NOOO! I thought I was over all this jealous crap!

[lovestruck234]

Lovestruck,

does he have this attitude only towards the *small* arguments you might have (or towards whatever argument that might genuinely look like a minor thing to him - if he is dismissing your feelings AND realizing how important some things are to you it's a totally different story!) or will also act this way when facing bigger problems? (or problems he can actually see as problems, too, and that possibly do not involve talking about "feelings" since men seem so unconfortable with it - again, I do not want to dismiss how you feel towards him and your sister- I'd be unconfortable too if I were in your place.)

 

I think it would make a great difference.

 

Kinda a bit confusing to read but he...I guess you're right...

 

He tells me to get over things...the small things. Once the conflict is over, I can see how small those things were, but at the time, they seem massive to me...

 

Example...yesterday afternoon we were just chatting and he's like "I'm going down to see my brother in a couple of weeks for the weekend..."

 

Me "Cool, what are you going to do down there?"

 

Him "Probably a bit of pig shooting or something...do you wanna come?"

 

Me "Yeah, I'll come if you want me to.

 

Him "You either want to come or you don't"

 

Me "Well, I don't know what I'm going to be doing in a couple of weeks...I'll just let it sit for now and I'll let you know.."

 

Him "Fine, whatever."

 

Me "Rhys, I have no idea what I'll be doing in a couple of weeks. I WILL let you know...only as long as you want me to come...."

 

Him "No, don't start this sh*t now, I don't want to argue, are you coming or not??"

 

Me "Ok, I'll come"

 

Him "You don't have to. You can go hang with your friends or something"

 

Me "Well, I'm coming now aren't I?"

 

Him "Whatever..."

 

Now who was at fault there? I just don't know what to say to him anymore. He seems to get the sh*ts about everything... if I agree he gets sh*tty, if I disagree he gets sh*tty....THAT'S why I keep my mouth shut.

 

Ugh, I'm so over this!! I'm not over him, I'm just over all silly school-girl bickering. It's so pathetic...

 

I tell him all the time that "well, do you want to stop arguing? Then you gotta make the effort. I understand I do too. We've just got to try really hard..."

 

But it just seems like a vicious cycle....

[lovestruck234]

Oh, and as for the great debate going on here...

 

I guess, in the end...I will decide what I think is best...I'm pretty sure I was born with a brain?...was I? yeah, I was....lol

 

I understand where you are all coming from and I know exactly what I have gotten myself into, I know exactly how much of a doormat I am to him, I know exactly how much I depend on him, but maybe one day these things will change. I may become a better person because of what I have been through, I may not.

 

No-body here can tell the future. People may have gone through similar things as what I have been through, but that doesn't mean that it's going to happen to me...hey, it might, but everyone's life is going down a different path. And I do believe only YOu can choose how you want to live that...

 

I am trying to make the right choices, but all of my choices are never going to be 100% right and will guarentee a wonderful life. Times are going to suck dogs balls, BUT what you got dealt is what you got dealt, and then you've got to deal with it, I guess...

 

I know I have issues, and sometimes you can't just change that according to what you would prefer. They take time....lots of time. I went through depression for FOUR WHOLE years. And I was constantly trying to make that better, but it took time....

 

Same sort of thing. When you've got issues that need addressing, all you can do is try, and I don't believe that means snapping you're fingers and making it all dissapear will make it all better...

 

If you've got a heart like mine, you will do everything in your strength to make it better, even if it means constant hard work!!

[lonelybird]

Like some other posters said I think your relationship is imbalanced. I kinda can feel your pain as I had this situation before too.

you will do everything in your strength to make it better, even if it means constant hard work!!

Relationship need work, but too hard work can be a minus. whether the relationship work out or not, it is not in your control, it takes two people to work it out. when he want to hang out with his buddy, then let him go, give him space. sounds it is risky let him do things without you, but when he come back to you, you know from the bottom of your heart he is yours. then the insecurity would disappear.

just a thought.

[whichwayisup]

You'll learn from this experience Tess. One day you'll look back and see all that we're telling you now - And as much as we all want to spare you pain, and guide you along so things will get better for you and Rhys, you're gonna have to do it your way and learn from your own mistakes, experiences. Not through anybody else's experience on LS.

