Update Again..need Input

[Ukwizard]

Hey FjK

 

I hope you had a good Christmas. Please try not to focus on your ex too much. I will have to apologise for being a bit too harsh on you in previous messages. I m one of those people who speak my mind.

 

I m writing to you again, because I realised the other day my ex will NEVER come back. I recieved a text from her the other night. I m not going to say what it said, because this is your thread.

 

What I have to say is. I m done. I m very done. Its Christmas, and she told me where to go.

 

I ve realised that since I got that text. My ex WILL NOT come back anytime soon. I guess I was one of her play toys. Remember I was number 3 in her boyfriend list. I had my own problems too, but she chose to leave me high, and dry. Dumped my by email, and told me next to nothing why she left.

 

I hope all is good for her, and I wish her all the best for the new year. What I do know is that she had a fall out with her current boyfriend. I mean not counting other men she has met on dates. Her fifth boyfriend and her split up over a stupid joke. What I do know is that she`s been on the internet again looking for another date.

 

I m done because, I know at this point she left me months ago. I don`t think I can ever go back to her, due to all this history, and "clutter" what she called.

 

I have no idea where shes going in life, but she split with her husband in 2004, and since she`s been dating several men including me. She will be 40 years old next year, and yet I have no idea what she wants, and what she needs to keep her happy.

 

I m done for now, as I realised. I can`t make her happy. I guess no man ever will. I was one of the most patient, compassionate, and realisitic men she ever new, but yet she walked away from me to find something bigger and better.

 

She did find one man who she thoughtg would be right, but they fell out over a stupid joke. I guess, whatever is right in her relationship, will always be ruined by some crazy incident that cannot be resolved.

 

My ex was married for 10 years, and she was not happy in that relationship. I guess, shes looking for something amazing, but this is reality, and that doesn`t exist. We all have our faults. We all do something ridculous, and thats why our partner, or you leaves.

 

I m only saying this because, like you Fjk. I thought of my ex all the time. The problem is that I still kept in touch. I sent her a Christmas card.

 

If you do things like that, and small gestures it will drive them away. I m saying this for your own good. Anything you do now to get in touch with your ex will end in disaster. It may take months, even years to get back with an ex love. Maybe it will not happen at all.

 

I m only saying this because of my experience with my ex. If you don`t read and take into consideration what I ve said so far, then thats up to you.

 

Wha I m saying tonight is, I sent my ex a samll joke by text, and now I ve been told to go away. This time for good!! I hope you wil get on with your life. My ex has left me for food.

 

For now, I m done. So let this be a lesson for you. If they don`t want to know. They just don`t.

 

Take care, and have a good new year.

 

UkWizard

x

[fjk82]

Im sorry to hear about what happend to you UKWIZARD. Your right If I were you and my advice to you is to totally forget this girl and trust me I know its not easy. My X flew in last night so Im just tryin to stay busy. Tonight me and my best friend are going out drinking and dancing out on the beach at this one club. I keep wondering if Im going to run into him like I did up in PA. One never knows but I also know I can't focus on this

all week long.

 

I am going to move to coping after the new year banna. how is everything going with you these days? feeling any better? change that cell phone yet

 

ill let everyone know if anything happens this week. like i said im staying very busy. im working right now, i have a dinner with one of my old friends from college that plays for the nfl now so that should be fun then im going out with my girlfriend dancing and drinking lol. i need to stay busy!!!! hope you guys had a great xmas and have a SAFE new year!

[BannaBee57]

Ouch, UK. That's gotta sting a little. All you were trying to do was be a friend and she had to throw it back at you...at Christmas none the less

 

Well, I guess it just goes to show you that hanging on like this isn't going to get you anywhere. Do you feel some sence of relief knowing that you don't have to hope or try for it anymore? I mean, after all this time of thinking about it and planning your next move it's finally over.

 

I can't say I don't make scenarios and plans in my head about what I could do or try. I just never act on them...I never call or contact the ex in any way (even though I want to all the time) and I think it's a BIG reason as to why I'm feeling ok with life these days. Let's hope it lasts

 

FJK, nothing's changed as for as the phone goes but I'm expecting a call about it in a few days and I suppose I'll answer this time just to see how things are.

