Update Again..need Input

[fjk82]

hope everyone had a good valentines day <3

[the_total_package]

you broke up with him in the first place, if you loved him so much why did you do that? I think you expected him to beg his way back, but he took what you said at your word, you wanted to break up, and when someone breaks up with you that means truly deep down they don't love you....so why would he want to get back to someone who is not really in love with him? I think you are thinking you love him more than you really do because it's bugging the he** out of you that he isn't still torn up a year later that you dumped him and has moved on with his life, so that makes his more of a challenge.

[fjk82]

It really hurts me that you and Im sure others think that way about me and my situation.

 

I made a mistake

People make mistakes

I was going thru a hard and dark period with our relationship and I was lost and confused on some issues with him and I that had to change. Instead of being strong and trying to work on them together I panicked and did the worst thing I could have ever done.

And on another note I had to change. I had to see that I can be on my own because I never in my life have been. I was scared, lost, confused and I made a mistake.

The moment I did it I knew It was a mistake and It really breaks my heart. I dont see him as a challenge and I never thought "oh yeah he will totally take me back no problem" those thoughts NEVER went thru my mind.

That was the chance I took. It was a mistake and I am now living with my choice..Its horrible..So horrible to have this happen to you. When you really love someone but you go down a road you were never suppose to. Nobodys perfect..Nobody..I have to live my life knowing I did this to not only myself but to him as well.

So please..That really hurts..People make mistakes..And live with that consquences..of that choice..

 

Hope everyone is having a good week..

Ciao

[Island Girl]

It's okay fjk82.

 

Those of us who are actually informed of what has happened know the deal.

 

I can't imagine The_Total_Package took the time to read all of the 19 pages of posts.

 

But then again, if she did and that is HER perspective - so be it.

 

Don't worry about it - don't let it hurt you.

 

Hope you are having a great week. Your posts are sounding better and you are sounding more grounded lately.

 

Good for you.

[SassyNClassy]

FJK,

 

From what I've read, you and I could practically be the same person.

 

Things were not all roses in our relationship and I really needed it to change. However, I did not realise how devestating the breakup would be for me. I felt like someone had cut out a piece of me. I tried to get him back (not as hard as you did) to no avail. After he told me he didn't want to try a second chance I left him alone but, I still think about him several times a day and it's been almost a year. I still love him very much. Despite the rough patches in our relationship, he was my best friend and lover for almost 3 years.

 

I intimatly know that deep feeling of regret that I'm sure you've lived with every day since you realised your mistake. I can only empathize with what you are feeling and hope that one day someone will come along to make me forget my ex.

 

I don't appreciate people (some of them have recently wrote in this thread) who say things like "you dumped him first now get over it". This isn't a "simple" break-up where your ex dumped you and now you must move on. We have to live with the fear that we may have ruined the best thing in our lives, and if only we had just tried a little harder or stuck it through a little longer. It's a horrible feeling, and you writing all the stuff that you're thinking about is a very carthartic way of dealing with the deep pain you are feeling. If people don't like what they are reading then they should just stop. Not say things that are clearly not making anyone feel better or helping the situation.

 

So, yeah I get it. If you feel like chating more I think it would be helpful for both of us. I don't think I can recieve PM's yet but we can just talk through here. Hope you're having a good night.

 

~Sassy

[fjk82]

Thank you Island & Sassy!! You both made me smile and I feel better now

 

Sassy yes Id love to talk to you some more about your situation and everything. Im not sure when people can start recieving PM's. I think its when you have posted a certain number of times BUT I could be wrong.

 

Sorry to hear about you and your X. Obviousley you know when I say I know how you feel. Do you guys ever speak? Lets chat more..Id really like that

 

Im off to Orlando for the weekend. Wanted to get away and go out and have some fun! Ill be back tomorrow night and will for sure be on here.

 

Sassy keep your head up. And your right. We do have to live with the fact that WE might have made the worst mistake in our lives. That is a VERY hard pill to swallow. But hey..It can only get better right? =0)

Trying to stay positive lol

[Ukwizard]

Hi Sassy,

 

You mentioned,

 

I don't appreciate people (some of them have recently wrote in this thread) who say things like "you dumped him first now get over it".

 

If you don`t like it then please don`t read it. Fjk even mentioned that. You also said that yoursefl Sassy.