[whichwayisup]

Example...yesterday afternoon we were just chatting and he's like "I'm going down to see my brother in a couple of weeks for the weekend..."

 

Me "Cool, what are you going to do down there?"

 

Him "Probably a bit of pig shooting or something...do you wanna come?"

 

Me "Yeah, I'll come if you want me to.

 

***Your response set him off. "Yeah, I'll come, if you want me to..." Tess, if he didn't want you to go, he would NOT have offered.

 

CORRECT Response : Sure Rhys! I'd love to come with ya! We're going to have alot of fun!

 

If you had answered with more positiveness, maybe the arguement would not have happened. I don't know.

 

Him "You either want to come or you don't"

 

He reacted to your answer...CORRECT response :"Aww honey, you know I want ya to come, why would you think I wouldn't?" BOTH of you need to not set eachother off. It's stupid and causing stupid fights!

 

Me "Well, I don't know what I'm going to be doing in a couple of weeks...I'll just let it sit for now and I'll let you know.."

 

Him "Fine, whatever."

 

See, and the fight starts, ego's and feelings get hurt, both of you are defensive and just go into whatever mode......

 

Me "Rhys, I have no idea what I'll be doing in a couple of weeks. I WILL let you know...only as long as you want me to come...."

 

Him "No, don't start this sh*t now, I don't want to argue, are you coming or not??"

 

Me "Ok, I'll come"

 

Him "You don't have to. You can go hang with your friends or something"

 

Me "Well, I'm coming now aren't I?"

 

Him "Whatever..."

 

Read this afew times, see what's wrong?

 

Are you seeing my point now? It's HOW you two are interacting with eachother, and it's got to stop otherwise this relationship is going to go downhill real fast.

 

Both of you now feel like crap because of how this conversation was handled. Bring up to him that this dynamtic has to change between you two. I'm sure he'll agree that it has to stop as well....

[lovestruck234]

you're gonna have to do it your way and learn from your own mistakes, experiences. Not through anybody else's experience on LS.

 

Lol, that's what I was saying in my above post...

 

I understand completely people who have gone through these things and feel it's going to happen to me etc but sometimes it doesn't happen to EVERYONE. But yeah...I said that in my above post...

[lovestruck234]

Read this afew times, see what's wrong?

 

Are you seeing my point now? It's HOW you two are interacting with eachother, and it's got to stop otherwise this relationship is going to go downhill real fast.

 

Both of you now feel like crap because of how this conversation was handled. Bring up to him that this dynamtic has to change between you two. I'm sure he'll agree that it has to stop as well....

 

 

....yeeeeees mum I see what's wrong....lol j/k.

 

But yes, I do see what's wrong. I guess since I DO have insecurity issues, which are pretty obvious, that I feel he is doing these things cos he feels sorry for me or something??

 

He gives me money all the time and I always say no, most of the time I don't accept it at all and he tells me he gives it to me "Cos he feels sorry for me..." Lol!! Because he has a higher income than me that must immediately make me poor. I know it's the generosity that counts, and I am thankful for that, I really am...but, well...you know. I know this is totally not the point...sorry...

 

I am finding myself more and more being this happy, cheery person around him just so he doesn't get mad. He gets really mad when I'm not happy. It's ok for him to get the sh*ts and everything, but not me...yeah, that's fair....

 

When he failed his licence right? He went for them on his birthday. Now, for his birthday I spent over $300 on him for his birthday, made him breakfast in bed, pampered him the whole day (ended up doing a strip tease for him), organised to go to an expensive restaurant, paid over $200 for dinner, and you know the thanks I got? Since he was p*ssed off about failing his licence he got that sh*tty that he told me I'm "noting but a stupid b*tch who doesn't know how to shut her mouth and show respect or gratitude..."

 

...riiiiiight....doesn't know how to show respect? Riiiiight. And you what? The minute I said "Now wait a minute..." He told me "See? There you go again!! Shut your f*cking mouth for 5 minutes!"...

 

So I guess since then I have just gotten into the routine of keeping my mouth shut in most cases...