 

I've been seeing this other guy a lot the past few weeks so I wonder if anything will happen there. He's nice, cute, and smart so I guess it's a good jumping off point. Let's see where it leeds

 

Have fun tonight and everyone have a happy new year!

[fjk82]

Well..I try to move on but for some reason whenever we are in the same area (when i went to PA) and him down here...Guess who I run into at the club last night?? Yup you guessed it...MY X!

 

So me and my best friend sarah were drinking at the bar. we had only been there for about 45mins or so. well out of the corner of my eye i notice a person standing kinda toward me just looking at me. so i look and its him. he walks up to me and we hug and say hello he was with his best friend bobby as well and he came and said hi to me too. well we did the small talk and i go can u believe this again? and i stared laughing and he goes i knew i was going to run into u sometime down here i just knew it i even told my dad i would. so i go lets take a shot to the new year and to us stopping the "uncomfortableness" so he goes sounds good. so i order to shots and i go make a toast..he goes to being friends..we take the shot and keep talking about our families, etc. he never made an effort to leave. so u could tell we were both weird about it and nervous, uncomfortable, but i was playin it good laughing and being happy go lucky. well at 1 point my friend and his friend went MIA so i go im goin to look for sarah and bobby do u want to come with me? he said sure so we go outside and r lookin for them. after awhile we stopped and were talking about our r-ship. i told him to look me n the eys and tell me hes not n love with me anymore. he kept tryin to change the subject saying dont do this..etc..im in love with my job. i give my all to my job and my dad. but he could never look at me and tell me what i was asking..

so we go back in the club after finding our friends and the bar was closing now its around 2aml well sarah wanted to go to dennys and so did bobby. so i look at adam and ask if he wants to come with and he said no. well bobby was like we are so going and i go come on..so we go and pile into my car and drive there and everyone was eating besides me and adam. we were sittin together and i was trying to be normal and fun i was takin pics with my new camera and being silly like my normal self. but i noticed he wouldnt look at me...he was very distant it seemed and he would really only start conversation wtih bobby and making jokes with bobby and he wouldnt look at me and he was distant. so we leave and its around 4:30am now and i drive them back to their hotel. he holds his arms out and i kiss and hug him goodbye tood him it was great seeing him and i hope he has a good rest of the week on vacation here. he looks at me and says ill call u...(ya ****in right) i just looked at him ...and then he goes u have my number u call me too. i didn't even say anything. so we said goodbye..he got out of my car..and left..

sarah and i go back to her place and im sayin bye to her...my cell rings....i look..and its adam..

i answer...he was like hey i just wanted to make sure u made it home safe..i said i was still at sarahs and getting ready to leave and that i was fine and thanked him for calling me to make sure i was home safe. then he was like ok well i just wanted to check and make sure u got home safe and i know this is all awkard and really weird...i go yeah i agree but we need to just get over it..he agreeded with me..so i go well im gettin ready to go thanks for callin again and maybe we can meet up sometime before u leave to go home id like to see ya before ya leave. then we hung up..

 

also during the night he was asking about our cat we had together that i kept...he was like hows my son? i bet he misses his dad..if u dont want him ill take him..stuff like that..

 

canu guys believe this? why do we keep runnin into one another? its weird..the 1 time when i was in PA was the same weekend he was in my town and we see one another at the pizza place. then tonight i run into him when hes on vacation..

 

but sarah even said he was very distant from dinner and wouldnt look at me and just didn't seem into it. and i guess when we first ran into them and bobby and sarah were off to the side he goes this is bad..should i go check on them and sarah said no let them figure it out and sarah said what she gathered from bobby was that adam is still hurt about the situation but he just wants to move on. and when they were n the back of my car i guess she pointed to me and adam and made a gesture like whats up with them and bobby looked at her and did something with his hands that showed its done..

 

sarah UNFORTUNALLY thinks she told bobby that i was seeing somebody..im really upset with her for that..bc i dont want my x to know that but to late now..

