and he'll come back with "Tess, I'm a bloke, I'm not one of you women, I don't carry on with the sh*t you do...what do you want me to do about it? Turn gay? I learn to get over things, it's about time you did too..."

[lovelorcet]

Why don't you just lighten up and let him go a bit. If you don't give him the space he needs he will leave you at some point. How long have you guys been together?

[Candied-Heart]

Example..."Rhys! Quit checking out every girl we pass! Yeah, I feel really valued when you do!!"

 

Rhys: "Haa aahhh..Tessy, get over it, sweetheart. Geez you're a nagger aren't you?"

 

Argh. I would hate to be told to 'get over' something that clearly is something that bothers me. Those three words are the equivalent of saying "I don't care what bothers you, I do what I want". And that would bother me to tears. He may love you.. but where's the respect?

 

However, in trying to see his side, as hard as it seems for us girls to understand, one thing my BF has told me regarding 'nagging' is to pick my battles wisely. Ie - don't fight over everything. I don't endeavour to tell you that's what you're doing but this may be the way he see's it, that you nag and whine about everything, not one particular thing that's close to your heart.

 

I'm often guilty of this and it can sometimes make him seem so impossible because of how he reacts. Haha.

[Touche]

Here's the thing though. He's a BOY. You're expecting a man's behavior from a boy...it ain't gonna happen! He has lots of growing up to do. And I hate to say it but there will be other girlfriends and more lessons learned for him. He's just a pup.

 

You have to pretty much accept him as he is now or leave him. He has a LONG way to go before he ever changes (IF he ever changes.)

[lovestruck234]

Here's the thing though. He's a BOY. You're expecting a man's behavior from a boy...it ain't gonna happen! He has lots of growing up to do. And I hate to say it but there will be other girlfriends and more lessons learned for him. He's just a pup.

 

You have to pretty much accept him as he is now or leave him. He has a LONG way to go before he ever changes (IF he ever changes.)

 

 

That is very true...

 

Isn't it a known fact that girls mature a few years before guys? Ugh, this must be why...

[Touche]

Yes, it's true Love. I'm sorry!

[magichands]

Yes, it's true Love.

:love:

[johan]

It is not.

[magichands]

Sorry.....

[Touche]

Sorry.....

 

Both of you should be sorry. You took my comment out of context. Go away. Thank you.

[lovestruck234]

Among all those sh*tty faults he has, I still do accpet him as a great guy, boyfriend and best friend.

 

Even though it really does suck, I don't think his immaturity will wreck what we have. It might take...actually it WILL take a long time for him to grow up but that day will come!! Lol