 

If people don't like what they are reading then they should just stop. Not say things that are clearly not making anyone feel better or helping the situation.

 

Everyone is entitled to their opinion you know, and its not like some people have posted here before have been rude about it. They`ve just gave their verison, or own persopn opinion. This is a forum, and that`s what a forum is about.......debate.

 

This isn't a "simple" break-up where your ex dumped you and now you must move on. We have to live with the fear that we may have ruined the best thing in our lives, and if only we had just tried a little harder or stuck it through a little longer.

 

Yes, and I agree with you, but you can`t give hope to Fjk by saying if I`d done this, or if I d done that. It doesn`t work like that. What`s done has been done. I ve gave my own opinions, and what to do to get any chance of an ex back, but I got ripped by someone on here saying I "shouldn`t give hope to FJK".

 

Thats why I kinda gave up debating, because I got ripped by someone for giving an opinion.

 

Its been months now following this thread, and I have to admire Fjk`s energy in pursuing her ex. In my own humble opinion. I don`t think he`s going to come back. Not in the near future anyway. Anytime apart, and sometimes the longer time a couple are apart, then the less likeley they are to get back together. If they do, and that is a big if. They tend to connect years, or even decades later.

 

If people don't like what they are reading then they should just stop. Not say things that are clearly not making anyone feel better or helping the situation.

 

So we should all say to Fjk that everything is going to be ok? Sit back, and tell her her ex wil be coming back?

 

Nope, I don`t think so. We should tell her the truth, eat humble pie, and just get on with life. No one wants to see someone waste their life on an ex who doesn`t want them back. Fjk is only being human, and we all are. Let her choose what she wants. The best place for her to come is here, and we are helping her in one way or another. So please stop bickering over each others comments.

 

That`s why I kind of stopped writing on here. I put my ideas forward, about doing NC, or RC, about Fjks` actions, or her ex. I get either ripped or attacked. If I don`t get ripped or attacked. I get no response from Fjk. We don`t seem to debate. Any idea I put forward, or any questions I ask. I get a few lines of nothing, or I get totally ignored. Sometimes its like talking to a brick wall, or to someone at a pub who talks about nothing, but football. Wouldn`t you give up?

 

Of course you would.

 

Now good luck what ever you do.

[kimba]

you broke up with him in the first place, if you loved him so much why did you do that? I think you expected him to beg his way back, but he took what you said at your word, you wanted to break up, and when someone breaks up with you that means truly deep down they don't love you....so why would he want to get back to someone who is not really in love with him? .

 

Exactly. If you dump someone there is always the *risk* THAT THEY WILL ACTUALLY TAKE IT AS THAT AND MOVE ON!!!!!!

 

I think you are thinking you love him more than you really do because it's bugging the he** out of you that he isn't still torn up a year later that you dumped him and has moved on with his life, so that makes his more of a challenge.

 

EXACTLY. I couldn't have put it better myself.

 

You only want him because he no longer wants you.

 

If you had heard through the grapevine or whatever that he is still weeping every day, still wants you back, cannot move on, is in complete misery, I doubt this whole thread would even exist.

 

Sorry to be harsh. But its crystal clear whats going on here.

 

 

!

[SassyNClassy]

So we should all say to Fjk that everything is going to be ok? Sit back, and tell her her ex wil be coming back?

 

Hmmm, I don't recall ever eluding to that, but I guess we are all entitled to our 'opinions'.

 

I was mearly commiserating with FJK, not giving her false hopes. It's completly different than coming onto a thread and telling someone to get over it and then leaving.

 

I was just commenting on the fact that it can be hurtful for someone to tell you that you only want your ex back because he doesn't want you. How would you know what's going on in her mind? FJK seems honestly very upset about this...more so that one would be if they were just pissed that their ex wasn't still hung up on them.

 

UK, you often seem to want to pick a fight with people. I've noticed many of the things you say are a bit inflamatory. All I was doing was pointing out that critisizing FJK for still having feeling for someone that she initialy left is not helping her.

 

Settle down.

[fjk82]

Hi All---

 

UKWIZARD--Wow back from NC I see

How have you been doing? Im sorry that I am not a good "debate". Ive always had a hard time with that and Im also really bad at writing out and picking the right words to express how I feel. I tend to just write it all out without thinking and thats why a lot of my posts are in circles.