 

so anyways...let me know what u think...should i call him before he leaves? or see if he calls me...he didn't have to call me to make sure i was home ok..i was shocked..i really was..

[BannaBee57]

This is just crazyness. That's all I have to say. Was this a bar that you guys often frequented together or was it just a completly random event?

 

I wouldn't read too much into his friend saying he was still hurt by the breakup. One thing I've learned is that friends don't know sh*t.

 

I don't think you should call him to meet up again. Just see if he calls you first. If not then just stay the course in trying to move on.

[fjk82]

yeah this is crazyness and i can't understand why it keeps happening. i really dont.

 

this place is a club out on the ocean. of course we went there together when we wanted to go out bc its a main spot that a lot of people go to and we checked out all these places together since we moved here together and didnt know where to go. but every time me and my friends have a girl night that is where we go on saturday nights.

 

he knows i love that place and i go there a lot. thats why i think he said i knew i was going to see you when i was down here. he kept saying he just knew it.

 

of course i want to call him. i have not called him yet but i really want to. i keep tellin myself again i have nothing to loose...right? tomorrow night is his last night here. he leaves thursday morning.

 

and i forgot to mention here that when we were talking at the club i was tellin him that he always keeps his feelings bottled up inside of him and keeps them there and wont talk about them and he goes i know ur right. and i think thats what he is doing with me.

 

i still want to move on but come on everyone its hard for me to steer off a little and call. i swear this should be a damn drama movie of my life. its either fate that this has happend now twice OR god is punishing me.

[fjk82]

Well its Wednesday afternoon and I have not heard from him and he goes back home tomorrow morning. Of course Im sad but a part of me does feel some what better. I guess maybe from seeing him?

 

Im afraid that he isn't calling me because of some things my best friend said to one of his best friends. She was drunk and told his friend that Im seeing somebody and she says that is all she remembers saying. Now Im afraid because she doesn't like my X and she really likes the current man Im seeing..

 

So Im afraid that all of this got back to my X and hes back with the NC basially saying and feeling well **** this girl..Ya know?

 

But I still can't believe I saw him Sat night and hung out and what really gets me is that he called me to make sure I got home ok..Maybe that sounds little to some but to me that was a big deal since he hasn't spoken to me in months ya know?

I was really hoping for some feedback here. I know everyone on here has given me such amazing advice and I come off as though I dont listen and Im sorry. But Im very curious to see how you guys think of what happend Saturay night when I was with him..Please if any of you have time let me know..It would really mean and help me a lot..

 

Happy New Year..

[BannaBee57]

Well, if anything I would think that a little compitition would spur him into coming back if he wanted to. If he wanted to be with you that wouldn't push him away.

 

I don't think you should press the issue. He just handled things in a mature way. It doesn't mean he's wanting you back so don't go calling him nonstop or anything. Just see if he calls you. If not then just continue with trying to move on.

 

I'm afraid this meeting will really set you back. I hope thats not the case. Just keep trucking along and don't over think what happened.

[D-Lish]

you do what I do and analyse everything that he said over and over again.

 

Here's the deal. He's not ready yet.

It's obvious that he still cares deeply for you- or he wouldn't react to you with such respect... nor would he have called to see if you made it in safely.

 

I'm pretty sure the comment asking him to look you in the eyes and tell you he doesn't love you is the event that caused him to become distant. you were having a good time, a comfortable time without pressure- then the relationship (pressure) talk silenced him.

 

What you have to build is positive moments and interaction that don't have anything to do with your relationship. The one thing that probably stops him from calling is the dread that he's going to get confronted about his feelings for you everytime he runs into you. you have to stop that line of questioning if you ever want to build something with Adam in the future.

 

Make your future interactions happy and light hearted. No more relationship talk, no more pressuring, no questioning. Creating positive, pressure-free moments with him is the way to keep him coming back for more conversations.

 

If you weren't ready to talk about something and everytime you ran into a particular person and they pressured you to talk about it... then what would you do? You'd avoid them.... eventually become annoyed...and ultimately, you'd cut them out of your life. That's what is going to happen if you keep forcing the issue of your relaitonship everytime you see/contact/run into Adam.

