Update Again..need Input

[fjk82]

Hey girl..I know your right I need to stop beating myself up..Im just overwhelmed with feeling of regreat and loss..

 

I just dont get it..How he talks to EVERYONE other then myself..Why can't he speak to me Island? Please answer that..And Its been 6months since I left him now Island. And he still can't speak to me at all? Somethings wrong there. He spoke to his X when they broke up but he can't speak to me..WHY..Please answer that and help me with this paragraph..Please...

 

If we were to get back together it prolly would have happend by now. Like I said its been 6months. He can't even talk to me..He has NOT written me back to my email either. Why Island? He was sending me stuff at times before but now since I SAW HIM NOTHING..Do u think its because when he saw me he didn't have that feeling he thought he would have?? And now he knows hes over me??????? Please help me with that please ..Hes making it so obvious he doesnt want to be with me and hes moving on with his life WITHOUT ME IN IT...Dont you think? 6months is a long time....

 

Please Island answer those questions for me..Im dyin here..Do u think he had the feeling like wow im over her, my heart didn't stop like i though tit would if i saw her..what if that didnt happen and thats why he doesnt care to speak to me bc there is no point...or could it be that it killed him and he missed me so much and he can't allow himself to talk to me..what do u think..really..

 

Yes I go out..Im out often..

u better get LS to figure out your posts lol i need ur input stat!! haha...hope all is well in your neck of the woods..i look forward to hearing from ya soon!

[Ssheena]

He might not talk to you because he knows he is hurting you by staying in contact with you and/or that you want something that he just isn't able to give you right now. No one but him knows why he isn't. In situations like this I have written/said exactly what I wanted from the person and how I felt and then let it go. Kind of like a game of tennis - I put the ball in the other person's court and if they chose to return it (by responding) great, and if they don't, then there is my answer. I think he needs some space and I would benefit you if you reread some of Island Girls answers above. The 'ol Scarlett O'Hare saying of "tomorrow's another day" after Brett left her is not bad. I'd suggest, it's HIS loss, cause it is.

Take care.

[dr strangelove]

See she left him

 

Now she decided she wants him

 

she is in another city(state?)

 

Women expect men will go to any lengths to be with them.. uh guess what its not happening.

 

I had a few brief long distance relationships, and women never minded the distance, men tend to.

 

If you really wish to have anything ever happen you will have to live much closer to him... sorry thats the reality. Plus you have to woo him back cause you left him.

 

Again im a guy and I know how futile it is to try and win back someone who broke up with you.

 

Plus on top of it he said something about just friends..

 

And for the record only he knows what he is thinking, not someone on this site. I mean sometimes you can try to guess but the person actions reactions. But that tends to be heresay.

[fjk82]

island..im sure ur sick of repeatin urself with me..i hope ur still readin my post..ur words help me so much..i go back and read them when I'm down. I hope I didn't push u away bc u really help me. I was very curious as to what ur thoughts were on my last post..u help me so much and I need to b more positive..hope to hear from u tonight island! ohh ya I heard my x is plannin a trip down here n november to visit his friend who we moved here with..wonder if he does if hell think of me..we moved here together so all here r memories of us...please reply to my prior post..i need ur input..

[fjk82]

I just need to be more positive and stop with the negative..

 

I need to stay busy with work and always go straight to the gym..

 

Be with my friends and move on with my life..

 

I can't make someone want to be with me again and I have to understand and realize that I did this to myself by leaving him and making him not love me anymore and not want to be with me..

 

Only time can heal I guess and I just have to realize that I have a new life in front of me..And that the ONLY thing I can do is move on...

[fjk82]

Hello..Not sure if anyone is still keeping up with my posts or not. But Im feeling the urge to write here right now.

