This sounds nuts, but I want him back!

[FolderWife]

When I was in High School, my cousin's best friend wanted a romantic relationship with me. I was already in a relationship, so I couldn't be with him. We became close friends.

 

Years later, he joined the army, and wrote me letters. I only wrote to him one time. He would call me every few months.

 

A year went by, and I didn't hear from him. Turns out, he had a live in girlfriend in another state for that year, but he would try to call me any way, but could never get through (this was true, because we were ALWAYS getting calls, and then when we'd answer, the line would be dead.

 

He and his girlfriend eventually broke up, and he and I finally got together.

 

I fell for him hard and fast! I loved him with all my trust and faith. I just knew that we would be together forever.

 

Then his pushy best friend came to town. My boyfriend got a job that worked him crazy long hours, and we didn't get to see each other as often as we were used to. I had an early curfew, and his best friend stayed over at his house.

 

Two weeks after his best friend moved in with him, and he got his job, he stopped calling me.

 

A week went by with him not calling me, or returning my calls, when I finally got hold of him. He said that he had called me when he got in from work, and I answered the phone and hung up. So he got mad and didn't call me. Then he said that he was so busy, that we needed to just be friends for a while.

 

We had been together three months. Three measly months after five YEARS of him persuing me.

 

We didn't speak for a month, then I went to his house and talked to him for five minutes, and told him that I still loved him, but he remained stubborn that we should just be friends. I called him on my Birthday, but he was just "friendly".

 

So I gave up, and moved on.

 

I married the next man that asked me...I've been married over three years!

 

I love my husband, but I never got over my ex. I left my husband a while back, and a couple of weeks after filing for divorce, I called my Ex Boyfriend's mom. She gave me his new number that he lives at with his new girlfriend. I called the number, and some little rude butt answered the phone. I asked for my Ex by name, and the rude butt said, "He ain't here, but his Fiance-er uh-girlfriend is here...do you want to talk to her?!" I said, "No thank you, I'll try him later." And this rude person hung up on me.

 

I never tried back. I want to see him, and talk to him, and hear how happy he is so I CAN MOVE THE HECK ON!!!!

 

Or, hear how much he misses me, and we'll live happily ever after. Either one is fine...just as long as I don't have to want him for the rest of my life.

 

What the heck is wrong with me!? I would assume that it's just because my marriage is rocky right now (I went back to my husband) but it's not! I have had dreams about my ex, and thought about him, ever since I GOT MARRIED!

 

And I will be honest, even though I thought about him, I never thought seriously about contacting him, until after I left my husband, and my best friend from high school asked about my ex boyfriend, my sister asked about my ex boyfriend, and my Mom asked about my ex boyfriend.

 

I don't think it's a sign that three people asked about him right after I filed for divorce, but it makes me think that those three measly months that we hardly dated must've been as real as I think they were!

 

ARG!

 

Just help me. Tell me how to move on. Tell me how to get him back. TELL ME SOMETHING TO HELP ME!

[Ukwizard]

Hi Folder wife. I think you are pursing a pipe dream. You just need to hear the re-assurance of others before you know its right to move on. I think you know already.

 

Stop beating yourself up about this. If I m reading this email right (correct me if I m wrong) but, you hung up on him! I don`t think the 2 of you may be right for each other. You hung up on him, and he got mad at you. To me that sounds petty, and it shows there is no real commuication between the both of you.

 

There is DEFINITELY nothing wrong with you, but I do think its a case of wanting something you can`t have.

 

Reading your email it looks like 3 years have past. Have you been in contact? You`ve already phoned before, only to be told he has a fiance. Stop trying to badger yourself back into his life, because he will stop talking to you for good.

 

I don't think it's a sign that three people asked about him right after I filed for divorce, but it makes me think that those three measly months that we hardly dated must've been as real as I think they were!

 

Stop reading into things too. It means nothing. I think like your ex said all those years ago to be friends. Its going to be nothimng other than that. I believe he is happy for now, as he`s engaged. Don`t spoil it for now for him. Leave him be, and concentrate what you want. Remember, if it was meant to be, then you 2 would be together. The fact is that you have married, and he is about to get married shows that you have both moved on.

[Island Girl]

Reality of the situation is when he went into the military he wrote to you and was clinging to the idea of you and a relationship with you when he felt so alone.

 

I am sure his letters were wonderful to get. Possibly he wrote about himself and what he was doing at the time so you learned a little more about him. Sometimes those letters from military guys can be fantastically full of dreamy words because that is all they have - dreams.

 

You say you wrote him back only once. So it isn't as if you exchanged letters back and forth and conversations to build anything real.

 

He tried to call but didn't get through. No work toward a relationship there either.

 

You go out for 3 months. He gets a new job and a new place. I am guessing he started seeing the world of fun out there and had second thoughts about being in a serious relationship. There was no way that he could, after chasing you for so long, explain that he wanted to back off the whole love and devotion vibe.

 

So you guys broke up. But in reality he did not know you in the way you got to know him. He didn't get lots of letters about who you are or what your wants were.

 

Only you know what happened in those short few months. But it sounds like it was pretty easy for him to shut off.

 

Are you longing for a dream? Or reality? Remember what you did when you were together for those three months. Was it a whilwind of activity and fun? Did he make overtures to you about marriage and forever?

 

Think clearly about what you are chasing. And keep in mind, he is living with a girlfriend that he has developed a relationship with.

 

It seems you may be in a vulnerable state right now so please don't build this up and possibly set yourself up for a fall off an imaginary ladder. The pain when you hit the ground is still just as real.