 

You want him to keep contacting you? Keep things light.

 

You have a base, a foundation already there between the two of you. How you interact with him right now can push him away, or it can one day bring him back. pressuring=pushes away... positive experiences="I'd like more of that". Does that make sense?

 

Remember, he senses your desperation, and you don't want that.

You want him to see your confidence, to see your progress. Not talking about "us" will be seen as progress in his eyes, and it will also give him a "safe" place to keep coming back to. You're giving him too much power here. Be a challenge! be unpredictable and don't bring up your relationship anymore. If and when he's ready to do that, he will- and he should be the one to bring that up, because you've already told him how you feel.

 

Good luck- and remember... no pressure, no relationship talk anymore.. create a safe place in your interactions so he'll want to keep coming back.

good luck!

D

[fjk82]

Hi guys.

 

Well yeah I shouldn't have done that it was really all going great but I had to screw it up and I have not heard from him since. Well then this morning I checked his email..I know I know...And he got back home yesterday and I checked it today and he has deleated all the emails I have ever sent him. He only kept the emails with pictures of me and him and our cat. Everything with words, etc is deleated and gone.

So yes not a big surprise its obviously over and he wants nothing to do with me...i just wonder what made him do that so fast? ya know? hes kept them there so long and now gone right after he sees me. i keep thinking its bc i looked bad etc..

 

my friend sarah ran into his best friend bobby and they were talking about our run in over the weekend and bobby was like he just wants to be friends with her and he feels like she isn't ready yet. all he wants is to be friends. but that its going to take a long time since they were together for so many years..

 

so i feel better knowing the truth for sure i guess..maybe he doesnt know what he feels and can'feel much of anything right now since his mom, etc

or maybe this is just how he feels..

 

but im worried you guys..i do want him in my life even if it is as friends. i dont NOT want this man out of my life forever. and its very important to me that we can be friends but how do i show him thats what i want. i was thinking of sending him 1 last email saying i hope he got home ok and something along the lines that i want him n my life and i want to be friends we both know it wont be a slick of cake but with progress we can do it. i really want him to know this bc with everything that has happend this past week i feel like i have reached some sort of closure (finally i know)lol

but how do i do that? i really want that out there..to him to know..im so sad that i messed up..it was going great until i did that..i could kill myself but whats done is done and even though i did say that he still called me after i dropped him off to make sure i was alright..thats what i dont get about him...

 

help me with the advice of what to do. i know i am needing to move on but i feel like i just have to send 1 last email saying i want him in my life and as a friend..

[fjk82]

Dish..Banna....

 

How do I make sure that I do not loose this person as a part of my life forever? Its very unfortunate that this has happend to me and him and I know I have caused him so much hurt and pain.

 

But I really want/need him in my life. He was TO BIG a part of it to not ever be there again. Even though I want more the friends I want him as a friend. That we can check in with one another and see whats happening. Im so upset with myself for basically ruining the night. I feel like such an ******* and I can only imagine what he must think of me. Obviously he feels NOTHING for me since he deleated my emails from the past year the NIGHT he got home..Help me you guys...I need it..

 

Help me make sure I dont loose him as atleast a friend...But how do I do that when my past action from Sat is n his mind..

[lorr]

I am going to be blunt, but from reading your thread it seems like you have a very unhealthy obsession with your ex.

You've been given really good and honest advice from people on here basically telling you the best course of action to take, but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

 

He now thinks that you are desperate, and that Is why he's behaving the way he is.If you want any chance of him contacting you or being your friend as you so desperately want, then you are certainly not going about things the right way. First of all stop panicking and getting yourself flustered.

 

Goodness gracious, I mean why can't you leave him alone? Stop pushing things,he probably has hardly any respect for you now.

I know I'm being harsh, but you REALLY need to pull yourself together.

 

If you don't mind me asking,how old are?

[BannaBee57]

FJK,

 

I know you say you want and need him in your life, but this isn't the way you should be thinking.