 

Im trying to be strong..I just re read every single post on here that everyon has written to me. Island I wonder where you have been. Ive seen your postings on here lately but not on my thread. I hope your still following my story because your words really help me and make me stronger. Right now Im all over the place but trying to stay calm. I was on myspace and his good friend T put a comment on his page saying " look at my girlfriends page and look at the comment sara wrote" so I went to his friends girlfriends page and this really cute girl wrote to her friend "tell adam hes hott and not to get a girlfriend until i get back into town after christmas"

my heart sunk..this girl is obviousley into my X and shes so cute and it killed me and she is moving back into his town after christmas and shes best friends with adams best friends girlfriend. so im done inside. i can't change anything. and isalnd i was reading how you said he hasn't had enough time in "normal" life to feel for me or much of anything but from reading about whats happening in his life etc hes doing FINE..hanging with friends..going out of town..ALWAYS DRINKING, etc..just getting drunk with his friends and now this girl wants him..i feel like total crap and i cant do a damn thing about it

Ive heard nothing from him. Normally I hear from him thru email ATLEAST 1 time a month. but ive heard NOTHING...nothing since i saw him in PA. i dont understand why he was saying thru email and when i saw him that he wants to talk to me etc and then his actions show different..i need to move on eventhough i dont want to at all..why can't he speak to me..why can't he even email me anymore..why..

 

island please write me back..im really needing you right now..this website is the only thing i have left..

 

hope all is well..

[BannaBee57]

Hey fjk82,

 

I know I'm not Island Girl but I have been reading this whole thread as it's went on because it is very similar to my situation. I'm so sorry you are hurting because the same thing is happening to me.

 

I pulled away from my ex and then wanted him back too. He also said it was "too late" and is moving on with his life. Right now I can't even remember why I pulled away from him, isn't that sad? At least you know what made you pull away (his mother and the distance between you two). I still live in the same town as my ex, which makes it hard because I always fear running into him with another girl wherever I go.

 

It's so hard to see our exs moving on with their lives or even being interested in others. Halloween would have been our 3 year anniversary and it's been 3 months since the break up (over a month since we last spoke). Everyday I feel him slipping farther and farther away from me, so I understand your fear of him forgetting about you if you don't speak to him. But, trust me they won't just forget about us. It was a long term relationship so thoughts of you won't just disappear. And, as time goes on those thoughts of you will become more happy than sad as we all tend to remember good times more than bad. It's human nature.

 

I think it's good that you are no longer contacting him and showing your despiration. Also, as hard as this is to do, you should stop looking at his and his friend's myspace. It only reopens those wounds every time you see a comment from him or about him. I am really having a hard time with this myself so I feel for you. You're never going to be able to let go if you can still see everything he is up to. So, work on avoiding his myspace (and reading his email) at all costs!

 

You don't have to give up complete hope of ever reuniting with him (I haven't). My sister broke up with her boyfriend then suddenly started missing him many months down the road, so I know this happens. Hearing these types of stories are bitter sweet though because they give us hope and hault the healing process. But I think Island Girl is right. The best chance of getting back together with him is way down the road (maybe years). The best thing to do now is find diversions from thinking about it constantly like you have been doing. Don't let the thoughts of getting back with him consume you and destroy your sense of self. Just reassure youself that you have done what you can and the rest will happen as it should.

 

For your own sanity you need to stop blaming youself for the breakup, as it takes 2 people to end a relationship (again I am having a hard time with this too). But, he is a big boy and I don't think you destroyed him by not moving to PA so try not to think like that! Have you considered talking to a therapist to help you deal with these feelings of guilt and negative self talk? I'm thinking about doing this myself. It could help us sort out all of those damaging feelings.

 

I realize that you probably know all of what I've said already but I hope it helps to know that you are not alone with your feelings of regret and sadness. I feel like we are a kindred spirit or something But, keep posting...we can keep each other company!

 

Take care

[BannaBee57]

Oops, duplicate post

[BannaBee57]

What is going on with my computer? Another duplicate!

[Island Girl]

Hi fjk82. Hey there.

 

I havn't been on all weekend. I have a horrible ear infection that was just getting worse and worse. UGh!

- I get them all the time (swimming and water polo my whole life) but this was really bad.

 

Anyway -- about the My Space girl --- you say she's cute and she is best friends with one of his best friends girlfriends. -- okay.

 

She still isn't you.

 

99.99% of rebound relationships (and she would be) don't work out. So this isn't necessarily a bad thing.

 

You just don't know how life plays out. You just don't. You should focus on yourself - getting yourself to your "ultimate". You should be doing this ANYWAY with or without him.

 

Don't allow yourself to be beaten up by you and what is in your head. He hasn't even dated this girl yet and you have him living happily ever after.

 

When I broke up with a guy and he went out with someone new --- I used to welcome that. Seriously. I guess I have a weird kind of self-confidence but in my head (and sometimes outloud to them - right to their face) I thought/said, "Go ahead. She isn't me. You'll never get better than me. Never."