 

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion BUT you also have to understand how much it hurts that I keep getting posts on here saying I only want him bc he doesnt want me. That is so far from the truth it makes me ****ing sick. I am not that kind of person. This isnt a game to me. This is my life and I geniually made a mistake and feel awful-sick-heartbroken- and the list goes on.

 

KIMBA

If I heard thru the grapevine that he was hurt and wanted me back to I WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK IN A FLASH! PERIOD! This is not a game to me at all. Sure most people do act that way but I am NOT that person. Im love sick and its almost been a year. If this was a game to me I would have been over this a long time ago. That man means the world to me. I made a mistake by leaving. My love never went away for him but I was going thru some things and was questionoing things with us and I panciked and left. Mistake made and he wont let me back in. Can I blame him? No not really. BUT my feelings are if you really love someone..Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Its not like I cheated on this man. I made a mistake and he doesn't give me the time of day. Crazy and very hard to excpt since I was with and lived with this man for almost 5years and we were going to be getting married. How does ones feelings change so fast?

 

SassyNClassy--

EVEYTHING you said in your first few paragraphs I couldn't agree with you anymore. You said it PERFECT..It does hurt when people talk **** saying certain things and making it look like this is a damn game to me. It really angers and hurts me all at the same time. I come here for support. Not to feel worse. But then again there is nothing I can do or say on this thread that can change anyones minds or convince them. Everyone has their opinion. Everyone.

 

Thats why I wrote on here a week or two ago that if that is someones opinion ( that i never loved him, that this is a game to me, that u made a mistake deal with it, etc etc etc) I dont want them writing it on here. Because its all not true and it hurts more then you can imagine.

 

I want to say thank you again to everyone that keeps on my thread. Even the ones that have never posted..Its been viewed so many times..Unbelievable..

But again..SPECIAL THANK YOU to all of those that truly believe me..and understand me..I couldn't be making the progress I have been lately without any of you...

Im getting better..With really knowing and excepting that I will never have him back. But I can't dwell on it..I need to live my life..I will be posting on here for awhile to come and Im sure sometime soon it will have to do with him contacting me at some point and Ill for sure need allll the help I can get.

 

Ive been NC now for ALMOST 2 months. March 11th will be 2 months..And for me...That is GREAT..I think around the 3rd to 4th month with him not hearing ANYTHING from me..He will get a hold of me somehow..I dont know why I think that way..But I feel it..Hope Im not wrong..

 

K Im getting back to work now..Ill check in with you all later tonight

[fjk82]

Hi All---

 

UKWIZARD--Wow back from NC I see

How have you been doing? Im sorry that I am not a good "debate". Ive always had a hard time with that and Im also really bad at writing out and picking the right words to express how I feel. I tend to just write it all out without thinking and thats why a lot of my posts are in circles.

 

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion BUT you also have to understand how much it hurts that I keep getting posts on here saying I only want him bc he doesnt want me. That is so far from the truth it makes me ****ing sick. I am not that kind of person. This isnt a game to me. This is my life and I geniually made a mistake and feel awful-sick-heartbroken- and the list goes on.

 

KIMBA

If I heard thru the grapevine that he was hurt and wanted me back to I WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK IN A FLASH! PERIOD! This is not a game to me at all. Sure most people do act that way but I am NOT that person. Im love sick and its almost been a year. If this was a game to me I would have been over this a long time ago. That man means the world to me. I made a mistake by leaving. My love never went away for him but I was going thru some things and was questionoing things with us and I panciked and left. Mistake made and he wont let me back in. Can I blame him? No not really. BUT my feelings are if you really love someone..Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Its not like I cheated on this man. I made a mistake and he doesn't give me the time of day. Crazy and very hard to excpt since I was with and lived with this man for almost 5years and we were going to be getting married. How does ones feelings change so fast?

 

SassyNClassy--

EVEYTHING you said in your first few paragraphs I couldn't agree with you anymore. You said it PERFECT..It does hurt when people talk **** saying certain things and making it look like this is a damn game to me. It really angers and hurts me all at the same time. I come here for support. Not to feel worse. But then again there is nothing I can do or say on this thread that can change anyones minds or convince them. Everyone has their opinion. Everyone.

 

Thats why I wrote on here a week or two ago that if that is someones opinion ( that i never loved him, that this is a game to me, that u made a mistake deal with it, etc etc etc) I dont want them writing it on here. Because its all not true and it hurts more then you can imagine.