 

And with that argument yesterday...I guess also the reason I said "only if you want me to come..." is because I get worried that he'll get sick of me. I don't get sick of him at all, but I get so worried that I smother him (which I know I do) that I think then I over-smother him in fear of him...I don't know, lashing out at me as usual. I just do everything he says now, you know....I don't even think for myself.

 

Oh, that reminds me. We had an argument once over...I don't even know what and I was sitting out on the porch, escaping it all I guess. He came out and sat with me for a while. We just talked about nothing I guess... Anyway after a while he goes "So, are you going to sit out here like a baby or come back inside?"

 

I'm like "I just need a little fresh air for a while..I'll come back in soon" then he's like "Fine! Sulk like a little girl then! DON'T get over it, yeah, that's fine!"

 

That's when I said "You see Rhys, I have a mind of my own, I can think with it sometimes, only if you allow me to. If I don't do what you want me to do that's how all this SH*T starts. I have a f*cking brain you know!!"

 

And he just went right off. "Look, maybe you oughta find someone who treats you better and make you happy....cos it's obvious I'm not making you happy! You're always f*ckin sad and depressed all the time..."

 

Of course, we both apologised later on but it's like the minute I speak up for myself, he shoots me straight back down again...

 

At least twice a week I'll drive down to the beach at like 11pm at night and just sit there, looking at the ocean, balling my eyes out.

[norajane]

I've just read through this entire thread, Tess. This quote stood out for me from the start:

 

Tess, there is only one thing you are good for and that is starting arguments

and then this one was the bookend:

 

[i'm] nothing but a stupid b*tch who doesn't know how to shut her mouth and show respect or gratitude...

Either one of those statements alone would have led me to dump him. Together, they tell me he's verbally abusive. Added to everything else you've told us, I'd say he's an immature, condescending little prick.

 

I know you love him, and I'm sorry to say such harsh things about a guy you love. However, if you continue to stay with him, you're going to start believing this garbage that spews out of his mouth when he gets angry. And you'll stop believing in your own self worth. You're already allowing it to change who you are.

 

He's a man who makes you feel bad constantly with his words and actions. He belittles you and ignores your concerns. Perhaps you have your own learning and growing to do, but this is not a healthy relationship. I wish you'd see Rhys for what he is rather than with the rose colored infatuation glasses you are wearing. He's not a man. He's an abusive childish ass.

 

YOU DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN A MAN WHO TELLS YOU YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH AND TELLS YOU TO SHUT YOUR F*CKING MOUTH!

 

How can you want to kiss HIS mouth, the same mouth that hurls profanity at you and tells you you're stupid and should shut up? Please get away from this guy before he damages your self esteem and well-being further.

[lovestruck234]

I guess it does seem kinda bad...

 

I'm not going to break up with him. I can't.

 

i know I'm going to sound like I'm standing up for him and defending him when I've just spent the last few pages saying how horrible he is BUT along side all the horrible things he says, he does say genuinely nice things...he does...

 

Alot of the time he forgets to, or whatever, but he does. He doesn't often comment on how I look when I get dressed up and I always comment on how good he looks, but anyway, I'm not expceting compliment after compliment or anything...

 

I guess it is kinda draining on me....kinda making all the effort and everything...ugh, I don't know.

 

I'm still crazy about him and everything....I am obsessed with him, I know I am.

 

Every girl wants a Prince Charming. Every girl dreams of that. I guess I just got dealt a Prince Average....lol...

 

He is wonderful, he really is. Like I said, among all the horrible things he does, he does some pretty awesome things for me...

 

I just don't know what to do anymore....

[Touche]

No offense but he doesn't sound awesome to me at all. No amount of nice things he says or does would override how he talks to you.

 

Yes, the two quotes that NJ picked out would have been enough for me. He IS verbally abusive.

 

And listen to this: With guys like this, PHYSICAL abuse is sometimes not too big a stretch. Watch it, because than may be next. Not saying it will happen, I certainly pray that it doesn't but it very well may.

 

It's not normal for a guy to talk to his girlfriend like that. A gal with a healthy self-esteem would certainly not accept that. You know you shouldn't.