 

And I did my thing. Whatever that was at the time - I was into reading classics at one point so I had to make time for that. I got into a new workout routine with a friend of mine so I had to make plans to meet her all the time.

--- Whatever it was I filled my day up. I was busy. I didn't have time to think about him and what he was doing (to tell you the truth I didn't care what he was doing). I just took care of me and what I wanted to do.

The other things besides any relationship things.

 

I learned VERY early on that things like this have a way of working themselves out. They do. You just focus on yourself and what is best for you at any given time and they just do.

 

Like after you break up with someone, does it help you or hurt you to chase after them and become fixated on that? It hurts you. It hurts your self-esteem and you self-confidence. So don't do it.

 

Focusing so hard on what they are up to that you lose yourself into a semi-psychotic state where that is the thought that drives you into the next day is unhealthy. So don't do it.

 

Those kinds of things and anything else, just stop and ask yourself is this good for me? If the answer is no - don't do it. Just don't go down that road.

 

As I have said so many times, you have to get to be YOU again. Not the you that is lost in this endless sea of wondering. This isn't YOU. It is going to take a little while to find her because I think you got a little lost in the 'couple' thing as well. That happens in marriages where one of the partners doesn't identify themselves as an individual but as "so-&-so's" wife/husband. So they lose their individual identity. It is common and easy to do.

 

Just remember that it is hard finding someone to be with that lasts YEARS. It is difficult to find someone you can live with that doesn't drive you nuts. He found that with you and you are not so easily replaced. This girl isn't you, she can't be you - and all of the things he loved about YOU she won't have! So don't focus on her at all.

 

Just focus on getting yourself together. Get yourself stronger and better. If you do that -- if you work on that and get better - everything else falls into place. It really does.

 

I hope you had a great weekend. I hope you did fun things with friends, got out, got into the sunshine a little (sunshine or light therapy is sometimes used for depression so take advantage of living in FL!!!).

[fjk82]

Aww thank you BananaBee!

I felt as though everyone on here has forgotton about me. Im trying to forget everythiing but its hard. And this weekend I had a wedding to go to well the entire time at the wedding Im thinking of my X and how this could have been "our" wedding and everyone in our bridal party and how great it would have been, etc. Its ALL I could think of. So finally around 10ish I went back up to my hotel room to grab my phone and my phone said I had 3 missed calls. Well 1 of the missed calls was from my X's Best Friend. My heart dropped..I called the # back and his friend picked up and I said

"Hey Jared I had a missed call from you?" and he was like what? from when? I go sometime tonight and he was like Oh my phones been messed up and dialing numbers at random and he was in SUCH a hurry to get off the phone with me he was prolly thinkin ohhh crap so I was like oh is adam with you and he said no so i hung up..It killed me...Why does that kind of thing keep happening to me?? FIRST the call from my X and nobody was there and now his best friend...Its so cruel and hurtful that these mistakes keep happening. I have heard NOTHING from my X still ..He never wrote me back from that email and thats the 1st time since we broke up that he hasn't written me back and its killing me..is it because when i saw him at random a month ago he knew he wanted nothing to do with me??? then why the hell did he keep hugging me and telling me he wants to talk to me etc...i so so badley want to email him and be like WHY DID U TELL ME THESE THINGS ..WHY EVEN BOTHER?? WHY DID U TELL ME THIS AND NOW I HEAR NOTHING...

 

i think i should..what else do i have to loose??? nothing...

[suzy61]

Yikes!

Okay, so I don't know the entire story, and I'm relatively new to this.But first things first.

You've got to pull yourself together.

Start with that.Tiny baby steps.I know it hurts like hell.I know that it can consume your entire life and nearly finish you off.But please, please, work on you right now.Congratulate yourself on every second that you don't look at his myspace account.Go find a hobby.Not the gym, that's not something that will distract you.Play a team sport.Join a language class.Do something.Anything that will require you to interact with other people and be a distraction.

I'm guessing he's hurting pretty bad too. But in the here and now, you're not together.So work on you.What do you have to lose?And when you get up, EVERY single morning, write down one thing that you have to be grateful for.Just one thing.Stupid stuff."I can go order a latte". "The sun is shining", " I bought new clothes".Then in a couple of months, progress to 2 things.