 

I want to say thank you again to everyone that keeps on my thread. Even the ones that have never posted..Its been viewed so many times..Unbelievable..

But again..SPECIAL THANK YOU to all of those that truly believe me..and understand me..I couldn't be making the progress I have been lately without any of you...

Im getting better..With really knowing and excepting that I will never have him back. But I can't dwell on it..I need to live my life..I will be posting on here for awhile to come and Im sure sometime soon it will have to do with him contacting me at some point and Ill for sure need allll the help I can get.

 

Ive been NC now for ALMOST 2 months. March 11th will be 2 months..And for me...That is GREAT..I think around the 3rd to 4th month with him not hearing ANYTHING from me..He will get a hold of me somehow..I dont know why I think that way..But I feel it..Hope Im not wrong..

 

K Im getting back to work now..Ill check in with you all later tonight

[fjk82]

Just wanted to stop by and see what is happening with everyone here..

 

Im doing good. Its funny..The longer that time goes by with NC it SOMEWHAT seems to get a little easier. Not fully..But somewhat..

 

Just wondering if anyones out there..

 

Need some tips on what to do whenever he pops into my mind every day. I keep myself VERY busy and the only time I for sure never think of him is when Im at the gym. But I need some coping skills on when Im at home

Any input would be greatly apperciated..

 

Hope all is well

[fjk82]

So its been 2 months of NC...The longest I have ever gone..Im proud..

 

Then of course I find out that he is flying down here for Memorial Day Weekend...Of course that makes me wonder..Am I going to run into this man AGAIN since that has already happend the only two times it ever could have?? If so..That is CRAZY..Im trying not to think about it..But as Im sure you all know..Its kinda rough

Hope everyone out there is doing well..Im off to bed now..Goodnight all

[SassyNClassy]

Hey FJK,

 

Glad to see you're still hanging in there with the NC. I'm proud of you!!

 

How did you find out he was coming down for Memorial Day? Were you reading his e-mail or checking up on him with friends? If so, then you are not really doing this NC whole heartedly. For that, you have to stop checking up, looking at websites, or asking about him. It's the only way he will really fade from your memory.

 

Now, when he's down there I'd suggest staying away from the bars he might hit up. You know which ones they are...you guys probably went to the same ones frequently. So, maybe stay in or hang at a friends house. If you really want to go out then find some different place that you don't think he'll be at. Otherwise you'll just be expecting to run into him and that's really not what you want right now.

 

If you see him you'll only end up over analyzing everything again and it'll set you back. So, please don't try for a chance run in or anything like...for your own good

 

Hang in there girl!!

[bridget_jones]

I've been 'lurking' this thread as a guest...Honestly it sounds as if he has truly moved on. You keep saying that you 'know' he still loves you but you don't really 'know' that. It appears he has taken steps to move on from the relationship. You say you 'deserve' a second chance, but apparently he has since decided that he doesn't want to get back together because his feelings for you have changed. You might very well be in love with him still, but he's not in love with you anymore or he would have taken steps by now to make it work with you. Instead he has made steps to ask you to not contact him anymore.

If he does still have feelings for you, he will definitely take the opportunity on Memorial Day weekend to contact you and see you. If he doesn't, he won't.

[fjk82]

Hey everyone..!

 

SassyNClassy-- I know hes coming down here because I saw it on his myspace page. I know I shouldn't look at it BUT I have been better with checking it. I use to do it a million times a day now Ill look like once a week. For me..That is better. As time is going on it is making it easier for me..It has been 2months since I have tried getting a hold of him so I am proud of that because normally at this mark I would break and send an email. And where I stand right now..I dont want to do that anymore so I am very proud of myself.

 

BRIDGET--

Thank you for finally posting a message. It is crazy how many people have viewed this thread but only a select few type their thoughts. Maybe he has moved on, maybe he has not. But you are right. His actions show he has. Everyone deals with pain in different ways. I do think when another month goes by and he still has not heard from me he might try getting a hold of me. And when he comes down here for Memorial Day Weekend of course he will be thinking of me since we moved down here TOGETHER. Ya know? Hes coming down with like 7 of his guy friends SOO I really dont think he is going try to to get a hold of me and he will only be here for 3 short nights.