 

You do not NEED him in your life. It's hurting you so much because you have never really tried to let this go and move on. This chance meet up wasn't good for you. It's only causing you to over think everything that happened. And why did you read his e-mail again?! Finding stuff out like that is never going to result in anything positive.

 

I don't think you will ever be able to be friends with him. I know you don't want to hear that. You're always going to have feeling for him if you keep up with what you're doing.

 

Don't send another e-mail. Just let him be for know, stop reading the e-mails, and try to stop thinking that he is the source of your happiness. This is the only way your guys can stay friends and for you to move on. Although, I don't think you should be attempting to be friends. It's only going to keep you hanging on.

 

I'm sorry hun. I just don't know what else to tell you at this point. Wish I could give you a hug.

[fjk82]

Hello..

 

To answer your question Ill be 25 in a few months..

 

Banna..Im done..I never sent an email and I dont plan on it. Of course I want to but Im just not going to. Maybe awhile from now I will like 6months. But right now I can't..Its just very sad for me to see how close we were for 5yrs and I dont like the thought or feeling of this man not being some part of my life because he was my life for so many years. And I think its so sad that people just disappear from others lifes and I just wanted to make sure that doesn't happen between him and I. And I still really hope it doesn't..Ya know?

As for now moving forward..Not easy but much needed.

[D-Lish]

Coming to the conclusion that you need to move on is a good step in the right direction.

 

Moving on is never easy when you love someone... but you've been on an emotional roller coaster ride for such a long time now, and that hasn't been easy on you either.

 

Realistically, it's too hard to remain friends with someone when you still love them. Contacting him in 6 months is a good goal to set. I suspect that in that time you'll have moved on and have no further need for a friendship with him.

 

You've never done NC and given yourself a chance to heal.

I think that your decision to do this is a healthy one for yourself.

[Ukwizard]

Im sorry to hear about what happend to you UKWIZARD. Your right If I were you and my advice to you is to totally forget this girl and trust me I know its not easy.

Crumbs! I give as much input to your thread, and you only come out with a few lines. I now know why your fustrated at your ex only replying back in an email with only a couple of lines. Lol

 

No, seriousily. I m with Lorr. I think how you are pursing your ex is still wrong.

 

I mean has anyone actually read your last couple of emails, and not inbetween you the lines.

 

You mention your friend sarah might have told your ex about you seeing someone else. If thats the case, then no wonder thats why he went back home, and deleted his emails.

 

Think about it. Think about it really hard.

 

What kind of message does that convey to your ex? You leave him. You want him back, but you are seeing someone else!

 

Thats why Reduced contact, or No contact was so important here. You`ve basically carried on, and not listened to word what a few people have been saying on your own thread.

 

Now, what you have to do is to explain to your ex why you haven`t told him your seeing someone else. The more you contact him, and at the same time dating another person. Not only is it not fair for the other guy, but its also confusing for your ex.

 

About being friends? You can`t. Not while you stil have feelings for him. You have to try to show him you can be friends, and thats by leaving him alone. I was exactly the same as you. Couldnt leave my ex alone. When I sent her a text, and she wouldn`t reply. I`d text her again. Phone aher almost every second or third week. You cant do that. Its because you stil have feelings for your ex.

 

Why does leaving your ex alone work? It works because like I said ALL ALONG. Friends don`t chase each other. Get jealous of each other. Would you phone your friend, email or text your friend so often that it gets annoying?

 

Thats why you have to stop doing the things you`ve done in the last few months.

 

I think Fjk, what you`ve done is added MORE history to your ex. If your ex already knows your dating someone else. You can forget about a second chance now. Forget about going back now, and or the next few months or even years.

 

When people ask you to date other people. Yes, date them, but not for the sake of it. Your heart has to be in it. If you don`t have seriouse feelings for the man your seeing then end it. It will only end up in hurt, not only for you but the man your supposedly seeing.

 

Look, its 2007 now. Try to focus on the future, and not so much of the past. Whats been done, has been done. Now don`t do the same mistakes you`ve done in the past. Like things about bumping to each other, and saying this is just all weird. Of course its not. You knew all along, becuase you have access to his email. You knew he was coming into town.