 

And yes, I understand all that about how you think just because some of us have been in your shoes that it may not turn out the same for you. But you know what, love? The odds ARE that they WILL..The odds are VERY much against you that this will turn out any differently.

 

He's not going to suddenly turn into Prince Charming. If anything he's going to start treating you WORSE. But of course, you have to see for yourself. I understand that.

 

It's just hard to see this happen when some of us can clearly see where this is headed.

 

He's a real jerk. Don't be fooled, because even jerks can sometimes be nice. Ugh...so sad.

[norajane]

Every girl wants a Prince Charming. Every girl dreams of that. I guess I just got dealt a Prince Average....lol...

 

I've dated my share of frogs and princes and lots in between, and I can tell you that not a one of them ever spoke to me like that. Not one. Not one has ever told me to shut up. Not one has ever called me a bitch, or stupid, much less the two together.

 

This isn't average guy behavior. It's abusive guy behavior. That you even think it's average behavior tells me that he's already warped your view of what is a healthy relationship and how people should treat each other.

 

This isn't loving behavior, Tess. He's not even giving you the same common courtesy that he'd give to a stranger. Does he go around telling everyone they're stupid bitches and to shut up? Why should you - the person he says he loves - be singled out for that kind of treatment?

 

You don't have to accept this crap from him. And one day, when you're stronger, you'll realize it and walk away. And then you'll be free to be with someone who has kind words for you, who thinks he's lucky to be with you, and who treats you with respect and caring. You'll be amazed at the difference.

[narcist_ave]

I understand where you are all coming from and I know exactly what I have gotten myself into, I know exactly how much of a doormat I am to him, I know exactly how much I depend on him, but maybe one day these things will change. I may become a better person because of what I have been through, I may not.

 

I am trying to make the right choices, but all of my choices are never going to be 100% right and will guarentee a wonderful life. Times are going to suck dogs balls, BUT what you got dealt is what you got dealt, and then you've got to deal with it, I guess...

 

 

If you've got a heart like mine, you will do everything in your strength to make it better, even if it means constant hard work!!

 

 

I agree 100%. Im the same way in the same boat You never know if you never try, and it's hard to give up when something means so much to you.

[Lostgurl]

Hi there,

 

I know about the jealousy thing trust me woman! Its a very hard thing to deal with, its hard to keep your emotions from taking control and flipping out.

Have you tried sitting him down, talking to him and telling him that you don't feel comfortable with them hanging out together "alone", and ask him nicely if they could limit the time they spend together while you are with them? If he really cares for you and respects your feelings, he will not want to hurt you and will make a comprimise.

 

I like probably the majority of people that posted (only read yours), don't think that its right for them to be treaing you this way. The are disrespecting you and the way you feel. I know exactly what it's like. It makes you think even more that there is something going down.

 

Take care, and hang in there:)

[Lostgurl]

Kinda a bit confusing to read but he...I guess you're right...

 

He tells me to get over things...the small things. Once the conflict is over, I can see how small those things were, but at the time, they seem massive to me...

 

Example...yesterday afternoon we were just chatting and he's like "I'm going down to see my brother in a couple of weeks for the weekend..."

 

Me "Cool, what are you going to do down there?"

 

Him "Probably a bit of pig shooting or something...do you wanna come?"

 

Me "Yeah, I'll come if you want me to.

 

Him "You either want to come or you don't"

 

Me "Well, I don't know what I'm going to be doing in a couple of weeks...I'll just let it sit for now and I'll let you know.."

 

Him "Fine, whatever."

 

Me "Rhys, I have no idea what I'll be doing in a couple of weeks. I WILL let you know...only as long as you want me to come...."

 

Him "No, don't start this sh*t now, I don't want to argue, are you coming or not??"

 

Me "Ok, I'll come"

 

Him "You don't have to. You can go hang with your friends or something"

 

Me "Well, I'm coming now aren't I?"

 

Him "Whatever..."

 

Now who was at fault there? I just don't know what to say to him anymore. He seems to get the sh*ts about everything... if I agree he gets sh*tty, if I disagree he gets sh*tty....THAT'S why I keep my mouth shut.