 

Now I know everyone is going to freak BUT so far I have lost 27 lbs since I last saw him on December 30th. I had always had a great body while being with him then after awhile I gained some weight and now its all coming off. I know that isn't going to make him come back but It would be nice if I did see him Memorial Day and he would see me looking great..Feeling confident..And at that point have not tried contacting him in 6months.

 

Like I have said before. We have run into one another twice on accident. I dont care if anyone on here belives that or not but it is the truth. I am not going to change my schdule just because he is in town. When we were together I was not a big drinker so we didn't really go out ever. Just very into fine restaurants, not clubs! I really dont think fate can work a THIRD time but if it happens good because I feel great! Thats what I want his last memory of me to be. Not the sad desperate girl he had been seeing.

 

I look at this entire thing as we are NOT getting back together. I am living my life day to day without the thought of him being in my future. I am finally living for me. Nobody knows what will happen with time BUT you have to live for yourself. Not the what if's..I hope one day with time he will contact me and we can somewhat be friends or atleast be able to check on one another. But for right now..I am glad he started the NC. I think it is something we both needed to heal and move on..

 

But..Of course..I hope I see him in May..See how hes doing..And Ill be looking AMAZING and confident If thats not a happ ending..I dont know what is

 

Hope your all well everyone out there! I am getting back to work now..Ill be back tonight

[D-Lish]

It's strange how things transpire- but one day I just woke up and realized I am really healing and getting over the ex. I think that will happen for you too.

 

When you stop checking, contacting, obsessing... the feelings just gradually dissipate. They say that it takes half the time of the relationship to fully get over someone. I'm not sure if that's true or not- but it seems to be the case with me.

 

You can't beat yourself up for still loving this guy. You'll heal when you're ready, and on your own terms. Look at your gradual attempt at pulling back as progress- because it is progress. I think back to where I was 6 months ago... I was "messy" for a good three months, and then gravitated back and forth between messy and happy.... and now I am way more at peace with what happened.

 

Everything you have gone through- from the obsessing and sadness, to the place where you are at now... well, it's all a part of getting over it. Sure, you will have days when you digress, and others where you feel pretty good. I suspect that you are actually getting to the point where the good days are more frequent than the relapses. That's great, that what's you want to happen.

 

I hope you realize that the more you hold on to the past you had with "A", that you block your chances of meeting someone just as special as he was. I know you don't want to hear it, but if you two never reconcile- that's certainly not the end of your dating career. When you love someone, there's nothing worse than hearing "there's plenty of fish in the sea..." However, that old adage is true.

 

I'm 37 and I've been in love- real love, more than a few times. Even experienced a divorce and two break ups since then... lol.

 

I lost 50 pounds after my divorce- went from 150 to 100lbs... I got sickly thin, but have now settled in to a comfortable 110 lbs. SO, I know all about how stress (and admittedly a bit of depression) can affect a person. Just look after yourself, it's easy to replace one obsession (break up) with another (weight loss). It's important to look after your health in a situation like yours.

 

Anyhow, I'm rambling- I'm snowed in tonight! Not something a Floridian could possibly understand... lol.

 

Keep up with the NC. I promise you it will help you immenseley in your healing process. I'm talking from experience here- and that was after a ten year relationship. It was the NC that helped me move forward.

 

Take care of yourself- and be proud of what you have accomplished so far in your endeavour to heal. One step, and one day at a time.

 

xo

Dee

[bridget_jones]

I do think you are planning on 'running into' him somehow. You know the types of places he and his friends hang out and you say you're not going to change your schedule but I do have the feeling you are going to get your friends to want to go out to some hangouts you have a feeling he'll be at.

You are looking forward to seeing him too much. If he doesn't even bother to call you, you know he's not interested. I mean even friends call you when they're in town. If he doesn't even see you as a friend, why do you keep thinking about this weekend in May coming up? You mentioned it several times in your post.

I'm glad you feel good about your weight loss but if you were really in a healthy place you wouldn't be so focused on the Memorial Day weekend.

Why don't you use your newfound confidence to go out and find a new guy?

[Ukwizard]

I do think you are planning on 'running into' him somehow. You know the types of places he and his friends hang out and you say you're not going to change your schedule but I do have the feeling you are going to get your friends to want to go out to some hangouts you have a feeling he'll be at.