 

This isn`t fate. Its all manufactured. Think about it. Think about it real hard. Its 2007. New horizons girl. Get out there!

[fjk82]

UK

I get bothered when you try to make it seem like I set these run ins up. Yes I knew he was coming into my town but I live in Tampa Bay, FL. If you are not firmiliar its a HUGE place. Its not like I knew where he was staying or where he was going to be every moment and every night during the week he was here. It truly is crazy that we ran into one another. Not that it helped anything.

 

Also I sent him an email today. It was a good one and Its something I personally felt I had to do. I will never contact him again in my life. This is what I sent.

 

A-

Hey! I just wanted to check in and make sure you got home okay. I hope you/ Dad had a great vaca/ a good time at the game. I also wanted to say Im sorry that it has taken me 8months to finally get my closure. I should have opened my eyes 8months back and gave you your space like you had been so nicley asking me to do. I think the reason why I have been acting the way Ive been is I was afraid of losing you as a person in my life. I have my closure now and I can say yes we are done and that is okay. I only want the best for you and your future Adam and I know you want the same for me. I was/am just afraid that we would loose touch and not be a part of eachothers lives and that is something that I know I dont want to happen. You were/are to big a part of my life and I always want you as a part of my life. Always..That is what is most important to me.

This is my last email to you. I know you will contact me sometime in the future when you are ready and I respect that. Im sorry that I said some stuff @ Shephards but since I got it out Im done now and Im just asking that you believe me even though Ive said it before. Also please keep an eye out because I am mailing you a box of your stuff that I have in a few weeks. Wait Ill actually just wait and send it to you when you get back from Bonaire. I have your diploma, credit cards, clothes, towels, and most important I have some beautiful pictures of you and your mom.

Have a fun and safe trip in Bonaire. I think this trip is going to be very good for you and your Dad. Just be safe especially when your in the water diving bc those sharks out there might mistake you as a baby seal ) j/k

I know we will talk and see one another sometime in the future. I hope you feel the same way as I do concerning us not losing touch and always being a part of eachothers lives. I wish you the best in life, love, and just everything in general. You will always hold a special place in my heart.

 

Always,

Me

 

 

 

I know everyone on here wants me to leave him alone and I am. I just had to send it. Maybe he will write me back but Im not expecting a response at all.

 

I will get thru this some how. I dont have a choice really..Ill let you all know if anything else ever happens..You all have helped me more then u know. I may not show it and I may react like I shouldn't but Im human and I can't take anything back.

Wish everyone the best of luck in everything they are trying to get in life...Love you all..

I hope my email wasnt bad but to me I feel like it was alright...

[lorr]

If you know that you are supposed to leave him alone, then you know that you did not have to send him an email, you just couldn't help yourself.

Sorry but I'm not convinced when you say that you are not expecting a response from him.

[fjk82]

I know Im suppose to leave him alone and that started the minute I sent that last email. Everyone handles things differently and for some reason that email made me feel better. I didn't want to leave it as it just was with me not being able to get some things off my chest.

 

Of course there is the wonder if he will email back but seriously I DONT EXPECT IT at all. Would it be nice? Yes. Do I really think he will? No

But I feel better knowing he read it. Maybe he will deleate it, maybe he will read it and understand maybe hell read it and be annoyed. Who knows I just hope he reads it and takes it to heart.

[L-FUZZ]

well,, i 've read all your post, been following your story.... and i do think it sounds like a very nice email. i think it was good for you to do it. sounds like your really making the steps you need to take to move on and upward. He should have those pictures of him and his mom. I hope he someday gets back to you. but just dont expect it anytime soon,, for your sake, as you already know, to not get your hopes up.

[fjk82]

Thank you very much...Im glad to hear some positive..It really means a lot

 

Its hard when you dont WANT to move on but you have no choice and I guess Im finally seeing that there isn't any hope to hold onto anymore. Its heartbreaking but I can't change it.