You've got to start somewhere.But stop beating yourself up...even your style of writing is an indication of the state you're in right now...all over the place.STOP.Slow down, calm down.You haven't lost him forever.

And mobile phones don't dial random numbers.there's hope for you yet!But pull yourself together, as much for him as for you.Time will make it feel less painful.And hindsight is 20/20 vision.

[Island Girl]

I posted a longer post yesterday --

 

It still isn't here. I don't know where they go?

 

But I fixed my account so NOW they are immediate!

 

So fjk82 I didn't forget about you. But my posts were in moderated mode so they didn't show up automatically -- It would take a while and I think there were a couple that didn't show at all...

 

I wasn't naughty or anything - the confirmation of my account never went through. But now it has so if it isn't here this afternoon - I'll post it all again...

[fjk82]

hey island

 

yeah there is still no post from you. i have not recieved a post from you in like 2weeks so anything that u had written please send to me again. i would very much so apperciate it..

hope all is well with everyone today..happy halloween and island i look forward to reading everything u have been trying to write to me. ill be checking LS all day for your post

 

take care all <3

[Island Girl]

Hey fjk82 ~

 

So my account is now fixed. Instant posts. Avatar access --

 

So to catch up. - some - it is going to be long as it is...but I'm condensing a bunch of e-mail into one sooo...

 

It sucks about the phone calls. I know what your interpretation is. Mine is a bit different.

 

I never think those things are a mistake. I do have an ego so perhaps it is just me, but if so everyone should have an ego like mine!

 

It doesn't make sense anyway. At least for the friend's phone. I mean a phone calling numbers that haven't been used in months? A phone calling those numbers randomly on it's own? Whatever.

 

Again, I guess it's my ego but I'd be thinking, with a bit of irritation, "what stupid games they are playing. Obviously he is not over me. Ha!" There would be a little sing-songy voice in my head too like tra-la-la-la-lala.

 

I take great stock in the fact that time with me is a rare thing. If I spend it with a man, he is smitten. If he has loved me, he always will love me.

 

I don't chase. They do - although I may orchestrate the time. the place, and the way that chase will begin sometimes.

 

I wish I could pull this from my brain and transport it to you - I fear as many times as I have typed about it, explained it, stressed the point, it may not be coming across.

 

This is IN you. It is what you must bring to the surface.

 

The ability to look in the mirror and recognize that there is NO OTHER LIKE YOU. No one can have the relationship you had with him. You are not replaceable.

 

I ALWAYS have that feeling. That thought. I think "there's no one else like me, I am unique, the way I interact with HIM or anyone else is unique, I am SPECIAL. Try to replace me, try to find another like me, you NEVER will." I don't know where it comes from. It just comes. All the time. At work - in any personal relationship. And I wish so badly that I could catch hold of a piece of it and give it to you.

 

But I can't. <sigh>

 

I can tell you that you are beautiful.

You are intelligent and funny.

You have so much to offer yourself with regard to your own happiness.

You have opportunities you can't even imagine yet.

 

But you have to see those things. Not me. It doesn't help if I see them. You have to tell yourself they are there. All those wonderful qualities and more.

 

Quit being your number one critic and be your own best friend.

It sounds nutty but it is true.

 

You have the capacity to care so deeply about another human being - and that in itself is a gift.

Some people live in the shallow water, wading in; afraid. They stay in close to the safety of shore.

They don't realize that the fullness of feeling is LIFE. They are too afraid of feeling deep pain that they never feel the richness of deep love.

 

Isn't that sad? I think it is sad to be so fearful that one can't just let go. Enjoy the whole journey. Some of it sucks but that just makes the greatest times that much greater, don't you think?

 

You can not know what will happen in regards to your relationship with this man. It is down the road and you have some work to do with yourself first. I know I kepp saying that. But it is so true.

 

Right now, you will destroy a relationship if it comes to you. You would destroy your chance for forever with this man if you got back together right now.

 

It is because of the insecurities and the battering you have been doing to yourself over this. It is like a living breathing thing in your life right now - the rollercoaster of ups and downs - you are clinging to it. Ask yourself, what are you afraid of if you let this go a little bit. My thoughts are that you feel like if you let go, it will really be gone. Like as long as you hold on to the feelings - ALL of them - that somehow the relationship is NOT COMPLETELY over. Like if you begin to heal - it will be like a balloon you let go of and it will fly away to the distance never to be seen or heard from again. Ponder this one.

