Obsessed with Marriage!

[adnCat]

I'm 27, he's 28. Together for 8 years, first four years I was in school. After I finished school, we decided we wanted to marry but would wait 3 years for me to establish my career and for him to find a new one. (He wasn't happy w/ what he was doing). It is an LDR, about a 3 hour drive.

 

I am opposed to living together before marriage, and he is okay with that. I live rent free in my area, so it never made sense for me to move closer to him. He cannot afford my area, so it never made sense for him to move closer to me. We plan on moving to his area after we marry because homes are more affordable there.

 

The 3 years have passed. Everything is going well except I have done some job hopping, and to clean up my resume a bit, I'd like to stay at my current employer until Feb 2008, so I won't be leaving my area until then. He recently landed an internship in his new field and needs to stay where he is, too.

 

Since we will likely not be in the same state until after Feb 2008, we will likely not get married until then or after.

 

I am so busy with many, many hobbies and activities. But if my mind has a free moment, it immediately goes to the area of my brain labeled 'marriage.' Before I go to sleep. Commuting. Jogging. Brushing my teeth. The subject really consumes more of my time and energy than it should.

 

My feelings range from wanting to quit my job and elope to fantasizing about an all-out ridculously frou-frou expensive wedding when the time finally comes. (Hey, after 8+ years, might as well make a big to-do about it!) I go from thinking I wouldn't mind a long engagement to thinking that getting engaged when the wedding is not within one year is stupid. My latest thing has been wanting to get 'secretly' married in a courthouse civil ceremony, and have a public ceremony for family and friends when we are able to live in the same area. He thinks being married (secretly or otherwise) is silly if we are going to be living in 2 different states. I don't really care if our situation (LDR) doesn't change, I want to be married!

 

I really believe our future is intact and I hate wasting time and energy obsessing about getting married! I'd really like to just live for today and not worry about it. It is going to happen whether I spend all my time and energy thinking about it or not. (I think this is why I'm so keen on getting 'secretly' married. If I'm already married, I can't be obsessing about it, it will already be done!)

 

Of course, like many things, not worrying about it is much easier said than done. Any thoughts on how to get my mind off of this?

[norajane]

It sounds like you want something to hang your hat on so you feel that things are more 'settled' and less up in the air since you keep pushing the date out until the timing is right. Get engaged - that should take the edge of your obsession. It doesn't matter if the wedding is more than a year off.

[HeyYouGuys]

Some people have two-year engagements. There's nothing wrong with that. And it might make you feel more settled.

[adnCat]

Thanks for the input, guys. I've come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to happen just yet, and that is okay.

 

A wise person told me that "Marriage is a decision in the heart and in the mind, and can happen long before rings and vows."

 

I like that, because it reminds me that you can have committment without marriage, and just because people are married doesn't mean they are committed. I know we are committed to each other, and that makes me pretty happy! I feel like the future is intact, so all I need to do is enjoy today, the here and now!

[bab]

Get engaged and set the date for February 2008. Or, if you are really worried about the whole "not under a year", get engaged in Feb. 2007. It isn't that far away.