 

Ugh, I'm so over this!! I'm not over him, I'm just over all silly school-girl bickering. It's so pathetic...

 

I tell him all the time that "well, do you want to stop arguing? Then you gotta make the effort. I understand I do too. We've just got to try really hard..."

 

But it just seems like a vicious cycle....

 

Hi again,

 

I just got over a spell of this with my boyfriend. It IS a vicious cycle. You are jealous, he is annoyed b/c you are jealous and doubting him, so he in turn is irritated and b*tchy towards you. You get defensive and argue back. Over trivial things, or sometimes nothing. Do you two kiss and make up easy, like one day you are angry, and the next every thing is completely forgotten, with out dealing with it, like nothing ever happened?

 

Maybe you could explain this "vicious cycle" to him and ask him if he also thinks that is the situation. Then you two can find a way to work it out.

 

I don't know, just a suggestion. I can relate to you and what you are going through right now, sorry its so painful and frustrating..

 

It takes tonnes on work.

 

take care.

Lostgurl

[ash8752]

Tess- So, I have read through this and yes, you are making him sound like a ****, and I bet he is sometimes! Judging by this i'd say you deserve better too.

 

All: But we all come on here for advice when we are upset, when we are crying, when we are pissed. Of course we are sharing only the negatives about our SO's. We then try and throw in the posotives but other LS's have there minds made up.

 

My bf is wonderful, he is. But if i came here mid fight and went on and on about how he snaps when i get upset, always turns our fights around to be my fault etc everyone would not like him and think i deserve better. We all say things in the heat of the moment.

 

Think of your SO's and the crappy things they have done. If you just sat there and bi**ced about that to everyone wouldnt you expect people to react that way. There is always more to the story then what is told on here so telling people to leave there SO and that he is the worst is jumping to conclusions a bit.

 

I will admit, i am a pretty big pain in the a** too!!!! And i am sure Tess is as well (no offense).

 

This may have all come out wrong.

 

Tess, i think you love this man and i think that you both have issues communicating with eachother and mixing that with being insecure and a sensitive person is dangerous grounds, believe me, i am in something similar. I am not saying this is your fault AT ALL!!!! But try and work on yourself a bit, your reactions to him verbally and what goes on in your head. If you can do that i bet things may run a bit more smoothly

[lovestruck234]

Thanks everyone for your replies...

 

ash8752, no it didn't come out wrong at all. I know too often when I have an issue with someone, I forget their side of the story...(much the same as alot of people on here...)...

 

Hey, I know I'm a pain in the a** sometimes...we all are to someone at SOME stage...lol.

 

So we had a bit of a...not argument last night but a "misunderstanding"..

 

Ok, so I got home from work yesterday afternoon and my phone was ringing as I got out of the car. Rhys.

 

Anyway, the conversation was going really well, we talked about the weekend WE are now going to go to at his brothers, everything was going great!

 

Then he's like "So what are you doing this weekend?"

 

Me "Ummm...I don't know yet. I might go for a surf on Saturday, what are you doing?"

 

Him "Oh, my cousins comind down and staying at our house. Then I'm going for a (moto) ride on Sunday..."

 

Me "Oh ok. Sounds cool!!! Did you still want me to stay over Saturday night?" (We had organised a dinner together for saturday night..but ANYWAY)

 

Him "Yeah, yeah. Dane might be coming over as well. We were gunna have a bit of a night on the drink...(laughs)"

 

Me "(Laughs) oh ok. Yeah, I don't really know what I'm doing" (I had said this because I was kinda p*ssed off that he'd organised his mates to come over when we were going to have dinner!!)

 

Him "Well, what were you going to do anyway? You gotta organise your weekend in advance!! (Joking around)"

 

Me "I don't know, might go see friends or something. Why, did you want me to stay? Geez, I don't plan thatf ar ahead. (laughs) That's like if you plan something and then it doesn't go to plan you get all stressed out (laughs and joking around)

 

Him Hangs up phone.

 

Me try to call him back, he rejects me calls.

 

So I rang his home phone and he answered.

 

Me "How come you hung up on me??"

