What do I do now??

[sakeeta]

I really need help, probably in more ways than one. My ex called me after almost 4 months of NC. He said he wanted to see me, that he missed me...etc. After our breakup I moved to a new town 7 hours away, and did my best to start my life over, so it was quite a shock to hear this out of him. When I left it seemed like he hardly noticed.

After a couple of weeks of thinking it over, I went to see him. We had a really nice time and did a lot of talking during which he said that he loved me, and that at the time of our split he was having some problems and instead of talking to me he shut me out. He said it was his f*** up, and that he was ashamed of the way he had treated me. He said he wanted to get back together. He sounded so sincere...but I am cautious and unsure because he hurt me so bad.

He is currently living with another couple to be close to his job, and they also told me how much he wants me back and that he loved me. The girl told me that I needed to make him come to me, and not to call him..to make him call me. She said I was too easy..and that the trick was to do this. Her boyfriend said I needed to come back asap and get back together with him..but of course I can't just pick up and leave. I told him it would take a little time.

When I left everything seemed great. He said he would send me some money to help me come see him, and that I would see him in a couple of weeks.

That was almost 3 weeks ago. I haven't heard a word out of him since. I lost the phone number for where he was at, so I called the girl who's house he lives in at her work and left a message for her to call me. I needed to get their number again so I could call him. Well, she hasn't returned my call either..and now I don't know what to do or think. I really thought I would have heard from him by now, if for nothing else just to say hi. Every day that goes by with no call makes me that much less sure. Her not calling me back has really upset me...I have no clue what to think or what's going on. Can someone tell me if I'm being unreasonable, and what it is that I am supposed to do now??? I really need some advice!!!

[andy101]

i think that if he really loved you he would not do this to you. I dont think you should jump on getting back with him after four months anyway. You need to protect yourself before you even think of getting back with...and make sure that things have changed from whatever made yall break up in the first place. I think that girl is giving you the right advice, cant make it too easy and I imagine that after four months you might have moved on somewhat so it would be foolish to get right back with him. Hope this helps..btw why did yall break up in the first place and did he break up with you? guess it would also depend on that

[sakeeta]

It is a very long and complicated story..and to be honest I'm really not sure why we split up. He got very quiet for several days and then one day just blew up. When I saw him he said that he was upset about some trouble with his ex wife, but instead of talking to me about it he just blew up and blew me off. Yes, he was the one who broke up with me. There is also some issues with his ex in laws that I have had trouble dealing with, and he knows I will have nothing to do with him if those issues are not resolved. He said this himself when we talked when I went to see him. I am 40 years old and I love this man more than I have ever loved any man...so it is hard for me not to be excited about getting back together. But I am also very protective of my heart..because he has broken it pretty good. I am just really confused and wondering why I haven't heard from him since!

[Princess112]

He said he would send me some money to help me come see him, and that I would see him in a couple of weeks.

 

To try to be somewhat more optismistic, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and include that he DID say it would be a couple of weeks before you see him. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe he's having living issues, work issues, any kind of issues at all. But it would be nice to know...

 

I think that girl is giving you the right advice, cant make it too easy

 

Try to calm down a little bit... find something to keep you busy, don't just dwell on this website or stay at home. Go out! Enjoy the fresh air, read, take a hobby, go dancing, do SOMETHING always that'll keep your mind off of it. That way, if and when he communicates with you again, you won't have torn your mind apart about it and you'll be able to think more clearly.

[sakeeta]

Thanks..I needed that. I did decide today that it is entirely possible that I am over reacting. Sometimes with matters of the heart I have a tendency to do that. It is just when it comes to him my emotions are always high. When I left I had to convince myself that I would never see him again, and all of this came as quite a surprise to me. I am so crazy about him that I want too much too fast. So I decided to put it out of my head as much as possible and just not "expect" anything. If he calls he calls, and if not then I will just go on as I had been when I came up here. As before, it will be his loss if he does give up on us again, because when we are together things are great. He did tell me during our talk that he was as close to wanting to be with someone for the rest of his life as he had been in a long time, and it scared him. Maybe he just needs time to adjust to the idea again and he does tend to be very slow with things like this!! I know how I feel about him, and I always have..but I think he has to absorb things and it takes him forever sometimes! I think he knows how he feels too, but it takes him awhile to convince himself. After all, I had been gone almost 4 months before he made any attempt to contact me again. So I suppose a few weeks are really no big deal ...