 

Yeah, I kinda agree with Bridget. Its a kind of mild set up because Fjk has prior knowledge of her ex coming down to town. That gives her one step ahead to go out, and hang out the places where her ex used to go.

 

If she didnt go and access his emails, she`d have no prior knowledge of him coming, and probably not meet him. So please stop checking his mail.

 

Anyway, its been a long time since I ve last heard from my ex. I ve found out she`s dating another guy! This time he`s from work! Do relationships from work ever last?

 

Got to tell you guys this too. I saw an old friend on a dating site. We met at college about 10 years ago but went our separate ways. Could this be a second chance?

 

We`ll wait and see, lol

[fjk82]

Hello Everyone out there..

 

D-Lish

It is funny how one day it all kinda just makes sence in a way. I am still waiting for that day BUT I do feel myself having more better days then bad. I really do.

I can't help that I still love this man. It is also very hard to understand how I acted after I broke up with him (the crying, begging, made the mistake talk, etc etc) then when his Mother passed away all I wanted to do was BE there for him and with him and help him thru one of the most diffcult times in his life but instead I never THOUGHT about how I was handling the situation and unforntunally I was just acting out and that in return made me look selfish and a horrible person and I am afraid that is why I have now lost him forever.

 

That is a very very hard pill to swallow..Especially knowing what you did and how you acted were all so very wrong BUT you can't change anything and in my situation I can't even talk to him to say I am sorry, etc. He does not give me that chance. A good friend of mine told me not to long ago that even though "A" and I have been broken up for almost 1 year now I was still ALWAYS there with the calls, emails, etc so that basically since I have now been in NC for 2months and 2 weeks that is the actual time.

 

But I truly hope that after some time he contacts me. I know everyone wants to say get over it, etc he doesnt care about you anymore, move on but..I really hope that..Because that really hurts my heart to think I will never hear or see this man again in my entire life.

 

I am moving on. I am taking it one day at a time. I look back at myself a few months ago and see how sad, desperate, and all the other emotions I was and I have gotton better. Not 100% BUT I am on the road to that goal..

 

I am busy with work, going to the gym almost every day, and going out with friends and I have been on a few dates but not with anyone that gets my interest.

 

 

And to answer all of your questions concerning Memorial Day Weekend. Your right. I am hoping to run into him and I will be out and about. I live in a MAJOR area so it will be impossible for me to "guess" where he will be at. Do I have an idea? Only one. Will I be there? Yes I will. I know this is not healthy but at the same time..I would be lying if I sat here and said I have no thoughts or intentions on seeing him because I do. Will it happen? Who the hell knows..Maybe not this time since I am looking for it.

 

All he has seen of me since our break up is a sad, clingy, desperate little girl. I want to see him when I am finally feeling good, looking good, happy, and finally becoming a woman. Will he see or think any of this IF I see him? Who the hell knows. But I do hope I run into him.

 

UKWIZARD-

Where the hell have you been buddy?? How are things over in the UK for you? R-ships from work very rarley work out....As I am sure you already know. Are you feeling any better since a good amount of time has passed since ur break up? Because you can do so much better then this woman and you know that.

 

Now the college girl from 10 years ago...? Did you e-mail her? Did you guys use to date or you were only friends back in the day?? This sounds interesting..Please..Fill me in..

 

I am off to bed now. I am just being honest on my thread on my feelings and my heart. I know a lot of people think I am desperate, etc and will want to rip me a new one for saying I want to see him Memorial Day..But please..I do hope it happens..I am not counting on it and I am still taking all the steps I need to move on..But a part of me isn't ready to fully let go..I guess my heart will let go when it is fully ready. I guess the only positive is that I am finally doing it the right way..With NC and not being the crazy despearte girl..Funny..You think you are making the right choice by ending a r-ship..If I only knew..

But then again...Like they say..Everything happens for a reason..Wish we all knew what the reason was right away

 

Hope everyone out there tonight is doing GREAT!

 

Ohhhh yeah D-LISH........I might live in Florida now...BUT REMEMBER...I am a Pennsylvania girl and boy oh boy do I remember being snowed in

"A" and I use to love it!! I really miss the north...A lot..

 

OK OK OK I am finally going now, lol..Thanks again everyone..I do re read this post when I am down and it helps me so much..Like I said before I am not a good writter or good at expressing myself and my feelings..But I do take in what EVERYONE says on here..And again..Thank you...You all have helped me more then you can imagine...