 

Him "You were getting cheeky. What did I tell you about getting smart with me?"

 

Me "Sorry, i was only joking"

 

Him "Yeah, well, next time learn to think about what you're going to say before you say it..."

 

Me "(laughs) all i said was that if you plan something and it doesn't go to plan, you would stress out...and I was only joking around..."

 

Him "I'm going to hang up if you keep going..."

 

me (Sighs) "Oh ok, I'll see you later on tonight..."

 

I went into my room and just bawled my eyes out. I am SO SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SH*T!!!!

 

My mum came in and saw me crying and pretty much told me exactly the same things that all of you have told me. She said that it's time I stood my ground...

 

Lostgurl, yeah it is like a vicious cycle. Cos after that and we saw each other he couldn't keep his hands off me and we ended up having sex anyway and laughing and joking around like we normally do... I just DON'T GET IT!!!

[Touche]

He's a real piece of work isn't he? He's just using you. He's disgusting. You're better off with NO boyfriend..and this is the one you were talking about marrying one day?

 

Love, you DO get it. I know you do. Listen to your mother. She is right and has your best interests at heart.

 

I bet if he has a DOG he doesn't treat the dog or talk to the dog the way he talks to you.

 

Frankly, it's disgusting. It must be very painful for your mother to sit by and watch this. I mean I don't even know you and it pains me to hear that you put up with his abuse because you really do seem like a sweet girl.

 

Get rid of that jerk. He's SO cocky and sure that you won't ever leave him and that he can say or do whatever he wants. If you start standing up to him and hang up on HIM when he talks to you like that, he'll be eating out of your hand.

 

Why don't you at least try that and see. You'll see! Since you won't leave him yet, at least stand up for yourself. You'll be surprised to find that he probably will back down.

[magichands]

If you start standing up to him and hang up on HIM when he talks to you like that, he'll be eating out of your hand.

 

Why don't you at least try that and see. You'll see! Since you won't leave him yet, at least stand up for yourself. You'll be surprised to find that he probably will back down.

I'll back you up, this time. (Is that a good or a bad thing??)

[Touche]

I'll back you up, this time. (Is that a good or a bad thing??)

 

It's a good thing. Sorry I got a little feisty the other night. And I'll forgive you for calling me a bitch.

 

This thread is disturbing to me. It brings back old memories. I used to be like Love and let men treat me like this. I just hate to see her have to go through this and learn the hard way.

[lovestruck234]

Thanks for your advice Touche....

 

I am going to try real hard to start standing up for myself...even if it means baby steps each time....

 

Lol, my mum told me I'm an idiot for putting up with it...she said he is going to have alot of trouble finding another girl like me....lol, and she said he is definitely no Brad Pitt, that I am more pretty than he is handsome...

 

Hee hee, I love my mum...

 

Anyway....well, I just got off the phone to him just then actually and he's like..."Yeah, go to your friends this weekend..." then half way through the conversation he tells me to stay and I'm like "Nah, I've already made plans with her (my friend) so I can't ..." He was like "Oh....well, ok then...."

 

Lol, I've never seen him react like that cos usually I always do everything he wants to do....

 

It's a start, right? I feel really good now that I'm doing something that I want to do!!

[Touche]

Oh I'm SO proud of you, Love! SO proud of you! YAY for you! And you're welcome by the way. I hope I've helped even a little bit. I know I come across as harsh sometimes but anyone who really knows me knows I mean well. I'm not a mean person.

 

I just get mad sometimes when I see someone getting hurt who doesn't deserve to be.

 

And you just watch, since you won't leave him yet, at least keep on being strong like that. I swear he won't know what hit him. He'll be SO scared of losing you that he'll be like a little meek baby. That's how it is with bullies..stand up to them and you have them eating out of your hand.

 

You're off to a very good start. Keep it up. Don't weaken.

 

And your mom sounds like the best. You're lucky to have her in your corner. Keep listening to her.

[lovestruck234]

Hee hee....thanks!

 

It's a public holiday on Monday here and another one of my friends has asked me to stay at her house on Sunday night so I might just do that too!!