 

Why are you so hell-bent on blame and punishment for yourself? You don't deserve it. You didn't ask for all of this. You certainly didn't see all of this coming. So why do you deserve such a beating?

 

You don't. The moment that YOU believe that you will be on the road of healing, getting stronger, etc. You would then be on the way to the future whatever that holds.

[fjk82]

You know I really know your right when you say he will never find someone like me and all the times we spent together and just how silly we were and our own little language and just "us" in general. I know that will NEVER be replaced..Ever..And thats good to know but it still hurts.

I need to focus on me. I work Full Time then go straight to the gym and I go out with friends a lot. Im spending time with this new guy even though hes not my type but it gets me out of the house and distracts me for a bit at times. Even though my X is always in the back of my mind Im just trying to get myself out there.

I found out today that my X was arressted for open container and disordley conduct on Oct 21st. That is SO not like him at all and Im really worried for him. From what I gather of his life now it seems all he does is go out and drink. And work..THATS IT..Im worried about him. Why is he drinking so much? Bc of the loss of his mother? The loss of me? Both combined? Or not me at all..

I so badley at times want to email him and be like why bother saying u want to talk to me, why bother with putting those thoughts in my head and then to never talk to me? to ignore me? treat me as though i ment nothing to him? Thats all I want to do bc what do I have to lose?

To answer your question Island I think I am AFRAID that If I try and forget about all of this it will go away and he won't be reminded of me anymore and he will move on fine with his life. Im so so afraid of that even though that IS WHAT IS HAPPENING. Im so scared that this is it..And hes fine with it and Im the only one that is still stuck. Im scared of him not loving me anymore or thinking of me. That if I dont try to keep in contact with him then nothing could ever happen with us in the future..

So your right

I just dont understand how he talks to EVERYONE other then myself..Do you really think its bc hes over me and wants me to move on?? Or do you think it could be that when he saw me last month up in PA he still loved me and realized he couldn't speak to me yet bc he isn't ready?

 

Hope everyone had a wonderful day today and a fun and safe night tonight..I look forward to everyones replies. Island Im glad ur back ive missed ya! And have been craving your advice and am again tonight with this post lol..

[BannaBee57]

I found out today that my X was arressted for open container and disordley conduct on Oct 21st. That is SO not like him at all and Im really worried for him.

 

I know what you mean when you say that's so not like him. I just saw a pic of my ex dressed up as a woman for Halloween (and I mean all out, dress, wig, makeup, nail polish). That is so NOT HIM! Though he loved Halloween the most he ever did when we were together was throw a sheet over his head and call himself a ghost. It's like I hardley even know this man anymore.

 

It's so hard to get used to the fact that we are not a part of their lives or decision making process as we were before.

 

I know it will get better for us though. Lots of love to you!

[tdmce]

Why are you putting yourself through all this hurt. He has all the power, if he wanted you he would be calling, texting, emailing. But he isn't.

 

I know this hurts, but if I guy is 'into you' then he will contact you.

 

Your best bet is to cut off all contact. Go out with friends, meet new people, exercise and keep yourself busy.

 

Like everybody else said, you are a great person. You really have to stop focusing on him and start looking after yourself.

[fjk82]

Hi all

Nothing new with me I guess..Just keeping busy with work and life In general. I was doing good with NC until I got wasted Saturday night and called him at 12:30AM from the bar but he didn't answer of course and I did NOT leave a message..I feel like I fell off the bandwagon, lol..

I just need to get over him because he is obviously over me..

Hope everyone is well..

[tdmce]

Hey, you are doing well. It's not easy getting over somebody, so we all understand what you are going through. Try to think of positive things, do things you have always wanted to do. Grab a friend and do a road trip or something different.

 

The first step to feeling better is admitting to yourself that it's over, realise that the next few weeks you will go through a lot of different emotions, missing, angry, being lonely and that it is all just part of the process. Say to yourself it's ok to feel like this for a few weeks, but to make the hurting disappear you have to keep yourself really busy, exercise is the best because it naturally makes you feel better. Alcohol is a depressant, so try and avoid getting too wasted.

 

Keep posting back as much as you want.

[Ukwizard]

Hey, you are doing well. It's not easy getting over somebody, so we all understand what you are going through.