Ill see you all tomorrow

Ciao

[bridget_jones]

You say that you just have not been given the chance to say you're sorry and all those things to him but you did call and email a lot before no contact and saw him a couple times so he knows you realize you made a mistake. You already told him all that, through email and phone calls, you were an open book, he knows everything about what you feel.

[Ukwizard]

UKWIZARD-

Where the hell have you been buddy?? How are things over in the UK for you? R-ships from work very rarley work out....As I am sure you already know. Are you feeling any better since a good amount of time has passed since ur break up? Because you can do so much better then this woman and you know that.

 

Now the college girl from 10 years ago...? Did you e-mail her? Did you guys use to date or you were only friends back in the day?? This sounds interesting..Please..Fill me in..

 

 

Ha ha! Told you no contact works! I m back! I ve got on with things, and meeting people too.

 

Now you are communicating properly now, and even asking questions. This is VERY GOOD PROGRESS!! I don`t seem to get that feeling of talking to a brick wall anymore lol.

 

I kind of got put off by someone here on this thread byripping me, and my comments on this thread, without reading the whole thread first.

 

I ve emailed the girl from college, but she hasn`t been on to read my message. I m not pining my hopes up high, because it was meant to be. It would have been back then. I ll keep you filled in.

 

Take care for now.

[D-Lish]

Hi FJK,

 

The hardest part of letting go is dealing with all the "what if's" and regrets. "I should have done this, shouldn't have done that" etc.

 

In all honestly- the begging, crying, wanting and wondering are all normal aspects of a healing progress. Don't keep beating yourself up for having those thoughts and committing those actions okay? We all do it.

 

On the other hand- don't let those mistakes and regrets stop you from moving on. You can't change the past- the only thing u can do is show him how strong u are now. And that may entail- if u run into him...just staying a friendly "hello, good to see you" and leaving it at that. It will be hard because you two see each other infrequently and you're bound to feel the need to go overboard emotionally with what little contact you're having.

 

However- a simple hello- good to see you (I have my own life now) will carry more weight than brining up relationship/reconciliation talk.

 

The ball's in his court now- if you want to talk- you have to let him to initiate now. It will be hard to do- but it will be better for you if you pull back and act aloof, rather than bring up the fact that u still want him and wish to have him back. he already knows that- so in order toregain your control- you need to have one meeting where you play the aloof/disinterested person.

 

DO you know what I mean?

 

Think about what kind of lasting impression you want to leave with him. Is it weak, desperate Fallon.... or is it strong capable, independent Fallon who is taking charge of her life despite A's absence. He knows he had you where he wants you- pining for him. Don't show him that weakness anymore, lest you want to keep him holding the upper hand.

 

You are doing sooo much better. Everytime you look at the phone and think about calling anf you don't... those little things are progress.

 

F, h'es not the only man in the world for you. You can't change the past- deal with the things you can control, not thr things you can't.

 

And keep being honest here- it's what makes this forum real, and a safe place to vent.

 

:-)

D

[bridget_jones]

fjk I wouldn't humiliate myself if I were you by going out of your way to see him, which you admitted you were going to do (show up at a place you're pretty sure he'll be that weekend.)

Men are simple, they do what they want. If he desires to see you, he'll call you and tell you he's going to be in town, even if it's just to catch up and see an old friend he spent four years in a relationship with. If he doesn't want to see you, he won't call.

I agree, ball's in his court. Plus how can you be absolutely sure he doesn't have a girlfriend? Lots of people don't post their lovelife on myspace. I could understand why he wouldn't want to in your case because he doesn't want to hurt you and get an upset, dramatic phone call or email from you.

Just a thought! Gotta be realistic here.

[bridget_jones]

He knows he had you where he wants you- pining for him. Don't show him that weakness anymore, lest you want to keep him holding the upper hand.

 

D

 

How do you know that he had her where he wanted her and had the upper hand? I don't think it matters this guy because isn't even in the "game" and he didn't "want" her anywhere in his life, pining or not. It's not really about having an "upper hand" because he's not a player in the game. That's the problem, FJK's still active in the game, still in the proverbial stadium, changed out of his uniform, where he has left the field, the parking lot, driven down the highway, over the river and through the woods, that's how far from the game he is.