 

It was funny though cos I said "So are you guys just going riding for the day on Sunday?" And he's like "Yeah..." THEN I told him about staying at my friends house on Sunday night and he's like "Well, we might ride Monday as well....see what happens..."

 

So funny. It's like the minute he sees me entertaining my time WITHOUT him it's like "Oh, well, yeah I'm doing something too...or I'm busy then..." lol...

 

It's amazing what difference the TINIEST things can make!

 

Cos I got off the phone to my friend last night who's house I'm staying at on Saturday night and I walked out into the family room and Mum was like "Was that (friend)?" I'm like "Yeah" she's like "Good, go to her house, Tess. If you bail out and end up staying at home, that's when I will dust my hands off. I won't help you with your relationship anymore...you've got to call his bluff!!"

 

So, I'm going to. I am amazed that he rang me today too. He NEVER rings me when he's a work. It's so funny. He has just done the biggest 180 I have ever seen. I reckon he doesn't know what has hit him...

 

Also, it's so good to start talking to my friends again. I was soooo missing talking to the girls. See, for the past 8 - 9 months that I've been with him I have just hung out with him and his mates. And to talk to one of my girls last night was such a detox, such a refreshment. I actually got off the phone with a smile on my face. It was so nice to talk her again! Talk about girlie stuff and everything...I missed that...

 

Me and my friends have always gone by the saying "Boys come and go, but friends will be there forever..." And it's true...

[Touche]

I'm SO amazed at you love! I can't believe that you're doing this. You should be VERY proud of yourself. You DO get it. You really do.

 

Isn't it amazing how he's changed so fast. Oh honey, you ain't seen nothing yet! He's going to be even easier than I thought to wrap around your finger.

 

One thing though, don't ever complain to him again about if he's looking at this one or that one or if he's not responding the way you want him to. Act like you don't give a crap. Shrug your shoulders a lot...practice in the mirror if you have to.

 

Oh you're going to have a lot of FUN once he really starts going after YOU instead of the other way around. This is a very valuable life lesson for you, love. Very valuable.

 

You will see that he will start VALUING you and not taking you for granted and not talking to you like a dog. You are teaching him now that if he wants the pleasure of your company he will have to earn it by apologizing to you and by treating you properly.

 

And you were SO right about your girlfriends..that applies to family too. Until you find the TRUE love of your life, sadly men do come and go.

 

So hold those people close to you. And keep Rhys at arm's length for now. He will come CRAWLING back..they all do sooner or later. You are becoming a GODDESS!!!!

[lovestruck234]

I hope so!!

 

Actually, even last night he came around and I hadn't had dinner yet. Anyway he pulled up and I went out to greet him and I'm like "I haven't had dinner yet, you don't mind just waiting for half an hour or so do you?"

 

He's like "Awwww, no way. I'm going home"

 

So I grabbed him by the arm when he started to walk away and I looked straight in his eyes and I said "Have a little think about the countless times I wait around for you...."

 

he shut up straight away and came inside. Ha! I really didn't realise it would be this easy!!

 

Yeah I know what you mean with the "act like you don't care" thing. Cos mum was saying that to me last night. She's like "If next time you have an argument and all he says is 'All you're good for is arguments' or something like that, then say back to him 'Well, it's obvious I'm not good eonough for you, maybe if I'm causing that much trouble, go find someone who doesn't' and then just walk away, or if he threatens you with a break-up, then just shrug your shoulders and WALK AWAY. Cos he knows the minute he does that you grovel back to him, DON'T. JUST WALK AWAY. Act like it doesn't bother you....you just watch, Tess, he will sh*t himself..."

 

She also said that it took her 40 years to realise that the only way to handle bullies is NOT to take the bite. Cos the only thing a bully is looking for is a bite. So she said next time he makes a rude joke or something that he THOUGHT he knew would offend you or make you snap, just laugh along with him like it was nothing, cos she said then they are SCREWED. They don't know what to do there....

 

I reckon mum's right on the mark there!!

[whichwayisup]

Your mom gives good advice, so listen to her Tess.

 

I know you're inlove with Rhys, and you don't want it to end, but if you two break up, I think in time you'll realize that HE isn't good enough for YOU!