I couldn`t agree more tdmce. The thing is Fjk is suffering so much you can read it through all her posts. In fact all the posts I ve offered her, she`s not taken in, or replied to, or debated in anyway what so ever. Instead she has chosen to read what she wants to. All her posts shows why he isnt coming back, and why he is talking to everyone else except her.

 

Stop this now. Stop thinking like that. He doesn`t want to get back right now is he. He`s hurting too you know.

 

The reason why I ve kind of stopped replying is because she`s so beat up about the fact she had left him, doesn`t do any favours.

 

Fjk has to look towards the future.

 

Its funny isn`t it. I m in a very similar position to Fjk. Have also access to my partners email, and she has not mentioned, or replied to anything I ve said, or even commented upon.

 

Just read back to ALL the emails I`ve sent. All FJk has done is complemented on Island Girls emails. Of course, which has massaged FJk female ego.

 

I m going to say this once, and no more. You have to live for now! My ex is also replying, and speaking to EVERY ONE else except for me. You also asked that question too, why your ex wants to speak to everyone else except for you?

 

I m going to say this cut throat clear. Its because he doesnt want you. Not now, and not in the near future. I m not here to say nice things, do other things, go out with friends, because all this is beginning to sound like a broken record!!

 

Date other people. Maybe the man you are seeing will not surpass your ex, but you WILL meet one that will. I ve dated 2 other girls when my ex left. I can`t help, but compare. Thats one thing for sure, and that is I will NOT settle for second best!

 

Maybe your ex is thinking that now. Why leave in the first place! Don`t beat yourself up about it. I don`t think you left because you didnt like PA, or his mother. There`s probably a lot of underlying stuff you didnt like about him! Thats why you left.

 

Get on with you life. No one wants someone hanging about, making it seem like your happiness depends on them. Its too stressful. You have to draw the line somewhere.

 

The fact is, my ex also reads my emails. She deletes the ones she doesn`t like, about me analysing our relationship, and only saving funny email attachments.

 

Can`t you see no one wants a depressed person whos hovering about, chasing after them, and `accidently` bumping into them. Its not only obssesive, but damn right scary.

 

I mentioned about your ex getting emails from other girsl. I went through exactly the same scenario, but I new this was going to happen, and I did ask what would you do? What did you do? You didn`t even reply to my question, or questions. You on commenbted on Island Girls posts, and how they make you feel good.

 

Well, fair enough, but its not going to get your ex back is it!? You have to be the `fun` one. A bundle of laughs. Remember what I said above.

My ex deleted the emails about our relationship, and kept the funny attachments. Now answer this question> What does that tell you?

 

You have to be the person you were before you met Adam. No more analysing, and asking what went wrong. Don`t give me any bull about his mother, or the place where he lives. If you really loved him you wouldn`t have left would you?

 

I can`t give you the answer why he won`t take you back, but I can tell you. Once you have left, there is no going back. "You`ve had your chance!", and this is what my ex said to me. You can`t change the past, but you can influence the future. How? What you do now will determine if you get your ex back. So stop damaging, any chance you have with him, by phoning, texting, and emailing him. The more you chase the more he will run in the opposite direction.

 

Please don`t come back to me, and say I was right, becasue I ve already told you so!

 

P.s I ve given some feedback. How about some comments Fjk? I don`t believ you left because f his mother, and the place you live. Is there something you arent telling us??

[fjk82]

Well I don't know what to say. UK Im sorry I have not been debating (sp?) but Im not really good at that bc I don't know what to say. I agree with you when you say I only choose to read into what IslandGrl has said because your right she does give me hope and I believe in her advice because she makes sence to me and of course Im going to hold on to that bc its positive. Its obvious he wants nothing to do with me. He doesn't call me, email me nothing anymore..Ever since I ran into him and I really wish you would stop using the word "chance" meeting. I did NOT set that up, it was fate. I know everyone likes to believe that their r-ship was different but mine with him really was and what it comes down to is Im having the hardest time and it breaks my heart to pieces that he won't speak to me. Its been since April and he still won't talk to me. I dont know if thats bc he is hurting..Or if he just doesn't give a crap at all and doesn't see the point but all I want from him is to speak to him. Thats what kills me. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want me back so I need to move on and forget about any possibility of us getting together again.