 

The worst part is that hes left with bad memories of me bc bad out weighs the good. I could have been a much better girlfriend to him and its so sad that I see this now and I can't have a 2nd chance to show him that I changed. That is what haunts me at night..I could have been nicer, more caring and giving and more sexual. But at the time I was a brat and Im sure he deff doesn't want that back. I just wish I could have shown him that I would be different...Hurts so much..

[paris38]

Asdfasdfasd

[Ukwizard]

UK

I get bothered when you try to make it seem like I set these run ins up. Yes I knew he was coming into my town but I live in Tampa Bay, FL. If you are not firmiliar its a HUGE place. Its not like I knew where he was staying or where he was going to be every moment and every night during the week he was here. It truly is crazy that we ran into one another. Not that it helped anything.

 

Don`t be. Don`t be bothered. Remember what I said here is only an opinion. If you say its a huge place, hten thats what makes it odd.

 

I live in the UK, and I have a few ex`s. They live from anything from 7 miles, to a distance of 47 miles away, and although this isnt a huge place. I have NEVER bumped into anyone of them. Call it craziness, coincidence. Well, thats up to you.

 

I wouldn`t have sent that email Fjk. My OPINION is that its almost like a goodbye letter. It feels like youv`e made a step backwards in sending that letter. Its like saying goodbye to your relationship all over again 8 months ago.

 

If I was you`re ex, I would probably be thinking "On no, not this again!"

 

He`s already made the small effort by phoning you. He still likes you as a person. Of course he does. So what was the purpose of that email? If you got closure then, leave it at that.

 

I`ve never said leave him alone. I have in the past gave an opinion to stay in touch, and it can be friends, but only when the feelings have died down.

 

Its been 14 months since I split with my ex. All the feelings have died down, and I don`t have the need to contact her anymore. I used to get upset, when she not text or email me back, and used to go back harrassing her finding out why, but I forgot one important thing. That was she split up, and she was just a friend instead of a lover.

 

The one important thing I ve learned in the last few months. Is that you can`t change FREE WILL. Your ex has tgo come back to you, but it won`t happen over night. I ve always said it can be months, years or even decades. Can you imagine going over the same issues about the relationship that happened what is 8 months now.

 

You can`t do that. You can`t think what you should have done 8 months ago. Try to think ahead what you can do!

[paris38]

He doesn't seem to want to be a part of your life at all and has moved on. He seems to be dating someone else, or trying to date. So....if I were dating him I would not want a guy who was still communicating with an exgirlfriend who said it was important to still be a part of his life. The whole point of moving on is that you are accepting that they are no longer a part of each others lives.....at all....and from this whole saga of posts he really doesn't want you in his life, and your email just screams "I still love you, I am still trying to evoke a reaction from you because I still can't let go and that's why I'm writing this email." you could mail him the stuff without the email...also from your posts it's not like he's been contacting you to get it back, he would rather have no contact with you at all than get his stuff back.

 

This series of posts is about a man who has moved on with his life by falling out of love with his exgirlfriend, and an exgirlfriend who has pestered and bugged a guy to the point of he wants nothing to do with her, yet she is still hanging on.

 

Let's all look at this as a lesson for everyone (and yourself, fjk - you're young!!!!! Move on from this, PLEASE!!! He is NOT the last guy you will be in love with, in 5 years he'll be a distant memory.)

[fjk82]

See I think he does still want me as a part of his life because that is what he was telling me and I just wasnt listening and still wanting to talk about the rship which he didn't want. He keeps telling his best friend that he wants me as a part of his life and always wants me in his life as a friend and that he doesn't NOT want me in his life. That he just feels like im not ready yet ( which is true)

So I do feel and believe he does want me there just right now is not the time because I am not ready and maybe he isn't either or maybe he is and its just me.

I know Im young..Ill be 25 in a few years. But maybe what is making this so hard is hes all I know in my adult life I was with him for 5yrs and he was such an amazing man that I took advantag of and it kills me that I couldn't show him that I really have changed as a person bc my eyes are open now. But it is what it is and I hope I will find someone. Im scared that might not happen and Im sure these are normal feelings for me to have. atleast i hope they are