6:59pm 6/19/06, Eastern Standard Time.....

[Teacher's Pet]

Um ok whatever listen i need 2 tellu i want 2 see other people right now

 

 

That's how my journey of self-discovery started, 3 months ago today.

 

A text message from my girlfriend, whom had recently agreed to marry me.

 

I've come a long way since then.

 

Three months ago, I was a crying wreck.

 

"I lost everything"

"I lost the only woman who ever loved me"

"I lost the only woman who ever will"

"I lost my last chance of being happy"

"I wish I was dead"

 

Somewhere, deep within me, I knew none of that was true. I pledged to myself to disprove my "theories".

 

At first, it was impossible. I was in so much pain, I took a week off from work. I dropped out of therapy. I blew off my friends. All that mattered was getting HER back. It was either get her back, or curl up in bed, and wait to die.

 

No, I told myself. This isn't how or WHY it ends. You've been through worse.

 

*Seasons Of Love begins playing in the background, and we dissolve to TP, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as various images go by*

 

1988. Watching your grandfather slowly die of cancer.

 

1995. Burying your beloved Uncle years before his time. Surviving extended periods of unemployment.

 

1998. Your girlfriend telling you she's pregnant. She miscarries. Not being able to open up to each other about it.

 

2000. Her leaving you without another word.

 

2001. Sitting motionless on 9/11, not knowing if your mother was in the vicinity of the attacks. Your own cancer scare which turned out to be just a bad virus.

 

2003. Saying goodbye as friends went off to war. Holding your friend's hand right before she went in for an abortion, knowing she was carrying your God-child, and being too scared to speak up against it.

 

2006. Sitting at your friend Kevin's bedside, after a drunk driver left him paralyzed for life.

 

You've weathered the bad, you'll get over B, too.

 

Remember the good, I told myself over and over again. You have some great memories, too.

 

1978. Your first piano lesson.

 

1988. Becoming an all-State musician. Losing your virginity.

 

1989. Music Honor Society. Music scholarships. Going to college. Partying your ass off. Hooking up with sorority chicks.

 

1992. Your first time on stage. Your first attempt at standup comedy.

 

1995. Your first real job. Seeing H's smile for the first time on that blind date. Having H make you wait 4 months for sex. That first night together, and being nervous about truly "making love" for the first time.

 

1998. My first paid gig as a comedian.

 

2000. The day you told your mother you wanted to be an actor and comedian full-time.

 

2001. Your first TV appearance.

 

2002. Your first movie.

 

2005. Starting a new job. Headlining a major comedy festival. Meeting B.

 

2006. New Year's Eve. Orgasms at midnight with B. Remember the GOOD, it's ok. Hockey games. Monday Night Football. Superbowl Sunday. Winning the office pool. B greeting me in only a Devils' Jersey. Mardi Gras. B coming out of her bedroom wearing nothing but plastic beads. It's ok. Remember the good times. Making love to B on her couch. Laughing in each other's arms. It's ok. Midnight phone calls. Sneaking past B's roommate into her bedroom for late night encounters. Helping B repaint her apartment. Cooking with B. It's ok, always remember the good. Innocent text messages at work turning sexual. Promises of evening sin. Promises of a life together. Promises of happiness. Lots of promises. Lots of empty promises. "....i want 2 see other people right now....." WHAT THE F**K?

 

.....then I snapped out of it.

 

Time for action. No therapists, no Dr. Phil, no alcohol.

 

Human contact. I need real, human contact. Friends.

 

I started going out again. Meeting people. Having fun.

 

My LoveShack BFF's.

 

M, the sweet blonde Yankee fan.

 

J, H, D, and M, my rock'n'rollin' "pee girls"

 

Getting back into bartending, forcing myself to be in social environments.

 

Dating.

 

Meeting women.

 

The wrong ones.

 

Snuggling in bed with a girl with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), and almost becoming an unwilling toilet.

 

The borderline mental patient from Match.com.

 

The bar drunk who threw up on my tires after driving her home, and almost giving in to her sexual advances "just to get laid". ALMOST.

 

Then I had a moment of clarity.

 

Last night in NYC with Ariawoman and Mollyanna, and feeling right again.

 

I knew I hit a turning point when I realized I spent an entire night out without missing my ex. She wasn't there. And guess what? She wasn't invited.

 

I'm not "cured", by any means. I'm not 100% over her, but I've learned to STOP replacing good, positive human contact with unneeded tears and bad thoughts.

 

I'm getting better.

 

Watch this.

 

*erases text messages from cell phone*

 

FW....DS..... I did it. Erased. Except for the breakup message.

 

I need that to remind myself how worthless our relationship was, and that I deserve someone more loving, and more deserving of ME.

 

And thanks to LS, I have the benchmark against which all women I meet will be judged. I deserve better than I've had, and I'll find it.

 

Until then, there's great friends, new experiences, and an unlimited future.

 

At this very moment, I'm smiling.

 

And I rarely admit that.

 

I'm going to bed now.

 

I'm going to the gym at 7am to get my "sexy back", and then I'm off to work to make a crap-load of money.

 

*wiggling my ass as I strut into bed.......alone, but not for long.....*

 

-tp

[sickkitty]

I am so glad u have come so far hun keep up the good work

 

I am totally over my ex, it struck me 2 weeks ago that hell i dont need u and how can i love some one who doesnt love me back!!

 

At the end of the day i am a happier person and a stronger person now

My friend has helped me a great deal, she took me out when i really just wanted 2 stay in! i have met some cool people the past few weeks, and i realized that i can go out and date and just have fun being single - And im loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

For every one out there still trying to heal, it will happen it just takes time

 

Good luck TP xxx

 

Amanda xx

 

P.S i 2 deleted all of my ex's texts including his break up texts, i dont need them any more im moving on im life, and im gonna meet some one who wants to be with me for who i am!!!!!!!!!!

[Pink Amulet]

Your ex seems slightly illiterate.

 

I wouldn't be too concerned that one is over.

[Teacher's Pet]

Your ex seems slightly illiterate.

 

*chuckles*

 

Why do you think I'm the "Teacher's Pet"?

 

She's a teacher.

 

High school, no doubt.

 

Society is doomed. lol

 

-tp

[Pink Amulet]

A teacher!

 

Seriously?

 

Jesus.

 

*shakes head*