Regrets of the past and fear of the future, rob us of today

and thats what im trying to live by now but all i want to do is speak to him. it kills me and i can't for the life of me figure out why he won't. all he does now is drink and drink some more..im worried about him.

and when you speak of how ur x keeps and deleates some of ur emails. my x has kept every single one of them. the good the bad the depressed ones every single one of them even though i dont think that means anything. actions speak louder then words. when i saw him all he talked about is how he wants to talk to me and he was emailing me that and saying it too but ever since i saw him the end of sept i have heard nothing...thats what i can't figure out..why..? did it kill him to see me? or did he feel nothing and no longer cares? whatever it might be im praying to the lord above that i do get to speak to him again bc i miss him so much and i really want to know how hes doing. but it is what it is and i can't force anyone to do anything.

uk i hope ur doing better with your situation..anything new going on with that? i thought about you on your 1yr annivarsey and i hope you kept busy. take care!

[fjk82]

This feeling is so hard..

Im really worried about him and all the drinking. My Mom says he is trying to numb himself with the drinking to numb his feelings about his mother dying...the situation between myself and him..and the hurt his dad must be going thru. But to me I dont see that. I just see him out and about and always drinking not thinking or having a care in the world. I thought he was home all the time with his father and being there for him but now seeing his myspace, etc all hes doing is going out and getting wasted. Hes 27 and never acted this way when we were together. he was this way before i met him and it all stopped the second we got together and he was never like that. all i want to do is talk to him..see how he is..i wish i could fight for him more but i know i cant. ive done all i can do ..but i want him n my life ..

hope u guys have a good weekend and im really looking for some feedback. i see how many people read this thread but not to many post thoughts on it..

[BannaBee57]

Hey fjk82,

 

Still looking at the Myspace, huh? Yeah, me too. But, from my perspective it looks like my ex isn't leading any sort of fun social life at the moment (he never did when we were together either). I know it would be hard for me to see that he was going out all the time though. My ex never went out to the bars at all before or during our relationship...I know he goes out now and then but not like other 25 year olds do.

 

I figure your ex is probably just going out cuz his friends are too, so he doesn't have much else to do. He may be trying to distract himself from his life at the moment and maybe looking for someone new. BUT remember, bars are no place to meet a good person to have a relatioship with. Most of the girls at bars are just looking for random play and your ex doesn't seem to be the type of person to be interested in that. So, don't worry that he will be able to replace you so easily, especailly with some bar slut.

 

The thing you have to remember is that his drinking is no longer any of your concern. He's a big boy and if he wants to go out all the time and get plastered and act like an idiot it's of no matter to you. In fact, doesn't all this heavy drinking/partying kind of make him a little less desirable to you? I know if I met a guy that was out all the time getting drunk I would not want to attach myself to him.

 

Also, to address your question about why he won't talk to you or answer your calls, I think it's because you were contacting him too much before, and after seeing you he realised that (for your benifit) there should be a cooling down period). Maybe he felt that speeking to you so often was leading you on or maybe he himself knows that if you guys were to ever get back together it would not be anytime soon, so the best thing to do is to cool down and let the bad/sad emotions fade away before you can strike up a friendship. This is a smart thing to do in my opinion (this is what I'm doing by the way). So, just let it rest for now and maybe you can try contacting him in a few months to see what he's up to. Or who knows, maybe he'll even call you when you've been MIA for a while just to see whats new with you! Either way, when you stop waiting for the phone to ring life goes by much faster and you'll be that much closer to healing.

 

Hope you had a good day anyway. Get out and do something fun this weekend

 

Take care,

Breanna

[CosmoBella]

Hi JFK,

I've been one of those people who has been reading your thread. I havent said anything because it seems you say the samethings often and i didn't know what I could say to help. But here it goes...

It's been a while and you still have hope and everyone here always keeps their hope to go back to the people they love. You need to stop kicking yourself for what happen. You cant take it back and a whole lot of posts are telling you want you want to hear. Put yourself first sweetie, you seem like a nice girl. Stop seeing his myspace page, that will only give you more to think about. People can say so many things on there to make themselves seem happy and full of excitement towards others. But it wont help you heal. He drinks okay, well he has his reasons and you dont know what's going on with him right now so it's just better of to accept what he's doing. You can't help him, he needs to help himself first. Have you ever thought the reason why he wont contact you is because maybe he's trying to cope with what has happen to him (his mother and you)?... Many people have different ways on coping and maybe thats how he copes by not having any contact. That was my two cents... Hope life gets better